I have often heard some people advising ladies to have backup boyfriends. This means that aside her primary or main boyfriend, a lady should have another boyfriend she may not necessarily be close to or intimate with as she could just be platonic friends with the so called backup boyfriend without strings attached. They argue that in case her current boyfriend disappoints her or fails to marry her, she will switch over to the backup boyfriend.

Now let me tell you categorically that with my several years of experience as a counsellor, that this kind of advice from whoever gives you such depraved advice is completely wrong and if you adhere to such advice as a lady, you will only end up hurting yourself at the end of the day.

Now today I will be sharing with you ten solid and proven reasons why as a lady you must never even contemplate having any backup boyfriend. Those who have done this have always regretted their actions. The reasons are as follows:

1. It Makes You Cheap As A Woman: Have you ever imagined how it feels as a lady to know that you have just one boyfriend and the peace of mind you will have to focus on your school, job or career knowing fully well that you are faithful to your guy? Have you ever imagined how cheap you will look to your boyfriend if he eventually finds out that you are double dating? Imagine the lies you would have to tell to cover up your unfaithfulness. Imagine the trust he had in you which you will shatter by doing so! You will simply look cheap as a lady and this will seriously affect your self worth as a woman.

2. It Can Break Up Your Current Relationship: One thing some ladies fail to realize is that once trust is broken, it will be very difficult to get it back. Once your loving boyfriend who really trusted you before discovers you’ve been insincere with him all along, this can break your current relationship and even your backup boyfriend too may find out and also end the relationship and decide to have nothing to do with you. They will believe that once a cheat, always a cheat.



3. It Leads To Having Multiple Sexual Partners: You may not know this but the more men you make friends with as a lady, the likelihood of developing and having feelings for them and eventually having sex with them even when you never intended this to happen. This is because sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak and as a result of this, you may be unable to control certain things at certain points in time and you may become overwhelmed and give in to certain demands by men especially as they can use their manly prowess to manipulate you to give in to their demands. This can eventually ruin your life.

4. You May Contract STDs: One of the dangerous effects of having spare or backup boyfriends as a lady is that since the likelihood of having sex with them is high, so also the likelihood of contracting deadly sexually transmitted diseases which can eventually destroy your life beyond repair and render all your years of struggle useless and likewise even destroy your future. Some STDs actually don’t even have known cure while others are so deadly that they’re difficult to detect and those who have them could carry them for many years and would continue to spread these diseases to others through sex.

5. It Will Exhaust Your Energy, Time & Resources: Having a backup or spare boyfriend does not come as easy as you think. It will surely make you lose concentration in your school, career or job because you will be trying to please each of them because you are hoping that one of them will propose marriage to you which may never even happen in the first place. You will keep wasting your energy, your time and your resources including money for calls, text messages, data subscriptions for browsing on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Whatsapp just to keep in touch with the both of your boyfriends at the same time. Sometimes you will be confused on how to handle this type of relationship and it will even make you less productive because you’re facing too many commitments at the same time. Please desist from this type of relationship that can kill you.

6. It Can Lead To Everlasting Heartbreaks: One thing many ladies fail to realize in relationships is that you can’t eat your cake and have it back, no way! If you think you will keep flirting about with men and expect not to have the consequences of your actions, you are simply deceiving yourself. By keeping multiple men as your boyfriends, you are simply creating a channel for everlasting heartbreak for yourself which can happen anytime. Have you ever wondered why some beautiful ladies you thought already had boyfriends but when you get close to them you will discover they don’t have any? Some of them had multiple boyfriends before and these guys having discovered, they jilted them and the ladies now don’t have any men coming for them because of their past deeds. Be careful how you live your life as a lady, it can affect your future.

7. You Can Never Truly Love Anyone By Having Multiple Boyfriends: It will definitely be impossible for you to truly fall in love or love a guy when you have many guys you’re dating. There will surely be conflict of interest and you will be confused on who to actually give your love to. You can never love both guys the same way and by trying to share your love between the both of them, you will end up not loving anyone of them enough and this will surely crash your relationship and you will lose out of both relationships in the long run. Be careful as a lady, not all that glitters is gold.



8. It Can Affect You Psychologically: You may not know the effect of some actions you take as a lady, but when the consequences of your actions start manifesting, you will begin to regret your actions and by then it might be difficult to reverse such actions because it would have been too late. The fact is that the state of your relationship can seriously affect your feelings, emotions, your thinking and as well as your total state of mind. Women are very emotional and as a woman, you must not allow any negative thing affect your mind or else if this happens, it can lead to psychological trauma.

