By Olusola Aladejebi

One of the exam questions for a 3 year old nursery 1 boy is: Who pays your school fees? Now, in the social awareness class, the pupils had been taught the family and the ‘roles’ of each member. Daddy’s role is to pay school fees. But there is a problem. This boy’s father is a not a responsible man. The boy’s education (and that of his older one) has been the responsibility of the mother. To his exam question, at first, the boy replied that father pays his school fees (according to what he had been taught). After a moment, he corrected himself, and said mother pays school fees. His teacher pondered his response and marked him correct anyway!

Although in most urban families, school fees come from both parents, teaching that father pays fees is meant to introduce his role as provider to little children. Some may criticize such social awareness curriculum as parochial and not updated enough to reflect ‘modern day reality’. They ask, ‘what if the child is a raised by a single parent—mother?’ But we must recall that for little children we must keep it simple; no complications and complexities. It is this ‘modern day reality’ that is the concern.

If a phenomenon occurs only very rarely, it can be discounted and we can safely generalize the vast majority. We teach children that humans have 5 fingers per hand. But we also know that some babies were born with 6 fingers in one or both hands. We don’t bother to teach this because such happens so rarely. The ‘problem’ with teaching little children that, “father pays school fees”, is that the contrary is becoming common—Irresponsible husbands, baby mama phenomenon, divorcee, and worst of all, LGBT. On the whole, homes are becoming broken and more broken. The forces fragmenting families are remorseless—they won’t abate as far as I can see. To have a working love-filled family is becoming an exception rather than the rule.

There is no way we can wish away the crisis in family life. The implications of this crisis affects us every day. Children must be born. If they are unfortunate to be brought up in a dysfunctional setting, the world has added to the number of potential mischief-makers. Potential money ritualist. Potential terrorist. Potential child rapist. Potential treasury looter.

The cases of irresponsible husbands/fathers are now alarming. They are comfortable that the woman is the breadwinner and are not eager to end the imbalance. Some of them even maltreat the poor woman sweating to provide for the household. In some cases the wife comes to a point where she can no longer put up with his irresponsible behaviour and off she goes—separation or divorce.

Irresponsibility in a man is not first a financial fact. It is primarily a state of mind. Refusal to provide for the family is the outshoot. At the same time, a man could be able to provide for his ‘dependencies’ and yet be irresponsible. Many young music stars have about 4 baby mamas—4 children from 4 women and married to none! Since they are millionaires sending money to these children’s mothers is no big deal. But money won’t provide internal security to the children; it won’t be a source of guidance; it won’t give that heart-felt love that emanates from a father to his children.

Several research has shown that children who are raised by 2 parents, who are both responsible and dedicated, usually perform well in school. Not only that, the risk for emotional and behavioural problems are lower among children in 2-parent households on average. Crime statistics show that people from stable families are much less likely to be involved in crime than those from fragmented homes.

As much as it indeed better for a child to be raised in a 2-parent family, there is a caveat. They must both be responsible and dedicated. In some cases it is much better to be raised by a single parent than some 2-parent households. A household that has an abusive husband/father is damaging to the psyche of any child. Spouse violence, either mutual or one-sided, could lead to depression and low self-esteem in children.

The good old traditional family is one in which the father takes responsibility for his family. He looks out for the wife and children. In short, he is the head of the family. Now, does that mean he must out earn his wife? No, not necessarily. If husband is a teacher and wife is a medical doctor, all things being equal, wife would earn more than her man; or a situation in which the man is (temporarily) unemployed while the wife has a job. But this financial fact should not prevent him from taking responsibility for his wife and children. This awkward situation in which the man is not a contributor to the family upkeep can be very trying. This has led to many marital breakups. Some women believe that once they earn more than their husbands they get ‘promoted’ to headship of the family. But if managed wisely this situation could result in greater mutual respect for each other. The man may use this period to discover others way of showing love to his wife apart from providing money. And hopefully when he starts to earn again, he still continues in his hard times discoveries.

There is no need to discuss homosexual unions. Children raised in such places are denied an essential component of our common humanity. It would never result in a good outcome.

http://mouthpiece.com.ng/families-to-the-frying-pan-and-to-the-fire/

k

Hmm

Very educative.

We live in an era of Gender equality... Fathers and mothers have equal right and responsiblities.

cool


Survival Tips for Raising a Large Family

Nice one

Truth. Some ladies are very irresponsible

life was so simple but humans made it complicated

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Good information

Interesting write up...

It is because the wrong people marry. People with different values, with no complements. It’s as simple as this. Irresponsible men have been around, it is not new. It is only getting worse and the main factor is the environment called Nigeria. Compare the children called born free in South Africa and the children born after the Rwanda Genocide to the children born after 1999 in Nigeria. Has Nigeria changed for the better, why would you expect a better family?

This Is Why There Are A Lot Of UnStable Individuals Out The. Society Is Changing So Fast We Can Hardly Keep Up. Just When You Think You Have Seen It All, Something Surprises You.

##fact

Humanity is fücked-up beyond redemption. I wish asteroid the size of earth moon can just hit the earth and wipe out her inhabitants and make ways for whatever animal that will survive the impact and aftermath.
Whatever purpose humans were put here on earth for was long defeated and deviated.

