₦airaland Forum

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

she listened to her parents and called off the relationship now is ur turn to listen to ur parents. If she don't want stay let her go it might be sign.

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

My brother, you're sitting on a trailer load of gun powder. If at all you want to have a happy home, you need no sootsayer to tell you that, that lady isn't meant for you. Forget all those qualities you listed. You get the best of your partner in courtship, she can only get worse. And if she gets worse, there's no one to run to, as the parents have affirmed that, that is how their daughter was brought up. Abeg, there are superb ladies looking for a responsible man like you. Please move on, the ladies in question will tear you and your family apart and the worst part of it is that, when the deed is done, from what I read from your post, her father's door is still wide open to her.

My dear I have been married for six good years.marriage is not an easy ride.is a school u don't graduate from.firsttly I can beat my chest that 60percent of advices here re not married.first my bil nd hubby will say if u see a woman who has 30% of what u want go for it cos u can never see 40.firstly don't let go of that gal.u will regret it.2.the girl has every reasons to be upset.cos she has so dreamed of that day.now u shifted.is not all about u.is about the both of us.so people telling u nobody should force u bla bla.its the both of us coming together.now u should not have involve a third party her family.never.parents will always play sentimental role.and the family might be angry cos of her age and how long u guys dated and they feel u are wasting her time..now for ur mom she has lived her life.is not her birthday.dont allow ur mom make u loose what have been trying to get.my dear go ahead with feb.april might reach ur mom will call another month.ur gal will seen u as a weakling.my dear u are one with ur gal.if she wait till April she will treat ur mom will badly cos she will always have this reservation for her.so many things in marriage if u don't correct from the beginning it will continue to hunt u

I pity you. Better dump this girl and her family that doesn't send you, and go and read The Rational Male.

Your intuition/chi is trying to save you, you are rebelling against self preservation.

If your surname was Dangote/Dantata, do you think HER MOTHER would dare give you ultimatum or even advice her daughter to potentially sabotage her future that benevolent gods had buttered? A girl doesn't respect you, and you know, and you think she will magically start respecting you because of Saturday morning "I do".. lmao. Guy, you are fucken single bro. That is NOT your woman by any stretch.

Dogalmighty17:
I and my fiancee are sponsoring it ourselves. My mom is not contributing a kobo.

I also think u should be the one to sponsor ur marriage. I might be wrong anyway.

mogbojaiye:
Bro I like u
U are on point

That girl know go stay long with d op after marriage.......na so my uncle take marry woman finish the girl know gree stay with am, ,,,na her parent house she still day stay, ,,,,the tin frustrated d guy, ,,,,,

Lol some guy wont know how lucky they are if they are lucky to get a Good wife

1StopRudeness:
Oga, Nigerian marriage is not about the husband and wife alone.......the two families are getting married as well.

It shouldnt just be the two of you talking dates, your parents and her parents should do the talking as well, especially the mothers from both sides, fathers no get time, na to drop raba be papa own if he has and to attend.

my advice, unless they dont like u, tell ur mum tgo and see her parents, all this matter will be resolved. once they dont wanna talk to ur mum..oga dont let anybody armstrong you into any marriage.....if she cant wait let her find her level....she might have another alternative..her gra-gra is too much for my liking...threatening a man that she wont marry again becos of date adjustment....i mean who does that??...

Best advice

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

Sorry to say this. Your mum and girlfriend are both toxic. You are ready for marriage but your family is not. Your woman is not a ride or die. Get another woman. Not easy but u will pass. Contact me on dantepet3000@gmail.com. u wouNt regreT

