₦airaland Forum

inspire22great:
What a mentality " to save ur family name " the question is this,the family name dey die?
Please don't send her away,if she is your daughter and someone who does not care tell you to send her away to save your family name,i believe you will not do that,you posted this because you wanted good advise and you are struggling to send her away because you sincerely car for her and the love of God in your is not wanting you to do such a thing,so please ma,let love in your heart guide you to correct her

.Thanks. I understand. You also have a good heart.

lacapine:
please speak English

Hahaha.. classic. You have nothing else to say
Dumb broad.

MrPresident1:
If a girl is old enough to have sex, she is old enough to get married. Her husband's house is her school.

lol

Amitez:
Let me ask you this simple question. At what age did you have your first boyfriend? Be very honest please because God is watching.
Nigerians are ungrateful people. You had her help you for 6 years now. As it is getting to the time to have real commitment in her life, you start seeing faultlines. This is same attitude that people exhibit against apprentices.
I am not suggesting you encourage her relationship, but ask yourself. If she was your biological daughter would you be thinking of "sending her back"? Have you reported her to her parents? Have you taken her to your church counsellor? Have you made effort to call the boy in question and possibly threaten him with police action? What exactly would you have done if she is your daughter? Please do same and stop contemplating sending her back. God hears the cries from such people when they do get to Him.

You don't know me and instead if asking questions genuinely, you are asking biased questions. Receive sense!

GboyegaD:
Manage her till the end of 3rd term which is another 3-4months. Before then, take your time to have a heart to heart discussion with her what your concerns are and how you would have to let her go back to her parents after this session since she is hell bent on living a life you are not comfortable with. If she doesn't change, send her back to her parents after the session before people ask you insulting questions should anything happen to her. Also, let her know you beat her because you sent her on errand and she was expected to return home and then seek permission before going to see her friends. This is needed so that the friends do not confuse her with the lies that you do not want her to enjoy the good things in sex is why you are restricting her.

I don't restrict in the real sense of it or should I say I don't overly restrict. When her friend(a really good girl) was doing her birthday in February, they went to shoprite together and came in around after 7 even though I said they should come by six. She goes to her friend'a place to make her hair every weekend or two weekends, she visits people and I keep telling her I checkmate her and give her how long she has to stay when she is out cos of trust issues. So I have had enough heart to heart discussions with her plus she has been reading all these comments And my replies.

austenite:
I will kindly not to send her back, it is easier for people to judge her forgetting that every child has their own challenges. Imagine if it were to be your biological child,where will you send her to? Give her a chance to change, adopt other strategies such like time checking her ie always know what she is doing per time. Please listen to me, if you actually want to train her up to her university level, then stop at nothing in ensuring that. Don't send that girl home because the worst of her might emerge in the village. Perhaps God placed that girl in your hand for you to be the instrument of change in her life and I believe if you stop at nothing in ensuring you do this, God will reward you immensely and you will have the final laugh. God bless you.

Done time checking and all. Like all. I can help from far. It changes nothing. Thanks.

Freedem:
You had an house maid since 12 , you people should be ashamed of yourselves, literally enslaving your own people in the name of providing jobs.

Where in Europe will you see a 12 year old maid.

Wicked animals

I would not even dignity this by giving a response. Let me pretend like I didn't see anything.

kid7soccer:
When she carry belle, you will not just but you will carry wahala on you he. If anything happens to her no body will say you want to send her to school, her family might even say you sent her to prostitue. So madam to prevent trouble, say your head and also protect you children who are watching her from picking the habit, please send her to her father's house. Keep and u will have it go south sooner or later

Noted.

TotoNaRubber:
@18 her kpomo is ripe for chopping according to the law, you have no rights beating her anymore.

. Yes sir

Eze2000:
Listen, I will be brief and my words will be hard to swallow because it is the truth based on experience.


1 When the head of the family makes the mistake of sleeping with the maid "even once" she starts to misbehave to the wife and sometimes even the man as well. That child has been with you since she was 12 and I'm willing to bet that all this boyfriend thing means she is quite attractive in some way. The probability your hubby has slept with her before is high.

