Martinez39:
What is #15000? Seriously!

That's the present reality of our times. Some are being paid #15000 as monthly salary. Its not everyone that is fortunate or that has high paying jobs. You didn't even bother to find out how he is surviving. The girl in question, what is she doing or is she a liability? What does she do to encourage or assist the man apart from criticism?


Would you rather he steals from you?

h

In some cultures, one dont claim a child he hasn't paid for the mother bride price.
It's as simple as that.
Legally, he has no son. The woman and her family may likely set him up and denied never knowing him.
When a woman said she never know you even in her dreams, then the so much talk of a son becomes a second fiddle.
My advice. He shouldn't try to use force or any legal means, he will be embarrased and denied vehemently.
Instead, he should resort to pleading, perhaps letting the woman and her family understand how emotional attached he is with his son. Uses all forms and manners of subtleness and approach.
Most importantly hustle harder as he allowed time to pass, because time they say heals every wound. His son someday may be the one looking for him not the otherwise.

biacan:
You should have work more had she wouldn't have left you........ Men and brokness nawaooo

Common close that your smelling mouth.. How much u get

Ybaby:
15k cannot do nothing for that child. How much is baby food? How much is daycare? etc

I will be honest with you - allow that rich man to look after that child biko and try and make money - take courses, hustle, get a job etc.

A child belongs comes out of who? the father or the mother?? it is who a mother gives her child to that is the father. Ok!? No one is sure who thier true father is - it is whoever your mum tells you is your father that is your father! Ok!?

Get money before you try for another baby with the next lucky lady or that one too will give your child to the highest bidder.

Most woman don't know babies are expensive until they have them - a mother's job is to do what is best for her child. Try and understand. Go make some money.

I have included prices of baby things below - does not contain school fees. He is mine is not the point here - It is can you give him a good life? You need to man up it is not about sperm. Once a child is on earth it is about provision. People will say otherwise but don't let anyone trick you. If you love that child you will let the rich man adopt him and use your ego to make money. Your child does not need your love as much as he needs diapers and formula

The truth hurts and I am sorry

R u trying to tell us 25k is what your mom used in feeding you per baby food. Lies. Thats the rich mans world.there are less expensive foods. And the baby is 2 in time to come he can eat home made meals..

Ybaby:


Took you 3 years to get back on your feet?? Ah who was not doing your fatherly responsibilities This is why alot of wives cheat without thier husband s knowing - 3 years to become a man again. Are you proud of that 3 years achievement of not looking after your family?? Please don't say it in public again sir. AH!!! Sigh

At least he got up back.and he did not say ihe did not take care of the family for 3 years. Money must be flowing for a year or 2 to gwt his feets up in 3 years time. Gold digger

Lovelyn451:
U didnt pay bride price on the woman so u have no right over the child...find a good lawyer though

You look too good to be making such a statement pls...stop being naive ... all over the earth and even in heaven a father has1000000% rite so far is ur he/she carry ur DNA...... just that law only recognise as child born out of wedlock .....
#you look educated pls.... don't say D's outside becos most illiterate even know this#

sedutrice:

And the mother? Is she so stupid that she allowed herself to become pregnant when she can't fend for herself? I really don't understand why women will just depend fully on men.

She is not depending on the poster - his son is depending on him. His son is his primary responsibility. A father's first job is to provide and a mum's first job is to bring a pregnancy to full term, nurture, breasts feed etc

jubangha:
gud morning bro,to me weather tradition or no tradition,that child belongs to you,so to me since you have accepted the responsibility of that child from wen he is in the womb,even uptill nown ogar go to social werfare with all the evidence you have got,even if the child shud not grow up with you bt let that child not bear another idiots name that dose'nt know the stress it takes a man to produce a baby,because if that baby's name is change that is were it will be difficult for you to get him back.if he wants a child of his own let him go and adopt one not your own

What stress does it take a man to produce a child ? He carried the baby for 9 months he could not even provide !!!

Sonfethopia:


R u trying to tell us 25k is what your mom used in feeding you per baby food. Lies. Thats the reach mans world.there are less expensive foods. And the baby is not 2 in time to come he can eat home made meals..

Don't mind them, juveniles who have never had kids giving advice on feeding children. Ask them if her parents spent 25k per month to feed or tend them as babies.

I raised three children and I know that feeding babies is as expensive as you wish it to be. WHO recommends 6 months exclusive breastfeeding for your child to develop well mentally, physically and health wise, most igbo women breastfeed for over 1 year. After a year, the child can start eating adult foods (but mashed). There are some cheap but nutritious food blending that can substitute for expensive tin food. Non of my children agreed to eat those expensive tin mixes. I even tried SMA Gold, and non of my babies took it. My first son preferred oats with lots of milk, my last born (my daughter) loved golden morn, also with milk.

