₦airaland Forum

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends

So basically that's the problem. You've been with this girl for a long time, maybe 4 years or more.

My advice, approach the girls father and explain situation with him.
Ask him what will be needed for bride price and other ceremonies.
Talk to him about your buoyancy and tell him you love his daughter.

If he sees you both really love each other, he can decide to support in his own way, maybe by slashing the bills for you or even financing wedding partly.

You never know till you talk to him.
If he's obstinate as a donkey, then you have to let the girl go.


For Godsakes, she's approaching 28.
Women age quickly, her time is passing quickly.

Then focus on yourself, building yourself and setting realistic targets.

God bless

val4sure:
The family knows me right from school days, like she said there are 3 serious suitors on her neck already, I love her so much but the pressure on her is even affecting me negatively, keeping me off balance, I can't help it.

Well, keep calm and allow destiny do its thing. Don't allow any pressure u into doing what u not ready for cos tomorrow, the family will insult u if u fail to take care of their daughter.

So perhaps you take everything to God in prayers

femi4:
Just let her go, free her. Your future wife is probably still in 100level. I m sure by the time she graduate you ll be 32 and financially ready.

I know your fear, finding a woman like her, you ll surely get. Just be focus on getting yourself ready.
This is Nigeria, you don't date your mates when you are capable financially

I went to a marriage seminal organized by the church that was almost 2 yrs ago. The only thing that sticks is when the counselor said ladies never marry someone you loved so much instead marry someone that really love you.

In this current society especially in Nigeria, marry your age mate is 1 of 10. Well if the lady in question doesn't make her decisions sooner, I pray she doesn't later settle for less. @ op 28 haha

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

If i were u i would fvck what the family thinks and sentence her to nine months.. The money to marry her and set yourself go come... Keep pressing and no put hand for bad thing. Trust the process no matter the pressure!!!

JoanHicks:
Don't waste her time

Let her go


The only problem is she will be cheating on her husband with you

sometimes I wonder how you people speak without thinking

Casan0va:
So basically that's the problem. You've been with this girl for a long time, maybe 4 years or more.

My advice, approach the girls father and explain situation with him.
Ask him what will be needed for bride price and other ceremonies.
Talk to him about your buoyancy and tell him you love his daughter.

If he sees you both really love each other, he can decide to support in his own way, maybe by slashing the bills for you or even financing wedding partly.

You never know till you talk to him.
If he's obstinate as a donkey, then you have to let the girl go.


For Godsakes, she's approaching 28.
Women age quickly, her time is passing quickly.

Then focus on yourself, building yourself and setting realistic targets.

God bless

After slashing the marriage cost what next? You know Nigerians suck at putting off childbirth until it better suits them.

Her time ain't passing any quickly please, it is this stupid mentality that puts the girl child on unnecessary stress and pressure pls.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
After slashing the marriage cost what next? You know Nigerians suck at putting off childbirth until it better suits them.

Her time ain't passing any quickly please, it is this stupid mentality that puts the girl child on unnecessary stress and pressure pls.

So you're idea is to let her go if he's not buoyant enough?

See, there's two sides to this.

1. Marrying someone you're in love with and the feeling is reciprocated is vital.
Many a Marriage today are just social contracts: the girl marry a guy because either her time is passing, he has money or she just says yes to escape the sneers and double talk her family dishes out to her.

My uncle is currently suffering now. The woman is a local champion, abusive, turned the children against the father.
He has no peace, no happiness.


2. I don't subscribe to the notion of a guy marrying a girl into penury. Putting her into perpetual suffering with the cliché "things will get better".
Nobody should be put in that situation.


My simple advice to girls all over, don't try to eat your cake and still have it back.
If you marry a guy because of financial security, then don't be going out to meet your ex that satisfied you in the bedroom.
Stay with your financially secure man.

If you marry a broke guy you love, don't crave another rich man.
Don't be stùpid and a slowpoke.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Tell that to our society. Perhaps they've seen a wealthy suitor and u know parents always want d best for their kids. If the op and his gf can peservere through this trying time, good for them. I just pray they don't rush into anything that will cause resentments later.

Hi

What's the issue here

28 is still very young

Op tell her you will be ready for marriage in 7years time

By then you'll have your empire

If she no fit wait 7years na oyo be her case

dairykidd:
If i were u i would fvck what the family thinks and sentence her to nine months.. The money to marry her and set yourself go come... Keep pressing and no put hand for bad thing. Trust the process no matter the pressure!!!

