sirdouglas:


You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally they are mine to anyone or situation.

So that I can get my pounds of insult from you, I will not shy away from telling you the plain truth :You are simply selfish and arrogant in demeanor.

If you seek people's advice, whatever way they speak to you should never evoke your wrath because you personally appealed to be advised.
If you are mature as you severally claim then a patient listening ear would be wisdom.

You don't castigated people who counsel you no matter their age, sex or language. You just listen, reason along and make your decisions from the thought you collate from them.

Finally, I strongly believe you could regret not marrying her and having those kids in a responsible home.
Please always put yourself in the shoes of the girl (as your sisters, mother etc) or the parents and the kids (to be born and to live out of we'd lock. Imagine what those kids may turn out to be later.

Wish you wealth of wisdom. & true maturity.

Timekeeper:



Bros na abroad you dey, I dey for this frustrated naija... I surely have some words to give u, I might not be up to ur age but believe me, no one has monopoly of advice..

But u gat to do sumtin, things are kinda hard here... Make I send u my account number, forward me sumtin (probably send u a dm) and we will talk... I can be ur friend too even though I fit dey young pass you.....

Abt ur matter, u r wrong and she is also wrong and most people criticising you here are wrong too.

I guess if u had aborted it, they will stil blame u as a murderer... Make I keep the full gist

Help a fellow, make me happy with cash so that wisely advice will follow


Shalom

see format

akejujoe:
From your story, as much as you tried to make yourself look blameless anybody with wisdom can sense the selfishness behind it all.
How do you expect a young girl of 19 who probably wasn't in a higher institution yet to behave ? She wasn't intelligent and you slept with her severally till she got pregnant. You wanted the baby because you knew you were traveling out and having a baby back at home wouldn't be a bad idea.
You should have left the decision to be a mother or not to her . You complained about her talking to her mum about everything. Who would a daughter talk to first if not her mum?
My daughters are my best friend and I am training them to be free to tell me anything so I can guide them to make the right decision.You have succeeded in complicating her life and now you come here with such arrogance and insult anyone who says what you don't like or the truth you don't want to hear. I sincerely hope the girl comes from a good family that can take care of her and ex-communicate you because you are not worthy of her. You took advantage of her naivety and she will not forever remain that way. She will hate you when the gravity of what you have done to her hits her. You obviously don't have the intention of marrying her so don't act like you are considering It. I hope she picks up her life and go for further studies and be a better person. This poo happened to a friend's sister and she dusted herself went to the uni and d guy is begging her for access to the child now and marriage. She has bluntly refused his proposal even when her own siblings begged on the guys behalf. Karma is real and I hope as a father in future if someone does this to your teenage daughter ,you will pat his head for a job well done. I am a mother and I'm sure no guy can try this rubbish with my girls. He will have me to contend with.

You cannot do anything madam, just hope and pray you and any of your daughters do not find yourself in this position. Wetin you go do? Madam, nothing!
You never jam mad man.

And tell your girls that Nigeria is overpopulated please. Say no to overpopulation!

She's not smart and educated but her pussy was smart and educated for you?

You exploited her adolescent age and miss use her in the guise of telling her you won't marry her. You took advantage of her younger age and had your way in her life.

You think that you are smart enough to come here to talk rubbish. How on earth could a smart and educated man as you think you are would be fucking a small young girl whom you claim is not smart enough? Isn't that shows you're not smart enough too?

You should be dating people you feel are in your caliber. She's good to be bleeped as you want and not good enough for marriage ba?

God has given you a young beautiful girl but your selfishness and in human nature won't allow you to see God's plan for you. You think it's easy to find a girl who loves you deeply from her heart?

It's better for a woman to love you more than a man love her. You will sooner regrets not marrying her.

No one is complete in life. I repeat, you can never find that perfect woman that has all you need. I bet you. Among all, when you find one who deeply loves you, never let her go.

Other imperfections about her could be perfected if you value her and know what you want. If you love her, take her to school abroad and in few years, you will never believe the kind of woman she will be.

Being educated and smart enough as you are, you should have known what she just needs is education.

You think it's just easy to find already made Lady and complete in everything? If you think so, loose her to another man and let see if you won't regret yourself.

