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How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? - Family (6) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? (27734 Views)

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Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by frozen70(f): 1:04am On Jul 13, 2019
You have to start with a DNA test to be very sure if the paternity of that child as the court will demand that

Find out what surname the child bears, if its not your surname, you challenge them to change his name to yours

Court will still grant her the custody of the child and grant you access to the child to a certain age before you take the child

Rivers and bayelsans can keep a child out of wedlock because they see no big deal in it

I know you are reacting so because you are an ibo man
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by MEGAWATCH: 1:10am On Jul 13, 2019
Yussuf06:
Please how do i reply a response on nairaland


For now, nobody go show you that one. If them show you now, you go come the insult people up and down. So make you kuku ma dey type the way you dey type now make we have peace.

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Bunique: 1:13am On Jul 13, 2019
Ybaby:
15k cannot do nothing for that child. How much is baby food? How much is daycare? etc

I will be honest with you - allow that rich man to look after that child biko and try and make money - take courses, hustle, get a job etc.

A child belongs comes out of who? the father or the mother?? it is who a mother gives her child to that is the father. Ok!? No one is sure who thier true father is - it is whoever your mum tells you is your father that is your father! Ok!?

Get money before you try for another baby with the next lucky lady or that one too will give your child to the highest bidder.

Most woman don't know babies are expensive until they have them - a mother's job is to do what is best for her child. Try and understand. Go make some money.

I have included prices of baby things below - does not contain school fees. He is mine is not the point here - It is can you give him a good life? You need to man up it is not about sperm. Once a child is on earth it is about provision. People will say otherwise but don't let anyone trick you. If you love that child you will let the rich man adopt him and use your ego to make money. Your child does not need your love as much as he needs diapers and formula

The truth hurts and I am sorry

you are a proper fool.

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by candyguyofficia(m): 1:19am On Jul 13, 2019
otobasin2323:
Good day nairalanders, ( pls ignore my errors, I am not good in typing ) I had a baby with one lady from rivers state(ex girlfriend) and I am from imo state, the baby turns out to be a boy he is 2 years old now. The lady lived with me during her pregnancy and also Gave birth under my roof.. 9months after giving birth, we started having issue. Based on am not well to do.. Cause my hustle ain't paying off. She left the house with my son. Later on she and her family found a man who has been married for so long but no child.. But the man is very wealthy and well to do in the society, the man is also from their town in rivers state ,she agreed to be the second wife so he can claim the child.

on hearing this I rejected it and met with her family so they can release my son to me and she can go ahead and marry whom ever she likes.. To my greatest suprise they all decline to my request but gave her full support that she should go ahead quoting me that in their tradition "any man that marries a lady that is with a child the child automatically answers the man's name"

With this statement it got me sad, angry cause I love my son with all my heart I don't want another man to father him.. Every month I Normally send her 15k for keep up my son... She ain't satisfied.. That am too poor for her liking... How do I take her to court the only documents I have here.. Is my sons birth certificate, his pictures with me. And all the receipt of the money I normally sent to her monthly... Pls I seriously need advice or suggestions. Thank you

I had to do a password reset on NL account inorder to gain access back to d account I did this all because of you, if it was face2face perhaps I would have charged you for the service but because it NL should I say such perhaps everyone would scream Scam, so I would advise you legally pro bono and also as a means of giving back to NL (I won't prepare a brief cuz I won't be able to type much on phone but I would touch as much material point as possible and would also simplify it. The advise is all backed my constitutional provision n decided cases)

Advise:
Section 315 of the 1999 CFRN (as amended) qualify customary law as an existing law, the implication of this is that courts are to apply customary law. In your case the customary law of your ex-girlfriend is "any man that marries a lady with a child the child automatically answers d man's name" The million dollar question is would d court apply this customary rule? By the provision of Section 18 (3) of the Evidence Act 2011, which state " in any judicial proceeding where any custom is relied upon, it shall not be enforced as law if it is contrary to public policy or is not in accordance with natural justice, equity and good conscience.
Your ex GF proposed defence on Customary law is barbaric and repugnant to natural justice, equity and good conscience so the court would not apply the customary law rule. Your case is similar to Edet v Essien (please do read it up). In the case the court held that the customary law is barbaric, repugnant to natural justice, equity and good conscience.
By Section 17 Evidence Act of 2011 " a custom may be judicially noticed when it has being abjudicated upon once by a superior court or record". This your case has being adjudicated upon in the case of Edet v Essien and in many other cases.
The court will grant you paternity of the child with ease even WITHOUT DNA test if proposed defence of your ex-GF is this customary law.
Now for the custody of the child (the court will most likely decide this on the technicality of d plaintiff council and that of the council of the defendant which will influence what the court think is best for the child). I will go with the realist school of law of Oliver Wendell Holmes on this. "The law is what the judge says it to be".
Regardless of the court judgement on the custody of the child it is a win win situation for you because:
1) You get recognised paternity of the child by the court
2) By virtue of the recognised paternity of the court an arrangement would be made for you to visit your son (either home visitation or public visitation) this way you get to be involved in the child Life and growth.
Best Wishes

