Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

By being strong, she has to know when to leave. E be like say you think say Marriage na market where you go and buy things and leave when your list is exhausted or when money finishes. A woman deceived a man into marriage and all you can say is be strong and know when to leave. You dey craze. Imagine if the guy was impotent and hide it from the woman till after marriage? What will be your advise? DON'T ANGRY ME.

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

Yes, u made a mistake and even the worst when u told him the truth cos u could av lied to save ur family. U could av said: honey I went to see the doctor last week and he said I might be in for POF. Why do u have to recount the scenario from onset before ur marriage? U made a mistake but only if u would adhere TO THAT ADVICE I JUST QOUTED. He's taking some advantage emotionally, who knows when he goes physically. U av begged, shown remorse etc. If u quit that job you're doomed..remember, know when to call the whole thing a quit and stand tall.

2 boys and a girl and he is not happy does he want to born the whole world? Off course nothing will happen to his kids how could he even imagine that? Quiting the job hmmm, he should be ready to set u up before quiting. Above all prayers will help you find your path with him again. Shalom!!!

babyfaceafrica:
so it is better for the woman to lie abi?...it is deciet..she should have told the truth from the beginning and damn the consequence...... there is nothing that beats honesty

I never said she should...just stressing the obvious.

Are you married? Some of you just type trash and feel you have a point. [quqote author=Kinggnicole post=71174358]
Lol..were you expecting me to give the cliche Nigerian wife "pray that God touches his heart" advice?

I say it again! She has to leave if it gets to that point. From the write up above, her husband is outright disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about her needs and wants. Imagine telling her to stay and take care of the children so that nothing happens to them since she knows she's not fertile. How insensitive!

OP apologise to him again(if you need to because this is an issue of trust and is quite sensitive too) but tell him squarely that you are not quitting your job. Also give him some more time. If he's not budging , you know what to do.
[/quote]

anochuko01:

i dont agree.
dont forget there was still an option before they married. the guy could have still married her and by now be her biggest supporter.
who knows, maybe drug has failed and thats why she now told him. its not so easy to forget such from someone who's meant to be a lifetime partner.

Belief you me, he would have left her...

Biglittlelois:
Things are happening in marriages ooo, me i'm here to learn, so early menopause is for real!! God help women.

Doctors in the house, is there any way to prevent this POF, early menopause thing


Lalasticlala, what do you think?

Lalasticlala is just a snake doctor please in case u don't know

Mizwisdom:



Of course he's her enemy. If I were her, I will focus on my kids and my job, I will hold tight to it. He wants to frustrate the living daylight out of her, I just hope she's wise enough to see his true agenda.

That's the plain truth! I hope she sees his twisted plan on-time. And focus on her kids and job. Simply ignore him. If woman carry man for head, she will just collapse with high bp. Carry man on the shoulder, if he becomes too heavy , drop him and focus on the blessings u have already. Let him keep fighting and keeping malice to himself. He get luck!
I won't take such stress from any man am married to. I don't even have the strength for such emotional stress sef.
What's in this life? Someone will now make unbearable for me in the same house?
He's indeed lucky!

Some men can be a pain in the neck sha. While some men are God sent and easy going.

Op you are very wrong. I understand your husband's anger.

I'm really pissed at you op, you're desperate and selfish. Imagine if you had been unable to have kids, that is how you will drag him into stress he knows nothing about. It wouldn't have been an issue had you both found out together about your issue after marriage, but you knew and you kept it to yourself. Lied and deceived him so you can finally get married. You knew he wouldn't marry you if you had told him so you lied in your desperation to get him to marry you,

And the worst part is that, When he tried communicate his feelings with you, (he is right by saying it was a wicked and expensive gamble,) you just callously brushed his feelings away as if it doesn't Matter.

"it worked and that's what matters" what the hell?
Why won't he lose his mind and insult you?