I won't lie, sometimes the thought of nine months stuff keeps popping into my head, but I have to block it off because I don't want to put her in such quick decision that won't be nice on her,i love her so much and I don't want to put her in any harsh situation at all.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
After slashing the marriage cost what next? You know Nigerians suck at putting off childbirth until it better suits them.

Her time ain't passing any quickly please, it is this stupid mentality that puts the girl child on unnecessary stress and pressure pls.

The way you reasöns atimes dey weak me

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

Oga, honestly you should let her go. If you get married to her and kids start coming, the financial pressures alone will be overwhelming.

However when you look at the bright side, you would not be poor forever, but can both of you endure?

Let her go

MJBOLT:

when did marriage become investment?

You are investing in your future

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

Go see her family and let them know of ya intention. Listen to what they have to say first, den u can build on from there.

Casan0va:
So you're idea is to let her go if he's not buoyant enough?

See, there's two sides to this.

1. Marrying someone you're in love with and the feeling is reciprocated is vital.
Many a Marriage today are just social contracts: the girl marry a guy because either her time is passing, he has money or she just says yes to escape the sneers and double talk her family dishes out to her.

My uncle is currently suffering now. The woman is a local champion, abusive, turned the children against the father.
He has no peace, no happiness.


2. I don't subscribe to the notion of a guy marrying a girl into penury. Putting her into perpetual suffering with the cliché "things will get better".
Nobody should be put in that situation.


My simple advice to girls all over, don't try to eat your cake and still have it back.
If you marry a guy because of financial security, then don't be going out to meet your ex that satisfied you in the bedroom.
Stay with your financially secure man.

If you marry a broke guy you love, don't crave another rich man.
Don't be stùpid and a slowpoke.

You've made valid points. But what's your advice to the op now? Personally I'm all for a love story and hope they figure things out. It's this kinda situation that gets a lady cheating when she finally bows to pressure of marrying someone she doesn't love.

Biingoo:
The way you reasöns atimes dey weak me

I'm a sociologist

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
I'm a sociologist

I know. So?

val4sure:
I won't lie, sometimes the thought of nine months stuff keeps popping into my head, but I have to block it off because I don't want to put her in such quick decision that won't be nice on her,i love her so much and I don't want to put her in any harsh situation at all.

Discuss it with her u might be surprised at the outcome.. there is no such thing as quick decision there, getting close to thirty and you guys have been together for how long? Fight for what u want with everything within ur arsenal but if ur mind no carry am abeg relax urself. I will tell u the very simple truth.. there is never going to be a right or perfect time for u sometimes we face temptations and pressures to see how smart we can overcome them because everything we need to overcome is already with us.. Money answereth all things but money isn't everything. Don't waste her time if u never ready take any bold step of faith by waiting for the stars to align or waiting for a condusive / perfect situation. I don't get what u even mean "won't be nice on her" Dey there dey wait for soft situations.. She has already made up her mind to be with u even when other guys get better options. The situation she dey now is it soft or hard? If she can put up with u now u better carry her along no be when she done dey 30 something then ur money done ripe u go begin see her as evening news paper.. Na where man reach e dey put hand. Respect yourself and make that baby before another wealthy guy take over... Or u think she no dey reason those other options and her family pressures Either u shock them or they use her take shock u and the latter will be very sad because she done give u the yam and the knife since 100 yrs ago and u still can't decide on what to do about it

Raise small money and do introduction.. Then marry her when money comes.. Never lose someone you are comfortable with... They will even help u to success

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
You've made valid points. But what's your advice to the op now? Personally I'm all for a love story and hope they figure things out. It's this kinda situation that gets a lady cheating when she finally bows to pressure of marrying someone she doesn't love.

My advice haven't changed.
Meet the girls father and talk things over.
Explain his financial position to the man.
He'll know where to take it from there

Casan0va:
My advice haven't changed.
Meet the girls father and talk things over.
Explain his financial position to the man.
He'll know where to take it from there

OK o. He shouldn't hope on her father giving them money for wedding though. If u think u strong enough to take a wife, then u should b man enough to take d responsibilities that comes with such venture.

chrisifeanyi:
Bro it pains but the reality is that it will be hard for you to marry that gal. Except you can get a very good job in the next two months, maybe Shell or Total can do that magic. Is not easy. Even if you decide to marry her now, if you are not rich like her suitors the family will drive you away. Is difficult for a man to marry his school mate except you are born with silver spoon and family can give you quick start. Sometimes love isn't just enough.

wow...i love that statement "Sometimes love isn't just enough"!

