₦airaland Forum

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

you have to understand that you're the one attracting those men to you......nothing happens by mistake....during your childhood years,was your father like the men you described above?

Na only those 3 persons approached you all those while?

sandrayeo:
Wow,I’m so grateful to you all! All your comments are both helpful and uplifting. THANK YOU !

Someone said maybe Karma came to bite me in the ass in the person of this evil man. Maybe, I’m no saint but one thing I’m sure of, I’ve never wronged, betrayed or treated poorly a romantic partner or a suitor. For e.g. I’ve never taken money or gifts from men I knew I was not interested in. Heck I’ve even never asked for money or gifts from my boyfriends

I’m not perfect and wasn’t good enough for them, I get it. Sometimes you can be with someone nice and cool but still miss something. All you have to do is a clean break. You don’t ruin that person’s life on your way out.

Who told u no man will marry you? Keep a positive mindset and leave the dude to God. Be strong and let no human ruin your happiness

Sandeayeo

1. People do not change. When you think they do, they only showed their true colour. That guy came back to you but he was not a changed person.

"People are not who they are in a moment but who they have always been".

He is a bad man. It is unfortunate you knew him.

2. My advice to you is to understand that harbouring bitterness will only make you a sad person. It is difficult to forget but please try to forge ahead. Happiness is the only important thing in life. Please try to be a happy person.

I sympathise will you. You have been through a lot. Try to understand however that even though you think it is over, you may still find love again. Sometimes we find love when we aren't looking for it.

In summary be a happy person, forget the irresponsible guy and hope for a better tomorrow. Women with children still find loving man who marry them.

Shalom!

so many folks telling the op to stay strong, forget sex,chase men away, channel energy towards something else,screen men,this and that,but failed to remember konji,ok,the op feels she has been unfairly used by men and dumped afterwards,but seriously women has to rethink how to be on the offensive,I am a man and men can be used and dumped,if u know how to go about it, don't be a recluse or celibate because of a few man childish behavior,be on the offensive and use the tools nature has given you, nobody has Monopoly on mind games and women already has an unfair advantage,the power is in your hands use it.

@OP

I empathise with your past but I will try to be very firm and sincere with you on this subject.

1. The first relationship ended due to distance, you have no moral right to blame the young man.

2. You accused your second boyfriend for being a gay, he left you and cleared your doubt by marrying someone else. Only an idiiot and shameless nincompoop will marry a woman that falsely tagged him a gay. Beside, you lost trust for him and he lost interest in you. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME THE YOUNGMAN.

3. The 3rd guy was allowing things operate at its pace but you gave him marriage ultimatum and that is a HUGE TURNOFF. He returned after you have used a couple of people to "beg/pressurise" him only to get pregnant for him. By so doing, you wanted to TRAP him with pregnancy, he responded by running away after you refused his request for abortion. He came begging because you took him to court not because he really wanted to, he only wanted to save his head but again, bailed out because he wasn't really interested in marrying you. I don't even know why you took him to "family" court when he wasn't your husband.

Now Let's be fair, THIS GUY NEVER MADE MARITAL COMMITMENT TO YOU, he has right to marry whoever he desires even after dating you for decades and has no fault marrying someone else because he never promised you marriage at any time and there is no rule in this universe that all dating must end in marriage.

My FINAL VERDICT:

The men did you NO wrong neither did any of them deceive you.

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

[s]1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets[/s]

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

MissRaine69 we need ur attention here

Because you don't have a good character.

I feel so sorry for you. The right man will surely come .

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

I'm willing to marry you if you are ready ....
And I'm damn serious

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

Men are different, no one can tell.

You'll be okay sis, and you'd find a good man. Just keep believing and praying. And forgive those who have hurt you, forgiveness has a way of attracting good things to us.

@OP

I empathise with your past but I will try to be very firm and sincere with you on this subject.

1. The first relationship ended due to distance, you have no moral right to blame the young man.

2. You accused your second boyfriend for being a gay, he left you and cleared your doubt by marrying someone else. Only an idiiot and shameless nincompoop will marry a woman that falsely tagged him a gay. Beside, you lost trust for him and he lost interest in you. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME THE YOUNGMAN.

3. The 3rd guy was allowing things operate at its pace but you gave him marriage ultimatum and that is a HUGE TURNOFF. He returned after you have used a couple of people to "beg/pressurise" him only to get pregnant for him. By so doing, you wanted to TRAP him with pregnancy, he responded by running away after you refused his request for abortion. He came begging because you took him to court not because he really wanted to, he only wanted to save his head but again, bailed out because he wasn't really interested in marrying you. I don't even know why you took him to "family" court when he wasn't your husband.

