XhosaNostra:


LMFAO @ the alien thing. I don't even believe in aliens but who really knows what is out there. There're too many odd happenstances in this world.

I'm a softie I guess, but that relationship gave me a new set of eyes & a different way of dealing with life. Now I can walk out of any relationship that doesn't serve me any purpose (no more unhealthy attachments to people), because walking away from that one was a Herculean task. You could say I learned a few things about myself, which is not a bad thing if you wanna evolve spiritually as a person.

You're one of the lucky few. I wanna be like you when I grow up On a serious note though, relationships are DRAINING, so I don't blame you for not being arsed about love.

Babyforever:
Sometimes you just have to fake it to boost their ego nothing more

lefulefu:
when u date pot bellied old men how will u experience a real orgasm

lefulefu:
strenght of four houses.. Only him.

Babyforever:
I don't think any guy can make me lose myself because of sex..... #fact

Saff:
Orgasms for women during sex are more mental. You have to have a deep connection, bond and sexual chemistry to achieve it. He has to stimulate you mentally to get you to that point. The average man just can’t do that, that’s why most women fake it.

It’s the complete opposite for guys that’s why it’s so easy for them to get what they with anything and everyone. It’s more physical for them.

XhosaNostra:
Sometimes these things have very little to do with how good a guy is in the sack, but how you feel about them.

I dated a guy many moons ago. The chemistry between us was so strong that I felt electric shocks when he rested his hand on my lap. We've not even kissed at this point. Fast forward to the intimate stages of the relationship. I'd get shivers when he's around me. The sex itself was average at best, but having it with him felt like an out of body experience. It was intoxicating. Never experienced something like that before or ever since. At some point I even thought he was my soulmate. I couldn't enjoy sex with other people after we broke up, unless I pretented I was with him. Ridiculous. So glad I shook off that obsession.

supportnija:
Can we still get wife!

lefulefu:
when u date pot bellied old men how will u experience a real orgasm

Bobbyjay001:



So, you've been having s*x with random guys? Continue!!!!

iamsirmichael1:


Wow! You're light years away from me in experience.

I'll remember these words when I start.

Thanks, you indeed are helpful.

amakadihot87:
...hahaha......their belly hinders better thrusting

lefulefu:
tuale baba..u too much. See as i raise my two hands 4 u.

XhosaNostra:



LMAO @ removing the battery.

Yes, I still have a soft spot for him but I would never get back with him again. The whole thing was tiring, plus he was living a double life. I haven't seen or spoken to him in YEARS. Don't wanna be caught in that spider's web again. Saw him in passing about 4 years ago & hid so he wouldn't see me. Yeesh.

internationalman:

It does happen to all girls..

But mostly it occurs when there is great chemistry between u and d guy?

Haven't u ever squirted before during sex?

MissJoy29:

The bolded was why I gradually decided to let him go from my heart.

Our love connection was something else. We were everywhere together, every time except on few occasions. Everyone who mattered most in our lives knew is. Everything we ever had with all others before us combined paled in comparison to what we shared. The bond was outta this world. At a point, I began to sense him, really sense him: when he was sick, & even when he was "misbehaving". We weren't just close. We were "joined" together. I was seeing him almost every night in my dreams.

But do you know the funniest thing? I wasn't happy. My heart was yearning for something he wasn't giving me. And he was also looking for something too. How else would I explain all the "misbehaviours"? Even when we broke up a thousand times, we couldn't stay away from each other. And when we come back together again, our fights & quarrels starts. It was emotionally draining. We weren't happy together, but we weren't (even more) being apart. He couldn't lose me but he couldn't keep me either. We were hurting but that bond between us was always there. I have no doubt that he loved me. I definitely loved him more. But like you said earlier, he didn't know how or what to do with the love.

We have watched each other move from one relationship to another & still stayed friends. Every time a relationship breaks (due to no fault of ours though), we will attempt to come back together. But it just wasn't working.

It's been 7 years now (we officially broke up for real 5 years ago and unofficially broke up finally 4 years ago) but we are still close. He was almost everything I craved for in a man(some vital qualifies I need were missing though). I had to tell myself( when I was deluding myself that I couldn't find a better man, but how wrong I was) that marriage is different from relationship. Nothing on earth will make me want to settle down for a long time of emotional torture(by God's Grace). So I gradually started pulling myself out. I didn't stop at that. I Prayed earnestly to God to take away the feelings I have for him. I even Prayed for The Holy Spirit to stop showing me things about him cos I was always having Revelations about him & even years after we broke up. I desperately needed to move on then.

God knows the kind of heart I have (pure, soft and tender and kinda innocent) & HE will not give me someone that will perpetually hurt & drain me emotionally instead of completing & complementing me. Except HE has other plans but before then, HE will have to change him.


