₦airaland Forum

Joromi12:
Find 9ja babe wey just migrate. As for me i go for blacks from other african countries. They seems to hv sense more than 9ja babes

sweetilicious:
Funny.I want peace in my life.I want a sensible and responsible man.I want a man that can control his manhood and invest in building the family so good with me.I have grown to understand a whole lot of things.

Naija4lifeYank:
This is more than apt.
This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through.
I live in the US.
My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job.
My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her.
I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car.
She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life.
She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied.
She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress.
So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married.
She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy.
One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out.
I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them
Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit.
By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house.
I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son.
It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home
Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her.
She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now.

For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit
I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again.

needful:
@Cococandy, I choosed to mention you because u vividly understood the concept. I live in Canada and the truth is 70% of naija men needs brain resetting. A man will immigrate to Canada with his family, pushed the wife to go and do RN against her wish, he still wants the RN with about 3children and 12hrs shift to come back and serve his hands and foot. Is this not insane?, i dont really understand the basis upon which marriage is constituted. marriage especially Nigeria men. What I see in most of this naija men are selfishness,. Alot of peaceful families are divorcing because the man wants the wife to work full time, pay half of the Bill's and still serve him and the children. The moment you men understand that women are humans created by God as God created you people, marital issues will disappear.
To all this ones shouting my property this and that, which property do u even own, is it the one u mortgaged to pay for 25 to 30yrs? Or another one. I trained my wife in school, with whose money. Can any of you even train somebody in school single handedly without Govt loan? Mtcheww, confused Hypocrites.
And for the this olosho poster looking for a woman to enslave, continue and am sure u will find one when u are 75yrs old. Nonsense

BaaleOko:
The dilemma I'm facing now, I dey based in Yankee and I have pretty much achieved everything a young man can have for an ideal American dream... e remain to find wife but good women dey scarce these days( maybe the good ones are hiding, or I'm not just looking hard enough). Mumsy dey tell me make I go Naija find wife, been communicating with lots of beautiful and amazing (at least online) Naija girls back home, each time I bring up the idea of marriage and I tell them I'm in Yankee...they always seem too excited than necessary, as coded guy wey I be, I already know reasons why. I'm just too scared to take any chances cause marriage ain't no joke... I guess I'm better off just finding a Nigerian girl based here in yankee.

justmenoni:
Uncle OP. Sorry to say, are you really looking for a wife or an housemaid.


I married from naija and you know what she's the best thing that has ever happened to me to the hr point that I'd sacrifice my life for hers, let me call her right now and tell her i want this and this prepared for breakfast and delivered to me at work and voila it's done and let me call her again and say you know what i eant a special delicacy prepared for dinner and voila it's all done.. Her only complain would be bae let's finish d food at home first (wastage) and not nagging.

But you know what, i wake up at 5,30 bath the kids, prepare tea or/and breakfast chitchat for, 10/20mins and I'm off to work and when I'm coming back from work i ask if they need some items from the market and sometimes i still make dinner (of cos she'd prepare something for the kids cos they have yo be put to bed)


Sometimes it doesn't really matter who or where you marry from but it depends on who you marry and who YOU ARE.


N:B, I'm not a vegetable and i haven't been tied down

BuddhaPalm:
I can assure you, you can't "groom" anyone.

DeRay98:
Black Ladies from other African countries are usually more down to earth, so many of them fancy Nigerian guys as better family men,
Who care for their ladies, strong and protective. Except where our bad boys "don go shit for market" that have earned us bad names. Eg Kenya women.
Naija home based girls are to trust nowadays especially if you live in diaspora, they mostly see you as their key out of poverty rather than partner hence they play along until they find the right moment to reveal their true ID.

Okuda:
if you marry a well behaved white woman, you would not be missing anything from their naija counterparts except the food and sometimes the naija jokes. but thats all to it I swear.

cococandy:
You’re looking for who to subdue and dominate

E go red for you.

You don’t want chores as a duty but I’m sure you will want her financial contribution as a duty. You never start. Life go hard you so.

MissRike:
As people here in Nigeria are complaining, those abroad are also complaining about Nigerian women which I feel is not too right.

One thing I know quite well is that marriage is all about compromise and many people out there, I must say, are not ready for that. The man only wants a woman that would be keeping the house and warming his bed alone without him helping her at all on some occasions while the woman also needs a man that would be spoiling her and tolerating all her excesses (without trying to change) and not considering her man. That's where compromise and individuality play their roles.

How would a man say he just needs a wife that will be doing everything at home, like the household chores and cooking alone without helping her at all, just crossing his feet, demanding for everything from her even without resting after coming back from work . I think what he needs is actually a housemaid.

The truth is that couples were created by God to be help mates and not slaves, that's what strengthens the relationship more. Treat a woman like a queen and watch her treat you like a king. It's only a mad or crazy woman that will not reciprocate when treated well by her man and that's where personality comes in.