9. It Can Lead To Depression: People that had depression didn’t just start it suddenly, no, it’s an accumulated bout of pains, sorrow, suffering and trauma that led them to the state of depression they found themselves. These issues are linked together because when you continue to have multiple boyfriends as a lady, heartbreak will eventually happen and when this happens, depression is inevitable in that circumstance especially when you continue to have frequent heartbreaks.

10. It Can Ruin Your Destiny: Many ladies who sell their bodies by having several boyfriends all in the name of having fun don’t know the harm they’re doing to their destinies. Many ladies in Nigeria today have been used for money rituals by men just because these ladies keep flirting with different men and hopping from one bed to another. Many of these ladies too have been destroyed spiritually by men who slept with them and that’s why many women would get married but would never bear children. Some women would give birth but would actually give birth to imbeciles and deformed children because of the kind of things they’ve done in the past and the kind of people they’ve knowingly or unknowingly mingled with in the past who have now destroyed their destinies. Ladies be warned, wait for your time. Stop rushing and stop having side boyfriends or backup boyfriends because it is dangerous to do so. Be warned. A word is enough for the wise. This is wishing all you ladies the best in your relationships and wishing that you get the right man that will love you with all his heart and make you happy! God bless you.

Source: https://www.headlineng.com/10-reasons-backup-boyfriend-dangerous-women/


By Tayo Demola

Human Rights Activist & Relationship Coach

lol, i know u guys will soon counter that yhen yhen relationship counselor.

Should men have backup gf?

Lalasticlala you're needed here

Op, mind u this article was written by Nigerian activist & relationship counsellor Tayo Demola, but how come u didn't give him the credit here on Nairaland?? Hope this is not some copyright infringement sha?

For your confirmation, this is the original link to the article on the author's blog:
http://tayodemola..com/2018/08/ten-proven-reasons-why-having-backup.html

And that's the author's pic below.

As for those who think it's ok to have backup boyfriends, well ur body belongs to u & only u can decide what u do with it! My one centttt

It will also destroy and scatter her mining site.

G

Tell them.
Men also avoid backup gf

[s][/s]

I am not a relationship advisor, and I don't always comment on issues like this but why are men pained by this? ever since this backup boyfriend of a thing came about, men have been going crazy why?

As if una no get side chicks.

.

Girls, No need for a flash drive, just stick with 1 guy that will always be in your memory

Lol...funny truth as been said

milemimi93:
Should men have backup gf?

nope

Mtcheew

Stop tryna be GOD.Datz not who u are

Why some guys are just taking this too personal!

But if Joro reaffirms why guys should have backups, na hailing go full thread!

See epistle on effects on the lady and he thinks it does not affect the male folk? Even guys who scream they would rather have baby mamas, shey the lady no go contribute to the child's DNA?

sarahade:
Mtcheew

Can I back you up?

Well said. Keeping a relationship is a full time job. Having to keep more than one at the same time,is stressful. Ladies who can do this without stress, are just a few steps from being prostitutes. Same goes for the guys. How does having your dick in different vaginas everytime feel? Don't you guys ever get scared of stds?

Please what is happening in the Senate house, we don't need this nonsense post now. If you cannot stay or cope in a relationship, stay out!

They wont still listen..

I think issue of backup comes when there's no longer trust and money

I'll pretend I didn't hear this...

Op, stop saying nonsense, every woman, married or dating should have a backup boyfriend[img]https://media1./images/e82c2cd09db0bf410917cda2ef22ffd4/tenor.gif?itemid=4986298[/img]

I have also have this perspective that when a lady cheats.. she bring bad luck to me, #fact

Double dating is just too stressful and time consuming

Pope22:
Please what is happening in the Senate house, we don't need this nonsense post now. If you cannot stay or cope in a relationship, stay out!

If you want to know what's happening in the senate, go to politics section OK.
Besides op wasn't talking about staying or coping in a relationship, he was talking about the dangers of having multiple partners.
Maybe you should learn how to read before commenting

That is how one girl was using me as backup and still hoping to get married to her true love. Eventually, i got to know dat i was PLAN B. The moment i found out that her PLAN A left her to marry another girl na so me sef liv her marry another girl. Some girls actually think life revolves around them alone.

I like how this topic is paining men but if it was the other way round they would support the op saying men are polygamous in nature. Bloody hypocrites..

Cry me a river