Why?

Your hubby, as the head of the house, is supposed to inspire fear and respect from the girl. She can branch when you send her on an errand but should never branch when her oga does the same. it is not normal at all. Another thing is that "Incident of an affrontery" you mentioned. I strongly believe that's proof of a sexual relationship between the girl and your husband staring you in the eyes. The girl no longer cares about what he can or will do. It's how all young girls behave once you tamper with them sexually in an illegal way. Ask any man with experience.

The girls will keep the secret, yes, but they will disobey and insult that man in the worst kind of way. And because the man can never allow the truth to come to light, he will be powerless to do a thing.


Note: In most of the cases *(not all), I have come across where teenage girls suddenly go out of control with boys, an older man they don't like must have tempered with them sexually before.


2. If you want to send the girl back home, which is the right thing to do unless you want her pregnant under your roof, never tell ber of your impending action until the day you make the move.

Take her on a fake trip that ends up in her home and you are done. Best ploy, to help out in a friends marriage. Don't ask her to park, you can send that later or just drop money with her parent to replace the clothes. Just tell her to pick a few things. If your husband or nephew agrees to help and can be trusted. Buy a new bag that can swallow all her belonging in 2 minutes and have it ready *(a huge ghana must go bag is best, but add a paddlock to it). Once you and the girl get on the move. While in the car or out front in the house. Your nephew or husband will do her packing in 2 minutes flat and produce the bag as part of your luggage.


That's it.

Until that girl runs away when you tell her to get ready for deportation and her parentts start to harrass you for their daughter, you will not know how priceless a trick this is.

Thanks. I am too sure noting of such has happened. My hubby isn't always in town cos of job and he is the softer one by nature. We had a family meeting one time and asked everybody to say the good and bad in each other including us the parents. This maid of mine some oversabis are thinking she is that regular maid was included and she had freedom of expression. They were all like daddy is this and that, all good stuffs to say about daddy cos he doesn't shout only on very few occassions. He plays more too so its easy for them to feel like daddy would over look. That's the case here. Thanks. I appreciate your input.

SUXXI:
I have seen such situation in where i live.All indication shows the bloom of youth and she will only learn you want to help here when she is pregnant.A Ghanaian neighbour where i live is training her younger sister.She started following boys,all advice and beating did not work.One day she ran away from home and called here sister that she has returned to her parents in Ghana.She came to show me the phone number which was a Ghanaian number but i told her she does not have the means or money to go back to Ghana.Story cut short,she was staying with a guy in Nigeria and he was taking care of her and she got pregnant and she decided to come.Another where i used to buy food too.She follows boys,they bought her android phone,she ran away to stay with the guy and he got her pregnant.This also happened to my relative who was helping his younger sister.Same running after boys and decided to leave home as they were to strict not giving her enough freedom,she stayed with the boyfriend and her married her.Best is to send her home with all her load to stay with her parents.If she gets pregnant and do abortion and anything happen to her,you will be blamed.If she gets pregnant under you watch,you will be blamed.If you send her to her parents and she continues her boys boys life,your hand is clean.You did your best.flogging is not the best as this is the teenage time blood dey hot.Advice is the best.After you have sent her home,still enroll her for waec and neco.She will come and write when the time comes.Before you decided to put this issue here on nairaland,it has really bothered you.God will bless you as a good mother who wants the best for here.If you get BP because of here,you will be blamed.If you kill your self because of here,you will be blamed.If you send her back to here parents,you will have time to get rest of mind and take care of your wonderful family without all the drama from someone you wnat to help to get a better life.No be force to help someone who does not want it.