So OP and the other men on this thread, don't generalize. The kind of company you keep determines the kind of people you meet. Put God first, have a good mindset (that you need a help mate and not a housemaid) & move with the right people and watch how marriage turns out well for you. Peace!!!

Naija4lifeYank:
This is more than apt.
This will be my only post on Nairaland. I'm only posting so no man goes through what I went through.
I live in the US.
My marriage crashed when I came home to marry a Naija-based angel. I never planned to come home to marry. I trusted my friend's report of good behavior from his family member not knowing he knew it was all a ruse. It was a planned job.
My father died from medical complications and having lost my mom much earlier, I came home to bury him. The Naija-based lady knew I was now an orphan used all her wiles to pretend to love me. Pretended to be helping to fill the void left by my parents and I finally agreed to marry her.
I was earning well over $180,000 a year and had luxury home and luxury car.
She arrived and within 1 month, I knew I had made the mistake of my life.
She demanded a luxury SUV since I had one and I told her it didn't make any sense to have two gas-guzzlers in the home. She immediately went into a tantrum. This was someone not contributing anything to the home financially. I got her a brand new Honda Accord. She wasn't very satisfied.
She started buying clothes. Every weekend it was a bill of $600 for clothes. I told her that's not how we spend money in America, she kept going. Always complaining. That she didn't have enough clothes. She is Igbo, so I paid for all the wedding in Nigeria. her family probably contributed only her wedding dress.
So I was starting to think who is this clown that I married.
She got pregnant and then started threatening me with potentially divorce & Child support if I don't do things that make her happy.
One day I got back from work (4 months after wedding) and she had been entertaining another man in the home that I paid all the mortgage on. I knew this because somebody had used the ipad at home to view his Instagram and Facebook and forgot to sign out.
I confronted her and she denied it. She started taking calls from all manner of men from Nigeria, sometimes going to the bathroom to talk to them
Fast forward, one day she told me her cousin from Nigeria was coming to our city in Maryland and could he stay in our home. I found out that the guy was not her cousin really and shut it down. She started saying by US law the home belonged to her and her kids. I told her I had a baseball bat and if she had 10 heads, she should bring the "cousin" to come visit.
By the time she had our son, she had become a full-fledged monster. Refusing to cook, etc. I did most of the house work and had a cleaner come clean the house.
I divorced her shortly after. I had to start paying her child support until God came to my rescue and the Judge decided I was the better parent and I won custody of my son.
It was the worst experience of my life and I lost so much. Her family was in on the whole thing. I assume they were so greedy to want my home
Before anyone asks, I never cheated on her. or hit her.
She did everything those women do: she called the cops to the house during an argument. I was so worried she was going to lie about physical abuse that never happened. I lived in FEAR in my own home. NEVER going to that state of things again. I'm free now.

For those who say the wife took a loan for school, so how did you send her through school, most times you co-sponsor the loan for the wife using your credit
I'll never be married again (I'm still in my thirties) and NEVER marry a woman from Nigeria again.

Ugosample:
You better NOT make that mistake

sharpwriter:
Will you marry me?

uuzba:
Nigeria is a country with very watery values.

RTSC:
See as dem spoil market for Nigerian based ladies.

The ones that scaled through earlier to Yankee or Europe would be thanking their stars they left before the market got spoilt.

cococandy:
You’re really taking Nairaland ramblings of ignorant folks seriously?

People who have reasoning faculties still understand that they can find good women anywhere. Nigerian women in USA are hot cake. Don’t let some heart broken urchins on Nairaland tell you otherwise.

These ones probably got left behind hence their painment.

BaaleOko:
The dilemma I'm facing now, I dey based in Yankee and I have pretty much achieved everything a young man can have for an ideal American dream... e remain to find wife but good women dey scarce these days( maybe the good ones are hiding, or I'm not just looking hard enough). Mumsy dey tell me make I go Naija find wife, been communicating with lots of beautiful and amazing (at least online) Naija girls back home, each time I bring up the idea of marriage and I tell them I'm in Yankee...they always seem too excited than necessary, as coded guy wey I be, I already know reasons why. I'm just too scared to take any chances cause marriage ain't no joke... I guess I'm better off just finding a Nigerian girl based here in yankee.