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
OK o. He shouldn't hope on her father giving them money for wedding though. If u think u strong enough to take a wife, then u should b man enough to take d responsibilities that comes with such venture.

Nwanyi Awkaetiti can I know you? Am from ur area ooo

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

Abeg bro, I hope God will help u resolve everything... Please can you introduce me to the online business... Pls help a fellow brother survive, Pls I wana know it

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

Abeg bro, I hope God will help you out and resolve everything... Abeg can u Pls introduce me to the online business, Pls I really wana learn it too... Pls help a bro

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
OK o. He shouldn't hope on her father giving them money for wedding though. If u think u strong enough to take a wife, then u should b man enough to take d responsibilities that comes with such venture.

That's where the influence of the girl should count.
After the man has talked to the dad, the man would likely call a family meeting and ask the girl if that man is who she really wants.

Depending on the relationship the girl has with the father and mother, she can tell them that he's all she wants in a man.

It could work.

If it doesn't, he should lick his wounds and double his hustle.

val4sure:
Please nairalanders, I need advice on a pressing matter on my neck now, I will try and keep it very short.

There is this lady I have been dating way back during school days, we've known each other for ages, everybody knew us as the perfect couple then, until after our graduation, we passed out together last year from NYSC, after that reality sets in.

I searched for job, nothing was fort coming, I have to change plans and was introduced to an online business which am currently doing, with the business, I have been able to secure a self con apartment as a hustling guy, got it furnished and still doing the same business which has its good and bad times

The issue now is that my girlfriend is not getting any younger, both of us are going to be 28 years old this year and suitors has been flocking around recently to marry her

The issue now is that her family member thinks she is possessed by not accepting any of the suitors that is coming for her, everybody is on her neck to marry, the pressure on her body is just too much that the family members are conducting series of meetings all the time to know if something is wrong with her.

And the reason for her actions is all because of me and am not financially bouyant enough to be able to save her from the pressure by getting married to her now, business just started.

I love the girl so much that I really want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's a rare gem, never seen her type of woman before, but am worried also, no fund for such and I don't think asking her to keep on waiting for me is a good idea base on the pressure on her everyday.

Please nairalanders, am losing it seriously, I have asked so many of my friends for idea, different opinions from different people, please I seriously need advice on this case, what should I do in this situation.

Have a heart to heart meeting with her. Lay it all out on the table. Is she willing to be your wife no matter how long it takes? If the answer is yes, then meet the parents, explain your predicament, note, she has to be with you on this 100%. Do a court wedding to assure her.

chrisifeanyi:
Nwanyi Awkaetiti can I know you? Am from ur area ooo

That's great

val4sure:
I won't lie, sometimes the thought of nine months stuff keeps popping into my head, but I have to block it off because I don't want to put her in such quick decision that won't be nice on her,i love her so much and I don't want to put her in any harsh situation at all.

val4sure:
I won't lie, sometimes the thought of nine months stuff keeps popping into my head, but I have to block it off because I don't want to put her in such quick decision that won't be nice on her,i love her so much and I don't want to put her in any harsh situation at all.

Don't ever think about that nine months ish when you don't know the shape your life will be in next two years.

You don't have job to take care of yourself, talk more a baby. baby comes with expenses and if you don't meet them, you won't be happy and they won't be peace at home.

if you don't want to hear "shameless man, you can't provide common baby food" hold your prick.


rebuke every thought of nine months leave. e no be moi moi o

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
That's great

That's not enough naa,,, reply ur pm

Eberechi24:
Don't even think about that nine months ish when you don't know the shape your life will be in next two years.

You don't have job to take care of yourself, talk more a baby. baby comes with expenses and if you don't meet them, you won't be happy and they won't be peace at home.

if you don't want to hear "shameless man, you can't provide common baby food" hold your prick.


rebuke every thought of nine months leave. e no be moi moi o

I rebuked the idea in the first place because she was also thinking in that direction too.

I can comfortably take care of myself from the business am doing which is not upto a year, but for marriage, I don't think am stable for it that's why I have to post the issue here because it has been a burden to me recently.

I think u r planning on giving up on her, and looking for someone to back u up. My suggestion is simple, have a serious chat with the parents which can buy u at least 6months without pressure and hopefully business pays off within the same time.
Everybody wins