Thanks I appreciate this a lot. People think it just happened and I ran here. It has bothered me.for long as I really want it to be said of us that a child.came as a maid and today is a graduate. My joy would know no bound. Like maid should be allowed to live and aspire too but she may not be the person that would enjoy this dream.of mine with the way she is going. Thanks.. I ready appreciate your advice. Like u said no be by force.

millhouse:
manage her ke ...a lady already keeping boyfriends.. hia!! He beta send her away with immediate effect , infact he should just wake her up with a surprise that she is leaving that very day so no plan for her to make any next move ... or u don’t know what a woman with a man can do ?? Anytime he scolds tells her or threatens her with sending her away ......she will definitely go back to tell her man friend and believe u me if he is the jealous type or the agbero hanging out guy , he could begin to plant evil thoughts into her brains ( trust the gullibility of women) which could be to endanger her boss so he wount lose her .. when the did is done it might be too late ....So Oga to avoid stories that touch & your own safety ,bundle her to her parents with immediate effect .

Noted.

lacapine:
. Where do they do virginity test? In hospitals or labs? Won't that be invasion of privacy? I have been talking to her too. I agree good advice is what she needs more. I have tried oh. I have talking with her and her girls about toasting skills of boys, how they should form and all that. How they should size a boy up(not pocket wise) but if he is worth having an intelligent conversation with. At least as much as I know, I have taught.

Yes it cud be invasion of privacy bt if she claims she isn’t active then she shudnt have a problem with that bt then again not being active doesn’t exactly mean a Virgin so it depends of what she actually meant. Also I only suggested this because of almost family like relationship u have with her. It shudnt be by force cos that may worsen the situation.

Keep giving her advice and be strict were necessary. This depends on if she’s the serious type or the unserious one. if u actually hv future plans for her Let her know this so she can stay on the right path. Most people don’t care about their maids like that.

shugabasbn:
Give her a temporary relieved from your family before she contaminate your family members, husband and children

sure

gwinaB:
Speak with her without the threat of sending her back or any other form of threat.
Take her back to her parents without letting her know she is not coming back if she fails to listen to your advice.

Noted

galadima77:
How's she your maid if she doesn't respect and obey your instructions...and your kids will somehow start looking up to her. Better send her back before you open another thread on "pregnant maid".

I hear

zomby:
When you viciously discourage a 17 yr old not to have a boyfriend is like burning a fire next to Petrol...Eventually the Petrol will catch fire..

The more you discourage her the more she craves to have more boyfriends...

Solution:
Encourage her to have a boyfriend, but also advise her to be careful...and allow every other thing to fall in place....That is the best you can do..

Wherever there is a hard Dicckk, there will always be a wet pussssy.
Don’t kill yourself, just relax and let the girl figure it out on her own.

Most of our parents did not know that we had girlfriends / boyfriends during our time..we also did a lot shlt that we can’t even bring up on this forum, but yet we manage to make it.

She will be fine...

I knw she will be fine with her parents. Our own parents too weren't that open about sex. We talk about sex abortions, she tells me about her friends that had done abortion(s), drugs, clubs and live useless.life. How many of us were that free with our parents to.have such conversation? I wasn't. So if with this level of openness, she can't wait till 21, I can't handle it anymore. She has a wristband that a guy gave her. She said the guy is just her friend and no strings attached. I didn't even ask her about it again. I believed her. So why can't you just respect such a person who is this open to you. Some who told me once that she just smooched a guy and there was no penetration. I advised her and cautioned her cos I believed her. You no see say na style style rye matter don dey enter frypan to fire? Its better I send her packing NOW!

jaxxy:
Yes it cud be invasion of privacy bt if she claims she isn’t active then she shudnt have a problem with that bt then again not being active doesn’t exactly mean a Virgin so it depends of what she actually meant. Also I only suggested this because of almost family like relationship u have with her. It shudnt be by force cos that may worsen the situation.

Keepc giving her advice and be strict were necessary. This depends on if she’s the serious type or the unserious one. if u actually hv future plans for her Let her know this so she can stay on the right path. Most people don’t care about their maids like that.