It will be selfish and inhuman for you to ditch her after making her double, she needs a chance with you bro, take her to abroad and you will be surprised on what she will become... There is no better compensation other than marriage because you have opened her womb for her, work on this girl and see results for yourself!!! She is not smart, have you borderd putting her in school She is a gossip, yes probably that was how she was raised, have you borderd training her?? She is this and that, Ask yourself if truly you have invested any quality virtue aside money in money?
You knew the road to her vigina and you didn't care about her while enjoying her ripe juice bro. Your problem is that you never cared for her you just wanted her firm breast nd probably tight pussy!!!!
With that been said, brother please be a man that you are

martinskelly:
Sirdouglas, i have been in this kind of dilemma before but mine was slightly different from yours anyway though she is not educated but smart in her own way and she is beautiful, work as a contract staff(Casual as they call it) in the same company i work, she knows how to hairdress people(i mean hairdresser).
The problem in my own case is that the first time i saw her i just felt a thing for her(Cupid), i talked to her the first time she snubbed me and on several occasions i try making her see reasons that i like her but she still refused me but i got know from her best friend the reasons for her refusal that because i was an Admin staff(Parmanent) and she is contract staff and i just wanted to use and dump her.
To cut the story short, i had to brush up her mindset and we started dating but i have never ever imagine myself marrying her just a fling with her is what i desire, but God come catch me o, after a year of dating her(fling) she got pregnant for me(i knew i was responsible coz during that time i was the only one in her life) she wanted abortion; Nope! i wanted the child not her(if u know).
I stopped her from working and was catering for all her needs but the funny part is that we did not tell her parent up until she delivered but only her sibling knew because they were around but the parent are in the village, Well to God be the glory my own parent accepted her because she delivered a bouncing baby boy(Even if it is otherwise it doesn't change a thing)

So bro, its your own decision and your parent acceptance that matters not even your best friends nor nairalanders, so decide wisely.


Note: i did introduction(iku aka) after like 8 months of her pregnancy, she is from akwa ibom and I'm from IMO and my son is nine months.

Na man you be jare

My thought on the main issue you have about been intelligent, yea its disgusting and tough to cope with that. However she will have her own place if strength only if you pay attention to it and see how you can help her grow.

My brother with the way you describe her, she will be a loyal girl to you which is what you need as a man. I will advice you as you know her weakness try to know her strength also this will help you to build her.

Let her set her goal and let her know that is your condition to marry her let, let her know she most grow. Let me tell you about growth, growth is not specific its relative. It may not necessary be academic either business or whatever she does daily she can grow in it over time.

Go and do introduction before she is delivered of her babies. Before then, have a written document that if the kids ain't urs that you will seek divorce. Kids are wonderful.

Triniti:
You impregnated a daughter of Ado n’idu and you here saying you can’t marry her. Make sure you don’t live in Anambra, otherwise we go come reason your matter. Be fast about that iku aka and marry this girl as soon as possible, she’s about to have a twins for you and who are you trying to abandon her for? You are so selfish, talking about eating your cake and having it back......you better use your head mr man

Wetin you go do? Wetin you fit do? You never jam mad man like me.......nonsense!

You seem pompous, your kind of person need to be caned, with your write up, you are the proud type without nothing, how much are you giving her? Because if you are a big boy as you said, you couldn’t have traveled out of your country. Very childish characters show you are a mere boy, God punishes you for been insulting.

sirdouglas:


What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

Why I don't want to marry from Anambra? I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

With due respect, you are such an indecisive person if the story is true. You don't start what you cannot finish. You are supposed to call the relationship off when you know you will not marry her eventually. Why go ahead and have a continuous sex with her. That's the result of your dilly dally approach to the situation. You ought to have called the relationship off since before pregnancy is involved. Even if its triplet you must be responsible for it. I know a lot of guys are in your shoes presently. Lets be disciplined and know how to say no to what we know we don't want. Most ladies don't care, all what most of them want once they fall in love with you is sex and pregnancy. Nothing more nothing less. But you have to FLEE if you don't want them to get pregnant for you and put you in trouble. Except you are ready and sure that you want to settle down with them.

sirdouglas, I had to login to tell you one truth - you are a selfish and a very wicked man.

