Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 5years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

Front page please!

Please!

I'd really like to hear from all y'all.. Mature thoughts please!

Ask yourself, would you have objected to this move if it was your sibbling's child that was suggested to move in with you? Anyways, with the way you're already harbouring resentment towards a girl you barely know, it's best she doesn't come to stay with you. We don't want another case of child maltreatment splashed all over the news.

ClassicQueen:
Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 2years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

she is too little to babysit a baby
But by all means help her. If you feel uncomfortable with her staying with you, talk to hubby about setting up a form of pocket money for the girl in question to be sent to her parents for her schooling and feeding periodically and please follow up.

She's young and won't suit your purpose in terms of helping with baby and house chores especially if shes going to attend school too.

Your instincts are likely to be right about taking her in. Don't let your husband pressure you into what you're not comfortable doing .

ClassicQueen:
Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 2years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

Do you plan on maltreating her? With all these excuses coming up, on an 11yr old child. Take a chill pill. Since you have already rejected her in your spirit, it's best not to take her under your roof. Your husband can send the aid to her from her parents home where she will feel loved and wanted.
It's better you hire a nanny when you put to bes and keep it professional with her. No one will have anything to say or take advantage of your kind heart then. And you still get to have hubby all to yourself, no family member to interrupt.
Good luck.

So you no need men advice?

Madam Classic, u worry about so many things. Do you think that 10yrs from now the story line will still remain the same? Certainly not!

Think.

dominique:
Ask yourself, would you have objected to this move if it was your sibbling's child that was suggested to move in with you? Anyways, with the way you're already harbouring resentment towards a girl you barely know, it's best she doesn't come to stay with you. We don't want another case of child maltreatment splashed all over the news.

Hi ma'am you misunderstood my thread. I only mentioned maltreatment because that is what people especially in laws will call it if they find out she is the one helping with chores and also baby sitting my baby even if she is going to school in my house. Please stop pretending not to know exactly how people talk or behave. Besides, I also have a sibling same age range the difference is that one of her parent is late but I preferred to send them money once in a while cos I don't want same ish too.

Treasuredlove:
she is too little to babysit a baby
But by all means help her. If you feel uncomfortable with her staying with you, talk to hubby about setting up a form of pocket money for the girl in question to be sent to her parents for her schooling and feeding periodically and please follow up.

I already called the mum to know how far she told me all and I'm planning to raise capital for her to start something as soon as I get paid. Though I was also sceptical initially cos she is a Senior wife to me but I asked hubby and he said I can talk to her if I want to. The girl in question is her first daughter and I don't think its right giving out your children to someone else to take care of while the parents are still alive. By Gods grace I can't give out my daughter like that I will rather hussle and take care of them. Life is not easy though may God help us...

babythug:
She's young and won't suit your purpose in terms of helping with baby and house chores especially if shes going to attend school too.

Your instincts are likely to be right about taking her in. Don't let your husband pressure you into what you're not comfortable doing .

Thanks for understanding me and for the advice ma'am appreciated.

thorpido:
So you no need men advice?

I need men advise too o.

You will feel comfortable bringing someone you don't know to come and babysit your child in the name of house help or nanny but won't be comfortable bringing your husbands niece??
You also sound like you won't like the girl so safe her the stress by not taking.
Before we begin hear stories of madam and her househelp again

nnamdibig:
You will feel comfortable bringing someone you don't know to come and babysit your child in the name of house help or nanny but won't be comfortable bringing your husbands niece??
You also sound like you won't like the girl so safe her the stress by not taking.
Before we begin hear stories of madam and her househelp again

I don't intend bringing in a nanny...did you see nanny in my epistle? Please you people should try to read well before commenting...thanks

To be honest here my sister, aside all these excuses you have given heh, as for me and with experience gathered so far, I wouldnt want any husband/ any of my own siblings or even relation to live with me for whatever reasons, since you can never be good enough in their eyes and unnecessary family misunderstanding will stand building up from there. They can visit and go but not to live or stay with me. Follow your heart please and enjoy your home. Accept the ones your spirit welcomed and try to discourage those ones your spirit are troubled over letting into your home. This is my own honest opinion.