I wish the Bible trumpet is blown,
I wish the predicted WW3 can just happen
.

The men inserting their díck into any available hole not minding the outcome, the females are opening up their vaginäs anyhow like Hell gate without minding the future CONSEQUENCIES.
Now we have countless Bastards roaming the streets constituting nuisance just to survive...

chiefolododo:
Truth. Some ladies are very irresponsible

some men too

Love is blind but Na for marriage eyes dey open.

People are too busy to get to know more about their partners before saying I do.

Fact

Very educative OP I concur. This is one of the topic that should always graced fp of NL not everytime yeyebrities up close and personal.

No be uti first talk am say e dey fear for marriage die, na to go single if u have something to do with ur career, then think marriage later, relationship is time consuming and exhaustive, first build ur life before u build a relationship...

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Hmm

I believe it's because the society has laid way too much emphasis on marriage. You don't have to be married to live a fulfilled life.

Several research has shown that children who are raised by 2 parents, who are both responsible and dedicated, usually perform well in school. Not only that, the risk for emotional and behavioural problems are lower among children in 2-parent households on average. Crime statistics show that people from stable families are much less likely to be involved in crime than those from fragmented homes.


@op or anyone, please I am interested in the result of these research and statistics. Links to them will be appreciated.

Thanks.

People need to know that a ring is not needed to create a family

If you have a child, you already have a family

Good or bad is up to your parenting skills

Wonderful piece by OP, if I may...

One of the greatest reasons why we have broken homes I must say, is LACK OF TOLERANCE AND PASSION TO BECOME EVEN that is so prevalent amongst mothers. It has become a Pandora's box with cans of Worm inside that is so much eating up marriages and it seems everyone has failed to comprehend it.

Besides the terrible state of our country which I believe contributes to the rate of broken marriages, mothers on the other hand, seem to have forgotten how important they are to their Children. They have neglected the most important bond on earth, "mother-child-bond".

While I was growing up, I could point out so many irresponsible men that have had successful marriage because of the breed of awesome women(wives) they had. But today, the so called "responsible men" are having a hard time in making it to a successful five years in marriage, let alone the irresponsible ones. But why is that?

I spoke to a lady who the husband had accused of cheating and her response to me was in the light of this "yes he cheated on me with my best friend and I felt the need to become even, so I cheated on him with his best friend too". What the heck! What's even more annoying, was that she had with her, their four and six year old kids who were being cuddled by their father while she explained her part of the story to me. I was speechless. I felt ashamed, not to talk more, disturbed. This experience made me rethink in a heartbeat about those days as a child when I watched Mom and Dad argue(never about cheating) and I felt that Dad was always at fault, that there was no shred of guilt, whatsoever on mom. Was my discernment really fair on Dad at those moments? Or was I being sentimental because of this "mother-child-bond" that binds Mom and all of my Siblings together? Whether or not these were the right thoughts at that point in time was not my problem.

While the behaviors of the parents have an impact on their child(ren), mothers however, have been known to have the greatest impact. In fact, a family without a mother has had a hugh vacuum no one would ever fill for a very long time if not forever. Children tend to capitalize and act more on their mother's behavior so easily than they will with their father.

Irresponsibility among fathers have always been but what we see now is nothing close to being irresponsible. They are pure "proud fakeass efekefe ungrateful yawoyawo overstylish fathers" who find it so hard to say "thank you" to their wives after eating a meal prepared by them.

It pains me so much when I see many cute couples' pre-wedding and wedding photos on Nairaland/others just to realize that they may not live up to those "early love, trust, happiness and vow" in a few years to come. Weeping.... Someone please get me a hanky...hmmmm....wiping my nose, then eyes....

I am sad. I sometimes feel scared of what the future holds. Should I remain single? Should I join the click of men that are producing "babymamas upandown"? No way! I love kids and I can't stand the thought of them not enjoying both their parents simultaneously like I did. I still do. And if my Mum and Dad can do it, I sure as hail can, even better.

If you are reading this, this is challenge to you. Others have failed doesn't mean yours will. You can do better. You are far better than them. I wish us courage, real love, trust, "our significant rib". I wish us well.


PS. LETTER TO MY DEAR FUTURE WIFE!!!

Dear future wife,

If you are reading this, I promise to give you all the love and attention in the world that I can possibly give plus 100% of my vow.

Please kindly cross my path IF you are ready to give all to me.

Yours future Hubby,
Johnbosco

Family values have been lost for some time now. In fact, the country is lost at the moment with no particular goal or direction.

Ojota 2012 protests was largely successful because most Nigerians had food to eat during that era.

Today, Buhari poverty has finished millions, where is the energy to attend Protest rallies?

Family values have been lost for some time now. In fact, the country is lost at the moment with no particular goal or direction. What's baffling is the rate at which this decadence is happening. Too many woke and irresponsible boys and girls everywhere with misplaced priorities. Many lost their values growing up, they were taught right but the Internet and other factors influenced them negatively. Nigeria and the whole world is a lost cause till we return to the foundation and purpose of creation.