₦airaland Forum

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


My husband always praise his mum cos she trained him to med school here in U.S.A, of course who wouldn't just like I don't joke with my dad cos he did well for his six kids, so he adores his mum, praises her in every situation, always at her beck and call, I didn't see it as a big deal cos, well, it's his mum, we met here in NY, he and his family stay in Maryland while I was schooling in NY, the plan was when we get married I'll go back and forth till I finish school then move to Maryland, so I took in, you know first pregnancy how difficult it is, so one of those days i went to ML for the weekend one time, during that period, his mum had a get together so everyone is expected to be there, being in my first trimester, I was sick and told her I can't be there, she insisted and I told her I'll try, when the time came I was too ill to go anywhere so I didn't go, all for his mum to come later that night and was shouting saying and I quote "when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen" that is exactly what she said, I was shocked, my husband was there looking he didn't say anything, his father was there, he shouted at her that why would she say something like that, his mum shut him down saying all manner of unsayable things because she was more like the breadwinner, his sister, that one cannot talk if not the mother will insult her very existence just because she got pregnant out of wedlock but she still married the father ooo, me, my mouth was open, I couldn't talk cos I dont even know what to say, when they left hubby didnt even try to ease my mind or anything, the next day I jejely left for NY, vowing that my leg will never step into ML anymore.

Sincerely I was tempted to abort and divorce my husband because I don't understand how someone can say evil like that, even if it was a joke, that was nonsense, since then I've been in NY, I gave birth here, Dre has been the one coming here, it's not like me and his mum don't talk, she calls and we talk, sometimes I call too, all for recently, infact last week Dre says he got an opening for a job here and he wants to take it, I blatantly told him NO, because his parents couldnt work anymore due to health and all so they are staying with him in ML, him moving here means his mum will do that too, I told him no that I like things the way they are, no issues, nothing, I cannot stay in the same house with his mum because we will have issues that one is certain, he started shouting, I reminded him of what his mother said two years ago, he now said it is the past, which past? Now that I'm working I am expected to leave my babies with her, call me delusional the instinct of a mother is to protect her children, even if she may not do anything, we will still have issues and I don't want that before someone say I'm disrespectful when I talk back.

If I decide to turn American now, I'll just tell him he can't bring anyone here without my permission, but no, I won't tell him that, some of their laws here is stupid to be honest and I'm a nice person and I was born and bred in the north in Nigeria also I don't want to escalate issue, I am the only one here, my family is in Nigeria and i never mentioned any of this to them so it won't turn to family issues, now he's not talking to me saying he will take drastic measures, it will not pass divorce and custody battle of which I know I will win but I don't want that for my kids, they need their parents in the same home not divorced, my own is he should stay where he is and take care of his parents and continue worshiping his mum, is it that hard?

I dey vex abeg, pls advice on other options fam.

breakerofchains:
Sis, you don't have to endure any rubbish.

Put your foot on the ground and give him and his mother very serious warnings. Tell your MIL that if she threatens you again, you'll file a report in the police station.

You are in AMERICA, leverage it!

Don't endure any rubbish ESPECIALLY from your in-laws and husband. Call them out.

when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen"

enemyofprogress:
Truth be told you are married to a wrong person and a wrong family. Get pregnant for him,have another child and move on with your life or just move on with the one you're having now,who knows a gentleman like me from a very good family might come your way.

Caseless:
homebreakers everywhere. So you want them divorced so she can marry a "gentleman" like you. See advertisement...

TonyeBarcanista:
Funny enough if the husband is to write his own version the story will be different.

Humans are good at painting themselves all saintly and innocent when when explaining issues that involves them and most wives are fond of painting their MIL to be evil. I find it unwise to react to an issue by hearing just one version, so I shall hold my peace.

Dear OP, do whatever pleases you and stop seeking validation online. Only you know what the real truth is...

Asquare84:
Remember you are an African woman and forget about those western civilization, respect your in-laws

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

mistyebby:
85% of African MIL's can make such utterance. The only thing I figured is there is no hate between MIL and op which is good.

Op has a lot of rules she has to break or bend. Someone has to compromise. If your plans are no longer working, allow your man make the decisions.