Madam, please an 11 year old is too young to baby sit. What does she know?
Instead, I advice you look for a good crèche around you for your baby, while you go to work.
Besides, living with in-laws can be a thorn in the flash. Your marriage is too young for that. May God help you make the right decision.

ClassicQueen:
I already called the mum to know how far she told me all and I'm planning to raise capital for her to start something as soon as I get paid. Though I was also sceptical initially cos she is a Senior wife to me but I asked hubby and he said I can talk to her if I want to. The girl in question is her first daughter and I don't think its right giving out your children to someone else to take care of while the parents are still alive. By Gods grace I can't give out my daughter like that I will rather hussle and take care of them. Life is not easy though may God help us...

I understand you sis, helping her mom seems a much better option. Thankfully, your hubby agrees

I actually have an experience with one, she was good at listening by key holes and asking questions that really was not her business, I felt some questions were too mature for her age and concluded she was probably acting on someone's instructions. She was just 9. Suffice to say my hubby got tired of her first since I refused to discipline her to avoid issues with my in-laws. Well, the little time she spent with us she told everyone she could talk to in the family about our daily routines etc and it wasn't funny at all. My dear sis, your instincts might be right and besides no one can take care of a child more than his/her mother. Please, help raise capital for her mom.God bless u richly

An 11 year-old is a threat to you?
She is A CHILD!
You would consider an 11 year-old as a domestic staff, to baby-sit, INSTEAD OF BEING IN SCHOOL?


If you are not capable of taking her in with open arms, please let her stay with her own parents.
Find a PAID NANNY, not a child!

I will say follow your instinct and do what your mind tells you so you don't open another thread in future of how the child is feeding your husband's family with info about ur home.

It's better you employ a neutral and a matured person for nanny and house keeping work. Using a child of 11yrs for that is Child Abuse and maltreatment. At that age she deserve the same care and love you want her to give to your kid.

Send money to the mother to start something up to support her husband while you get a paid nanny.

Never you consider such or you will have yourself to blame. A kid that young Just carry the mother too!!! You will see yourself compounding your problems by taking care of two kids instead of one.
Find a nice creche and you guys should endeavour to clean up after yourselves.

ClassicQueen:
Hi ma'am you misunderstood my thread. I only mentioned maltreatment because that is what people especially in laws will call it if they find out she is the one helping with chores and also baby sitting my baby even if she is going to school in my house. Please stop pretending not to know exactly how people talk or behave. Besides, I also have a sibling same age range the difference is that one of her parent is late but I preferred to send them money once in a while cos I don't want same ish too.

I find it shocking and unbelievable that the mother of a two months old baby has perfected a plan on how to maltreat and frustrate the daughter of another woman. Call it whatever you like, you are guilty of premeditated violence, and what you need to get to work is the arrival of the girl. Someone asked whether you would have hold such baleful and crude notions about the girl and her family if they are your relatives?

What I can deduce from all these posts is that most women doesn't like their in-laws in whatever form. Its the bitter truth, but some do love their in-laws from the depth of their heart.

That's why most ladies detest their husband having a second wife.

@Op, you have made the right decisions and stick to it cos your intent will surely prevail. That child is just too young to do the chores.

Take your child to crèche

We women are really wicked honestly. What is wrong in helping your fellow woman out with her own kids and treating her child as her own. Your own child someone will do the same. I am sure you are Igbo, most igbo women are selfish and think about themselves.

When your husband faces small tribulation, it is still the same you that will go out and open your legs wide for every Dick, Tom and Harry.

mrblessed:
I find it shocking and unbelievable that the mother of a two months old baby has perfected a plan on how to maltreat and frustrate the daughter of another woman. Call it whatever you like, you are guilty of premeditated violence, and what you need to get to work is the arrival of the girl. Someone asked whether you would have hold such baleful and crude notions about the girl and her family if they are your relatives?

