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Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? - Family - Nairaland

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Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:01am On Dec 27, 2019
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: What I am saying is that a man has to have some safeguards to cushion the effects of the chasing process. It’s not advisable to base your chase on just word of mouth. Going into battle with Nigerian women is better with a financial shield.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:03am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This is has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit



A bit overly-inflated ego. If you switch back ten degrees, you'll attain balance. Balance is key, but for the moment you're abit too strong. I also became this way and feel strongly that you should continue to hold your drive/manage your emotions as you have but... I feel and think maintaining balance and looking for what balance means to you will be much better. For example, not begging a woman, but trying to get her ears if things go south to try to discuss things. Also, giving room for second chances will help you put things in perspective than break up a good thing with a rocky phase. Knowing the balance between when to move on, when to stay and when to act tough and acting as the occasion warrants is key!


Balance is key!

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:07am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:




A bit overly-inflated ego. If you switch back ten degrees, you'll attain balance. Balance is key, but for the moment you're abit overly

Thanks. But having to beg is a big issue with me. I can’t just bring myself to begging and chasing. I am getting too old for that.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:08am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Thanks. But having to beg is a big issue with me. I can’t just bring myself to begging and chasing. I am getting too old for that.


Same here. Relationship flings both ways. Don't beg anyone even in marriage. I've also begged in the past and what I've noticed is excessive good manners areal ways abused by the recipients. Hold off excessive politeness is one of the key to maintaining a black woman thesedays. Good treatment is always and always and always considered weakness

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:10am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:



Same here. Relationship flings both ways. Don't beg anyone even in marriage. I've also begged in the past and what I've noticed is excessive good manners areal ways abused by the recipients. Hold off excessive politeness is one of the key to maintaining a black woman thesedays. Good treatment is always and always and always considered weakness

Exactly. I don’t even have any attention to give to any woman for now, except my mother ( I know this will attract insults, but it’s just the fact). Thanks for your contribution.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:11am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Exactly. I don’t even have any politeness to give to any woman, except my mother ( I know this will attract insults, but it’s just the fact). Thanks for your contribution.


Yw bro " Excessive politeness not just politeness", one last thing, anyone who can't receive good perks, politeness is unstable/psychologically unstable and should be broken off with as they won't/can't make stable longterm companions

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:14am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:



Yw bro " Excessive politeness not just politeness", one last thing, anyone who can't receive good perks, politeness is unstable/psychologically unstable and should be broken off with as they won't/can't make stable longterm companions

I don’t understand this.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:16am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


I don’t understand this.


It means, there are ladies when] ou treat respectfully will consider you weak, and if you notice this, make sure you don't overlook it as they don't make good partners for the longterm. These kinds want relationships filled with abuse and drama and won't make healthy relationship companions. Trust me I've been there, there are woman that don't want smooth sailing relationships

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by crackhaus: 9:16am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This is has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit
You've become a made man bro, not in an economic sense but in the awake sense.

There's nothing wrong with you.
If you're going to beg for or indulge in anything in life, it must be something that improves your overall standing and worth to yourself and your closest friends/family.

Regarding your loneliness, try to seek out women who already have a soft spot for you, women who share some common interests with you. You don't need to be wealthy for this.
I have come to understand that the best relationships with the opposite sex are those that are not forced, those that start on a stable mould of genuine friendship - this is not a guarantee that you will live happily ever after, but it still beats having it any other way.
You must never beg or indulge a woman who has no interest in you.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 9:17am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego . It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: I have been indoctrinated into the money first mentality, but the money is not there yet.

Might be a sign of low self esteem.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by crackhaus: 9:21am On Dec 27, 2019
bukatyne:


Might be a sign of low self esteem.
What would begging for the time and attention of women be a sign of?

13 Likes

Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by cococandy(f): 9:22am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Thanks. But having to beg is a big issue with me. I can’t just bring myself to begging and chasing. I am getting too old for that.

Don’t beg for love.

You can do a chase. In a mature way. That’s different.

But all that begging and yapping about how you can’t live without her and bla bla bla , only reeks of desperation. frankly women don’t believe y’all when you do that.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:22am On Dec 27, 2019
crackhaus:

You've become a made man bro, not in an economic sense but in the awake sense.

There's nothing wrong with you.
If you're going to beg for or indulge in anything in life, it must be something that improves your overall standing and worth to yourself and your closest friends/family.