If you worry yourself and get high bp and die. Give him 2months, you will be replaced. Let your husband be the man. He married you! You are already acting like his mama, so watch it!

crackhaus:
85%?

Biglittlelois:
One thing I realise with relations living with young couples is that it doesn't always end well. I remember one neighbour we had then, the wife married an only child and his mother had to come live with them, one day, the wife and mum had a serious fight to the extent that we were hearing the blows in our house, my mum wanted to go separate them, dad told to not to try it that it's not her business, this is a wife that just gave birth, on the naming ceremony, the MIL left the house, she didn't attend,

Stories like this is really sad cos it brings tension between couples and difficult for the husband to choose sides, Op I wish you the best in whatever decision or outcome you choose.

Lalasticlala.

john650:
The fact of the matter is that this lady's story is a hodgepodge of lies and half-truths. She claims it's all the husband and his family's fault.

Nigerian women prefer to have their fathers, mothers, siblings or cousins to come live with them than the husband's side of the family. So when the husband's family gets close, they rebel and start making up stories.

I have a friend whose wife's parents moved in with them in the US immediately they got married. According to my friend, it seemed like the daughter planned it with her parents once she gets married to the guy. My friend was introduced to the wife in Nigeria and ended up bringing her to the US. The wife's parents followed soon after. My friend had to put up with the living arrangement for 20 years until the wife's father passed away and his body had to be flown back to Nigeria. The wife's mother still lives with them. My friend is so angry he says he has never spent one day with his wife and kids without the wife's parent in the house. He said it feels like he married the wife and her parents. In all of these, he maintained a gentleman attitude.

Now can a Nigerian man bring his mother or father to come and visit talk less of living with them? That would be World War III like the wife is trying to start. The Nigerian woman with her wickedness will find fault to end it.

I have a friend who brought his own mother to come live with them in the US when the wife sent for her own mother. So the two in-law's live with them and there is no one feeling cheated.

gforce5:
Nairaland is not a blog that you bring this sort of issue to. A lot of the men here are misorygnist and abusive. I mean, the third response to this topic was already insulting the OP without bothering to understand her post! Another suggested that she endures all that crap that she's going through for the sake of her marriage even though she's in the States! I am not saying that she should seek a divorce as it's not a good record to have. Both parties should take a time off and meditate on their situation. If your man really loves you, he knows what to do.

OP, go to blogs such Bella Naija where you will find like-minded people who can give you a reasonable advice or ask family friends, your husband's extended family members, mutual friends, senior mentors, who can be neutral, for advice. You can't expect rational response from a blog where topics such as "I am 30 and I want to groom my 16 year old girlfriend for marriage" or "do I need permission from my husband to buy property?" or "I am tired of my girl's pussy" are on the front page.

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

Ranchhoddas:
Brace yourself. It will end in divorce. You are already mentally prepared.
Check the stats.

mistyebby:
If not more

crackhaus:
I beg to differ..
Witches cannot be so plenty na

mistyebby:
They are o. Different levels and categories. To my future DIL, im a potential witch. The relationship will determine the category she will place me.


Let me cite a close example, my grand mother may her soul rest was like mother Theresa, Martha, Mary, Priscilla, name all the godly and sweet women you know in the bible and history. But for some wierd reasons, my mum gets discomforted at her presence. What an Irony to me.

crackhaus:
You will have a MIL before ever having a DIL, so don't you think the best way to prevent your future DIL from labelling you a witch will be to act & exemplify the attributes you would want to see in your MIL so you don't see her as a witch?


As for your mom, ask her why.
Also try to find out if your mom was the only DIL with such discomforts.

mistyebby:
Well this is back to op. Im way too patient to see my MIL as overbearing, worse hold her to her words for over two years. As long as she isn't sharing same bed with my husband, I can deal.

And dont get it twisted. Good DIL doesn't always beget good MIL. Although i know what goes around comes, but its luck most times. As they say, marriage is like an alabaster box. What ever you see, you live and love.

properties4sale:
3 years, u happy now?

properties4sale:
You don't have single sense!!! I just hate this... Tufiakwa..
This is my issue, all this marriage nonsense, so because the mum said something 2 years ago and its over. .. Abeg, make una go sit down.
Your MIL, is the breadwinner, she can stay where she is, and ur husband join u.