You af vex ni
This is too much naaa....why do you accuse her of all these? She answered your question already by stating that her younger sister is in the same shoes.

OP, abeg ehn...you can take on the responsibilities of this girl while she stays with her mother. Use a creche. Your marriage is still young.

Wilfredpat22:
We women are really wicked honestly. What is wrong in helping your fellow woman out with her own kids and treating her child as her own. Your own child someone will do the same. I am sure you are Igbo, most igbo women are selfish and think about themselves.

When your husband faces small tribulation, it is still the same you that will go out and open your legs wide for every Dick, Tom and Harry.

Wait ooo...whats with Nigerians and this generalization thing? I'm not Igbo but my good friend Tochukwu is one of the selfless people I know...not an iota of selfishnes in him.
Even if OP treats the gal as her own, the gal will NEVER see OP as her mother. (I've been there...not as the woman o. as the child). And she offered to help by setting up the mother. I think that's good. You?

dominique:
Ask yourself, would you have objected to this move if it was your sibbling's child that was suggested to move in with you? Anyways, with the way you're already harbouring resentment towards a girl you barely know, it's best she doesn't come to stay with you. We don't want another case of child maltreatment splashed all over the news.

With in-laws it's usually a different kettle of fish around these parts . Discipline for eg could be tricky and may be misinterpreted once it involves an in-law . Little gestures and actions could be read wrong and could spiral into full blown crisis!

I once had an in-law live with me. He's about 20 and suddenly developed a habit of stepping out without mentioning and returning late. I couldn't stand it and tried to ignore at first I later put my foot down on the matter but no one on thier side could see my point of view because that's how they operate! Imagine the crisis that could have erupted from that if not that I deliberately looked the other way etc etc if it were my direct sibling I'd have had the wherewithal to be firmer or even throw him out!!!!

The way you are sounding, I know you will maltreat that poor child.

ststyreal:
To be honest here my sister, aside all these excuses you have given heh, as for me and with experience gathered so far, I wouldnt want any husband/ any of my own siblings or even relation to live with me for whatever reasons, since you can never be good enough in their eyes and unnecessary family misunderstanding will stand building up from there. They can visit and go but not to live or stay with me. Follow your heart please and enjoy your home. Accept the ones your spirit welcomed and try to discourage those ones your spirit are troubled over letting into your home. This is my own honest opinion.

Thanks for your honest advice ma. My mum in law have been with me since I delivered and when she was leaving, I told her she was welcome anytime she wish to visit again. Same with the others too they can only visit and go I don't want unnecessary issues in my home in the name of doing good.

cheenway:
Madam, please an 11 year old is too young to baby sit. What does she know?
Instead, I advice you look for a good crèche around you for your baby, while you go to work.
Besides, living with in-laws can be a thorn in the flash. Your marriage is too young for that. May God help you make the right decision.

Thanks ma'am

Treasuredlove:
I understand you sis, helping her mom seems a much better option. Thankfully, your hubby agrees

I actually have an experience with one, she was good at listening by key holes and asking questions that really was not her business, I felt some questions were too mature for her age and concluded she was probably acting on someone's instructions. She was just 9. Suffice to say my hubby got tired of her first since I refused to discipline her to avoid issues with my in-laws. Well, the little time she spent with us she told everyone she could talk to in the family about our daily routines etc and it wasn't funny at all. My dear sis, your instincts might be right and besides no one can take care of a child more than his/her mother. Please, help raise capital for her mom.God bless u richly

Hmnn you can imagine. I'm even the type that don't like people announcing me. I will try and support financially and also tell hubby to do same. Not like we are even that buoyant still trying to find our feet too as a young couple.

Mumifortune:
I will say follow your instinct and do what your mind tells you so you don't open another thread in future of how the child is feeding your husband's family with info about ur home.

It's better you employ a neutral and a matured person for nanny and house keeping work. Using a child of 11yrs for that is Child Abuse and maltreatment. At that age she deserve the same care and love you want her to give to your kid.

Send money to the mother to start something up to support her husband while you get a paid nanny.

OK ma'am thanks