You should have walked away when you had the chance. Walk and never look back.

then, when you know you don't want to have something to do with her, why did you sleep with her without protection. :/

My brother what I will tell you is, no marriage is perfect(I mean no marriage is perfectly perfect) many are deceiving us in the society this days but deep down everybody knows. Nevertheless, I will not FORCE you to marry someone you have erroneously decided not to marry BUT as good creature who loves you, I will advise you to RECONSIDER her for your future and all the children God will give you in life, RETRACE your family background if you do marry more than one wives without crisis, REORGANISE yourself so that you will not regret for having children with different women because if you leave her after delivery you will one day marry to another woman and finally RETHINK, as in do the needful by marry her because you're destined to get married if not pregnancy wouldn't have come at all. Finally, from your narration it can be deduced that you're the real father of those unborn ejire arasoikun ejiwowo loju obi e, ikan mbabi meji lowole tomiwa. So please do not doubt it so that you will not compound the problem you have ignorantly started by revealing your sexual secret to the third parties which you should have avoided not because of today but tomorrow. Congratulations in advance because soonest you will be a responsible MAN

It is a pity you fail in wrong hand first from your stories show that you are not only one your girlfriendis relationship with ok i dont thinks this pregnancy belong to you from the look of things you have a soft mind you found it difficult to hurt anyone close to you that is very nice of you but i have this advice for you give the lady help but dont accept that pregnancy ok because this will cause problems in future time nor now you may not understand me now i wish all the best

I love the way you responded to mean insults in the name of advise!
You are so cool!!!!

She is was 19yrs when you met her, probably didn't have such a great education and as much opportunity as others her mate have.

Is it right to judge any One with this ?

Having one is enough wahala, but twins? She is locked down for life. Except she meets an understanding man.

How much is the money enough to sort her out for life?

She would need to move out of her parent's place, have a help for the twins, develop herself by learning a trade or going to school.

She is way too young for all of these and I doubt she would get help from her parent's.

You are sweet and resonsible guy and I'm sure you would marry her eventually because of your kids. You won't want them to suffer.


There are worse things than all you listed.


Whatever you choose to do, God be with both of you .

With the way you keep bashing people for criticizing you.. I don't understand o!
Were you expecting everyone to support you?

If you won't take criticism, since you claim it's your personal problem...why post your personal problem here and even beg for it to be moved to FP so people can advise you?

From the way I see it, I'm not sure you need any advise cos your mind is made up already... And if you decide to ruin this poor girl's life, don't forget that tomorrow is pregnant with so many unknowns. And if your kids find out you refused to let them enjoy a normal family life like you did just because you think their mother is a slowpoke.... My brother, you go blame yourself o!

Shut the fvck up. The person who called you an idiot was even too generous with words. You're a disgrace to the human race and a chromosomally deficient being.

Who do you think you are? How old are you that you're feeling fly and downgrading others because you travelled out? Dude, I first travelled out at 18. 18 fvcking years old for my studies and heaven did not fall.

Sit down somewhere and be humble.
You're not God. You claim she's uneducated and doesn't fit your profile. You should've known that before sleeping with her and coming here to speak ill of her family.

You're just a sore egocentric loser.

sirdouglas:


You have not answered my question bro. The girl you impregnated at 14 how far?? I hope you married her then and did all the marriage rites??

Coz If you didn't and you are here taking it personal for God's knows why, maybe out of regret or frustration I don't know but take it elsewhere. I am really more you or will ever imagine. I am old enough to take my decision and nothing will happen. If you have any wisdom in you, you ought to know that this is here today because I have no intention of hurting anybody.

I know that frustration is in that country so I wouldn't blame some of you you for the excessive aggression and unnecessary outburst.

For the castrated fool that is calling me an idiot. I am not offneded cos I am dead sure fear no go let am near me in person not to talk call me an idiot so is nothing. Words are cheap and free. If you leave this comment section it will be your shame.

Am not here to condem you because nobody is a saint . the faults I saw in your post is you keep having sex with her without protection knowing fully well you're not going to marry her. It is not a wise thing to do.
Which one is your major concern now ; is it her not being smart or because she is from a tribe you don't want to marry. If it is because of her not being smart trust me by time she reach 24 years , your statement is going to change , even my fiancee ain't that smart at that age then but she is so smart now. But if the tribe is the issue that can be sort out , just pray about it because anything you think that is bad about them might affect your children.
To me I don't see any reason why you can't marry her.

sirdouglas:


In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

Sharap.
No be only u get dick.
Goan marry your wife. If you were not ready why didnt u sleep with prostitutes.
Smh

sirdouglas:


In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

so every woman are now insensitive and Immature...Guy u get mind oo

My brother why not groom her to be the kind of woman u want. It will be difficult at first but will get better later . that is my honest advise

enocholumide:
Life... so full of surprises...

