₦airaland Forum

this table you are shaking

Biglittlelois:
@bolded is what I'd never agree on, two people had unprotected sex, no party was hijacked into anything, once unprotected sex is involved, the unexpected should be expected, a guy that wants to be involved will not deny the pregnancy at first, he will be a man and accept it in good faith, my point is he should accept ownership of the pregnancy and be responsible after the birth.

A guy might not show interest during the pregnancy period. He might even abandon his pregnant lady but when the child is born and he wants to get involved, i think he should be allowed. You have to put your personal hurt and revenge aside for the sake of the baby. It is about the baby.

Many children from single mums yearn to have a dad and in some cases, the dad doesn't care. But if one has decided to be involved, i don't think he should be deprived. He doesn't have to date or marry the babe to get involved with his child. He should not be held to ransom because of it.

MissRaine69:
Someone with sense
You get my point.
This is why some mothers get so upset and feel cheated when a child opts to go and live with the absent parent. That child has developed a relationship with the parent despite the mother “poisoning” their mind. If the father is a dead beat dad, let the child see that.

From this thread, you can already see that this issue you raised is rampant. Women poisoning their child against their father because of hurt and personal issues. It takes maturity and selflessness to allow the father despite all issues.

Mums need put their selfishness and revenge aside and do what is in the best interest of the child. It makes the child more balanced with love from both parents. Poisoning a child's mind against a parent could scar them for life.

MissRaine69:
It should be a crime punishable by law for women to keep their children from their fathers after a separation. Married or not. You lay with him why is he “ a jobless idiot after the fact?” If the father of the children does not hurt them, wants to be involved don't fight him using the kids.

We think that we are hurting the man but really it's the kids who suffer. Kids need their father as much as they need their mother. Ladies please keep that in mind when fighting these proxy wars with exes. Kids are for life.

finally!,
I've found a girl that have sense on nairaland

ImaIma1:
From this thread, you can already see that this issue you raised is rampant. Women poisoning their child against their father because of hurt and personal issues. It takes maturity and selflessness to allow the father despite all issues.

Mums need put their selfishness and revenge aside and do what is in the best interest of the child. It makes the child more balanced with love from both parents. Poisoning a child's mind against a parent could scar them for life.

dz is one stupid stunt that they pull, it works on da offsprings at a tender age, but when they grow up,they realise da truth & grow hatred for their mum

MissRaine69:
It should be a crime punishable by law for women to keep their children from their fathers after a separation. Married or not. You lay with him why is he “ a jobless idiot after the fact?” If the father of the children does not hurt them, wants to be involved don't fight him using the kids.

We think that we are hurting the man but really it's the kids who suffer. Kids need their father as much as they need their mother. Ladies please keep that in mind when fighting these proxy wars with exes. Kids are for life.

Why should he continue to mess up the woman's life with the paltry child support and his frequent visitations, doing his hello-hi 20% fatherhood. IIt's like seeing icecream when you know you are lactose intolerant.


If he wants visitation that badly,he will get 50% time with the kids i.e 2 weeks in a month but he must put in 100% effort with his parenting, not treating the kids like some afterthought. He also collect the kids through his chaffeur and alert the woman by text whenever he wants to visit his kids.

He should also see to the kids' needs by himself not putting them in the hands of some nanny or his girlfriend. He must not brng his girlfriend/any woman that is single or not a married family member over to visit the kids more than a day and it should only be once in that 2week peroid. The kids nust not stay in anybody else's house but his family members or their friends' and it must be with both of our permissions, same thing should go for the woman. Let him taste true singleparenthood.

Any man that is not okay with such conditions should forget about visitation. The woman will give the kids his address and move to his house when they turn 18.

This way i believe is in best interest of all parties concerned.

Biglittlelois:
Well it depends on what happened during the pregnancy e.g what happened when he found out she's pregnant, his reaction; either positive or negative, his involvement during the 9 month period and the day of delivery, some men can be soo annoying that they will start forming caring when they see the baby, they won't remember the insults and the blatant denial of the mother before the birth, well it still boils down to the kind of men ladies chose to be involved with, these days na so so yama yama everywhere, not all sha.

Any man that denies his child will be operation abort mission. Cant allow him to have a change of heart after the storm is over. If he is really repentatant, let him pay brideprice before he sees the child, if not he is not the father, simple.

badadvice:
that should be no wahala.
You've spent 2yrs on this forum.
One would think you'd at least learn to spell these naija slangs right!

