₦airaland Forum

MiddleSpot:
Flatter her too much and she may cave in. People in this spot most terms don't want to be called by their good attributes. If you know, you know

Dolphin01:
Good evening the Lady with a good heart.
We are designed to be social beings. Though we have exceptions. And as a human being here on earth you can't do without your fellow humans.
In dealing with people, you will come across the good ,the bad and the ugly. While for relationship aspect ,kissing of frogs before meeting one's prince charming/adorable queen is a normal thing.
But will this stop one from associating with his fellow humans? No of course.
There is always a principle behind every thing/system that works .This also applies to us as human beings
One of the Principles of Social Interaction is Love. Why do I say so,people must hurt you. Your family members are not exempted. But with love in place,you will overlook the hurts.
Another Principle is Being Friendly. That is having a likeable personality.
In this your case,how can you overcome this challenge? After all,every challenge is meant to be overcome.
If you attend a church, why not join a service unit,for example the ushering unit. This is an area where you can develop your interpersonal skill. Remember what I said earlier on. You must be hurt,but your principle of love will make you over look hurts.
If you are a professional, you can be active in your professional association. This will greatly increase your interpersonal skills.
Remember the Principle of being Friendly,with that principle imbibed ,saying hello to folks in your neighborhood and visitors to your house won't be an issue.
That you greet someone hi doesn't mean you guys are friends, but is an attribute of a person with friendly personality.
You are a lady with a good heart,so show it to the world.

Tayor23:
I was exactly like you before but everything changed when I started going to the gym...You can try it cos it works for me.

generationz:
how old are you?

With age , time and exposure your shyness will reduce.

Apart from greetings do these people ask questions about your personal life which you don't want to reveal?

I do this too. I avoid routes where I know people who love small talk and like asking stupid personal questions. They ask not because they like me but because they want to know how far you have gone in life to gossip about and compare with their kids.
Even my facial expression when passing their shops makes them know they shouldn't ask me anything stupid other than "Good morning "

However you must know that while there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert you might find yourself in situations where you will have to overcome shyness to succeed
Eg if you are a business woman or you work in an industry where you meet people daily and your social intelligence is required.

I'll advice you to start reading books on charisma .
Never eat alone is one. You can look for the free PDF on google

There are tons of videos on YouTube that you can watch.

They will teach you confidence, how to make eye contact etc.

Make sure you practice what you read or else its not worth it at the end of the day

QueenSekxy:

unicorn79:
You have stated the same thing I did. Not every African man does, but the 'typical' African.

Meaning perhaps only 2 out of 10 wouldn't.

So back to the question, how do you intend to cope when married?

Because life is not mathematics. There are chances all the men who will come your way may just be the typical African man.

QueenSekxy:
What you said is true.
I have outgoing friends, but I really do not want to be too associated with them cos I feel they are not towing my path in life
My problem is how to start greeting and showing interest in people.
Thanks for your help too.

GHoJes:
Get someone who you can open up to so that the person can constantly drum it into your mind such that you hear the person's voice when the need arises even when the person is not there. Also this person shouldn't be judgemental so that you can report yourself any time you falter in other for the person to continue pushing you. You will need to tell the person your and if need be remind occasionally to prevent being judgemental or giving up on you cos we are humans.
How's your mum helping?

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

IamPlato:
hahahaha. So You Be Introvert

UyaiIncomparabl:
You're very normal. I'm like that too.
I even hate seeing people around me or want to visit me because I feel they disturb my peace and it annoys me a lot.

I can even pretend not to see someone so I don't greet that person. I think I have mental issues.
Anyone who comes to oppose my point will be thrown into the fiery furnace.

QueenSekxy:

IamPlato:
If There Is A Major Problem I Have, its Greeting People... Sometimes I Also I Avoid People but I Have Learnt To Build Conversation with People Even Strangers...


Learn To Be A Conversationist

QueenSekxy:
I am, but just with the people I know too well.