Regarding your loneliness, try to seek out women who already have a soft spot for you, women who share some common interests with you. You don't need to be wealthy for this.
I have come to understand that the best relationships with the opposite sex are those that are not forced, those that start on a stable mould of genuine friendship - this is not a guarantee that you will live happily ever after, but it still beats having it any other way.
You must never beg or indulge a woman who has no interest in you.

My exact sentiments. I just needed reassurance. About the loneliness, I will just fine as I have been like this for a while. And note, it’s not like I am completely broke, I am just not where I would like to be, hence I don’t even bother initiating any relationship.

Thanks for your contribution.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:22am On Dec 27, 2019
cococandy:


Don’t beg for love.

You can do a chase. In a mature way. That’s different.

But all that’s begging and yapping about how you can’t live without her and bla bla bla , only reeks of desperation. frankly women don’t believe y’all when you do that.

Rare coming from a female. Thanks.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:23am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


My exact sentiments. I just needed reassurance. About the loneliness, I will just fine as I have been like this for a while. And note, it’s not like I am completely broke, I am just not where I would like to be, hence I don’t even bother initiating any relationship.

Thanks for your contribution.



Don't discard relationships before trying. Even while trying to protect your esteem, doing this amounts to the reverse, low self esteem. Remember balance is key

4 Likes

Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by cococandy(f): 9:23am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Exactly. I don’t even have any politeness to give to any woman, except my mother ( I know this will attract insults, but it’s just the fact). Thanks for your contribution.

Well this is a totally different matter. And needs to be addressed separately.

If you can’t be polite, means you have bigger issues than not wanting to grovel. Also a sign of immaturity.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:24am On Dec 27, 2019
bukatyne:


Might be a sign of low self esteem.

I was actually waiting for this. Why should I grovel before women when I know the eventual outcome?

Why don’t I bide my time & wait to be ready for a mutually respectful & rewarding relationship?

I have seen so many guys get hurt by trying to beg women. It simply doesn’t work.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:26am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:




Don't discard relationships before trying. Even while trying to protect your esteem, doing this amounts to the reverse, low self esteem. Remember balance is key

Thanks but how do I discard what I don’t have? It’s not like I arbitrarily terminate budding relationships. I just don’t bother to initiate one. Maybe I am trying to shield myself but I wouldn’t call it low self esteem.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:27am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:



It means, there are ladies when] ou treat respectfully will consider you weak, and if you notice this, make sure you don't overlook it as they don't make good partners for the longterm. These kinds want relationships filled with abuse and drama and won't make healthy relationship companions. Trust me I've been there, there are woman that don't want smooth sailing relationships

I copy that.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:27am On Dec 27, 2019
RoyalRoy Lalasticlala Mynd44 Rocktation Dominique, I think we have another amazing thread that needs more contributions on the subject to help not just the op but others in the same situation find answers. And get more contributions. I suggest moving this thread to front page and renaming it " Is begging a sign of weakness or maturity in relationships"

We need more inputs to find balance on the subject discussion


Cc Toks2008

2 Likes

Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by healthserve(m): 9:28am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Thanks but how do I discard what I don’t have? It’s not like I arbitrarily terminate budding relationships. I just don’t bother to initiate one. Maybe I am trying to shield myself but I wouldn’t call it low self esteem.


I'll talk about introversion later. And why excessive introversion is also low self esteem

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by cococandy(f): 9:29am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Rare coming from a female. Thanks.

You don’t follow my posts then.

Never beg for love. And don’t grovel where you’re not wanted. Even after marriage. You work to get into a relationship and work to stay in it as long as the other person is equally invested and wants it as much as you do. That’s the only sweet type of love I know cheesy

Otherwise it’s just needless pain in the name of love.

11 Likes

Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by crackhaus: 9:30am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


My exact sentiments. I just needed reassurance. About the loneliness, I will just fine as I have been like this for a while. And note, it’s not like I am completely broke, I am just not where I would like to be, hence I don’t even bother initiating any relationship.

Thanks for your contribution.
Companionship is important, very important and if you're feeling lonely, then something is wrong and you must figure that out.