I can feel your good heart and good-will while reading your post. But the truth is that, something huge has happened (I can never call it a mistake - children are never mistakes), and you have to accept the responsibility.

Since you have said you are sure are responsible for the pregnancy, then I will write accordingly:

What you did to that girl (I will say you because I imagine that you are the older one here) is very very bad - you impregnated her ( with twins for Christ sake!) and you don’t want to marry her.

Not only that, you have the effrontery to say “I have a future I am building... blah blah”. Well done, Mr Future, I hope you can see how everything is planning out just like you have drawn it.

You might be good, but your post reeks of selfishness, pride, arrogance, and worst part - EVIL. You think you are the only one that has a future? Only you? Not the girl, not the kids? You want them to grow up without the presence of a father, without a home?!!!

I live and work in Europe with my family and I am blessed with two girls. I must confess, if any man tries this with any of my girls, I am going to shoot him on his face and/or ensure he doesn’t use the rod between his two legs again.

So, you want some advice, but you are angry when you get one that doesn’t suit you, anyways, since you asked for it :

1) You have impregnated the girl - this makes her your responsibility and the children. Thank God you are capable financially.
2) Since you are a Christian, the Bible mandates you to marry her - simple and case closed.
3) How you will deal with the marriage would be your business, either you support her, teach her or educate her is left to you. If you make a mess again, you will be the one to pack it up again - alone.

Just in case the girl and their family are telling lies or intends to take advantage of you - arrest them and charge them of extortion and intent to steal.

Foolish threat! You will do NOTHING! Trust me on that......... Nothing. Immaturity is worrying you. Na so crime easy to commit? So you can throw your own life away, abi?

@OP: I can see that you are so full of yourself and think you are smart and the future is bright for you. That's not good enough. It's wrong to say that you are not going to marry her because the lady is not that smart enough and she from a preferred state or city? Just because of some unfounded stigmatisation?

Look, marrying a lady that did not give you, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial troubles is worth considering...you are to complement whatever she is not or whatever she could be. That's[quote][/quote] why you can not let go of her too until you got her pregnant. You may regret this for the rest if you of your life if you let her go.

You are have been selfish with your decisions and actions and you never realized it. You slept.with her several times.without protection, got her pregnant, rejected her disgrace her and disregard her family. Her sins? Because she loved.you?

The lady may not need to even Jazz you...all she needs is to say one negative word/sentence into your life ( cause) and your eyes go clear.

Someone called you a boy and you.ate angry? A man knows what good and will take.a.decision on about marry.the lady that loves him wholly and give him peace of mind. In you.post.you never mentioned her having any.bad character. She was.young and naive and at the age of 19 you can still mould her to a better woman. A woman will do anything for the man she loves. I got my wife at young age like yours and we grew up together. I thank my God every time I remember the wisdom he gave me to make the right decision. She was more.like the way you descibe your lady. I became worried at time. I wanted more. Even my people thought she was not the type for me just because she is from a minority ethnic part of Lagas state. Just imagine.

I prayed to God to help me make the right decision. I looked at all the pros and cons. I realized aside from accepting whatever I say and the part of Lagos she is from? I have nothing more against her to let her go...what else.do I want than a woman that loves me whole heartedly and gives me peace of mind? I made a decision to stand by her. I allow her breast to satisfy me at all times and currently I am rejoicing with the wife of my youth. She made.my world beautiful in all ramifications.

I sincerely pray you don't regret your decision not to marry the woman that will birth your twins?

Make amends before its too late...you still have the chance now...no one knows tomorrow...

You're more than a man. You're a demigod. God will surely bless you abundantly.

grossintel:
IMO, where you're getting it wrong is your mind! You consider you're self first. You think she doesn't fit your class and status, do you know that some other guy can pick this girl and turn her to gold? When I met the girl I'm dating now she barely had good education, uptil this day she can't write very well because she dropped out of school when she was younger for 5 years! Infact she was a sales girl in one shop, we didn't start off by having sex, I took sometime to understand her and loved her sense of reasoning, she was 21 at that time.