Rosarie:
My dear I have been married for six good years.marriage is not an easy ride.is a school u don't graduate from.firsttly I can beat my chest that 60percent of advices here re not married.first my bil nd hubby will say if u see a woman who has 30% of what u want go for it cos u can never see 40.firstly don't let go of that gal.u will regret it.2.the girl has every reasons to be upset.cos she has so dreamed of that day.now u shifted.is not all about u.is about the both of us.so people telling u nobody should force u bla bla.its the both of us coming together.now u should not have involve a third party her family.never.parents will always play sentimental role.and the family might be angry cos of her age and how long u guys dated and they feel u are wasting her time..now for ur mom she has lived her life.is not her birthday.dont allow ur mom make u loose what have been trying to get.my dear go ahead with feb.april might reach ur mom will call another month.ur gal will seen u as a weakling.my dear u are one with ur gal.if she wait till April she will treat ur mom will badly cos she will always have this reservation for her.so many things in marriage if u don't correct from the beginning it will continue to hunt u

I will happily take d advice from your hubby not u

Changing a wedding date can appear to mean you are not serious, especially if there is no significant reason other than you feel you can keep changing it without consequence. Your wife’s family will definitely be embarrassed (after informing other family members and associates. In some quarters, it may be counted as ominous.

With the issue of the changing the date repeatedly, the girl may have noticed that it is coming from your mum. This is not healthy and would further worsen things.

Whatever reaction you have observed with the lady could easily have come from that singular action if changing dates. They probably don’t want to wait at the alter before they learn that you changed your mind about the date again or worse...

Both parents need to get off their high horse, dump their egos and help the young lovers to bond properly. Of course that is in the absence of other issues that either parents may have observed, and should already be put forward. Work on both sides with your girl!

Dogalmighty17:
I have dated this girl for three years. We fixed a date for the wedding for late this year. However, events seemingly out of my control necessitated that I shift the wedding to February next year. Initially, she was against the shift but I pleaded with her.

Sometime in August this year, we had a disagreement because I noticed she was being disrespectful towards me. She is hardworking, cooks well and is very business oriented. But her sense of independence makes her struggle with submission to her man. I told her how uncomfortable I was with it and she's promised to make amends. She has but from time to time, her old self comes out.

I was at a loss on what to do that I had to voice out the issue to her family. When they asked her, she told them that since I requested for a shift in wedding date, she became uncomfortable with the relationship. Her family then told her to call off the relationship. I got to know about this decision and I called her and she said she was going to obey the wishes of her family. Her mom also told me that since I keep complaining about her daughters lack of respect, I should leave her daughter alone. It took serious pleading from me before the family accepted the continuing of the relationship. They asked me that since the date I initially agreed for the wedding wasn't going to be convenient for me, when then do I think will be convenient? Since I didn't want to loose my woman, I mentioned February. The desperation on my path was much.

My mom on the other hand wants a wedding in April. She has said February is not convenient for her. All my pleas have fell on deaf ears. She has threatened not to bless the union and has even gone as far as threatening to curse me with her breasts if I wed in February.

My girl has refused to even entertain the thought of shifting the date again. She maintains that it is better that we outrightly call off the wedding, than shift it again. I understand her fears. She feels that I may just be wasting her time. I am not

This is my dilemma. Should I go with my woman who has spent three years of her life with me or do I go with my mom?

I must also mention that my mom was informed of the initial date of the wedding over a year ago. But she foot dragged in her support for months until much later in the year that I now had to take issues into my own hands.

tola9jaa:
Lol some guy wont know how lucky they are if they are lucky to get a Good wife

But this op own is not a good one o

The clear signs are there
But one married woman on this thread is advising him to marry her, ,,,,i just pity for op, ,,,,,na the girl age the woman day pity for not the girl attitude

mogbojaiye:
I will happily take d advice from your hubby not u

the advice is not for u.thank u ND yes we wrote it together.he is not a nairalander.i read it for him.buy then again op has his choice to make

Its so amazing the way people see a hoe in there future marriage and still wants to enter into the marriage.....MAN There can't be a two driver in a vehicle, is either one or an accident....

Rosarie:
the advice is not for u.thank u

Look at the advice u are advising somebody.., ,, is that how you run to ur parents when ever your hubby did something wrong to u, ,,,not an insult ma, ,,,when ur hubby is awake show him this thread and hear his own conclusion too

IamD18:
Low self-esteem is damn bad!