The mistake most men make is we often assume the cure to loneliness lies in having a female companion, this is very false and can lead you into the wrong woman. Try to get rid of your loneliness instead of accepting that you're fine with it, just don't make women the go-to alternative.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:31am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:



I'll talk about introversion later. And why excessive introversion is also low self esteem

I look forward to it.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by fykes(m): 9:31am On Dec 27, 2019
If u have lived long enough u will notice that no matter how a person is, someone of d opposite sex must like and want them. Begging is a sign of weakness, women hate weakness in men.
Politeness is a virtue, virtues can't be wrong. Finally, a man's worth is not "intricately" connected to his economic value. That's a lie and an inadequate human view that breeds all d vices and monstrous attitudes we see in men today.
A man's value is in d depth of his convictions and the strength of his character.
A girl may not see this line of thought, a woman will definitely do and it's more than age- the difference between a girl and a woman.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by cococandy(f): 9:33am On Dec 27, 2019
healthserve:



Same here. Relationship flings both ways. Don't beg anyone even in marriage . I've also begged in the past and what I've noticed is excessive good manners areal ways abused by the recipients. Hold off excessive politeness is one of the key to maintaining a black woman thesedays. Good treatment is always and always and always considered weakness

I see someone already said it before I did.

Yes even after 30 years of marriage. Don’t beg.

You can try to reason with the person if it’s a relationship you’re interested in keeping. There are many ways to work on a failing relationship but begging isn’t one of them.

Frankly it inflates the egos of folks who are innately abusive by nature and makes them treat you even worse because they enjoy seeing you diminished.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by cococandy(f): 9:33am On Dec 27, 2019
kiss
fykes:
If u have lived long enough u will notice that no matter how a person is, someone of d opposite sex must like and want them. Begging is a sign of weakness, women hate weakness in men.
Politeness is a virtue, virtues can't be wrong. Finally, a man's worth is not "intricately" connected to his economic value. That's a lie and an inadequate human view that breeds all d vices and monstrous attitudes we see in men today.
A man's value is in d depth of his convictions and the strength of his character.
A girl may not see this line of thought, a woman will definitely do and it's more than age- the difference between a girl and a woman.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:34am On Dec 27, 2019
crackhaus:

Companionship is important, very important and if you're feeling lonely, then something is wrong and you must figure that out.

The mistake most men make is we often assume the cure to loneliness lies in having a female companion, this is very false and can lead you into the wrong woman. Try to get rid of your loneliness instead of accepting that you're fine with it, just don't make women the go-to alternative.

Hmmmm. I find partial pleasure in my work and reading but I can’t lie, I get lonely sometimes & need the feminine touch. I am not gay. I am just not ready to beg for one. The feeling has to be mutual.

My problem now is that I will feel more confident entering into a relationship with power of my own(money) due to my experience being a Nigerian. I am not ready or willing to enter into a relationship without money because my ego will now allow me face the consequence of that.

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Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by uninspired07: 9:35am On Dec 27, 2019
cococandy:
kiss

A man’s convictions & strength of character in Nigeria?

I rather stick to believe that a man’a value is tied to his economic value.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 9:36am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


I was actually waiting for this. Why should I grovel before women when I know the eventual outcome?

Why don’t I bide my time & wait to be ready for a mutually respectful & rewarding relationship?

I have seen so many guys get hurt by trying to beg women. It simply doesn’t work.

You said when you sense a whiff of disinterest or indifference, you flee to protect your ego.

That was why I highlighted that statement and responded to it.

Nobody has talked about groveling before a woman to make her accept you nor do I buy the idea of using gifts to woo a woman except you are looking for an elebi.

If you think immediately you ask a woman out, she must say yes, then you must have an overbloated sense of yourself which is pride or a mask to cover your perceived inadequacies which is low self-esteem.

If you want a lady, be ready to invest your time in wooing her and if she insists no, you can move on.

Sometimes, you need to go extra to pursue a lady especially if you are the type that believes in God's perfect will for marriage.

11 Likes

Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by crackhaus: 9:36am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


Exactly. I don’t even have any politeness to give to any woman, except my mother ( I know this will attract insults, but it’s just the fact). Thanks for your contribution.
Lol, explain this further.
I feel what you typed doesn't reflect the message you were trying to pass, and it will be completely misunderstood.
Re: Is This A Healthy Dose Of Self Esteem Or Should I Be Worried? by bukatyne(f): 9:37am On Dec 27, 2019
uninspired07:


A man’s convictions & strength of character in Nigeria?

I rather stick to believe that a man’a value is tied to his economic value .

Well, Goodluck to you.

You will certainly attract the kind of women you deserve.

7 Likes

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