take the child in my dear brother and treat her as u would ur child.

Op u shud accept d child in 4 d sake of ur kids too. The child is their blood too u knw. u shud knw the child wil always come home 4 d mother one day. wait, does dat mean u cannot even accept and nuture an entirely diff child in ur home? and if u luv ur wife u shud luv n accept her seeds(which include d onces she has wit u n wit anoda man) too. This goes 4 wifes too. i for one wil want my hubby's child 2 b raised n nutured in our home than outside,unless d biological mother says otherwise or the child is an adult who has chosen whom 2 live wit. whateva seed u sow on this child is wat u own kids wil reap 4rm her. so pls accept her.biko! e jor!

Op pls check d likes and d shares u have compared to those in support of u keeping d child and see who wins.
I also have a 17year old son and since he passed all his exams waec and jamb my husband has been claiming paternity saying he is his father imagine and u dey here dey complain

Ibime:


I would give you the same advice as everyone else has given, but with a name like Fayose, I don't think you are a reasonable man.

This is stupidity ...

You are in no way better and his decisions should be respected, things of life are not always solved the same way.

At least give your advice with reason as you have proposed.

To the OP, guy try all you can to help your step-daughter but be very careful when doing so...if you ponder on the above statement carefully, you will most probably make the right decisions

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

So you can't make a decision for your self? Your family has to decide for you?

To everyone advising him to bring the child in,give him money now.the man is trying to tell you that iz not financially stable..shey una wan kill am nii
I'm also experiencing the same shit here

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Which tribe are you from? Its mostly IBO's that are concerned about such after one things.

If I were you, I will take in the girl. Big gossip has maximum of 3 months validity and it will become stale news. You are even lucky its a female child.

Else,

Plead with ur wife's mum to stay with the child for 3 more years, afterwards, send the child to live with me.
I can take care of her.

Shagzy89:
To everyone advising him to bring the child in,give him money now.the man is trying to tell you that iz not financially stable..shey una wan kill am nii
I'm also experiencing the same shit here

The issue is, so many hypocrites who can't even practice half of what they preach are here abusing him instead of giving him reasonable advice ...

He should help the girl irrespective of whether she is related to him or not but he should be very much aware that it could lead to a terrible dispute, so he has to be very careful with every step he takes.

And for those crucifying the guy for saying "after one" ...it's the plain truth. it is good he accepts it that way. so many of you fvckers won't even think of going close to a baby dady or baby mama, talk more of getting married to one. (oga just be careful so you don't abuse your wife in the process of your being sincere).

Humblesam:


Are you sure she is your wife or you're telling us a story here... what's the meaning of "after one"?
Forgive me,you sound childish here.
And I hate stuff like " my family this, my family that" in marriage issues.
For me...My marriage is fucking my business and the woman am married to...NO THIRD PARTY.
NO one sent me.

just go to a joint nearby ....order anything thing you like.......and tell them Im paying.......1000 likes bro

Azsalami:


Yes, I can make them very well

okay.

Shagzy89:
To everyone advising him to bring the child in,give him money now.the man is trying to tell you that iz not financially stable..shey una wan kill am nii
I'm also experiencing the same shit here

I think you are right. I went through his previous posts and saw this is a major challenge.
It is not easy

helpee:
if the wife of the father will make life hell for the child, who told you the husband of the mother will be any better? So if the OP starts sleeping with the girl nko? It is not possible abi?

Is that what d op said?

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

Go and marry ur family then. Since you can't stand on ur own fret as a man.

But I'm just curious, why did you marry a woman with a child if u are incapable of loving that child or are u just ashamed of the fact that she is a mother?

ladygudhead:
Op u shud accept d child in 4 d sake of ur kids too. The child is their blood too u knw. u shud knw the child wil always come home 4 d mother one day. wait, does dat mean u cannot even accept and nuture an entirely diff child in ur home? and if u luv ur wife u shud luv n accept her seeds(which include d onces she has wit u n wit anoda man) too. This goes 4 wifes too. i for one wil want my hubby's child 2 b raised n nutured in our home than outside,unless d biological mother says otherwise or the child is an adult who has chosen whom 2 live wit. whateva seed u sow on this child is wat u own kids wil reap 4rm her. so pls accept her.biko! e jor!