The experience from this relationship changed me in ways I can't imagine. I have only been in one relationship since the guy. It went well to an extent but I have locked up a part of me ever since. I became untrusting and sceptical. I developed a certain level of fear. I withdrew emotionally, psychologically and even sexually to re-evaluate. My senses are now super active to detect deceptive people & girl, have I detected a lot!? But that part of me(the part reserved for my husband alone) hasn't been touched cos know that whatever I felt for him, did for him and with him, will also pale in comparison to what I will feel and do for/with my husband. If I love the "wrong" person right, imagine then, how I will love the "right" person.

XhosaNostra:


WOW. Everything you said mirrored my experience to a T.

There was a time where I also begged God to take away my feelings for the person & the taunts that came with it. I used to see his name everywhere & his name is not that popular in my part of the world. But I still saw it everywhere. It was like something out there wanted me to suffer lol. I'd cry because I was so tired of being tormented by memories of someone I so desperately wanted to forget. I also felt him. I knew when he was thinking about me etc. Even now, I know he's still looking for me. I know that he looks for me in the people he dates But what use is it if the relationship feels like it's doomed not to work? It's pointless. You just have to let go & focus on yourself. Personally, I don't ever want to experience something like that again. It makes you feel like you're crazy. And the sadness is unbearable. I never thought I'd ever recover from it, but here I am today able to compare notes with other people, without being overwhelmed by grief. Years ago I would have cried just reminiscing about it. It's been a long journey.

Yesterday, for the 1st time in my life, I actually looked him up on Facebook & I found him. I felt an interesting range of emotions because I haven't seen him in a long time, plus he looks older now. Anyway, I left it at that. I don't want to be his friend or have him in my life in any way, shape or form because I feel I'd be putting the progress that I have made in jeopardy. It'd undo my healing & I can't go through another round of that lol.

I'm curious though, why are you still friends with your ex? Isn't it holding you back ?

MissJoy29:

Hmmmm...same experience. I'm so speechless.

Funny enough, I saw the pains & the hurts coming. Even before we started. But it didn't make sense then. Here were two people who felt incredibly in love & I was there perceiving that he will hurt me. The feeling was so strong that I confided in a friend. That was when I was just beginning to notice my Spiritual sensitivity. So I didn't understand why I would have all those negative vibes for someone I dearly loved. But I felt it all the same. But I didn't heed the warning.

Three years of an emotional roller-coaster relationship that left me broken & a wreck. It took me a lot to work on my self. I involved God cos I couldn't have done it on my own. I avoided contact with him, treated him badly, deleted every trace of him from my phone and in my life, anything to stop the nagging pain in my heart. But we were too into us to really stay away.

But now, it doesn't hurt as much as before. God really heals us through time. And I know with time, things will go back to normal.

He's not just the only ex I'm friends with. We all parted amicably & I don't like burning bridges. And being friends with them isn't drawing me back. We don't interfere in our lives and these are highly mature and respectful individuals as I am so, no problems there.

XhosaNostra:


Very true. Because immediately after my relationship with the guy I mentioned, I was with someone else briefly. I slept with him only one time & couldn't continue even though he was more passionate etc. I felt dirty because I wasn't head-over-heels in love with him. I still remember walking back up to my room & gagging all the way through because I could still smell his cologne on me. The cologne was not the issue, the issue was that I associated the scent with the person I just had sex with. I almost puked. I had a shower as soon as I got home. Yuck.

XhosaNostra:


OK, I get it. Well, if staying friends works, then I commend you. I wouldn't be able to do it in fear of relapsing.

Yeah, it's the most terrible experience everrrr. It's interesting that you saw it coming, I didn't. The only thing I felt when I 1st saw him was that there was more to him than what he was letting on. I felt he was hiding secrets & I was right. I asked the relevant questions & later on he admitted that my line of questioning scared him at the time because it felt like I "was looking through his soul". So when the skeletons started tumbling out of the closet & it was time for him to face the music, his only answer was he lied to me on the 1st day because he didn't wanna lose me. It didn't make sense to me because he barely knew me. But alas, I forgave some of those things eventually & we started a new chapter. Very out of character for me. My mistake was to forgive because after that, my storybook romance turned into a living nightmare. Breaking up & making up became a theme of our relationship that even my closest friends couldn't keep up. To top it off, they all hated him lol. They thought I didn't deserve the shìt from someone who was, according to them, "beneath me". It went on longer than it should have, TBH. We were prisoners of the relationship because there were times where we agreed to let each other go, but we did it the wrong way. We'd have sex to say goodbye But still, I don't think sex was the thing that kept us coming back for more bruises. It was the magic, for the lack of better words. It just felt meant to be. Even holding hands felt right. Our hands fitted perfectly It sounds so laughable now, but it was that mesmerizing. He even had a glow around him like a saint! I honestly don't know what kind of powers that were at play when we were together, but they sure knew how to set the mood right. It was like what I imagine manic must feel like. I'd laugh & the laughter felt like it didn't come from me because I was high on being around him. Wow. Never again!