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Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Bunique: 1:22am On Jul 13, 2019
confun:
best response so far. Op, even if the court gives d child to u ( which is almost impossible), shey na 15 k u go dey use to take care of a 2 yr old child? very unfair to d child. if u want a chobby, intelligent, smart, sharp and neat kid who can compete with his mates, abeg 15k no fit do anything, except u want him to start begging from his friends. a below average creche in my area is abt 15k per month, food nko, shoes nko, cloth nko, oga just increase your huzzle and pray make God bless d huzzle before you release another sperm next time. just wondering.... if u send 15k to d child, wat would u send to d mum? u think say to born pikin na beans, a friend of mine who loved kids planned to get a nice bus after marriage so as to always carry his 'many' children, after 1 child, my guy told me say e be like say hin go stop child bearing.... I laff sootey...

you are another big proper fool

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by pcicero(m): 1:25am On Jul 13, 2019
cococandy:
Wrong on all fronts

And what is that ma'am?
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by SirVintageCock: 1:34am On Jul 13, 2019
WORLDPEACE:



If he is not in a relationship with the mum he does not have to send her anything. The child is also the lady's so she should also make her own contribution. If she brings 10k, that money will be 25k. There are lots of single mothers who take care of their kids by themselves. Why are you reasoning as if the lady is an invalid?
Many people who earn minimum wage have children. It is through the participation of both parents that they raise their children.
Things will definitely improve as he hustles more. Children don't have to be sold off just because people become poor.

If the rich polygamist hadn't come into the picture would she have turned to prostitution to take care of her child. The guy made a huge mistake having a child with the lady, money or no money. She is not the kind of woman you have kids with.
Very funny joker you are. She should contribute 10k with all the nanny work and babysitting and childrearing stuffs attached (also working fulltime to make the said money) while the poor ratass sperm donor will contributes 15k without adding any other child chores and at the same time frolicking with different pussies daily.
Men, you can't eat your cake and have it. Zip up or make money to spare us this sobstories. please.

Dude is just pained that the girl is going to have a good life after he thought she is now an evening newspaper. Beloved son, my left yellow balls....
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by KenModi(m): 1:34am On Jul 13, 2019
biacan:
You should have work more had she wouldn't have left you........ Men and brokness nawaooo

Your stupidity ennnn....stinks to the highest heavens! angry
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by onadana: 1:37am On Jul 13, 2019
biacan:
You should have work more had she wouldn't have left you........ Men and brokness nawaooo

Women...being parasites..chai
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by PoliteActivist: 1:37am On Jul 13, 2019
Yussuf06:
Please how do i reply a response on nairaland

You hit "Quote" under the post
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by kunleweb: 1:43am On Jul 13, 2019
biacan:
You should have work more had she wouldn't have left you........ Men and brokness nawaooo



You are very irresponsible for joking with such a serious matter.
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Carinaflo(f): 1:44am On Jul 13, 2019
otobasin2323:

She don't even want me to pay a dime on her head . she sees me as a broke ass failure... Talk about me settling down with her she declined.. She has fallen in love with the wealthy man accepting to be second wife.. I just need my Son

But she lived with you throughout the period of her pregnancy and you didn't bother to pay her bride price, you had to wait to know if she would give birth to a "boy".

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by kunleweb: 1:44am On Jul 13, 2019
otobasin2323:
Good day nairalanders, ( pls ignore my errors, I am not good in typing ) I had a baby with one lady from rivers state(ex girlfriend) and I am from imo state, the baby turns out to be a boy he is 2 years old now. The lady lived with me during her pregnancy and also Gave birth under my roof.. 9months after giving birth, we started having issue. Based on am not well to do.. Cause my hustle ain't paying off. She left the house with my son. Later on she and her family found a man who has been married for so long but no child.. But the man is very wealthy and well to do in the society, the man is also from their town in rivers state ,she agreed to be the second wife so he can claim the child.

on hearing this I rejected it and met with her family so they can release my son to me and she can go ahead and marry whom ever she likes.. To my greatest suprise they all decline to my request but gave her full support that she should go ahead quoting me that in their tradition "any man that marries a lady that is with a child the child automatically answers the man's name"

With this statement it got me sad, angry cause I love my son with all my heart I don't want another man to father him.. Every month I Normally send her 15k for keep up my son... She ain't satisfied.. That am too poor for her liking... How do I take her to court the only documents I have here.. Is my sons birth certificate, his pictures with me. And all the receipt of the money I normally sent to her monthly... Pls I seriously need advice or suggestions. Thank you




Go and find and speak to a lawyer. Your state should provide free legal services, start there and take it up from there.
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by kunleweb: 1:46am On Jul 13, 2019
cococandy:
Wrong on all fronts


What shiny skull. You find it hard to criticize your typical way cause its a woman. You throw a subtle shade, a single. Sentence unlike when you're write a poem if the man was the guilty part. Feminism don't destroy your frontal cerebral part. Atole oshi

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by OneManLegion(m): 2:05am On Jul 13, 2019
wirinet:

That's only according to igbo tradition. In other traditions, a child belongs to the father marriage or not.