madam stop gvn advise u know nuffn bout.. if u wre in his shoes ud probably do worse. Only babymamas expect to tke someone elses kid to anoda man. Dreamers

that's why b4 a single mom get married to another man, she should know d kind of person he is, I can't allow my child suffer bcus a man doesn't want her in my life, dats y I advise girls dat have children out of wedlock to be hardworking and not depending on any man, look d mans issues us basically about d financial aspect assuming d wife has a good job not depending on the man haba check am. for the man in d first place he doesn't like his wife bcus if u love her u I'll love all dat comes from her, he is not a man his family calls d shot in his house, if I see dat he doesn't want my child I I'll leave him and take care of my children bcus me staying with him I'm not happy so? I know of my friends elder brother who is young doesn't have any child outside but got married to an after 3 woman and worst part of it is dat d kids are in there tinnage age and he leaves with them with his kids and she has her own shop. b wise.

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

for being humane, ok, i will support him accepting the child which is normal! but for the child being his own, sorry, even your wife will tell sometime later that "she is my daughter" the child will always see u as the stranger between her mum and her dad. but accept the child, its non negotiable.

NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes

You said ur wife is hard working. Let her be financially responsible for her child. But the child must stay.

If your wife will not accept ur child BEFORE u married her, what can I say.... both of u are birds of the same feather. Ona fit each other!

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

OP, I have read a lot of the comments on your issue and I would give you this candid advice. I know the energy it takes to bare this kind of issues. Right now in my parlour is my wife’s six year old nephew, a child from her youngest sister. He just came visiting for the long vacation. I don’t approve the boy fraternizing with my children because he is very stubborn and I can’t wait for the break to be over. However, your case is different, the girl is your wife’s child the most reasonable and humane thing to do is accept that child just because of your wife. Marriage is hard as it is already, you don’t want a sad wife as part of it. Refusing the child will bring complications into your marriage and turn your wife into something else. If you do this singular thing, you would have guaranteed your wife’s loyalty for life.
Finally, don’t doubt that you may not have the grace to handle this issue, you already possess it that is why you could marry her against all odds. God bless you.

Hmmmmm !


its so funny.... to me the way some people here reason.

paper work ko paper work ni.

my dear brother humbly will advice you to take 2 things out of ur head.


1 Your wife

2 The baby.

before I proceed to explain why I said so.

As far as your wife told you before you started she had a baby out of wed luck........ she is the best in the world and want the best for you as well becasue she knew a day like this will come, d baby will for reall come back home either ways.
So back to the point i mention earlier "you should take out of your head" don't think she still love the man... that is my point she is only protecting her home she has to call you and beg you.


"the baby" my brother am also a reference of your situation.... changing the name is the biggest mistake to do.. the baby is not urs and will not be yours at any point. But will advice you love her the same way you love you own children, and you so lucky she is a girl. now you have 2 mother at home. you can take my advice. If you push her out bet me... your home is "semi hell" or I call it battle field. you loose the resect from your wife. when she needed you most to cover her shame you turn it down. so for you to have a peaceful home take note of the following among the children...never discriminate this is mine and this is urs…..


Am so sure the Lord will guide you for the rest of of your journey........

a word is enough for the wise.


Stay bless !

Shagzy89:
To everyone advising him to bring the child in,give him money now.the man is trying to tell you that iz not financially stable..shey una wan kill am nii
I'm also experiencing the same shit here

how many food I'll dat child consume? not dat dey are two or more, it just one oo what if she gives birth again to his own child will he not feed dem? dats y girls dat has child out of wedlock should not fold dere hands so dat it wouldn't look asive one is depending on the husband to train ur child. d child only needs were to belong.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

Stop thinking in this manner and first of all thank God almighty for your life. Look my brother my five cent to you is never ever say a child that you have the opportunity to look after and cater for is not your child. Whatever was wrong with adoption don't people do it and the outcome is always win win. Because she's not your Biological daughter does not mean she cannot see you as a father figure Prov 3:27. Spiritually, the child might be the missing link to your family greatness Gal 6:9. May God give you the wisdom and may you show discernment. It is well with you.

revolt:
madam stop gvn advise u know nuffn bout.. if u wre in his shoes ud probably do worse. Only babymamas expect to tke someone elses kid to anoda man. Dreamers

So what of men who bring another woman's child to their wife?