May you guys find your happily ever after. I hope your friend is not as damaged as mine is. "My friend" was very uncomfortable with expressing himself. He was dead scared of emotional situations. He was the type that chose to avoid issues by running/hiding, while I on the other hand, I am a very confrontational person. I thrive in emotional honesty & facing things head on. So it was frustrating dealing with that. Oil & water, really. Doomed to fail from day one.

abimic:

I'm not sure, decent girls are hard to come by as getting a placement with Saudi Aramco, or gazprom.... When I come by the good ones who haven't lost sexual decency to the dogs, I stay extremely loyal and committed. How can one explain a lady who has dated three guys and they all had sex with her, isn't she a prostitute by default, it's not only those in brothels that should be called prostitute jare, all these girls also have sex for money too no matter how little, they go with the highest bidder, yet they abuse oloshos!
Mae love!

MissJoy29:

Well, something happened recently that made me know that I'm on my way to the final laps of moving on. If I was able to spend the night with him in a hotel recently knowing that I might not see him physically for a long time or even ever again(cos he just travelled out) & yet, didn't go down with him in any way possible(not even a kiss & I wasn't even in a relationship), then, I'm almost over him. So, yeah, I could stay friends with an ex or a male friend. Although, I cut off almost totally (if not totally) from them when I'm in a relationship.

Oh the lies! They were unending!! And my whole being abhors & cringes at l ies, deception, insincerity and dishonesty in whatever form but yet I stayed. But that was an undoing: his lies. If he had been anything other than a chronic liar then, maybe things would have been different. And I sense it mostly before he lies sef. I dream about it too. I tried several times to break off the cycle of the unending drama that always occurred after each lie was revealed. The more I tried to get away, the more he pleaded his head off, the more I was sucked back into the web of hurt & pain. It was definitely an emotionally & psychologically-abusive relationship. I realised that later & after researching extensively on it, I began the process of healing.

I won't deny the fact that he's a good guy at heart. But he was perhaps battling demons. Sometimes I ask him if all was well with him. How else can you consistently & heartlessly hurt someone you love? How else can you explain the fact that you know you can't lose this person, yet you can't make it right with her either? And how else can the fact that although you hurt more when together, yet you can't let go be explained? Maybe God was punishing us for the circumstances of our meeting. I use this to console myself. Cos I stuck around too long for all the bull shit which is soooooooo unlike me. That's why I have now over-increased the "zero tolerance level" for bullshit to the highest watts. If I sense any hanky panky, I bounce (first emotionally, then physically) so fast you will begin to doubt whether I was ever there in the first place.

Similarly too, the people that matter to me (family and close friends) didn't approve of him right from the start. I'm sure some were even Praying for me as thought I was perhaps enchanted. Or how would you explain that connection & tie. They all abuse me when they hear I still keep in touch with him.

Again, just like yours, he wasn't upfront with the truth. The lies that were uncovered during that time was shocking to say the least. Sometimes I shudder to think if there is more. Of course there will be. But I begged The Holy Spirit to stop revealing things about him to me. Lol.

I went lengths to get closure o. I thank God for His Mercies. God Himself knows I deserve best not even better. And HE has begun working on him for me. My kind is rare, trust me. You can't find two of me anywhere with my kinda heart(except my mum). So I know what I'm saying.
I also think God allowed me go through all these so that I will appreciate more & be eternally grateful to HIM when I'm loved right & also love right.

XhosaNostra:


The bolded hits closer to home. Mind blowing. Maybe that is the purpose of these relationships. It was never about fairytales, but to make "us" fix some of our detrimental behaviors. To learn how to put ourselves 1st or to love without expectations/clinginess. Because as soon as you get off the rollercoaster, you look inwards & start to put in place the necessary boundaries. Very soul cleansing as awful as the experience is.

I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm sure the right person is out there. After such an ordeal, one deserves a heavenly hug lol. But I guess God works on his own timetable. When the time is right, all the puzzle pieces will fall into place & perhaps there will finally be clarity as to why things went the way they did. I swear, the experience makes you philosophical & shìt lol. You start seeking & craving for deeper, meaningful interactions. I've since cut off many people from my life. No more wasting precious time on dead-end relationships with self-serving people.

Saff:
Hmm I’m going to check out what you suggested. You seem very knowledgeable on this department

supportnija:
Can we still get wife!

supportnija:
Can we still get wife!

supportnija:
Can we still get wife!

MissJoy29:
@first bolded, I have definitely learnt how to love & put myself first especially when selfish people are concerned. I'm not a selfish person so I always suffer when I meet them cos I'm looking out for them and they are looking out for themselves too & I'm neglected along the way. But now, if I sense you are, it's either I run or I put myself first if I decide to stay.

@second bolded, I truly believe that. There's a reason for all these experiences. I didn't "suffer" all these things for nothing. I know one day, if Jesus tarries & keep us alive, everything will fall into place perfectly!

@third paragraph, ahswear down! I have become more deep, sensitive, observant & intuitive. And only people that connect with me on a certain emotional depth do Iallow close. And they are just few. Even as friends, we are so emotionally close & connected. Anything other than that is superficial and unacceptable and boring to me. I'm so done too with self-serving people.

I wish you all the best life has to offer. You deserve it. Don't lose hope yet. Someone "best" is coming.