I advised her to return to school, even though her parents can't afford it I promised her I'll help. I did this because I knew she's the girl I want to settle down with, I'm not struggling at all, I earn far more than my peers and considered a Big boy among them.

This girl who used to be a sales girl in one shop is completely transformed and every dick and Harry wants her and this is scary the shiit out of me but then, this is what I wanted. I'm also making plans to leave the country, but not without putting a ring on it. Last week I rented a 3 bedroom apartment, not because I want to get her pregnant and leave but because I want her very comfortable and should incase we have a child, it won't be long before I come back and take her.

You plan your life well, but you use others and fail to include them in your plans. You know you fvcked up, so I won't beat on that, I can't force you to marry her, no one can. But I want to let you know that that girl can be transformed if you invest in her education, she can learn to be the woman you want if you truly want to give her a chance. Jonathan's wife never went to school and can't speak properly, but helped him while he was in school, she took food to him and sacrificed a lot. Jonathan became the president of Nigeria but was never ashamed of his wife!

If you still don't want to marry her, please take full responsibilities of the kids but make sure they are really yours. That's all I can really say.

UyaiIncomparabl:


And if not? He could as well trample on her, right? Or leave her hanging?

Well, she said she's having a twins. That's my concern.

sirdouglas:
I want to also add that if it is true that she is having twins, then the issue of whether I am the father or not is eliminated because we have twins in our family. My two sisters are twins, my uncle had twins also so it wouldn't come as a surprise if it's true.

If it can be brought to the front page I will be glad. I need all the suggestions I can get. Please

Are you cancerian? And the word you are looking to describe her family is 'dysfunctional'

Hum2020:
It is a pity you fail in wrong hand first from your stories show that you are not only one your girlfriendis relationship with ok i dont thinks this pregnancy belong to you from the look of things you have a soft mind you found it difficult to hurt anyone close to you that is very nice of you but i have this advice for you give the lady help but dont accept that pregnancy ok because this will cause problems in future time nor now you may not understand me now i wish all the best

Don't just tell him outrightly that he shouldn't accept the pregnancy if he hasn't yet confirmed that it is his please coz I feel there is 80% probability that those babies are his

sirdouglas:


Oga she is really not a beauty if that is what you are implying. And while I was in Nigeria, I was doing really good for myself. I could afford girls for more beautiful than her. I met few, if you read through my post you will see that I said in the first few lines that I date at that time for the sole purpose of marriage. I WANTED TO MARRY HER BRO!!! .....why are you people so mean and heartless?? Even before I met her I know I will be traveling. And I told her as soon as the time is right. I told her almost a year before I travelled and you saying all this is very bad of you and tell more the kind of person you are.

If it happens to be your sister and you decides to do away with the pregnancy I wouldn't object to it. The blood will be on your head. Those kids are not a mistake despite the situation. You are telling me in other words that I should have aborted the twins?? Really?
Well, I leave you to your conscience. Like I said from the beginning. Getting married to her is not completely out of the table but I wish I could find an alternative to save the day.

I wouldn't descend to your level to trade words with you but I know that I am not a bad person and I never for once wish evil for that girl or planned anything that would hurt her.

this ur matter don tire pesin...so u are implyin that u dated her bcoz of free pussie or what U said she's not intelligent, she's really not beautiful, her family are rude, she don't clean ur house, u can't marry from anambra,... Bla bla bla bla bla bla

So wat advise do u need from we (the N'lander )

Here is my advise... Settle her family for the damage u caused their daughter, give her or support her with a hard earning business... then take 101% responsibly of those twins then when they're 5yrs or so, take them to stay wit u and hire a nanny or a baby sitter....
Use ur brain

cococandy:
Are you a virgin?

Have I slept with you before?

NkemChukwudi:


Foolish threat! You will do NOTHING! Trust me on that......... Nothing. Immaturity is worrying you. Na so crime easy to commit? So you can throw your own life away, abi?

That shouldn't b the bone of contention here.

crunchyg:

Hey oyibo, I will like to be your Romeo and you my Juliet , how about that?

Haha.. Let me think about it