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"My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" - Family (18) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" (56092 Views)

Lady Shares How She Transformed A Girl She Adopted After Just Two Months (pics) / Should I Bring Her Over To The US? / My Wife Wants Me To Beg For Intercourse (2) (3) (4)

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Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Funkybabee(f): 9:39am On Aug 06, 2018
I think u Don't like her daughter from the begining as I look but u don't have option rather to take that child!!
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by MsGood(f): 9:39am On Aug 06, 2018
Aquariann:


How about you women learn to make babies with men who are willing to take responsibility for the child by being physically, emotionally and financially present? That way the thoughts of abortion doesn't even prop up. And no, pregnancy (asides cases of rape) are not mistakes. She and the child's father consciously had unprotected sex
Well, we women are not all irresponsible. But I don't support abortion when a mistake is made. And I don't even support premarital sex.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Aquariann: 9:41am On Aug 06, 2018
Odobopa:


No I won't send my child away just to marry another woman who is not the mum.
I will also accept that child if I was in the op's shoes..
And yes he can inconvenience himself to make his wife and the child happy. What's marriage without sacrifices ?

But her own bio dad can't inconvenience himself, his marriage or make those sacrifices for his own seed?

You guys need to face reality please. She won't do it for him yet she wants him to do it for her.

The father should take his responsibility end off.

I have a step elder-sister, and my parents have been married for more than 35 years and I've never seen her mom only on pictures. Till date she's closer to my mom than our dad. And if there's any lesson I learned from him was for me to always accept and face my responsibilities as a man.

The child should go back to her father end off.

4 Likes

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Immacula8(m): 9:42am On Aug 06, 2018
In a country like South Africa where I reside. I would say that one has to thread with caution with respect to single mothers.

I personally know a couple of naija guys who were destroyed emotionally and financially after falling to 'take the child in' syndrome.

Some of these so called single mums are too beautiful, they are smart and very experienced making it difficult for an average guy to turn them away.

A Cameroonian friend of mine died in car accident of recent. The so called wife (single mum) was a busy body all over SA. She has already or in the process of collecting money from road accident fund been the legal wife while my pal is already 6 ft under.

Another trick they use is to give you a child immediately they step into your life. Thereafter their true colours start manifesting.

A word of advice to brothers in SA. Shine your eyes.

3 Likes

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by SUPERPACK: 9:43am On Aug 06, 2018
revolt:
mtchwee very easy to say....why the fvck is the father rejectn his kid. Wen he was cumming was the dude there ? Ppl shd learn to think first b4 advising ppl..
O
Whrn the girl grows and becomes sexy she even stands a risk of being touched by the step father. Plsss be rational.
so its better to stay with the stepmother and become a maid or maltreated as an unwanted, what makes you think the real father will nt get sexually attracted to he?. her real mother cannot abandon her in trying times like dis.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 9:45am On Aug 06, 2018
NCANTaskForce:
It's a trap, She wants to confirm if you're truly a paedophile, You and I need know you will fall for it & press the girls breast when she's 13, cry .
HahahahahahahhaaahHH, SAVAGE!!! cheesy.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by adontcare(f): 9:46am On Aug 06, 2018
Gabbysky:


Have you considered to ask yourself what agreements were entered by both of them before the marriage?
Do you know how many Suitors must have turned her down on accounts of her stands?
Do you think the Gentleman is financially, emotionally, physically and mentally capable to cater for another man's child?
Did you bother to ask yourself what the man wanted in a home before setting up one?

Well, I believe the Woman knows why she can't force this down his throat, else, she loses all, hence, she resorted to begging him.

Dude must have made his mental evaluations over and over and the indices are not looking good.

I chose to reply you because you are MizMyColi, my favourite NL commenter, let's cut the guy some slack please.
Aggressive statements are only gonna harden him
what if it is d man's child? Do u think d man will even plead with his wife before forcing d child down her throat? As for me, if I realised dat my husband won't accept my child out of wedlock under dis circumstances, I will back out of d marriage. because d child did not come to d world by herself, and I will also report her dad to welfare to support in her upbringing. Who marriage help if u one cannot bear each other burdens?