Children did not beg to be born and their well being is paramount.

This op is just ashamed that his wife had a child outside wedlock. But why did he
Marry her?

Judging by the title of the thread speaks entirely the mind of the OP..... "My wife wants to bring her daughter into "MY HOME" rather than "OUR HOME".
It is well with your wife dear OP. selfish dude. He thinks love Is talking. Love is action. You can't love your wife n not love her seed. Biko don't go n maltreatment the innocent child just because people are begging you on her behalf to let her into your life and home. Just remember that tomorrow doesn't set alarm

NairalandFAYOSE:
TV ife.

I read up on d comments & most r blaming u, telling u 2marry her if u truly love her. I bet u dat all dos advising u 2do so won't do such if they were in ur situation. In fact none of dem will marry a single mom cuz op wat u don't kno is dat wen 2pple av a child btw dem the child has binded dem 2geda & it is good as being married. So in ur case u r ur wife's 2nd husband wether u like it or not. Dat is d truth, if not 4d stupid family influence ur wife would have been with her 1st love, so accepting 2b d 2nd husband den u must b ready 2deal wit d consequences. & mind u, u r in an adulterous relationship bcoz d bible says whoever marry a divorcee commits adultery

[quote author=Ishilove post=70025060] Lol. I hope I was counting dollars and pounds in the dream? [/quote
Ironically, u were lwkmd

MizMyColi:
The thing that put me off is not this one you people are saying...it's the "into my home" part. Smh.

Is it not supposed to be "our home?"

Shows the quality of man that you are.

Such selfishnes...

Have you considered to ask yourself what agreements were entered by both of them before the marriage?
Do you know how many Suitors must have turned her down on accounts of her stands?
Do you think the Gentleman is financially, emotionally, physically and mentally capable to cater for another man's child?
Did you bother to ask yourself what the man wanted in a home before setting up one?

Well, I believe the Woman knows why she can't force this down his throat, else, she loses all, hence, she resorted to begging him.

Dude must have made his mental evaluations over and over and the indices are not looking good.

I chose to reply you because you are MizMyColi, my favourite NL commenter, let's cut the guy some slack please.
Aggressive statements are only gonna harden him

NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"

even if u marry a fresh virgin, ur family won't still like ur wife. Do u know y? Because they dnt love themselves as a family talkless of loving non family esp ur wife. Who dia like or love or hate don help ?

Single mum's problems never end. you thought your happy ever after had started, but not yet uhuru!
I implore you to accept the child...and be ready for the challenges to follow in this early stage. in the end all will the well, girl child wont stay with you guys for too long. the good Lord is your strength.

Donjazzy12:

Simple solution you that is talking cho-cho-cho take in the child yourself and train. You are not the biological father of the child just like our guy so no difference. But if you can't do it, then you are a hypocrite for telling somebody else to do what you can't do!

I'm sure if the real Don Jazzy read this your post he'll sue the hell out of you for impersonation.

I should train the child myself? Am I married to the woman, or where is the correlation? You see that you aren't making sense.

If i married the woman knowing fully well that she already had a child with another man I'd be the first to ask her to go bring her child home.

Only broke and hungry kids with access to the internet talk the way you are talking. What's the big deal in feeding another young mouth?

So, as you are now, you can't adopt a child legally just to make a difference in the world?

I guess this is why the Americans and Europeans are way better than the common petty African like you.

Aquariann:


Mrs Good, hope you realize a woman like you rejected the child (as condition for marrying her biological dad) which suddenly made him return her to the mom.

And don't forget the Op stated his wife wouldn't accept the child if the reverse was the case.

That is also very wrong. A friend of mine married a widower with a kid and I told her on a wedding day to please take care of the child as hers instead of leaving her with the grand parents. Those parents and their spouses are all irresponsible. I won't do that neither will I advise anyone close to me to.
P.S: It's Miss Good, not Mrs.