Down to the main matter, I have a glass dinning table for sale, it is in perfect shape ....
There are also many other available home gadgets at cheap rates... Click and see

https://www.nairaland.com/5230906/properties-sale-cheap-prices.

Contact me if interested.

Acidosis:
When a man agrees to the equal submission nonsense in the home, sons and daughters from that home end up becoming "mama's boys and girls". To all those denying their husbands the "head-ship" authority, brace up for war with your daughter in-laws. You can't eat your cake and have it too.

Your father in-law is a weak man and the root cause of the problems you currently face. He's too weak to put his wife under authority. She's first a wife before becoming a MIL.She failed as a wife, of course, she's going to fail as a MIL too. She "conquered" her husband, of course, she'll always "conquer" her son too.

In so far as your husband remains the son to your MIL, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Your FIL is the ONLY solution to your problem.

Biggermembersro:
Some people's sole aim in this world is to provoke people intentionally, I am a "slow to react to anger" kind of person and I always stay in my lane and mind my business, once I smell trouble coming from afar, I run to the opposite direction as fast as my leg can carry me, I come from a tribe where you have to respect elders no matter the situation same as what my Bible says so what gives abeg.......


My husband always praise his mum cos she trained him to med school here in U.S.A, of course who wouldn't just like I don't joke with my dad cos he did well for his six kids, so he adores his mum, praises her in every situation, always at her beck and call, I didn't see it as a big deal cos, well, it's his mum, we met here in NY, he and his family stay in Maryland while I was schooling in NY, the plan was when we get married I'll go back and forth till I finish school then move to Maryland, so I took in, you know first pregnancy how difficult it is, so one of those days i went to ML for the weekend one time, during that period, his mum had a get together so everyone is expected to be there, being in my first trimester, I was sick and told her I can't be there, she insisted and I told her I'll try, when the time came I was too ill to go anywhere so I didn't go, all for his mum to come later that night and was shouting saying and I quote "when I tell my son your husband to run he will run, even if I tell him to jump he will do just that so who are you to tell me you can't come, what silly sickness, if I blow that your belly, highest is you'll loose the pregnancy and then take in again,nothing is going to happen" that is exactly what she said, I was shocked, my husband was there looking he didn't say anything, his father was there, he shouted at her that why would she say something like that, his mum shut him down saying all manner of unsayable things because she was more like the breadwinner, his sister, that one cannot talk if not the mother will insult her very existence just because she got pregnant out of wedlock but she still married the father ooo, me, my mouth was open, I couldn't talk cos I dont even know what to say, when they left hubby didnt even try to ease my mind or anything, the next day I jejely left for NY, vowing that my leg will never step into ML anymore.

Sincerely I was tempted to abort and divorce my husband because I don't understand how someone can say evil like that, even if it was a joke, that was nonsense, since then I've been in NY, I gave birth here, Dre has been the one coming here, it's not like me and his mum don't talk, she calls and we talk, sometimes I call too, all for recently, infact last week Dre says he got an opening for a job here and he wants to take it, I blatantly told him NO, because his parents couldnt work anymore due to health and all so they are staying with him in ML, him moving here means his mum will do that too, I told him no that I like things the way they are, no issues, nothing, I cannot stay in the same house with his mum because we will have issues that one is certain, he started shouting, I reminded him of what his mother said two years ago, he now said it is the past, which past? Now that I'm working I am expected to leave my babies with her, call me delusional the instinct of a mother is to protect her children, even if she may not do anything, we will still have issues and I don't want that before someone say I'm disrespectful when I talk back.

If I decide to turn American now, I'll just tell him he can't bring anyone here without my permission, but no, I won't tell him that, some of their laws here is stupid to be honest and I'm a nice person and I was born and bred in the north in Nigeria also I don't want to escalate issue, I am the only one here, my family is in Nigeria and i never mentioned any of this to them so it won't turn to family issues, now he's not talking to me saying he will take drastic measures, it will not pass divorce and custody battle of which I know I will win but I don't want that for my kids, they need their parents in the same home not divorced, my own is he should stay where he is and take care of his parents and continue worshiping his mum, is it that hard?

I dey vex abeg, pls advice on other options fam.