Kiishii:

, i knelt down and told him everything, i held nothing back, he was shocked that i could do something like that to him, he said i should have told him before we got married, i told him he wouldnt have married me if i told him, he was angry, he said what if the hormonal injections didnt work, it was an expensive and wicked gamble, i told him it worked that's what matters now, he abused me and walked out of the house, he didnt come home till the next day, since then things have never been the same.

He hardly talks to me except when necessary, we dont gist and joke anymore, i always beg and beg him, he says he's forgiven me but he goes back to his moody self,

Now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore, i'm about to tell both our families everything cos i've begged and begged him and i'm tired, i want anonymous advise that's why i'm here, please please married men and women or whoever, how do i go about this?

Now you are here crying that he won't talk to you? How can he talk to you when you don't care to listen? When he tried to talk to you did you listen?


Now you're saying you're tired of begging. Imagine the arrogance . You coldly played with a man's life. Forget that it worked. But you still played with him,
What were you expecting, you'll beg him once and he will forgive you? He has every damn right to be angry with you for as long as he needs to calm down and he has every right to divorce you if he feels that what you did is something he cannot forgive. Just carry your cross in peace, make sure you both take care of the kids and don't complain. You laid the bed, be ready to lie on it.

If not for his problematic actions later. I would have said you should allow him to be angry for a while. He deserves to be angry. What you did is more than wrong.

.however him asking you to quit your job to take care of the kids since you are no longer fertile is really nasty.
(I may be wrong) but It seems he is preparing you for the devastating emotional, verbal and financial abuse he wants to inflict on you, covering all grounds so you have no way to escape when he starts.
If he really wants the kids taken care of, why can't he quit his job to take care of them himself? Why didn't he consider that as an option?
He wants you totally dependent on him so that when he starts with you, hmmm,. It will be hell.


Either you leave the marriage now, or you observe him, if he keeps insisting on you quitting your job with an increase in the way he insults you or how badly he treats you start getting ready to jump ship, or hopefully, he will later calm down and tell you that his actions at the beginning were because he is hurt and you guys find a way to move forward.



I don't really care for op or her husband. You both are nasty people.

Kiishii:



There isnt more to it, i kept it from him before marriage that's why he's reacting this way, he said it was a risky gamble, and i have apologised multiple times.

I had triplets.

Hold your head up, be the good wife you have always been. He will come around. Do not take it to heart when he abuses you, some wounds take time to heal.
If his Father is still alive, that is the only person you should go and talk to and beg him to interceed on your behalf. Do not take the matter to any pastor. Only a father can keep his son's issue a secret. Pastor in the future will use your issue to advice and encourage someone else and then what should have been a family little secret will be known by all.
You already have three kids. That is the benevolence of the creator and in time your husband will come to realise this. Cheers.

God is great pray the lord should touch his heart and pls don't ever leave your job cos he we be the first person to mistakenly make jest of you

really I don't know how some men define love and caring

Since your have confessed to him. The only person that can turn things around is God. So, quickly turn to God now no matter how strong and how long God will make you laugh again. Just believe in Him. He will do it. This issues is better to turn to God than involving both families please. Read Psalms 57:1-7, and 2 chronicles 7:14 . you will see the wonder of God. Your marriage will not crash in the jsesu name Amen. Peace unto your marriage

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]RED ALERT!

If you know you are from a broken home or a failed marriage or relationship please stay away from giving advice on issue like this except you are telling us the mistake you made in your own case.

I see a lot of unprintable pieces of advice here. Smh

When someone u love withheld vital information from u it truly hurts give him time he will definitely get over it but it depends on ur attitude to him u must show remorse & remain attractive to win his heart over again
Find something that excite him & keep doing it more when his tempo finally calm down discus the issue of u quitting ur job let him no how good & safe the kids will still be if ur still going to work
I am sure he will definitely allow u to continue ur work
Don't listen to most of ur fellow woman advice if u don't want ur marriage to crash coz most of them can even build a happy home if u like listen