Aiutocorrect happens and what exactly is your issue? To be petty? I don’t know you and you do not know me. If you have nothing to contribute it’s not mandatory to comment.

funmisticqueen2:
Why should he continue to mess up the woman's life with the paltry child support and his frequent visitations, doing his hello-hi 20% fatherhood. IIt's like seeing icecream when you know you are lactose intolerant.


If he wants visitation that badly,he will get 50% time with the kids i.e 2 weeks in a month but he must put in 100% effort with his parenting, not treating the kids like some afterthought. He also collect the kids through his chaffeur and alert the woman by text whenever he wants to visit his kids.

He should also see to the kids' needs by himself not putting them in the hands of some nanny or his girlfriend. He must not brng his girlfriend/any woman that is single or not a married family member over to visit the kids more than a day and it should only be once in that 2week peroid. The kids nust not stay in anybody else's house but his family members or their friends' and it must be with both of our permissions, same thing should go for the woman. Let him taste true singleparenthood.

Any man that is not okay with such conditions should forget about visitation. The woman will give the kids his address and move to his house when they turn 18.

This way i believe is in best interest of all parties concerned.

Will this also apply to the mother? Frequent boyfriends/men in and out of the child’s life?
Elsewhere that matter is settled in court minus the chauffeur narrative you gave.
What he does with the children when they’ are in his care as long as they are not harmed the mother has no input and if she refuses him acesss on account she does not like his new girlfriend she is sent to prison.
Access should be in the best interest of the child not trying to get even. At that of 12 a judge can ask a child whom they wish to reside with and many women have been hurt and felt betrayed when the child has picked their father over the mother.

Social media means kids can find their fathers easier rather than put that whole list of what he can and cannot do be civil as children can gravitate towards the parent that did not raise them what then?

babyfaceafrica:
this table you are shaking

It needs to be shaken .....

MissRaine69:
It should be a crime punishable by law for women to keep their children from their fathers after a separation. Married or not. You lay with him why is he “ a jobless idiot after the fact?” If the father of the children does not hurt them, wants to be involved don't fight him using the kids.

We think that we are hurting the man but really it's the kids who suffer. Kids need their father as much as they need their mother. Ladies please keep that in mind when fighting these proxy wars with exes. Kids are for life.

Missraine69 for once you earn my respect! Though controversial, a child needs all parents. What happens between two parents shouldn't rob off the child of the the father / mother figure while growing up.
I currently know many families raised up by the mothers that hated the fathers so bad because of what they grow hearing about the dads from the mothers. Am currently making efforts to open their eyes to separate their mothers' bitterness from the need for their fathers in their lives.

Alot of women transform their hatred for the fathers of their kids into some form of slandering coaching, setting up the kids against their fathers.

Again, good job

MissRaine69:
Will this also apply to the mother? Frequent boyfriends/men in and out of the child’s life?
Elsewhere that matter is settled in court minus the chauffeur narrative you gave.
What he does with the children when they’ are in his care as long as they are not harmed the mother has no input and if she refuses him acesss on account she does not like his new girlfriend she is sent to prison.
Access should be in the best interest of the child not trying to get even. At that of 12 a judge can ask a child whom they wish to reside with and many women have been hurt and felt betrayed when the child has picked their father over the mother.

Social media means kids can find their fathers easier rather than put that whole list of what he can and cannot do be civil as children can gravitate towards the parent that did not raise them what then?

Yes it applies to the mother too.

Concerning the custody issue, if it is proven that the man is not fit enough for custody in the first place, then the father would be ready to take the offer i spoke of earlier out of court. It is a simple strategy.

How that can be achieved, many ways.

MissRaine69:
Aiutocorrect happens and what exactly is your issue? To be petty? I don’t know you and you do not know me. If you have nothing to contribute it’s not mandatory to comment.

chill woman.
Dont take it personal.
I was only...........

anthonyuncle:
dz is one stupid stunt that they pull, it works on da offsprings at a tender age, but when they grow up,they realise da truth & grow hatred for their mum

Yeah!! It might not matter now but later it will manifest.

funmisticqueen2:
Any man that denies his child will be operation abort mission. Cant allow him to have a change of heart after the storm is over. If he is really repentatant, let him pay brideprice before he sees the child, if not he is not the father, simple.

So you wouldn't mind being in a loveless marriage just so you can give him access to his child?