These people are talking like we did not feed our babies before the introduction of foreign food formula or their parents were weaned on foreign food mixes.

SageMK:
This is sad.

Bro, you can't win this legal battle. And that's because a mother has right to the custody of a child born outside wedlock to the exclusion of the father.

Unless maybe you can prove she's unfit as a mother.

Gbam

Sonfethopia:

At least he got up back.and he did not say ihe did not take care of the family for 3 years. Money must be flowing for a year or 2 to gwt his feets up in 3 years time. Gold digger

It is the child that is a golddigger. The woman never asked for money for herself - it is that child that needs money. Children are gold diggers if you donn't have gold please avoid having babies

Wait till the boy is old enough. He will surely look for his father.

jeyselassie:
bro let me tel you a deep truth may be hard to swallow. Look focus and get yourself and your finances grounded. Ignore all of them totally. Believe me the child will come back. You don't need to disturb or stress yourself. Its a natural law I've seen playing out times without number.

If what you said is true then Regina Daniel should recognize her father too

themanderon:
Wait till the boy is old enough. He will surely look for his father.

Why did Regina Daniel and her siblings did not look for their father

morpheus24:


This is not truth it is a warped sense of what you actually believe to be truth, plus you are not sorry for him, why would you be.

Your write up is really from the perspective of someone who is really illiterate in law or the practice of it. This is why Nigerians will claim intelligence yet haven't turned on all the faculties in their brains yet.

This is the reason we have courts that can carry out DNA tests to determine paternity, even if he is not given sole custody he should never allow another parent usurp his rights away as given by man/law and by nature.


@ poster, fight for what you want no matter the cost, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror as an old man with no regrets. Trust me on this, people often tell you to take the route with the least resistance.

As in I can't really believe someone in his/her right senses type that tripes. It really shows that some Nigerians really have twisted, crass, warped mentality. Very unintelligent post it might actually contend as one of the worst post I have ever read on this forum. Thanks for your response it gives the sigh of relief that something good can come out of Nazareth.

MANGAM:


U can't claim a child from a woman that traditionally, legally religiously u didn't pay a dine on the mother. U want a child from her and never bothered to do something on her head.

What you are saying is customary law, this law will not allow the father custody of the child but cannot deny the father his biological rights of fatherhood.

The child is his, the right to visit his child cannot be taken away from him even by customary court.

I also think the only way he may get a reasonable judgement in his favour is if the woman actually marries another man and the child bears the name of the other man or she left the child to her parents.

Now, it has change that it is she who has refused to marry the father of her child not the other way round.

Mkpakala:


As in I can't really believe someone in his/her right senses type that tripes. It really shows that some Nigerians really have twisted, crass, warped mentality. Very unintelligent post it might actually contend as one of the worst post I have ever read on this forum. Thanks for your response it gives the sigh of relief that something good can come out of Nazareth.

It's the effect of our youths watching too much nollywood movies. They now extrapolate what the watch to reality. In nollywood traditions supercedes the law, but in the real world, the reverse is the case.

Poverty is the root of all evil.

wirinet:


Don't mind them, juveniles who have never had kids giving advice on feeding children. Ask them if her parents spent 25k per month to feed or tend them as babies.

I raised three children and I know that feeding babies is as expensive as you wish it to be. WHO recommends 6 months exclusive breastfeeding for your child to develop well mentally, physically and health wise, most igbo women breastfeed for over 1 year. After a year, the child can start eating adult foods (but mashed). There are some blended cheap but nutritious food blending that can substitute for expensive tin food. Not of my children agreed to eat those expensive tin mixes. I even tried SMA Gold, and non of my babies took it. My first son preferred oats with lots of milk, my last born (my daughter) loved golden morn, also with milk.

These people are talking like we did not feed our babies before the introduction of foreign food formula or their parents were weaned on foreign food mixes.