What nonesense! Will you die if you don't marry the lady?

If little issues like wedding date can make her family advice her to call off the relationship, what then will happen when a bigger issue shows up in your marriage.

Trust me Bruv, if they really want you. I mean, if the lady and her mother really respect and like you, WEDDING DATE will not be enough reason for her to think of calling off the relationship, it won't just be enough reason for the mother to tell you to leave her daughter alone.

The earlier you understand that no one is irreplaceable, the better for you.

In my opinion; Kindly part ways with her,Mr.


PART WAYS!!!!!

OP, you see this advice, you need to take it as it is else u will come back to this forum after that marriage to tell us the stress you are having at home. Now is the right time to quit that shit!

mogbojaiye:
Look at the advice u are advising somebody.., ,, is that how you run to ur parents when ever your hubby did something wrong to u, ,,,not an insult ma, ,,,when ur hubby is awake show him this thread and hear his own conclusion too

no offence at all as long as no insult.read again..he was d one who told d gals parents.worse things will play in marriage that he will even think will break them is that how he will tell the girls people.he was one who told the girl parents.my hubby is not alseep.i said that before except u want to bring insults here .re u married.pls be truthful.

Your mother is not interested in the union or she sees danger if the marriage is consummated in February. Your fiancee family would not agree to shift the date, you better pray to know what God wants you to do.

OP, my problem with this marriage is not the date. It is actually that issue of submission.
If a woman is already giving you attitude over submission prior to marriage, I can sincerely tell you to be man enough and walk away.
From what I can see in your post, this lady may have another guy that she is thinking of giving a chance. Besides, if you cant get total submission now, I don't see it coming after your wedding. Never make a mistake of getting married without your mum's blessings.

All said, I strongly don't think you are really ready for marriage and I can tell you that if you go ahead with this marriage, the lady will be the one controlling your home and that is not good.

Anyway, have a good thought about this because there are so many red flags in this relationship.

My final submission, quit the relationship, there are many ladies out there who will give u 100% submission and are still hardworking.

Rosarie:
no offence at all as long as no insult.read again..he was d one who told d gals parents.worse things will play in marriage that he will even think will break them is that how he will tell the girls people.he was one who told the girl parents.my hubby is not alseep.i said that before except u want to bring insults here .re u married.pls be truthful.

I can't really comprehend what u wrote, ,,but I kw u were trying to make some points, ,,,i don't have to be a football player before knowing a player who isn't good, ,spotting a girl who has no regard for d husband to b just in d dating process, ,,don't u think such character is also be exhibited in the presence of her own parents to wards d husband?

The life span of a man is determined by the type of woman day marry

Rosarie:
the advice is not for u.thank u ND yes we wrote it together.he is not a nairalander.i read it for him.buy then again op has his choice to make

You and your hubby don spit for una mouth.

Your advice dey run my belle

Rosarie:
no offence at all as long as no insult.read again..he was d one who told d gals parents.worse things will play in marriage that he will even think will break them is that how he will tell the girls people.he was one who told the girl parents.my hubby is not alseep.i said that before except u want to bring insults here .re u married.pls be truthful.

I can't really comprehend what u wrote, ,,but I kw u were trying to make some points, ,,,i don't have to be a football player before knowing a player who isn't good, ,spotting a girl who has no regard for d husband to b just in d dating process, ,,don't u think such character is also be exhibited in the presence of her own parents to wards d husband?

The life span of a man is determined by the type of woman day marry

Resener13:
Stfu. He’s a weak ass. Why would a man go to his fiancées house to beg her mom. Who does that?

#rollseyes
#continueswalking

mogbojaiye:
I can't really comprehend what u wrote, ,,but I kw u were trying to make some points, ,,,i don't have to be a football player before knowing a player who isn't good, ,spotting a girl who has no regard for d husband to b just in d dating process, ,,don't u think such character is also be exhibited in the presence of her own parents to wards d husband?