ImaIma1:
So you wouldn't mind being in a loveless marriage just so you can give him access to his child?

nope, i wont have a child for a man i dont deem worthy enough. Who love epp sef. Maybe we should even make an open marriage arrangement that will benefit both parties.

funmisticqueen2:
nope, i wont have a child for a man i dont deem worthy enough. Who love epp sef. Maybe we should even make an open marriage arrangement that will benefit both parties.

.

Ok. But there are people who got pregnant by mistake as they might put it and the guy initially abandoned her but decided to be part of the child's life after birth. After all said and done, the child should not be deprived of the father's love. The lady should not pitch the child between her and the father. That's what the thread is saying

ImaIma1:
.

Ok. But there are people who got pregnant by mistake as they might put it and the guy initially abandoned her but decided to be part of the child's life after birth. After all said and done, the child should not be deprived of the father's love. The lady should not pitch the child between her and the father. That's what the thread is saying

I disagree. A man should stick by his decision whether it is to abandon a pregnant woman and thereby his child or to accept his responsibilty whether he is prepared or no.

Do men really expect to come whrn everything is said and done and expect the child on a platter of gold. Most of these men dont receive sense, look at airforce1, still acting irresponsible and chasing skirts when the excitwment of the newborn child has died down.

If you as a man want to be in your chi'd's life, come as a fully fledged father, not as a family friend who visits when it is convienent for him. That is all i am saying.

Jcole1985:
Bless this lady-OP,Guide her past the path of feminism and let not her eyes fall to slumber in the evil of the machinations of her female counter-parts,All this I ask through Christ our Lord.Amen.

It’s because of being raised by feminist parents I am able to be objective. Feminism has nothing to do with undermining the importance of a father figure in a child’s life. The feminism you speak against I am not familiar with.

badadvice:
chill woman.
Dont take it personal.
I was only...........

Failed withdrawal method.

MissRaine69:
It’s because of being raised by feminist parents I am able to be objective. Feminism has nothing to do with undermining the importance of a father figure in a child’s life. The feminism you speak against I am not familiar with.

Feminism and misogyny are both the same,both parties wanting their mates to hate the opposite sex becuase they are homosexuals.The straight ones are just follow-follow,A true African Woman or Man is not a feminist or misogynist,Same with the Arabs and the Asians.It is only in Europe and America that this thing exist.From experience,copying from Europeans never works out well for others.

MissRaine69:
Failed withdrawal method.

hey woman, my withdrawal skill is top notch!
I've preferred my darling withdrawal method to condom for over 2yrs now and honestly, its all been rosy for me.
I'm literally a pro at it.

funmisticqueen2:
I disagree. A man should stick by his decision whether it is to abandon a pregnant woman and thereby his child or to accept his responsibilty whether he is prepared or no.

Do men really expect to come whrn everything is said and done and expect the child on a platter of gold. Most of these men dont receive sense, look at airforce1, still acting irresponsible and chasing skirts when the excitwment of the newborn child has died down.

If you as a man want to be in your chi'd's life, come as a fully fledged father, not as a family friend who visits when it is convienent for him. That is all i am saying.

So as long as he wasn't there before, the child should be deprived of the father's attention because of personal conflicts? That is not how it works.

I have mentioned here before about a relative of mine in a bad marriage. In her case, they were even married but the guy is such a terrible person. He never even bought one thing for his daughter before and after she was born(not even a face towel).

She bought every single thing. He even refused donating blood for her to start ante natal and she was alone during that period even if they were married and living together.

They eventually separated. They are not cool but guess what?! She doesn't keep her daughter from her father when he asks to see her. And those times father and daughter spend together makes the daughter happy. He buys ger things too. That's all that matters to the mother and not the issues they have. They want the girl to grow up well without resentment that would scar her.

If such a case should go to court where the biological father is asking to be part of the child's life, he would win because he is the father regardless of whatever they may have been through. But it's just revenge and hurt that would make a woman turn her child against the father.

Konquest:
^^^^^^
^^^^^^
^^^^^^
@MissRaine69

Are you speaking from personal experience?
Are YOU married or not?
Do you have kids from such a relationship situation?


I can see that you have very RADICAL or CONTRARIAN views about
issues. You seem to love challenging the norm.





The above quote from YOU is a BRILLIANT summation. Very apt.


"MY MAJOR TAKE ON THIS"
Some women who got impregnated through rape or consent by some
dead beat guys have been known to tell their kids that their fathers ARE DEAD!

I know an African-American guy in his late 40s who impregnated up
to 5 different women over the years, but was not involved in their lives
because according to him he was "NOT ABLE."


