₦airaland Forum

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

alterswerve:
Neither did I advise her to pray.

I was being practical. Clashing egos won't solve this problem. One person has to bulge and I gave her pros and cons of why she should and I also said she should take that route if her marriage is of very high importance to her.

Your advice is not bad if she's a strong feminist tho

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

Kinggnicole:
Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

stuntman007:
I think this is the best advice you will get up here. let him know you are quitting your job as penance for your dishonesty from the start. he is scared of loosing any child since you both can't seem to have more and remarrying isn't in his book...I think.

be careful of the advice you get here as some people are already telling you to stand your ground and know when to leave your marriage. it is all they understand "war". for the sake of your children please think right and do what is right.

Kinggnicole:
Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

Juliearth:
Truth be told, that man wouldn't have married her if she had told him the truth judging from his reaction now.

eyinjuege:
If he had trouble conceiving, and they were able to quickly have 3 children through a stroke of luck, nobody will dream of asking him to quit his job or even continue apologizing to the wife.
The question most will ask is, what does she still want?
I understand the initial shock and disappointment that she hid such a thing from him, but she was on treatment then. She wasn't menopausal yet when she married him.
Many families are facing infertility issues, not necessarily from the wife. I think he should be thankful they didn't struggle at all or even spent money looking for just one child.
Being a housewife looking after your children doesn't mean they are automatically safe from accidents or harm or even illnesses. So I really don't understand the angle the husband is coming from. He wanted to hurt her deep, by asking her to quit her job and calling her infertile after having triplets.
That's another level of disregard (I won't call it hate).

eyinjuege:
If he had trouble conceiving, and they were able to quickly have 3 children through a stroke of luck, nobody will dream of asking him to quit his job or even continue apologizing to the wife.
The question most will ask is, what does she still want?
I understand the initial shock and disappointment that she hid such a thing from him, but she was on treatment then. She wasn't menopausal yet when she married him.
Many families are facing infertility issues, not necessarily from the wife. I think he should be thankful they didn't struggle at all or even spent money looking for just one child.
Being a housewife looking after your children doesn't mean they are automatically safe from accidents or harm or even illnesses. So I really don't understand the angle the husband is coming from. He wanted to hurt her deep, by asking her to quit her job and calling her infertile after having triplets.
That's another level of disregard (I won't call it hate).

Biglittlelois:
Things are happening in marriages ooo, me i'm here to learn, so early menopause is for real!! God help women.

Doctors in the house, is there any way to prevent this POF, early menopause thing


Lalasticlala, what do you think?

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

Wilfredpat22:
The truth is that you deceived him. Well we all deceive men one way or the other. You started dating when you were 29, what happened between 21-28, you were sleeping around with married men I guess

This is as a repercussion for the evils you must have done in school and to other women’s homes. Now yours will be shattered. We ladies don’t hear or listen and eventually it will lead to our downfall


Let your husband look for some one fertile and responsible. By the way Are you sure those kids are his?

Kiishii:
There isnt more to it, i kept it from him before marriage that's why he's reacting this way, he said it was a risky gamble, and i have apologised multiple times.

I had triplets.

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

msylva2147:
I don't think this issue is enough reason for the husband to ask her to quit her job and take care of the kids because she is no longer fertile, I won't be surprise if she decides to quit the job he may as well decide to get another wife who can give him more children with the condition that if she still wants to bear the name married woman and answer his name as a husband because to me three children is kk for an average Nigerian and asking this poor woman to quit her job means he just wants to frustrate her life. I believe the young woman didn't kept this away from him because she wants to wicked or gamble with it but because she loves him and doesn't want to lose him therefore to me I feel he should be grateful that God has blessed them with the triplets, you can imagine what will have happened if she had not conceived at all or didn't bother to go for the check up before the marriage.

dahnimoh:
You are the architect of your problem.

There are some secrets you keep till you die and this is one of it. You did not do yourself and good by telling him after all you are not the cause of the problem I guess.

The mistake is made and don't go further to make more by telling his parents or friends.

You still have to be pleading with him and it's time to get closer to God.

As regard your work, you have to quit to show obedience and submission.

Leaving the marriage is out of it.

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

ObservantFellow:
Well bae, you have three kids right? There's no guarantee that you hovering around them like a mother hen will keep them 100% safe until your old age. It's a shocker, yeah, but I gotta say he isn't taking the news well. I think you need to stand your ground here. Apologize whenever you will for keeping the news, but don't quit your passion or become an overbearing presence in the kids life because you (probably) can't have any more kids.
If the marriage fails, it definitely isn't because you kept it from him because you have done what you should;
1. Bear Children and
2. Apologize.

If I had seen this post below earlier, I won't have bothered commenting again. Would just have supported it.

ObservantFellow:
Well bae, you have three kids right? There's no guarantee that you hovering around them like a mother hen will keep them 100% safe until your old age. It's a shocker, yeah, but I gotta say he isn't taking the news well. I think you need to stand your ground here. Apologize whenever you will for keeping the news, but don't quit your passion or become an overbearing presence in the kids life because you (probably) can't have any more kids.
If the marriage fails, it definitely isn't because you kept it from him because you have done what you should;
1. Bear Children and
2. Apologize.