The life span of a man is determined by the type of woman day marry

if you are not experienced u don't have an idea.experience is the best teacher.been a football player and a life time thing are two different games.op go ahead.and mind u anytime most people be seen get engaged unessacary issues always pop up.marriagr ia a life time thing.how come suddenly all these ask urself.even ur ex will suddenly remember u.same for ur girl.all these challenges are to know how focused u are.pls take this a platform form of married people.plssss no insults to anyone.so u can get experienced advices.thank u.

Macon1212:
Your mother is not interested in the union or she sees danger if the marriage is consummated in February. Your fiancee family would not agree to shift the date, you better pray to know what God wants you to do.

This matter God don give am solution already becus d red flags are alredy there

But he is still contemplating

OilsPartsCars:
You and your hubby don spit for una mouth.

Your advice dey run my belle

pls die of running stomach.talk rudely to me not my hubby.is a place of different mindsets.am good with insult if u say u lack upbringin.pls respect urself.u can say something without spitting thrash.i must not agree with u.

Rosarie:
if you are not experienced u don't have an idea.experience is the best teacher.been a football player and a life time thing are two different games.op go ahead.and mind u anytime most people be seen get engaged unessacary issues always pop up.marriagr ia a life time thing.how come suddenly all these ask urself.even ur ex will suddenly remember u.same for ur girl.all these challenges are to know how focused u are.pls take this a platform form of married people.plssss no insults to anyone.so u can get experienced advices.thank u.

Yes madam I am already married, ,,,,,,but your advice totally stink for real, ,,,if u can give a thumbs up for a lady who isn't submissive then it totally shows a copy of who u are also in your home, ,,,i just shake my head for you, ,,,ur husband try sha

Dogalmighty17

One thing I have come to terms with in life is that, people don't really take advice, what they look for is validation. They already know what they want to do, they come around to ask you, see o, see o, urging you to what they have actually resolved to do.


From your post and reply, it is obvious you want us to tell you to ignore your mum and just go ahead regardless. What you can not see while at the apex of a hill, your mum will have a clear view just seating down. That babe and family will show you pepper. (If you don't want to marry, go na. No Wahalla. Which kind gutter talk be that. So the 3yrs you guys did together doesn't count for you.)



Rush and do what is in your heart. Like Jesus told Judas, hasten to do it bro. Be fast with it

OilsPartsCars:
You and your hubby don spit for una mouth.

Your advice dey run my belle

From page 1 to page 5 she is d only person saying OP should marry the girl, ,,,,i wonder the kin person way she even b, ,,,,she will have a son who is to marry and I wonder wat she will tag him with such mistake #mumu# cus there is nothing new under the sun not even character or mistake it keeps repeating year after year

mogbojaiye:
Yes madam I am already married, ,,,,,,but your advice totally stink for real, ,,,if u can give a thumbs up for a lady who isn't submissive then it totally shows a copy of who u are also in your home, ,,,i just shake my head for you, ,,,ur husband try sha

Gbam

Babe u smoke weed with that your eyes like that

Cindy95:
God/Allah bless you dear... the guys are all shouting that the girl is obeying her family forgetting that the man is doing the same.
please both of you are practicing sane thing. it's not easy changing wedding dates, it looks embarrassing and childish. it's better you don't fix a date if you guys ain't ready nd before you fix a date, the two families ought to be there to deliberate on it.
you are the man, you know your woman and your family better than us, besides we just heard one side of the story.
nobody knows what the lady in question is also passing through. so please before we judge, let's put ourselves in the girls shoe. (it's better we don't fix a date rather than change it thrice and it's enough to end everything cos no one knows what will happen in April too)
please, I'm not here to judge anyone but this matter should be resolved between the two families...
nairaland just might not give you the perfect answer cos we dont know the situation.
the best advice you will ever get is the one you actually gave to yourself so please I'll advice you to do it the right way.
thanks