Thanks..I appreciate. Would suggest it to her.

kid7soccer:
When she carry belle, you will not just but you will carry wahala on you he. If anything happens to her no body will say you want to send her to school, her family might even say you sent her to prostitue. So madam to prevent trouble, say your head and also protect you children who are watching her from picking the habit, please send her to her father's house. Keep and u will have it go south sooner or later

I totally get your view. Thanks

BeastOfAfrica:
It seems she is adamant on her way of life. Leave her alone. She is already too old for beating and even all these your counseling, She'll most likely not take it and do what she wants. Leave her to her choices, let her be responsible for her actions. If she get belle, it's her choice, if she enter uni, its her choice, in any case u won't get any credit. And no one will discredit the amount of commitment you made to her future, especially since you put her through the educational process. So, leave her, let her be cuz as far she is concerned at the moment, you are her biggest problem, hindrance to her free living end enjoyment of everything her friends are enjoying, you are doing more harm than good.


What you can do tho is monitor her, Carry out periodic pregnancy tests for her(since you have already given her sex education this shouldn't be a problem) cuz she might get pregnant and want to abort it without your knowing and who knows what will happen. Just drop your advice(simple short advice, not sit-down counselling, a word is enough for the wise, plus all these have psychological effect) and go, continue to provide all her verifiable needs, notify her parents/relation of her new choice of living, and let life take it's course on her.

There are many spoilt girls back then that are MDs of multinationals today, its not always the case that a spoilt child becomes useless. So, whatever direction her life will go, you cannot alter it, just continue to offer support. Daz all.

.Thanks beast of Africa. I would have to quit stressing it. Thanks I appreciate your Insight.

lilkudos:
Please if you wanna be a good person to her, send her home at this early stage and then train her from her parents house if you really wanna help her life, because it's just gonna keep getting worse.. except if you are ready for whatever may come later.. she might not be active now, buh she's definitely planning so hard to be, reason.. she listens to her peer group, instead of respecting you her guardian.. so please take her home for things not to go beyond your controls..

Wish you all the best

Noted. Thanks

ojoj:
Most.of these kids are like that. We have had couples of kids like this. They need help. I always tell my wife that those kids are in their TURBULENT PERIOD! Just like the plane, plane enters turbulent period in the air and after a while it goes away. Meanwhile in that state of turbulency, Passengers are always afraid. It takes the grace of God for such a child to retrace her steps. It's hardwork and prayer from your part. You can inform her parents to come and talk some sense into her. Why she needs to cool down and listen to the advice being given.
Also let her do away with her friends! With my experience as an educationist, PEER PRESSURE is number one thing affecting our teenagers negatively. You tell her, NO FRIENDS! And let her see alternatives. That is if you send her away, you can get somebody better than her that will be assisting you. As said earlier, go to God for her. Talk to God about her. It is well. All the best.

Thanks for the insight. I appreciate

samLSP:
Be more friendly to her and let her see the disadvantages of getting involved in relationship at this stage of her life.

okay

9jaBloke:
Punish, yes. Flog, no. Always carry her parents and suretees along. Tell them about the issues and the measures you have taken to correct her. If she's too stubborn for you to handle, send her back.

okay

lacapine:
I knw she will be fine with her parents. Our own parents too weren't that open about sex. We talk about sex abortions, she tells me about her friends that had done abortion(s), drugs, clubs and live useless.life. How many of us were that free with our parents to.have such conversation? I wasn't. So if with this level of openness, she can't wait till 21, I can't handle it anymore. She has a wristband that a guy gave her. She said the guy is just her friend and no strings attached. I didn't even ask her about it again. I believed her. So why can't you just respect such a person who is this open to you. Some who told me once that she just smooched a guy and there was no penetration. I advised her and cautioned her cos I believed her. You no see say na style style rye matter don dey enter frypan to fire? Its better I send her packing NOW!

That's the spirit. Her boldness is unbelievable.

lacapine:
I don't restrict in the real sense of it or should I say I don't overly restrict. When her friend(a really good girl) was doing her birthday in February, they went to shoprite together and came in around after 7 even though I said they should come by six. She goes to her friend'a place to make her hair every weekend or two weekends, she visits people and I keep telling her I checkmate her and give her how long she has to stay when she is out cos of trust issues. So I have had enough heart to heart discussions with her plus she has been reading all these comments And my replies.