Angela777:
The thing is as a Nigerian man abroad, you wish the best wife for yourself. Then first, look at yourself and ask yourself are you the best or the good one? You want the woman submissive and doing all housework and, will she be the housewife and will you support her in everything?
Because if she is working full time and having kids for you, she will come home tired and is she still responsible for all work at home and with kids? Will you practice the so called Nigerian "culture" having other women and being naturally polygamist? Will you expect your wife to shut up and accept you going and having sex with other women? Will you be very bossy to her and her should be very submissive as similar to a Muslim woman? I don't think it will work this way in America even with a Nigerian village submissive girl, not for long, America teaches freedom to kids and women. If your wife goes to the doctor for any reason and the doctor notices she is sad, they will ask her if you are to bossy or do you abuse her, your own kids will tell at school how you treat your wife and even if she is submissive, your own kids will call 911 if their mom cries. The marriage in America is different, it is not Nigeria. If you are willing to be faithful and you find a woman who is educated and is your best friend, doesn't matter the race, it may work better than any childish plans to pick a submissive one or to mold her your way

Hadampson:
Doing all these doesn't mean she can't cheat. Most ladies out there are insatiable. You can never satisfy them

Ugosample:
You better NOT make that mistake

Toks2008:
I think this thread is already derailed by guys who don't understand the foreign lifestyle.

There is no biggy in doing house chores cos they are kinda stress-less. The hover,washing machine,regular power supply that keeps your food fresh and so on.

I can make a month's food in 4hours and all i do is microwave anyone i want to eat without stressing my wife to prepare any food..in fact i love cooking to the extent that she begs me to cook.

the washing machine does the laundry and with a hover you can keep your floors clean and toilets can be washed by either of you whenever necessary.

This wife slavery mindset no dey abroad and any guy who wants a good marriage must start by getting active in domestic affairs and especially in taking care of the kids. Nothing stops you from waking up early to bathe the kids and take them to school if your wife is on night duty and both of you can plan your itinerary so that your kids are well taken care of.

Lastly, the only way you can have a better chance of good marriage is to bring in a lady you have known before you ever left naija otherwise you are almost certain to bring a bad lady pretending to love you.

AntiBrutus:
After their rants, they will logout and call their NIGERIAN GIRLFRIENDS. When she breaks their heart, they will still login to rant about their NIGERIAN GIRLFRIENDS.

Last last, they will marry one NIGERIAN woman. That's all

Sholaystar4me:
interesting thread, as for me nothing will change bringing my gf that I have had for many months in Nigeria before man moved and still have till date. let me buy a land here shaa
















Victory is from God Alone
#X

Angela777:
So true. Women in America learnt the Nigerian man is possibly scam and wants us for papers, now so much information online about it. Also not all American women go into interracial marriage, many educated women are picking from their level guys and if they don't find any at similar level, they prefer being single.

cococandy:
CONGRATULATIONS.

Nigerian women in USA are always an asset to their husbands. Nigerian women are the top most educated group in America. Proven by research not hearsay.

The men who have a problem handling such women are those who want wives that are full time home makers but also work and submit their total pay checks to the man so he can decide what she gets to spend. Their families come to visit and they expect a servant wife who also works full time but managed to hasten to their every whim.

The men who drop the African mentality of wives that must be available to serve them hand and foot, usually enjoy their marriages.

I’m sure your doctor wife does get busy and you understand and support her.
Let the ignorant boys keep whining.

brenister10:
Another feminist spotted

Angela777:
I did no matter poor, black and no papers, he was very insisting. It didn't end well. And I will not take the same risk twice. It's what happens, many get burnt and no more dating or marrying a Nigerian man.

tex73:
I'm blessed to marry a very good Christian lady from Kogi(yoruba) and i am Delta(ibo). Came to niaja in search of a lady after being in d US for over 5 years. Did not like d one i had being talking to over d phone for over a year, did not want to trap myself with someone i didnt love or like very much.

I had a week left for my naija stay until a childhood friend asked me to leave my hotel and spend the last week in his house. He forgot he had a sister in law that was at d age for marriage and actually was planning to introduce me to one or two female friends he had, hoping i could like them. He forgot about his wife's younger sister because she was so into her studies at IFE and she hardly came back home during holidays, she was locked down at OAU. God was good to me because it was just as i visited naija that this beautiful lady was having a breather from OAU after she had finished her last set of exams. It was when she called her sister to tell her that she had finished her last exams and was in their parent's home that my friend remembered that he had an in law that may like me. My friend told her about me immediately and told her that we would come visiting d next day.

The next day we visited n i saw her in d living room, all cleaned up of course because she was expecting us. We talked for a while and saw that we had so much in common, especially that we both had Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. I departed for the US shortly. we spoke on the phone everyday for about a year, untill i came back to niaja to propose to her. Thank God she used all that time to do her housemanship in LUTH. See how God blessed me. I came back again for the wedding proper but she didn't go back with me untill my filling (travel documents) for her came through( 6 months) . she came to the US and joined me in my one bedroom apartment. We moved to two when we were expecting baby # one.

We planned that she didnt work but focus on her 3 tough exams in order for her to practice medicine in the US. In all exams she scored a 99% percentile ( she's a brain). Shes one of the best Docs a patient can ask for and is practicing in a top hospital. We have two kids and she's getting even prettier as we age. Married for ten years now. Glory to God.