Now Let's be fair, THIS GUY NEVER MADE MARITAL COMMITMENT TO YOU, he has right to marry whoever he desires even after dating you for decades and has no fault marrying someone else because he never promised you marriage at any time and there is no rule in this universe that all dating must end in marriage.

My FINAL VERDICT:

The men did you NO wrong neither did any of them deceive you.

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

[s]1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets[/s]

.

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

No be d dis snapchat filter girl dey find Mr world wey go marry am? U go reach 50 self, u never marry

Babe na u sabi what's up

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

Complete and total bunkum, prepare to die without getting married or turn to a lesbian with this your extremely immature attitude!

This is my take:

1, Your focus should be on finding a soul mate/ love not marriage. Never think about marriage for now, focus on getting a soul mate. Be kind to yourself. Stop being uptight.

2, Have it at the back of your mind that men love sex and are sexual creatures. All these looking for a man who is not interested in just sex but you won't work.
Personally, if any woman is not physically attractive to me, I won't even like to go further with her even if she is angel Gabriel's sister! Men need to be sexually attracted to you before they can take you serious this days

3, If you are the type that sees men as ATM, you are gonna have a hard time getting guys.

4, If you detest sex, it won't work

5 , Finally, be free, search for love not marriage, Search for Soul mate not wedding

Because when you see your soul mate, he will be so taken in with you that he will even be the one begging to go and see your parents

Your words are so on point. I feel for the OP and I wish I could type but I had a really long day but I'm so happy she's getting good advice from forward thinkers like you.

Meanwhile we need people like you in our community. Please join our interactive forum on www.womenwholisten.com so that you can change lives with such insightful comments like this. Thanks.

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

You never jam a player.


A player will pretend like he doesn't even entertain anything sex before marriage, in fact he will act as if he is celibate. He will be patient and focus on his target, he wouldn't mind how long it will take but as far as at long run he will gain your trust that's okay for him because his agenda is intact

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cZmWLkm_sY

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

Lol... Let me see your pics then I will give u a good answer to ur question...

Some men are well and truly scum!

You don't give a guy ultimatum and u expect him to marry u by force.... A big turn off

I will also say life is nt really fair but my surprise is did u only date three guys all ur life... Like ur 20s just one
.... 30 just one n naw

With this mindset of urs tho
What u shld also knw is no matter how careful, strict n stuff u r what will happen will definitely happen... You can't be too strict with criteria n stuff according to how u put it. U will see a good man n still drive him away

So like i said earlier be careful... Wish you the best in life

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

So sorry dear I can feel your pain most at night that lonely time when you have alot to talk about but no one to share with your ideas your secret no one to share with it hurts, when Men acts so I think he wasn't sure of what he wants, is not too late though you too need to mend your ways you sound like an independent woman so I think your ego ruined it all, mend your ways you can still find love I believe most real and true love show up when we don't expect it when you remove your mind from it

Seandisputed:
Fvck it man

You just made me put this song on replay

sandrayeo:
Hi all

I’m sorry this is going to be long but I’m in so much pain right now and I really need help to make sense of all of this.

I had 3 relationships in my life. The first one was in my early 20s I was madly in love but I moved to the UK for Uni so the long distance thing didn’t work out. He met someone and eventually broke up.

Then I met this guy in my late 20s in my congregation. He was so religious and caring. After 6 months he proposed and we started planning our wedding. That’s when I found out he was an active registered member of multiple gay dating sites. I confronted him about it, he denied everything but the trust was gone. We broke up and he moved on to marry another girl.

Finally I started dating my friend of 3 years or so. We were great as friends, but the romantic relationship was not as smooth as I thought it would be. We fought a lot, at least in the first year.
Eventually, things got better and we started talking marriage and babies.
By that time, I was in my mid-30s with a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure.
We decided to speed things up. We stopped the only contraception we ever had (condoms)
He was 100% on board with getting pregnant but was dragging his feet about marriage.

He wanted to do things backward; I was not OK with that so we had a big fight. I gave him an ultimatum so he broke up without actually saying it. He just stopped coming to my place, started acting distant. I tried many times to have a heart to heart conversation, I asked mutual friends to talk to him. He kept saying everything was fine but kept acting like an ass.
I finally had enough and stopped calling him and decided to move on with my life. I was in the process of getting my last eggs frozen when he came around (at least that’s what I thought). We had unprotected sex again and I got pregnant.