Eventually when he got struck by thunder and his eyes became
clear, he had to seek for DNA tests to prove that his 5 children
who were in their 20s to early 30s from 5 different women
are his. Dude started having kids in his late teens and was
a major player who manipulated women. The beauty of the
whole thing is that all the children were happy to identify with
their very handsome father and had even started to connect
via Facebook with one another before the DNA results came out!

The man had even become a grandfather via some of his children
as of 2015.

Why are you having kids with someone who has 5-6 kids with 5-6 women already?
Why would you think your outcome would be different?
Look at all these celebrities with 4-5 baby mommas and then he goes get wed it’s to a woman with no kids!



Are you speaking from personal experience? From what I see around me I have a brother who went through hell to have access to his child all because he would not marry the mother ( that was her condition for access). He now has sole custody of his child.
Are YOU married or not? Attached
Do you have kids from such a relationship situation? No


I can see that you have very RADICAL or CONTRARIAN views about- Different not radical not all Nigerian women think alike.
issues. You seem to love challenging the norm.
grin:
Why not? Life is about shaking the table from time to time.

badadvice:
hey woman, my withdrawal skill is top notch!
I've preferred my darling withdrawal method to condom for over 2yrs now and honestly, its all been rosy for me.
I'm literally a pro at it.

I was referring to your existence. Not your skill.

Jcole1985:
Feminism and misogyny are both the same,both parties wanting their mates to hate the opposite sex becuase they are homosexuals.The straight ones are just follow-follow,A true African Woman or Man is not a feminist or misogynist,Same with the Arabs and the Asians.It is only in Europe and America that this thing exist.From experience,copying from Europeans never works out well for others.

You are allowed your views and I am allowed to disagree with those viwes . A lot of things would not be possible for the girl child were it not for feminism. Debating about who cooks or who washes the dishes or saying “I don’t need a man in my life “is a skewed view of a movement that was important.

MissRaine69:
You are allowed your views and I am allowed to disagree with those viwes . A lot of things would not be possible for the girl child were it not for feminism. Debating about who cooks or who washes the dishes or saying “I don’t need a man in my life “is a skewed view of a movement that was important.

Then what is Feminism about if it isn't about woman so pained about doing house-chores and abused girls so pained,they do not want to marry?

Who is the richest footballer in the world you won't believe who comes first . https://www.nairaland.com/5090888/top-10-richest-footballers-2019

MissRaine69:
It’s because of being raised by feminist parents I am able to be objective. Feminism has nothing to do with undermining the importance of a father figure in a child’s life. The feminism you speak against I am not familiar with.

Feminism and misogyny are both the same,both parties wanting their mates to hate the opposite sex becuase they are homosexuals.The straight ones are just follow-follow,A true African Woman or Man is not a feminist or misogynist,Same with the Arabs and the Asians.It is only in Europe and America that this thing exist.From experience,copying from Europeans never works out well for others.

MissRaine69:
I was referring to your existence. Not your skill.

oh right. About that, sum id quod sum and i dont withdraw.

Jcole1985:
Then what is Feminism about if it isn't about woman so pained about doing house-chores and abused girls so pained,they do not want to marry?

Neither of those things that you mentioned
A woman refusing to do house chores is a matter of preference not feminisim. An abused girl not wanting to get married because she fears re-living the trauma of her abuse is called making choice. Sir/Madam ( you cannot always go by monikers here) if you are going to argue feminism in Nigeria this is not the platform I don’t call that feminism. It’s confusion.
True feminism is what my father and his father practiced and preached because they did not discriminate between the boy child or the female child. I get paid the same as my male colleagues based on feminism.
I was able to enrol and be accepted into medical school based on merit. If you are aware women could not study medicine not that long ago.
So whatever YOUR experience is, my experience has been good.

MissRaine69:
Neither of those things that you mentioned
A woman refusing to do house chores is a matter of preference not feminisim. An abused girls not wamting to get married because she fears re-living the trauma of her abuse is called making choice. Sir/Madam ( you cannot always go by monikers here) if you are going to argue feminism in Nigeria this is not the platform I don’t call that feminism. It’s confusion.
True feminism is what my father and his father practiced and preached because they did not discriminate between the boy child or the female child. I get paid the same as my male colleagues based on feminism.
I was able to enrol and be accepted into medical school based on merit. If you are aware women could not study medicine not that long ago.
So whatever YOUR experience is, my experience has been good.

So what do I call tonto dikeh,rude CeeCee et al?