2 Likes

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by larrybee2017(f): 9:46am On Aug 06, 2018
SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.
God bless you for this but my question is what happen to the real father? Does that mean he no longer want to be responsible for the upkeep of the poor child or what. I'll advice you get a good lawyer first for future purpose. Let him be summon to know why he decide to bring the child back. And if he refuse to show up adopt her. You never can tell, gold are the most despise but after much labour from goldsmith they are cherish by all. Ensure you get all you need legally before you take up responsibility of the child so you won't loose at the end. God bless you
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by mercyymai(f): 9:47am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"


U dey annoy me seriously! They call her after one, u over look all their complain and married her. Now u can't stand for her becos she is bring her daughter whc is not intentional.

Bros!!! Fear God o
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by 1759King: 9:52am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"
When you married a woman with a child, you automatically became a father to that child, call it step-father or whatever but you became a father!

There are no two ways about this, you will have to take the child in and for your own good and for posterity sake, treat her as if she's the fruit of your loins - you won't go wrong this way. Issues may arise but at the long run you will be happy you did.

Now what you should be weary of and concerned about should be the girl's biological father - what's his body language? Do you suspect he's trying to reconnect with his estranged girlfriend (your wife)? This is where you can shoot for a proper legal adoption of the girl and also ensure your wife won't be gullible to the antics of the man trying to sneak back into her life.

While I respect women so much, but often a time you wonder how they reason when a man who once deceived them will come back into their life and they will be willing to throw away the beautiful things they already built for themselves.

The only wrong you will do in this situation is when you refuse to let mother and daughter be together, she's being humble now and begging you but she will resent you so much if you refuse.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by SUPERPACK: 9:53am On Aug 06, 2018
drakeli:
So he should steal another persons child when the real father didn’t give her up for adoption. The father is only asking the mother to do her own part of caring for the child since the child has been with the father all along.
read inbetween the line, the man is wants to move on, since the new wife is nt accepting to take the child as hers. as for stealing it means all the adopted children in the world are stolen since one of the parents might still be alive.
i advice him like that because the Op was thinking of what will happen if his dad comes back in future.

1 Like

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by kenoyad: 9:55am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"
people's opinion of you doesn't matter including family members, don't mind them, they are just being social not moral. I think it's better you allow the girl in your house and show her love and compassion that she deserves. also, take appropriate steps in order to avoid issues with her father in the near future cause a man that jettison her own daughter cause he's marrying another woman is not a man enough and could be funny afterwards.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by ussy09(m): 9:55am On Aug 06, 2018
while doing all d necessary legal documentation to adopt the gal, ensure that her real father is aware so he wont wake up some day to claim her some children r blessing you knw.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by adontcare(f): 9:57am On Aug 06, 2018
mercydaniel:
that's why b4 a single mom get married to another man, she should know d kind of person he is, I can't allow my child suffer bcus a man doesn't want her in my life, dats y I advise girls dat have children out of wedlock to be hardworking and not depending on any man, look d mans issues us basically about d financial aspect assuming d wife has a good job not depending on the man haba check am. for the man in d first place he doesn't like his wife bcus if u love her u I'll love all dat comes from her, he is not a man his family calls d shot in his house, if I see dat he doesn't want my child I I'll leave him and take care of my children bcus me staying with him I'm not happy so? I know of my friends elder brother who is young doesn't have any child outside but got married to an after 3 woman and worst part of it is dat d kids are in there tinnage age and he leaves with them with his kids and she has her own shop. b wise.
simple and short. I will leave with my daughter. Under dis circumstances. Instead for my child to be homeless, I will waka pass

1 Like

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by cocoboss(m): 10:00am On Aug 06, 2018
foolish guy, of all the good advice from geunuine souls he cnt take none
smelling momma boy
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Aquariann: 10:01am On Aug 06, 2018
Netanyahu1:
That child would never be your biological child, but you can earn her respect and she will call you father for the rest of her life.