You cannot give your children the best because you cannot afford it. Even school now you will say is it not the same text book iya oko nursery and pry is using with Chrisland or Corona. I have 3 kids and a good provider man who knows that we, the kids and I depend on him for our lifestyle. We go on vacation and the kids learn from these travel trips etc. My advice to you is to level up you have set the bar way too low for yourself and for your family and it is not good. To succeed you got to aim for the stars and if you don't get it - atleast you would have left the floor. Not fighting you o but too much mediocre in your posts. Please aim higher and be determined to give YOUR wife and kids the very best and God will help you. Age 0 - 2 years is when a child's brain develops golden morn and milk is not adequate nutrition for this purpose and while ewedu and titus fish is good the child can get even better nutrition from formula

During the first two years of life, a baby's brain develops rapidly and is especially sensitive to nutrition. ... DHA is a fatty acid that acts as a building block for a baby's brain. And Enfamil NeuroPro™ Gentlease® has this brain-nourishing nutrition that is important to a baby's development.
https://www.enfamil.com/articles/top-brain-nutrients-your-child
https://www.enfamil.com/articles/your-babys-brain-development-6-12-months

Your family depends on you to upgrade your thinking and your ability to provide. I hope you listen

Just read your piece and it moved me. I also have a daughter with my ex gf but she moved back with her mum two years ago. My daughter will be 4 this year and I get to see her in school. Anytime I ask that she spends a day or weekend in my house my ex refuses but ibpay for her fees and allowances.
For now I am suffering and pretending, waiting for my baby to get older and as soon as their guard is down I will claim my daughter.
Its funny how family members and friends will tell u that u should forget the baby that when its the right time u will get your baby. Its not easy having a child out there and wondering if the child has eaten or is being taken care of.
As for me I pray that God gives me, my daughter, my ex and my ex's mum long life so that when my daughter is being elevated in life I can watch their expression when I shut them out of her life.

No one is mentioning the traditional solution to Op's problem.. please meet the king or the elders of the said commumity. They have a better say on how to resolve this issue .. don't go to court.. A similar issue happened in my family where the woman's ex claimed her child from another man who she's legally married to cos the bride prize the first husband paid was not repaid .. Traditionally any woman who's bride prize wasn't returned still remained the property of the husband..
D cut it short, the young later came.back to his biological father in his 20s... it happened that someone used that against him during a quarrel, so he packed and traced his origin....
So don't give up... but u fvcked up sha

korilala:
Just read your piece and it moved me. I also have a daughter with my ex gf but she moved back with her mum two years ago. My daughter will be 4 this year and I get to see her in school. Anytime I ask that she spends a day or weekend in my house my ex refuses but ibpay for her fees and allowances.
For now I am suffering and pretending, waiting for my baby to get older and as soon as their guard is down I will claim my daughter.
Its funny how family members and friends will tell u that u should forget the baby that when its the right time u will get your baby. Its not easy having a child out there and wondering if the child has eaten or is being taken care of.
As for me I pray that God gives me, my daughter, my ex and my ex's mum long life so that when my daughter is being elevated in life I can watch their expression when I shut them out of her life.

This poster I feel bad for because he is providing and so should have visitation rights or partial custody but for 15k poster I am not in support. Do not kidnap the child oh you will compound things for you and the child - try and be in the mother's good books and thanks for providing for your child.

Mutemenot:
No one is mentioning the traditional solution to Op's problem.. please meet the king or the elders of the said commumity. They have a better say on how to resolve this issue .. don't go to court.. A similar issue happened in my family where the woman's ex claimed her child from another man who she's legally married to cos the bride prize the first husband paid was not repaid .. Traditionally any woman who's bride prize wasn't returned still remained the property of the husband..
D cut it short, the young later came.back to his biological father in his 20s... it happened that someone used that against him during a quarrel, so he packed and traced his origin....
So don't give up... but u fvcked up sha

In the case the biological father must have a spare room in his house for his biological son. The poster only has 15k a month for his son. Call a spade a spade.

otobasin2323:
Good day nairalanders, ( pls ignore my errors, I am not good in typing ) I had a baby with one lady from rivers state(ex girlfriend) and I am from imo state, the baby turns out to be a boy he is 2 years old now. The lady lived with me during her pregnancy and also Gave birth under my roof.. 9months after giving birth, we started having issue. Based on am not well to do.. Cause my hustle ain't paying off. She left the house with my son. Later on she and her family found a man who has been married for so long but no child.. But the man is very wealthy and well to do in the society, the man is also from their town in rivers state ,she agreed to be the second wife so he can claim the child.

on hearing this I rejected it and met with her family so they can release my son to me and she can go ahead and marry whom ever she likes.. To my greatest suprise they all decline to my request but gave her full support that she should go ahead quoting me that in their tradition "any man that marries a lady that is with a child the child automatically answers the man's name"

With this statement it got me sad, angry cause I love my son with all my heart I don't want another man to father him.. Every month I Normally send her 15k for keep up my son... She ain't satisfied.. That am too poor for her liking... How do I take her to court the only documents I have here.. Is my sons birth certificate, his pictures with me. And all the receipt of the money I normally sent to her monthly... Pls I seriously need advice or suggestions. Thank you

Were is she from in Rivers state?

wirinet:

It's the effect of our youths watching too much nollywood movies. They now extrapolate what the watch to reality. In nollywood traditions supercedes the law, but in the real world, the reverse is the case.

