₦airaland Forum

Aduku022:
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keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

NB
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

NB
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.

alBHAGDADI:
Maid and Maiden are two different words.

A maid is a house help or servant who helps at home and is s female. A maiden is young womanwho is unmarried and not a servant or house help.

The Bible never said the virtuous woman had house helps.

thorpido:
I thought you said full working wife not full time housewife?
It's the flexibility that they take advantage of.
Her day can't start until she bathes,feeds and get the kids ready for school.She drops them off and goes about her business.
The kids don't finish from school until about 4:30pm because they do lessons too.
Weekends,her husband is around so they can both take care of the children.

Allansmith:
This is quite educative and am here to learn a whole and see how to run mine when we get to that bridge...

Kudos to you OP...You rock!!!

alBHAGDADI:
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.

Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack hom00e training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.

A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.

Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.

The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.

Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.


1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

keepingmum:
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.

However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.

But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you

NB
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.

bukatyne:
Good evening house,

The Topic already explains itself.

In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?

Practical examples pls.

KanwuliaExtra:
Maids are only needed when the children are under 10 years old.

Impossible not to have a maid in places like Nigeria where life is tough and rough.

No electricity, no water, no school buses, no reliable after school programs and PEDO-FILES by the billions in all corners.

Running a family and working full time is challenging, especially for single parents.

It takes planning. . . WITH 2 PARENTS.

If only one parent is involved, it is difficult but doable.

With the present state of situation with househelps in Nigeria, only LUCK can prevail.

Outside Nigeria or Africa, it is really easy with planning and use of security cameras.

Thanks to Zmodo and Arlo. I don’t need househelps for children over AGE 10.
Teach your children to take care of your home and themselves. They are the househelps!

I only work weekends. . . I have peace.

ImaIma1:
Everyone needs help whether from domestic staff or family. I met someone who said she wakes up by 3.30am latest to prepare her kids for school and cook before going to work.

How will someone like that get enough sleep and not break down. Help is necessary

ono:
OK. Mine is kinda very odd.

We live in different countries. She's outside of Naija. I'm in Naija.

We are both engineers - with over 10 years in the business.

Kids are with her - better education where she is. Her company pays for ALL the school fees - for the 3 of them. Company said they can pay for 4.

We had a maid. Fired her. And now, for the past 2 years, no maid.

13+ years married.

No wahala.

LewsTherin:
Sad I didn't see this thread early enough. Bukatyne you didn't tag me as you usualy do. Even if I don't comment on some of your threads, I read and follow them. So stand up, hands up and close your eyes fir the next 10 minutes

It's nice to see that there are a good number of couples who split duties happily. Different from the doom and gloom storries that pervade Nairaland.

Yes, planning, cooperation and shared responsibilities. That's how it's done. And I'll include a few more points that my Lady and I have learnt over the last 8 years.

Get technological help where you can. Washine machine, micro wave, inverter, dish washer, stuff like that. Now I know finance is a big thing in Nigeria and not everyone can afford these things. What we did was to browse various stores for when they had promos running on these items. Also use the "pay small small" option to pay in instalments. Buying second hand from others also helps.

Get outsourced help. We have a lady come in to clean the house once a week. She does the thorough cleaning so we don't have to do much during the week to keep the house neat. Can also get someone to do the ironing after the washing mashine does the washing.

Bulk cooking. My Lady cooks enough stews, soups and poriages to last quite a while. Freeze it in small servings and microwave for meals. It means preparing a meal only takes as long as the rice or yam needs to boil or plantains or potatoes need to fry.

Smart cooking. Those hard days of broke-ness taught me that 200 bucks worth of carrots, green beans and peppers can produce fried rice eniugh for my family and a guest. Boiled eggs add the protein. Stir frying can help make exquisite meals in a very short time. Now we try to keep fried pieces of fish or chicken in the freezer at all times to accomodate this. The aboki in the estate is already used to me getting veggies or tomatoes in 100 to 200 naira quantities.

Daycare/ creche can save lives you know. My girl started at 4 months. No time. But one has to investigate these places well and form a habit of dropping in unannounced and unexpected.

Get some breathing space, some Daddy Mummy time alone to remember those days of being single by "dumping" the kids off every now and then with some family or friends. It helps to recharge.

I made sure my Lady and I discussed all these things well before we got married. She had things a little different in mind than I did and I was more spartan than she could be. We compromised as well as we can. You won't get everything you want but you'll get a lot more than you believed possible.