Morevoer we all want to be identified as real men. This is your chance to prove to your wife that you are a real man , the one of her dreams and her knight in shining armour .

Alpha fvcks, Beta Bucks.. What an insult. He put a roof over her head, fathered her three other children and doesn't abdicate his fatherly duties. He is not a real man all these years.

But your twisted idea of him being a real man is accepting responsibilities of another child whose biological dad is hale, healthy, alive and capable to take care of her but chooses not to because he wants to be with another woman (who also rejected the child).

Sorry bro, a real man doesn't raise another man's kid while that other one is alive and capable. Stop the emotional blackmail.

3 Likes

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by adontcare(f): 10:01am On Aug 06, 2018
Somerville:
Am not trying to poison your mind against helping her, but the little girl should be with her father or her grandma. My sister had a baby outside wedlock, and the girl is staying with us now and she's eight years old already.
Meanwhile, my sister is married to another man and even has a child for him.

Till date, I don't even know the guy who got my sister pregnant cos he doesn't give a damn about the baby.
My point is the girl should be with her father or her grandma, not you.
But if you feel you can help her, why not do it?
As for me, I can't keep such child in my house, the thought of how that nigga was fvcking my wife will keep coming to my mind each time that girl passes by.
did u read where d girls dad rejected her and her grand mum also gave them 3 days to get d child away from her?. It is better for d op not to marry his wife again than to render a baby homeless because of an irresponsible father and a selfish grandma
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Codes151(m): 10:01am On Aug 06, 2018
This is the most childish thing I have read...
U met her and u knew she had a child.

U want her to leave her kid?? U dey kraze or what..
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by ladygudhead(f): 10:03am On Aug 06, 2018
revolt:
madam stop gvn advise u know nuffn bout.. if u wre in his shoes ud probably do worse. Only babymamas expect to tke someone elses kid to anoda man. Dreamers
I am entitled to my opinion just as u are entitled to this immature talk u just spout here, though yours lack prudence. Get wisdom,get understanding.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by galantjoe(m): 10:05am On Aug 06, 2018
reyscrub:
Since your wife is hard working and is capable of taking care of the boy, nothing bad if her baby is with her ok. Blood is ticker than water so she can't let her product be far from her as you will never allow your child be taking away from you. Any body can fall prey to the love bait of boys and girls this day.

If you mistakenly have a child outside, you will think of bring him home and either appeal or force your wife to live with your boy abi.

I'm talking from experience because I married my wife with 6 years old boy and now I have a girl and a boy now they are three altogether and we live together. I ensure that all the three bear my surname and my wife agree and till this moment I claim him as my firstborn of my family and all the children see them self as the same father the same mother unknowingly.

So nothing is special or bad in married-after-one parent as a wife if she makes you happy and support you financially, spiritually, emotionally and prayerfully. My wife loves me like she can die for me nothing thinking twice on my cause because I ensure that all that consigns her is taking care off always.

You did a very wrong thing to use someone else blood as your firstborn. Abominations. Instead adopt him as your child not as a firstborn since you have a male child. It portend danger for posterity to come. Your ancestor will be angry for you

Allow peace to rain in your home and don't allow people to confuse you with their local knowledge.

Take the boy home and make your wife happy ok.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by adontcare(f): 10:06am On Aug 06, 2018
Donjazzy12:

Good Samaritan! Why don't you accept and train the child on their behalf? After all, the man is not the biological father and you are not the biological mother so both of you have equal stake. Good Samaritan help him na!
Mr man, if it is ur own child, will u allow her be homeless because ur wife don't want ur own blood. and a baby at that to be abandoned? I don't think so. Get small sense small na
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by PrimadonnaO(f): 10:07am On Aug 06, 2018
derrydinny:
don't accept the child my brother, if she grows up eventually, she will still remember her father no matter the adoption or whatever

tell your wife to choose between you and the child



but you get mind o, why you go marry after one when you never born?