When I told him, he freaked out, pressured me to get an abortion and said I could never ask him for anything if I kept the baby

An abortion was not even a possibility in my book. I kept the baby, he bailed. I didn’t hear from him for 2 years. The first time I saw him since my pregnancy was in family court. We talked, he begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to be a good father to our son but also for me to take him back.
At first I said no but after 2 years of acting like he really had changed, I relapsed…only to find out few days ago that he’s about to get married back home to his longtime girlfriend with whom he has a child, only 6 months younger than mine.

Now I have 2 questions, the first one, I really need a male perspective:

1- Why would a man do what he did to me? Why would you come back and actively try to get back with a woman you obviously never loved when you are in a committed relationship and about to get hitched? But most of all, why would you go back to someone you caused so many pain and humiliation in the past and do the same shit to her all over again?

2- How do I get over this and move on with my life? Because this part of my life is now over, forever ruined. I’m almost 40 and a single mum. I will never be able to find a man willing to marry me. I'm left with anger, bitterness and regrets.

You can't continue to have sex with your guy and think he'll be serious planning to settle down with you.
He knew you don't have any option and with a child linking you guys together, he ll always breeze into/out of your life.

Brace up and accept your faith as a single mother

2buffagain:
Something I have always found weird with women...

I have no issues with having a bisexual woman. TONS of options for LOTS of Solomonish things.

But why do women have issues with bisexual men? Gay shit disgusts me as a man, but from your perspectives as women, why does it disgust you?

Ever heard of STD?

BoboKush:
You don't give a guy ultimatum and u expect him to marry u by force.... A big turn off

I will also say life is nt really fair but my surprise is did u only date three guys all ur life... Like ur 20s just one
.... 30 just one n naw

I like this question

Because dey never told you dey will stay with you forever!

Person wey never take u to alter na em u dey give ultimatum... E b like say bomb dey ur head. He go just walk away.

4 d guy u dey tag gay? Which other evidence do u have? Because dat wan wey u talk is not solid enough.
Because he might be a moderator in dat website,, Chief mod,, editor.. And dey may even b paying him 4 his work. He doesn't necessarily have to be a gay to be a moderator.

Tell us more about d guys u have dumped in the past.. Dose guys wey dey give u green light but for one reason or d other u rejected dem.

And stop acting desperate,, didn't say u should go and relax or start pressing reject button 2 any man dat greet u.

victorian:
My dear , always remember most men out there just want to know how your pussy taste, it applies to alot of women out there, including me!
The men will come will sweet tales, even swear with Koran or Bible or even with their mothers name but all they are after is how does the pussy feel and taste.
You need to be vigilant,prayerful and careful with your heart and mind. In fact be protective over yourself.
Some will even call God name, that don't u know its divine intervention that we are meeting up like this? All na pure lie, that's why we are having so many single ladies with children, but no father.
You are not the only single mum out there. Well I'm not one sha, but all the same have seen single moms get married to responsible single men or single dads.

From henceforth, focus on God , your child, your job and family. Men will still come again, to see if they can deceive you and have sex but this time, let them know u are a born again lady and u are not ready for never ending sex that leads no where. Let them know u want something stable and serious, and if they are here to just quickly have sex by using sweet words or by saying but u are my gf nah, we should be having sex! It's not like you a virgin, really?

. Some will even come with marriage, I will marry you. All na lie! U need to build your spirit to be able to discern those lying sweet tongues and the only u can do such is been close to God.

U let the guy know, look guy! I'm not ready for never ending sex, let's be friends and see how it goes. Both of you should have what to gist about. Apart from sex and talks about what turns either of you on. Infact don't entertain such talks or chats.
If the guy has nothing to gist about? Abeg free am!

Later your own will come.
But from henceforth, be happy focus one what makes u smile and gives u joy. Then leave the rest to God.

I'm in my 30s as well, but I don't allow my past make me unhappy. Im more into church things and my job. Early this year, while going thru cross over night prayers, spirit of God revealed to me, Men will. Come, I mean men! But most are coming to taste and run! So Vicky! Be alert! Don't be foolish, use your head. Screen them and later u will see they are just around to hurt me once again emotionally,infact some are coming to give me one last blow to finish me off emotionally.. I said to myself na WA o, upon everything have gone thru in my past. I said OK, no problem let them come. We will see who get sense pass!

Now, I'm so strict with my criterias and I don't entertain sex chats! Any guy coming that can't chat or talk without adding sex, I quickly cut off! No time to waste on those ones. Even the ones that comes with marriage, when I ask one or two deep questions, they run away. Lol


Babe! U need to be tough but in a calm way. Don't tolerate nonsense anymore. A real man who wants you for keeps will hang around u, watch u and eventually wife you. But u need to be patient and hold onto God.

Before your 30s are you not scamming guys thinking you will get marry at the right time later Cos karma is real Madam Victoria