GHoJes:
It is sure going to affect you sooner or later as you fear but the good thing is that you want to be better. Its an introverted way worsened by an enforced isolated or restricted growing up or background. The issue is not greeting as someone up there was encouraging to continue but that you avoid people who you may in the future need their help or they may need yours which definitely will cause problem. I call the hiding, ostrich approach cos the bird buries its head in sand to hide from problem forgetting the big body is in the open. The moment you start avoiding being noticed you get noticed faster cos you are the one who didnt do what others did. I tell you with certainty, more people than you know has noticed you.

The problem is that if you can comfortably do without people, some people need some things you have therefore will become problem .As for 'hernis' if not now that comfort zone may crash some day. A major disadvantage with the attitude is that you bereft yourself from some growth, information, warmth etc you could have gotten from people. Trust me, you could have gone higher than second best position in 300l but for the attitude.

Way forward is to get close to a good friend who is sociable and learn how to relate cos you want to improve but you dont know how. Take it from me, you will meet people who really want to associate with you not necessarily closely just to express their like for you and the only way they express it is by greeting if you dont return the warmth you will become an enemy.

IamPlato:
dont Be Afraid Of People, they Wont Bite

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Yea. Communication is often a problem for an introvert. In public places/gatherings, when I sit with people and they discuss, I just remain silent all through listening and listening and they wonder why I don't chip in to their discussions. Some think I'm dumb or totally clueless/unintelligent to join in the discourse, but to me, I find it a problem to talk or start talking over petty/trivial issues that don't concern me. People usually think I'm snobbish, cold or being proud but they're just totally wrong.

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

kense88:
When your walking and makes eyes contact with a familiar face, just smile(the smile really makes things easier) and say good morning or just hello.

generationz:
how old are you?

With age , time and exposure your shyness will reduce.

Apart from greetings do these people ask questions about your personal life which you don't want to reveal?

I do this too. I avoid routes where I know people who love small talk and like asking stupid personal questions. They ask not because they like me but because they want to know how far you have gone in life to gossip about and compare with their kids.
Even my facial expression when passing their shops makes them know they shouldn't ask me anything stupid other than "Good morning "

However you must know that while there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert you might find yourself in situations where you will have to overcome shyness to succeed
Eg if you are a business woman or you work in an industry where you meet people daily and your social intelligence is required.

I'll advice you to start reading books on charisma .
Never eat alone is one. You can look for the free PDF on google

There are tons of videos on YouTube that you can watch.

They will teach you confidence, how to make eye contact etc.

Make sure you practice what you read or else its not worth it at the end of the day

crackhaus:
Two points deserving of an applause. I hope the OP pays attention to them.


Correct me where I'm wrong:
You are a natural introvert who acts extroverted in some social situations to mask your introversion.

Only someone who has learnt to keenly observe the world (immediate environment) around them and consciously adapts to it as at when needed, can come up with those points.

Introversion is not negative trait, but if by heavens will, an introvert is born and lives in a society that is mostly extroverted, it's best to know exactly what social situations require extroversion then adapt accordingly, in comparison to those situations where it would be perfectly okay to remain reclusive.
One cannot just be reclusive all the time every time. Even a natural extrovert ought to have moments for bringing their extroversion down a notch.

Flexibility always trumps rigidity when it comes to social & human interactions.

fonzie2u:
I am an intovert to the core,i even avoid my family and friends. I just love being alone,i also dont really get angry or emotional cause things dnt get at me.

I am hardly on social media,i hide my status and pictures and comments and just love to be anonymous.I love my space,privacy and a quiet environment,i dont feel lonelyor bored even when i may need people.

In the office i relate with my co workers but maintain my private life,no gossips,complaints or abuse.

My colleague saw my certifications and ws surprised,because i dont show that i know.

I just love being in the background unnoticed.

QueenSekxy:
Lol
You got me cracked up.

HARDBUOI:
Hello...have I told you?

QueenSekxy:
That??

HARDBUOI:
......U are pretty I want to marry you

QueenSekxy:
Lol
Thanks
I'm taken.

QueenSekxy:
I have Been a member of charismatic renewal, didn't attend much cos of too much sister this/that greeting.
But, it somehow withdrew me from God when I was in school after I left the society.
Now, I want to join again but determined, my worry is how to start greeting these people again.
I'm not a fan of it, I always hide myself from people I know just to avoid that greeting.