I understand you and you have been sincere enough. If she chooses not to change, then she is willing to throw that which she has away and there is nothing more you can do other than return her back to her parents.

lacapine:
No.child labour here. She is free with us here. She swears I am her mum. If I don't tell you, you won't know the difference just that my kids are way younger. She travels home during some hills and that would have been a good time for her to run away if she didn't want to come back. So its not what you think. Yeah! I shouldn't have and that's why I said I lost it. I sat her down the next morning and we still spoke. She wrote a diary full of how silly she was and all what. I read it without her knowledge. We are close,so I thought. People in the area feel I am too close to her and thats why she misbehaves but I can't treat her otherwise. That I am here asking questions should say a lot na. It shows I place some form of value on her.

I talk and I have talked again. Mk the mother help me too talk small..

cool.... Its ok we can't be perfect but uv done ur own, rest is left to her.

lacapine:
. Intact this last long holidays, she travelled after Junior waec and didn't come back until September. I told her if she wants to come back, she woud have to ask her mum for tfare or find it anyhow to show that I didn't want her back ie she came on her own accord and that she would abide by the rules. She came back on her own and wrote me a lengthy letter of promises. Then here we are again.

hmmmmmmm, then it seems she dosnt value the opportunity you have given her, just send her back to her parents Shikena!

1Sharon:
Yes I'm Nigerian. I'm glad that is the only part of my post you picked at.

From your posts, you seem to have lost touch of the Nigerian reality.

You based your entire posts on lack of sex education as the main reason the girl got pregnant. I cannot confirm if my mum had given all the girls who grew up in my house sex education or not since i am the only boy who grew up entirely in the house.

You didn't ask yourself this question, if my mum didn't give sex education (in line with your suggestion), how come no one ever got pregnant except this girl?

There are 3 adopted girls with my parents at this moment, 1st came to the house at age 7, she is now 24, an NCE holder and final year undergraduate. Why didn't she get pregnant from lack of sex education?

The 2nd girl is writing WAEC, she too was demoted because she couldn't read when she came at primary 4. Her mother was my late cousin and my baby sitter when my mother gave birth to me while schooling. She never got pregnant.

The 3rd is not a year old in my house, just like the pregnant girl, she was demoted since at 9 she cannot read at all. My 7 year old boy reads, my 5 year old reads better than the 9yr old. Are my parents the cause that this girl cannot read?

All these people my parents used their hard earned money to train and feed, relatives and non relatives alike, you think they don't have better things to do with money? I grew up with a lot of people in my house but my parents had only 3 of us. Dont you think it would have been better to send us abroad instead of wasting money on other people.

Inspite all this and a lot you have no idea about, you think its appropriate to blame my parents? You have certainly lost touch with reality.

You're welcome.

lacapine:
. Thanks numen. Funny thing is we have a ready replacement sef who happens to be her very close friend whom I love too. I appreciate your advise

lacapine:
. This one hard oh!. If the boys parents carry fight come meet me for house nko? I will talk to the boy sha if I go by this method but not beat. Lol. Thanks all the same.

Ok...instead of beating give a strong warning (don't be cool with him) This also works

lacapine:
she is oh! She is like a daughter to me. I have posted about her here too before here. Its the close marking I gave her that made her calm down small. The principal in her junior secondary school was a Darling. She helped a lot. Handed her over to a female teacher to mentor her and one Jehovah witness teacher in the school who always gave her magazine. They did this cos I reported. I have also chased boys in the past, spoken to their parents, warned. How long can I continue chasing them? I really like her and want the best for her even though I no be millionaire. But no be force. Maybe she wants better that I can't provide.

I remember at age 15 to early 18 I almost made my mom walk through hell, I was a thorn in her skin but right now I wish I had never been heartless and I am thankful for that, though she is not ur child but u raised her as long as she has not for once looked you straight into the eye and tell you what you have done for her is nothing that means she is not an ingrate, she doesn't want anything better than the love u have showered on her, she is just being young and dumb don't give up on her yet one day she would look back and say how grateful she is for raising her as a daughter despite being a helper and wish she hasn't let you go through those stress of sharpening her path... just hold on