I understand the man very well here. Its not today most ladies started tricking men into marriage. They always think and assume they 're smart. They can pretend and hide a lot just to lure men into marrying them.
Men these days 're afraid of such women.
Do you know why?
Marrying a decent girl these days is a gamble talk more of the one that keeps or kept a secret.
A woman has three characters she unfolds after marriage.
She is like a good You bought in the market.
You go to market and buy and take time to unwrap whatever you ve bought. Anything you see, you take!
Whether them cheat you or not, nobody cares.
After 5 years of marriage, a woman will bring out her 1st character. In fact both man and woman sef.
After 10 years, she displays another version.
After 20 years, another person will come out.
See ehh, at a point, you will wonder if she is one you actually married.
Men know these things and to add lack of trust on top of it can kill a man faster!!!
So OP, put yourself in your husband's shoes.
You 're even lucky you 're still in that house o.
For my type wey no send Wetin people dey talk about me, you will be a goner already...lol
Just obey him and drop the job.
That is if you mean that apology you 're offering now.
Once a man starts being sensitive with his wife, she will walk thru hell and out.
Walk this path in faith and prayers.
Karma is a bitch but pray this will pass by as soon as it has started.
Don't blame him, obey him.
What if he was the one that said he had a child out of wedlock after marriage?
You will even file divorce ASAP.
I know Nigerian women and their psychology shaa

Mizwisdom:



Let's stop saying stuff like this, "If the man decides to have 1,2,3, or even more kids, it should be his decision.. " No, we are all affected by hoodlums, tugs, area boys, thieves, miscreants et al. These are people's children whom they are unable to cater for. We all have to live with them because someone feels, it's his life and decision to procreate as he wants .

Lol And who made you the tyrant that tells people when, and how many kids to have in their marriages.
It doesn't even follow like that, I have seen a family of 9 and all the kids are graduates and doing well. I have seen a family of an only child who turned out to be a thug/cultist that was eventually expelled from the university.

Little shudrens on Nairaland will not kee somborry

What is wrong with telling the truth from the beginning?
An understanding man will overlook it. The worst he will ask for is that you get pregnant before he marries you.
It is a major issue, and a major risk that the husband took without knowing, which is what annoys him.

But all these people saying the lady should have lied even after marriage are playing with fire.

If the truth ever comes out, and the man is a real MAN, then the marriage is over.
And you are not going with his kids.

My advice 4 u is to appologised,and also prayed to allah to help u

stuffs4me:



Lol And who made you the tyrant that tells people when, and how many kids to have in their marriages.
It doesn't even follow like that, I have seen a family of 9 and all the kids are graduates and doing well. I have seen a family of an only child who turned out to be a thug/cultist that was eventually expelled from the university.

Little shudrens on Nairaland will not kee somborry

I just wonder.

You see 20 year old here trying to tell a family man how many kids he should have.

Some idiots are calling the poor man a bastard .

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

Wow congratulations madam feminist you just made this our friend seeking advise a single mother of three! So do you even consider the fact that two captains can never ever sail a ship with this your suggestion. If you re saying this because of what the man had said then you have never been married and don't think you have the plan. Firstly the lady in question kept something this important from her husband and you think the husband will not react, part of the reaction is why he's telling her to quit the job which I know deep down the man he didn't really mean it but its just some men thing esp majority when they feel belittle by their spouses.
Madam seeking advise please tread carefully when involving family, esp the husband's, the might take it far more than the man himself, and involving your family will add more salt for the man, keep praying and making sure you re doing everything right for him, tho he might not be satisfied and if you have some elderly people you trust like your pastor or imam involve them rather than family or some random friends oh! You will thank me later oh. May God return the lost vibe and happiness in your marriage

No one is above mistake and you have apologized you need to be strong NEVER QUIT YOUR JOB. You need it more than ever. Take very good care of your kids you can get your relatives and Nanny to assist you with the kids

thorpido:
Sometimes people talk too much!
I don't support keeping secrets from your partner but at the level you were(after you had the triplets),all you had to tell your hubby was that you noticed your period had stopped coming.You didn't need to go into all that details!
It will bring distrust and make him react exactly as he is doing.Unfortunately,I don't know how it can ever change with him again.Men keep these things like a scar.
Keep apologizing and hope he can soft pedal.

