₦airaland Forum

Rosay15:
You shouldn't have allowed her in the first place cus I don't see where married woman will still have connection with her ex. When you're married, all ur exes are past. Since you've addressed the issue in a normal way and she did nt listen that means she needs iron hand and I know if she is d type of woman that wanna save her marriage she will apologise bt just don't take it easy on her and let her know she is wrong. May the lord continue to uphold ur family cus ur marriage is still young.

stupidity:
In as much as I hate restricting my girls movement, even to visit an ex or whoever she wants to visit, our ladies are so dumb to know almost every man that comes in contact with them, be it an ex or a new toaster, or wannabe bestie, will grab every opportunity to get her laid.

Just know one thing bro, when an ex visits me, or I ask her to visit me for whatsoever reason. The fvck must be fvcked. Fact#. Talk more of the ex having a bigger dlck than yours, and the said ex can fvck very well. Tell me why she won’t wanna have some when she visits him.

Dem go fvck your wife o. Bros.

Na anyhow ladies just full Nigeria. Who does that??

stupidity:
In as much as I hate restricting my girls movement, even to visit an ex or whoever she wants to visit, our ladies are so dumb to know almost every man that comes in contact with them, be it an ex or a new toaster, or wannabe bestie, will grab every opportunity to get her laid.

Just know one thing bro, when an ex visits me, or I ask her to visit me for whatsoever reason. The fvck must be fvcked. Fact#. Talk more of the ex having a bigger dlck than yours, and the said ex can fvck very well. Tell me why she won’t wanna have some when she visits him.

Dem go fvck your wife o. Bros.

Na anyhow ladies just full Nigeria. Who does that??

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

Retrography:
Please seek advice from experienced people on marital issues. She is quite different compared to most other ladies who won't mention the nature of relationship(s) they were having with the people she invited.
However, keeping close contact with them is way too risky.

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

greatnaija01:
You are NOT at fault sir, so pls calm down.

PLS Forgive her.... your wife like most women... does not know the value of the kind of man she has and also she is the immature one.... she has not learned SUBMISSION.... submission is NOT slavery BUT it is letting the man be the HEAD of the HOME... she can only LEARN BY EXPERIENCE... that is the bitter truth.

If not for you, she may have rekindled an old flame in one of the EXes and that may lead to FLIRTING and at the end of the day THEY WILL BE BLAMING THE DEVIL UPANDAN.

Wisdom to apply now is, allow her but Go with her if you can. If she is not comfortable to go with you then SHE HAS OTHER MOTIVES O.....

also CLONE her PHONE.. so that any sms, calls or whatsapp she receives gets into your own phone too.... then u will be able to really handle this thing from the root. When you gather proper facts and evidencies then u can reveal it to family members or church leaders and they can decide what course of action to take.

YOU do not have to be angry yet because she can still say you are just being too sensitive and over protective. In quiet wisdom any hidden thing can be revealed.

Explain to her in LOVE but have a back up plan.
many people hide so much of their true nature till they marry.... their vision for marriage ends with the wedding reception... afterwards a character they never manifested before begins to show up.

ruddyman500:
I got married to my wife in 2017 and we have been living together since, we have a child together but there is this problem with her anytime it has to do with any of her EX. i will cite some of what happened .

She wanted to organise a programme at a time and the person she could think of is one of her ex who happens to be a media guy, i told her point blank that i dont want her to go met the guy but she explained to me how the guy will be of help to her in the programme she is planning, i let her be cos i dont want to be seen as someone throwing spanners in the wheel of her progress, i supported her and the programme was a success.

Another instance was when her mother died, and they were planning the burial ceremony with her brothers...my wife got home and told me that she told her brothers that she will talk to a musician to come play at the ceremony and the said musician happens to be another ex of hers. i told her right there that am not comfortable with it at all how could ur ex come to sing at her mums burial and i will be there dancing to his tunes?...after so much back and forth , i told her i will only attend the church service and i or any of my people will not come for the party, that was when she made last minute changes and went to book another musician.

The last straw that broke the carmels back was yesterday....I and her have been having some issues of late and we talked over it infact we are just coming out of the tensions....then yesterday morning around 8am she told me that another ex of hers called her overnight and told her that his mum just passed away and he could not think of anyone to call but her cos he is so broken, she said she had sent her condolences already but that she will like to go greet the guy and his siblings cos they are in their fathers house [ the guy is still single ooo although they broke up in 2013] and that she will be able to know about the burial arrangements so she can plan on attending the burial..so she asked me for permission if she could go and pay them a visit yesterday..... Normally i wld not have allowed her but i thought what is she didnt tell me and went there and secondly cos of the tension we just went through and i dont want another tension to build again , i told her i will only allow her to either go greet them yesterday or she goes for the burial ...I told her i will only allow her to choose one . She then asked me in strong tone why i didnt wnat her to attend the burial.....At that point i left the room cos i was not ready for another round of arguments.

She did not say anything again until afternoon, i went to my living room and asked her if she is no more going on the visit again she said she already taken her bath and she will go n prepare now ....she entered the room and started dressing up, i went to meet her in the room and i told her that i allowed her to go cos i already gave her the permission but henceforth i will not allow such again ...Told her she is not the only person with exes , i dont allow issues of any of my own ex brew tension in my marriage , i told her i have an ex whose fathers house is just like 5 mins drive from inside the estate we live and when the man died my ex called me ..all i did was send her my condolence over the phone and i explained that i cant come for the burial cos i have a wife at home whose feelings i respect and that it ends there AT that point my wife flared up to the high heavens .....she started ranting that why am i caging her that i should give her reasons why she should not go that am just so obsessed with her am immmature, insecure and bla bla bla. I told her if loving my wife and protecting the dignity and integrity of my family for obsession then she is totally wrong. She said other men will not have any problem with it that why am i making an issue out of the situation, i explained to her that am not other men , What Mr A is comfortable with may not be so with Mr B cos we all have our individual differences .....One problem my wife have is she does not see reasons why i shld not accept what she seems right to her . I then told her to call any of her elder brother and explain this situation to him if he can allow such ....

This is a woman i never restricted her movements ....i only restricted her twice and they are both on health grounds...When she left i did what i have never done before [ i have never reported her to anybody either my family or hers no matter what happens i find a way we can solve it]...i called her very close friend and explained everything to her, the lady was surprised and she promised to talk to her....I also tried to call her elder brother who is a pastor but his phone is switched off and i have not been able to get through to him .When my wife came back
she did not even greet meat all , she came to take our baby from me which i refused her, she went straight into her room, i later went into the room to lay our baby and i went into the guest room to sleep cos am so much in anger and i dont want the neighbors to hear any noise from my flat.

please i need sincere and honest opinion from married people on here ....i want to know if am at fault and secondly what next step should i take

Mutemenot:
I blame you for marrying a woman who wasn't ready for marriage . You probably want to change her from her numerous male friends but failed to understand the difficulties in changing an adult .
The only option you have Is to close your eyes to her dealings with the EXs or u 'll continue to have issues with her..