True we run our own business, but sometimes, running your own business can put more pressure on your time than being employed by someone else. I run 2 other businesses in addition and if all goes well, I'll have the farm up and running halfway through this year so that is even more pressure on my time but I always say - my wife first, my kids next then what I need to finance my wife and kids. Any one and anything comes in order of urgency. That's my list of priorities.

CanadianNaija:
Easy because you are not doing any of the work na, the kids aren’t with you.

NoToPile:
Myself and hubby have flexible jobs

I presently work from morning till about 12 noon within my vicinity hubby works mostly from home (99percent of the time) late into the night so he wakes late, technically I am out before he wakes up so I have to sort the mornings myself all collabo is till the afternoon.

I do the cooking, I cook in a mini-bulk format because of NEPA issues, God bless whoever invented the washing machine too

He babysits when I am busy, feeds the baby sometimes, he does the deep cleaning and dusting on some sundays.

Since my husband is majorly home ,likes food and hardly eats out:

Sometimes I cook the morning meal the night before,
sometimes when I come back by 12 thats when we ll sort out breakfast and it becomes brunch.
sometimes hubby will eat bread and butter or warm some food already cooked.
sometimes he ll just sort himself out mostly when I have to go to the Main office.

Now my baby has started creche, I take him in the mornings it just around where I work, I can decide to pick him as I am coming back or go home relax and go back for him.


Its working out and just today we talked about how we ll cope if and when I would have to report to the office everyday, thats a different ballgame entirely. Merely thinking about it is giving me headache



I just cant imagine how couples both working 8-5 with toddlers cope in this Lagos.

chloride6:
You need to leverage on technology and bring in the third parent... your first kid.

You need to make life as easy as possible and support each other as much as possible..

This plan won't work if both of you work high demanding jobs like finance..

TheClulssHomakr:
Two words, Routine and cooperation.
It's only in Nigeria that we see maids as par for the course. Try that abroad and quench from the bills nah.

It's not easy but it is doable once the couple is willing to tackle things as a team. Not just one person carrying the whole house. E.g hubby can iron clothes while mum sweeps.

Establish a routine of sorts.
Specific shopping days for groceries. There are even IG shoppers that can deliver meat and stuff to the house.
Certain days for major cleaning.

Bulk cooking, none of that fresh soup every night palaver


Use appliances. Microwave, washing machine etc.

Yankee101:
Reputable Daycares with extended hours

Close, extended family members

AfroBlue:
teamwork, for the guys, less football and beer parlouring and more helping out around the castle.
for the ladies, rest the cellphone and prepare a couple of meals in advance. ditto for the male chefs.

now who wants some fish and plantain?

imnotconfused:
I don't know if this counts as I don't live in Naija but I don't have househelps.

What makes the difference is shared burden/ shared work.If it lies on one person, there will be burn out.

DH and I work full time ,Monday to Friday and some weekends.

5:30 or max 6am alarm goes off.

DH does his brushing and co while I shower

I finish showering and do minimal dressing up and he enters to bathe.

I wake the kids and hand tooth brush over to them.

After that quick bath for one,DH comes over and bathes the second one.

We split the kids,I ensure one is dressed up,DH does the other then takes them downstairs to have breakfast while I finish my make up and co.

I go down and take over when I'm done then DH dresses up properly.

After breakfast,final dress up and shouting and we pile out.Dh drops us off- me at train station,kids in school and nursery.

I rush from work for school run ( they stay in after school club till 5:00),get home prep dinner for the kids,do some homework then shower for the night.I do this Monday to Wednesdays,DH school run Thursday and Friday.

19:00 Read to them,DH usually is back at this time.He comes up to do the goodnight and once they're tucked in we prep.our dinner,i heat the food while he does any dishes.

We chat about the day,eat and go to bed and then repeat same cycle.

We usually have a food plan for the week or at least an idea of what we will eat and put in fridge to defrost while at work.


Weekends if not working:

If no food,we cook.DH cooks some meals,I cook some eg he may cook stew while I cook porridge.We just subconsciously split who cooks what.

DH does laundry,I do ironing and planning outfits for the week for the kids.

I scrub bathrooms,he vaccums the rooms.

Sunday is eat out day.I can't be bothered to have extra stress.

It's not easy at all..very stressful but bearable with a partner who is hands on

Married 8 years plus

Reelmii:
even after all this discussion before marriage, change is constant. u are having the discussion with a lady that tge only thing on her mind is marriage and u think she won't agree to all this just to get the ring on

guru03:
Am in such a situation........ Nice questions

bukatyne:
Hahahahahaha

I so agree that kids must be taught to be hands on early.

I am exploring all options.

Maids the last.