Federal and state laws supercedes customary laws, and if the matter is taken to court, traditional law will be relegated to the background. Remember, an igbo lady went to court to claim part of her fathers inheritance her brothers denied her, against igbo traditional law.

Generally, customary traditions almost always get judicial approval. ALMOST always.

According to the OP's baby mama, where she's from, a woman is entitled to a child born out of wedlock. (I can't vouchsafe its veracity, though)

If the (OP) can convince the court that it would go against the laws of natural justice, equity and good conscience to follow this custom, the court might just rule in his favour.

The fact that the child is still tender of years may work against you, though!
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by OneManLegion(m): 2:23am On Jul 13, 2019
Ybaby:

Where did I mention the court? I am not talking about the law. I am talking about this 15k man's ability to feed and clothe his own son.

The matter on ground is not that they are stealing his son. It is that he cannot provide for his son. Don't let him hoodwink you. If you want to help him - get hima skill, a job, a hustle etc

Let him send 200k worth of baby formula and clothing to the mother and see of he will not be allowed to see his son.

It is not by sperm - without the right nutrition that child can become retarded. To put it bluntly this man is too boy to raise a child. He keeps saying she left him because he is a pauper then why cann't he fix his poverty. Go and get some money biko then fight for your son and impress the mother.

I feel sorry for his ego but he can fix it by getting money rather than this pity party he asked us to organise for him.

Again find below some costings for a child. Please be guided before you insert your peepee and litter the earth with kids to struggle. The human race does not need more hungry kids..... biko.

To whom it may concern.




Why's there no "Down vote" option on nairaland, Seun angry

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 2:25am On Jul 13, 2019
otobasin2323:

She don't even want me to pay a dime on her head . she sees me as a broke ass failure... Talk about me settling down with her she declined.. She has fallen in love with the wealthy man accepting to be second wife.. I just need my Son
I pity you because she refused to marry you. If not that she refused to marry you, the child would not be yours, traditionally. If a bride price is not paid on a woman's head in Igboland, be it River Igbo or whatever, that child belongs to his/her mother's family, and they've absolute right to choose whom the child will belong to, in case they don't want to keep the child. Therefore, the case is dead cos you didn't marry her. However, the only saving grace you have is that she willingly refused to marry you; hence, it's not your fault. So, based on that, the court will declare that he's your child even though he'll still be in his mother's custody until he grows up. Because of the aforementioned reason, get a good lawyer and recover your child back. Insist that she refused to marry you and that you need your son back.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 2:43am On Jul 13, 2019
linearity:


Not totally true, as there are no clear cut victories going into court.

If he gets a good lawyer, the child can even be taken from the mother, if they stress attempted and actual parental alienation on the part of the mother.

The courts favors the kids to have access to both parents...from his story, it appear that the mother in collusion with the step-father and her people have engaged in alienating him from the life of the child and to give the child to the step-father in the name of their tradition.

Obviously the child’s continual stay with the mother under those conditions, will not foster a good relationship with father, which law requires.

I understand fully well that, this is Nigeria and that, the highest bidder can sometimes buy the most favorable outcome in courts.
Please remember that he didn't marry her. So, what works in America doesn't work here. We've our customary law here oooo!
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by ikorodureporta: 2:59am On Jul 13, 2019
It's funny how people reject babies, engage in multiple abortions, while others are searching for pregnancy...
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 3:14am On Jul 13, 2019
[quote author=VillagePipu post=8020955)
That boy belongs to the guy. The girl's parents can argue tradition all they want but the law is what it is [/quote].
Please I disagree with you on this. That tradition is still accepted by law - the customary law. Insofar as he didn't marry the lady, the child is not his. The only angle from which he may win this case and get his son back is that she willingly refused to marry him, and he's therefore praying the court to declare that the child is rightfully his. In my village, a lady lived with a man who didn't pay her bride price, for years and they had four children. When they visited the lady's family, they took the children away from the man, that he didn't pay the bride price and according to our village tradition the children belong to the woman's family. People ill-advised the man to go to court, that he would win. He then sold his land, and took up the case. In the court, he was reminded that he didn't pay the bride price and could not rightfully claim the ownership of those children. From this, I then realized that traditions are backed up by customary law. The lady's family took those children, and the lady later married another man, not with the children ooo! Her former man died due to hypertension. He had spent all he had, yet he didn't recover his children back. That's why men should be careful and do the proper and necessary rites of marriage, before claiming that a child is his or theirs anyway.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Sophiemama: 3:25am On Jul 13, 2019
My dear,there are communities here that will never give you that child without you marrying their daughter, especially in this case where there is a man ready to marry her and become the legitimate father. It is a pity.