You're wicked. Always keep this at the back of your mind. Wicked!
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by galantjoe(m): 10:07am On Aug 06, 2018
reyscrub:
Since your wife is hard working and is capable of taking care of the boy, nothing bad if her baby is with her ok. Blood is ticker than water so she can't let her product be far from her as you will never allow your child be taking away from you. Any body can fall prey to the love bait of boys and girls this day.

If you mistakenly have a child outside, you will think of bring him home and either appeal or force your wife to live with your boy abi.

I'm talking from experience because I married my wife with 6 years old boy and now I have a girl and a boy now they are three altogether and we live together. I ensure that all the three bear my surname and my wife agree and till this moment I claim him as my firstborn of my family and all the children see them self as the same father the same mother unknowingly.

So nothing is special or bad in married-after-one parent as a wife if she makes you happy and support you financially, spiritually, emotionally and prayerfully. My wife loves me like she can die for me nothing thinking twice on my cause because I ensure that all that consigns her is taking care off always.

Allow peace to rain in your home and don't allow people to confuse you with their local knowledge.

Take the boy home and make your wife happy ok.

You did a very wrong thing to use someone else blood as your firstborn. Abominations. Instead adopt him as your child not as a firstborn since you have a male child. It portend danger for posterity to come. Your ancestor will be angry for you

1 Like

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by adontcare(f): 10:10am On Aug 06, 2018
Aquariann:


Alpha fvcks, Beta Bucks.. What an insult. He put a roof over her head, fathered her three other children and doesn't abdicate his fatherly duties. He is not a real man all these years.

But your twisted idea of him being a real man is accepting responsibilities of another child whose biological dad is hale, healthy, alive and capable to take care of her but chooses not to because he wants to be with another woman (who also rejected the child).

Sorry bro, a real man doesn't raise another man's kid while that other one is alive and capable. Stop the emotional blackmail.
dat is where welfare come in. Her mother should report him to d welfare for him to be responsible for her up keep
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by sweetv(f): 10:10am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
I don't Think My family will like this. they don't really like her that much Cus they say she is "AFTER ONE"
for you to say this,u are too childish even though you are matured,now ur family decides who you marry after she have given you too kids of your own,OGA a man will leave his father and mother and become One with his wife,her problems are urs too,y sounding like u don't even love this woman in question, DAT baby is from her lions y founding it hard to take d baby,be matured and reason like one,some parents even adopt unknown children in order to give a home to the homeless.....give that child a home or you regret it d rest of ur life
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Missonas(f): 10:11am On Aug 06, 2018
Na wa for your wife's mum oh. She's her grandchild. Y'all be letting that child feel unwanted not cool. You and your wife should reach level ground on this. For kids is a lot to handle these days if shes not working she as to start something. Soon you'll not feel awkward about that child childeen grow on u fast
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Nobody: 10:18am On Aug 06, 2018
chronique:


Exactly. One thing I noticed on Nairaland is that people don't think deeply before commenting on critical issues. Most comments are usually out of sentiments. Taking the child in should never be an issue but sorting out those critical issues he raised up there, should be more important or else, he'd just get himself in a mess. Not too long ago, I was seriously considering settling down with a single mom. She asked certain questions about how I'd handle the child and I told her that wasn't going to be a problem. She was concerned about what my family would say if they found out I was going to be responsible for the kid's schooling despite the father being alive and I told her it wasn't going to be an issue as I do not intend to disclose certain things to them... I already zeroed my mind to the fact that if I eventually end up with this woman, this is what I should expect and not complain about, as it's part of the things one should expect when settling with someone like that. For me, it wouldn't have been an issue.
But this guy's case is different. The dad of the girl is suddenly returning her to the mother because he just got married, and his wife would not take it if the roles were reversed. These are pertinent issues that calls for concern.

That he knows his wife won't take it if he was in the same situation is balderdash. For a woman who has a child outside of wedlock to think that way doesnt ake sense to me.

Also, the woman is humble. He said so himself. Now he's trying to paint her in a character that is false just to gain sympathy.

I just hope he makes the right choice eventually.