Whatever you do,don't quit your job.

you nailed it!!

victorian:









That's the plain truth! I hope she sees his twisted plan on-time. And focus on her kids and job. Simply ignore him. If woman carry man for head, she will just collapse with high bp. Carry man on the shoulder, if he becomes too heavy , drop him and focus on the blessings u have already. Let him keep fighting and keeping malice to himself. He get luck!
I won't take such stress from any man am married to. I don't even have the strength for such emotional stress sef.
What's in this life? Someone will now make unbearable for me in the same house?
He's indeed lucky!

Some men can be a pain in the neck sha. While some men are God sent and easy going.

You are 100% right I can't come and kee mysef mbok

Ok i thought it was POS ... I for say you too like money

But why would pof arrive at this age you’re still young dear why oh why... I the reader feel you’re keeping something back too

Femsyn:
Hmm. Are you sure there isn't more to this? Cos I find his reaction way overboard.

You have three kids already, don't you?

Who gives birth to more than 3 children these days sef?

PS.: With this insensitive attitude of his, never ever leave your job. OK?

yes, don't ever leave your job. Cos its a game of gamble right now. and you can't afford to loose at both ends

victorian:









That's the plain truth! I hope she sees his twisted plan on-time. And focus on her kids and job. Simply ignore him. If woman carry man for head, she will just collapse with high bp. Carry man on the shoulder, if he becomes too heavy , drop him and focus on the blessings u have already. Let him keep fighting and keeping malice to himself. He get luck!
I won't take such stress from any man am married to. I don't even have the strength for such emotional stress sef.
What's in this life? Someone will now make unbearable for me in the same house?
He's indeed lucky!

Some men can be a pain in the neck sha. While some men are God sent and easy going.

Dont worry.
He will marry another woman that will take such stress.

If you don't like it, the door is open. But leave his kids behind.

Providence already protected you by giving you 3kids at once. You then ruined it by telling your husband unnecessary details. You could have said you noticed ur period has not come for some time and suggest seeing a doctor, period. So you think cos he loves you he will easily forgive? Forgive.. maybe, forget? No. Things will not be same again out if your own thoughtlessness. Do as he says and he will come around with time.

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

She should have told the man the truth and let him decide whether to stay or leave.

It's hurt how you deceive him but in northern days three kids is perfect enough,does he still want kids?pls don't quite ur job because Ican see this marriage not working n without d job life will be meaningless to u.

Kinggnicole:
You were wrong and you apologised.
I just hope you are not considering quiting your job. He's already rubbing it in your face that you are not fertile. Imagine adding jobless to the mix. He'll rub that in too forgetting he asked you to leave.

He's already abusing you emotionally. You have to be strong dear. And by being strong you have to know when to leave.

I wanted pressing d like button wen i saw d last "leave".... she has to truly be strong, but leaving is not an option here. Her husband just need time, he will change.... we are all humans. @Op, pls dont quit ur job, b prayerful and don't leave ur home. U just need to give ur husband time, n make him see d positive reasons y u must not quit ur job. Ther's always a difficult time in marriage, dis is urs. Be strong n b prayerful. We all do things we are not proud of at some point in life. U will smile at last dear...pls just b strong, God is wit u

stuffs4me:



Lol And who made you the tyrant that tells people when, and how many kids to have in their marriages.
It doesn't even follow like that, I have seen a family of 9 and all the kids are graduates and doing well. I have seen a family of an only child who turned out to be a thug/cultist that was eventually expelled from the university.

Little shudrens on Nairaland will not kee somborry

Oga, Chinese govt made it a must for every family to have just one, they've eased off a bit recently and allowed 2, using your reasoning Chinese govt are little children because they asked citizens to control the number of kids they birth? . anyone who thinks managing 9 kids is the same as raising one is not in touch with reality

Don't quit your job please. you made mistake of telling him every things. you suppose tell him that you have enter menopause without say it starred before marriage. 3 kids are okay. tell his family.