If I had seen this post below earlier, I won't have bothered commenting again. Would just have supported it.

lekonso:
I assume everything you said is the truth. If it is the truth, your husband needs to grow up. He is not matured at all. How many children does he want to have? Some people are still waiting on God for years, yet he has 3 kids at a time, and he is not giving thanks to God. Is he planning to have more kids after triplets? Is he a billionaire? A lot of men don't understand that possibly because women are of weaker sex they find it difficult to hit the nail on the head just like that by telling the truth. Yes, you made the mistake of not telling him before marriage, but then God has blessed you with 3 kids what else does he want. If you have entered menopause straight away without children he would have have a point, but that is not the case here. Keep on praying to God to intervene and i believe he will calm down.

poseidon12:
Right on point. The husband is a fool. He probably has secrets too.

poseidon12:
You married the wrong guy. He is a complete as*hole. Make sure you don't quit your job. The fool wants to completely dominate you and then dump you. It's not your fault you experienced early menopause.

Xaos:
I don't want to say anything hurtful but I have to. Ma'am your husband is being a jerk. You guys are bless with three beautiful kids - is there anything greater than this?! Yes, you gambled. It's a wicked thing but it's in the past and it worked BTW. So he need to grow up and forgive you. Just carry on and tell your in-laws. All will be well.

1Sharon:
To be honest she didn't need to tell him anything cos she has kids. Part of the problem is already hidden. She could have have told him she noticed she stopped getting her period like before.

The husband seems like an everlasting bastard tho ..

Kinggnicole:
Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.

Avraham:
Give him time..

You don't know how you react if you were in his shoes.
It came to him as a shock. Be Patient And Give Him Somerime.
At least he still talks to you and doesn't avoid your food.

Don't listen to some persons here asking you to leave your marriage.
At the end you regret it. If you like don't listen to me. na you know.

Kiishii:
I don't even know how to start, I'm really sad and i know it is my fault, i'm sorry if it's a long read i need advise please bear with me.

When i was still single at age 29, I left a relationship that turned out be a mistake so it took time before i met someone else, at age 31 I noticed changes in my period (one month off, one month on) it has never happened to me before so i didnt take it to be anything, then it started skipping 2 months at a roll, then 3 months, i became worried cos i wasn't sexualy active at all. During this period i met my husband and we started something serious, to be on a safe side i went to see the doctor, he said i was fine that it's hormonal changes, he gave me some drugs (mostly vitamins) but it was still skipping, when my husband proposed, i went back to the doctor, he did series of tests, when results came out he said i'm having symptoms of POF, i was shocked, i cried and cried cos it's unheard of for someone my age, i told him i'm about to get married what can i do he said i should start taking hormonal injections since it's too early to be POF, i started taking it and praying all will be fine, all this while i didnt say a word of this to my husband to be or anyone else, then we got married, i took in immediately, it was the happiest day of my life, when we discovered it was triplets i cried tears of joy to the extent that my husband wondered why i was soo happy, i gave birth to 2 boys and a girl, i really thank God for his faithfulness cos i was soo nervous during the pregnancy.

My period was still skipping, then this year march it stopped completely, i went to see 2 different doctors to be sure, they confirmed i have POF (early menopause), i cried and still thank God cos he blessed me with the fruit of the womb but i couldnt bring myself to tell my husband, then he started noticing i dont buy sanitary pad anymore, he asked thinking i was pregnant i always tell him no, at a point he had to ask me if i want to make the pregnancy a surprise, that was when i knew it's time to tell him the truth, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self, we hardly make love anymore, when he finally does, he doesnt look at my face, now he wants me to quit my job so i'll have my full attention on the kids, recently we had a fight about it and i told him point blank i cant quit my job the kids are fine he said i must do that, he doesnt want anything happening to them since i'm no more fertile, who says that? I cried my eyes out that night, It's not my fault nature took it's course on me, i never imagined something like this would ever happen to me.

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

PamaB:
Hello Madam, I sincerely feel your pain. At this point all you would do is try to please him. Don't let him feel like your refusing to quit the job, but make him understand why you need to keep the job. Show him lots of love despite his behavior, treat him like a king, take care of your children, pamper him , as long as he loved you, he will soften his heart that's for sure. Don't make the mistake of involving families yet, that should the the very last option. No matter how long it takes be relentless and make sure u add value.

thorpido:
Sometimes people talk too much!
I don't support keeping secrets from your partner but at the level you were(after you had the triplets),all you had to tell your hubby was that you noticed your period had stopped coming.You didn't need to go into all that details!
It will bring distrust and make him react exactly as he is doing.Unfortunately,I don't know how it can ever change with him again.Men keep these things like a scar.
Keep apologizing and hope he can soft pedal.

Whatever you do,don't quit your job.