When you say you love someone its not just mere talk. You actually want to see them happy. You take steps to make them happy. You make sacrifices. That's what love is. Not mouth.

Give me a humble woman anyday, anytime and I'll lay my world at her feet.

But most men today will start feeling like KingKong (yes I'm old) when their woman is humbled by circumstances of life.

3 Likes

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Tinamoore(f): 10:20am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes

Sir, so many advises have been proffered to you since last night you made this post but at the end of the day the final decision lies solely on you.

Don't be too sure your woman won't take it if its the other way round.even if she won't take it, you must not behave insensitively like her.like I said in my earlier post, do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. Not the way you perceive they will do unto you.

Some people here stated that the girl may not remember the sacrifices you made in the future.even if it comes to that, thank God you have your own biological children.you are not accepting her that she must be there for you in your old age or that she is your responsibility.you are accepting her because she is your wife's flesh and blood, because she deserves all the love she can get and because you are a human with conscience.

Don't let the irrational behaviour of this girls biological father affect your decision.rather see it that it could have been your own daughter in this "unwanted" situation. I know it may be hard for you because it wasn't the initial plan.but please for the sake of your wife and her innocent daughter, reconsider your decision.

If you need more time to emotionally prepare yourself into accepting this girl, discuss it with your wife.I wish you well.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Getsaved(m): 10:22am On Aug 06, 2018
reyscrub:
Since your wife is hard working and is capable of taking care of the boy, nothing bad if her baby is with her ok. Blood is ticker than water so she can't let her product be far from her as you will never allow your child be taking away from you. Any body can fall prey to the love bait of boys and girls this day.

If you mistakenly have a child outside, you will think of bring him home and either appeal or force your wife to live with your boy abi.

I'm talking from experience because I married my wife with 6 years old boy and now I have a girl and a boy now they are three altogether and we live together. I ensure that all the three bear my surname and my wife agree and till this moment I claim him as my firstborn of my family and all the children see them self as the same father the same mother unknowingly.

So nothing is special or bad in married-after-one parent as a wife if she makes you happy and support you financially, spiritually, emotionally and prayerfully. My wife loves me like she can die for me nothing thinking twice on my cause because I ensure that all that consigns her is taking care off always.

Allow peace to rain in your home and don't allow people to confuse you with their local knowledge.

Take the boy home and make your wife happy ok.



Great advise you have up there form the OP. Great indeed.This is one of the few cases I have seen in NL where a really confused friend is given and helped with gracious advise. Good bless you all who gave mature advise.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Deandean: 10:23am On Aug 06, 2018
NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes


Bros leave all this hypocritics,your concern and seeking advice are enough evidence you have feelings n forethoughts....ordinarily u jst cld have dismissed d idea without much consideration...Having said that,my take is simple,in the game of alpha supremacy, d weaker man his forced by society n womanly manipulations to take responsibility for the damage done by the stronger....that you even married a single mother is enough mistep...DO NOT TAKE THE CHILD even if u have the financial means to do so...its better not to do it than to do it in bitterness towards d child n d mother throughout ur marital life...

TAKE THE CHILD only if u can do wat d first commentator said,n get a restraining order to stop the father from ever showing up...and have him sign d order...or dont take d child
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by pathogen: 10:24am On Aug 06, 2018
baba abeg take the child. if you treat her well, you would have only done yourself good by having another daughter. take care of her, you would be glad you did walahi.
Re: "My Wife Wants To Bring Her 7-Year-Old Girl She Had Before We Met To My Home" by Somerville: 10:28am On Aug 06, 2018
adontcare:
did u read where d girls dad rejected her and her grand mum also gave them 3 days to get d child away from her?. It is better for d op not to marry his wife again than to render a baby homeless because of an irresponsible father and a selfish grandma

If the owner of the child could reject his own blood, then the OP is not obliged in anyway to bring her to his house. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insensitive, just been real.
If the OP later decides to bring the kid to his house, it won't be out of love, it'll be out of pity, and I hate being pitied.

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