The foolish aspect was even advising the poster to let go his "flesh and blood" simply because he only affords 15k a month and the ironical part is the person suggesting that might had grown up under parents who afford less than that on monthly basis.

Sincerely most people grew up under parents that afford far less than that I remembered back in the days of couples that are both private school teachers earning less than 50k each and they still met all the needs of their kids, I am not even going to bore you how good the kids turn up and how "Big" the family is living now. Training a kid these days require a lot of money but it doesn't mean when a kid grew without money he automatically turns bad I remembered quote from timaya "even if you sell pure water it doesn't mean your life dey for gutter".

I absolutely agree with you, there is a need to place ban on nollywood for continuous deprecating of peoples IQ that has already been depreciated by lack of quality education.

Ybaby:

As we don hear am we must contribute o....Ok?!

next time do it wisely.

Lovelyn451:
U didnt pay bride price on the woman so u have no right over the child...find a good lawyer though

Brideprice payment isn't a factor to make one a father. Once the man can provide evidences, case closed

Ybaby:


In the case the biological father must have a spare room in his house for his biological son. The poster only has 15k a month for his son. Call a spade a spade.

Where have I gone wrong in my contribution

deltateam:


That's the present reality of our times. Some are being paid #15000 as monthly salary. Its not everyone that is fortunate or that has high paying jobs. You didn't even bother to find out how he is surviving. The girl in question, what is she doing or is she a liability? What does she do to encourage or assist the man apart from criticism?


Would you rather he steals from you?

Lol. The fact that people are paid #15000 per month doesn't mean you have to raise a child with #15000 per month. That is foolishness and wickedness. If all you can offer a baby is #15000 per month then you are better off hustling than giving birth. The op should forget about the child and hustle. To depend on or bank on a woman to strive to contribute financially is a height of foolishness. Can you expect a tiger to eat grass? Depend on yourself and hustle.

Mutemenot:


Where have I gone wrong in my contribution

I am agreeing with you that the biological father had an extra room for his biological son to move into unlike the poster that has only 15k for jis biological son.

Blood is not thicker than School fees

Ybaby:


You cannot give your children the best because you cannot afford it. Even school now you will say is it not the same text book iya oko nursery and pry is using with Chrisland or Corona. I have 3 kids and a good provider man who knows that we, the kids and I depend on him for our lifestyle. We go on vacation and the kids learn from these travel trips etc. My advice to you is to level up you have set the bar way too low for yourself and for your family and it is not good. To succeed you got to aim for the stars and if you don't get it - atleast you would have left the floor. Not fighting you o but too much mediocre in your posts. Please aim higher and be determined to give YOUR wife and kids the very best and God will help you. Age 0 - 2 years is when a child's brain develops golden morn and milk is not adequate nutrition for this purpose and while ewedu and titus fish is good the child can get even better nutrition from formula

During the first two years of life, a baby's brain develops rapidly and is especially sensitive to nutrition. ... DHA is a fatty acid that acts as a building block for a baby's brain. And Enfamil NeuroPro™ Gentlease® has this brain-nourishing nutrition that is important to a baby's development.
https://www.enfamil.com/articles/top-brain-nutrients-your-child
https://www.enfamil.com/articles/your-babys-brain-development-6-12-months

Your family depends on you to upgrade your thinking and your ability to provide. I hope you listen

So much misinformation and ignorance in a single post. The best food for mental development of babies is BREAST MILK. It is tailored specifically for rapid mental development of our species. Cow milk is tailored more for body mass development tailored for bovine species. Children breastfed to one year and above tend to have better mental development than babies fed with expensive food formulas.

Talking about intelligence, my children school performance is excellent. My second child borders on genius. He had never scored less 90% in any exam he had taken. My first son that I talked about is only 11, and he is among the best in his school. He plays piano very well, so much so his music teacher wants me to register him with MUSON.

You that depends solely on another human being for your existence claim to be higher than me that have other dependants apart from my immediate family? Grand delusion I would say.

I wish your husband can read these post, he will realize he married a gold digger, who would dump him to be 4th wife to a rich man at the first signs of financial troubles.