Go to their family with your family and pay some dowry on the girl. In my place,there is something you will for the child alone even if you don't want to marry the mother. This is to make the child your legitimate son because in the future you will legitimately marry another woman and this boy will be called a bastard,even by your wife and her children. The mother is doing what is best for her son because the boy will have equal rights as the other children she will birth for the wealthy man.

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 3:31am On Jul 13, 2019
axglide:
Generally under customary Law in Nigeria,the father has an absolute right to the custody of his legitimate or legitimated children. However for custody of Legitimate children, under common Law a father has absolute right to the custody of his legitimate children under maturity.Even at his death, the mother cannot claim custody .

Source: https://asknigeria.com.ng/topic/278/child-custody-in-nigeriaDid he marry her? This law you quoted is premised on marriage. That is to say, if he had married the lady.

Guy the law favors you, but you need Money. All the best.
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 3:33am On Jul 13, 2019
axglide:
Generally under customary Law in Nigeria,the father has an absolute right to the custody of his legitimate or legitimated children. However for custody of Legitimate children, under common Law a father has absolute right to the custody of his legitimate children under maturity.Even at his death, the mother cannot claim custody .

Source: [url]https://asknigeria.com.ng/topic/278/child-custody-in-nigeria[/url

Guy the law favors you, but you need Money. All the best.
Did he marry her? The law you quoted is premised on marriage; that is to say, if he had married her

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 3:45am On Jul 13, 2019
axglide:


What is wrong with this quote?



Even under common Law, it states "However for custody of Legitimate children, under common Law a father has absolute right to the custody of his legitimate children under maturity."

Like i said before, if he has money and hopefully a good lawyer, he can win the case, but he needs to contend with the TALFORD ACT 1839 and THE CUSTODY OF INFANT ACT 1872, though All these pre-1900 statute recognized the right of either parents to the custody of legitimate child. Also see ABIAKAM AND OTHERS V. ABIAKAM
What do you understand by the word "legitimate children"? It means children born in marriage. There's no marriage here.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 3:49am On Jul 13, 2019
spongeisback:
No the lady is an ikwerre and not Igbo. Read the OP.I just repeated what the family of the lady told him. Just READ! He's not going to court to fight for recognition as the father of the boy but he wants to take the child away from the mother. Please read the OP.
Ikwerres are Igbos, even though they denied it. Igbo is Igbo. We practise the same culture in Anambra.

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 4:02am On Jul 13, 2019
sacx:


You're trying to be clever by half. Our society is run by laws and not traditions. This is why the decrees of the state can override any traditional injunction. Going by the laws, he has a right to be present in his son's life and participate in his development. The attempt to alienate him in the name of traditions will not stand.

Now shift closer let me warn you. Never you litter the public space with verbose arguments and unsubstantiated claims! That's all grin
Customary law takes care of traditions. Since he didn't marry the lady, he cannot claim ownership of the child. I've witnessed such a case before and the man lost. Ask a good lawyer and he'll tell you the truth. Even in America, Steve Jobs' parents were not the biological parents of his. His maternal grandfather didn't want Steve's biological father to marry his daughter (Steve's mother), and he was therefore adopted by another man, even when his biological father wanted to marry his mother.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by macphilip: 4:04am On Jul 13, 2019
Bro in all truthfulness and as a honest Nigerian,
if your child in question here was a baby girl,
would you still be interested in having custody ?

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 4:07am On Jul 13, 2019
morpheus24:


SMH!

A natural right supersedes a customary one.

The boy is 50% of one parent.


I've seen such a case before and the man lost the case. Insofar as he didn't marry the lady, he has no legal right to claim ownership of that child. Our traditions are backed up by customary laws of Nigeria.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by citadels(f): 4:15am On Jul 13, 2019
spongeisback:
Traditionally the boy doesn't belong to you according to the family. Even if you go to court they would never ever ever grant you custody of that child except you can prove he's not being well taken care of by his mother.

My advice, open an account in his name, instead of giving cash to his mother pay the money into that account and send it to her through the account, document everything you spend on him and make sure you contribute to his upbringing as much as you can. Be there for every milestone in his life because if you take the "one day he will look for me approach" it may come back to hunt you.


Sorry.




For the IDIOTS quoting me to insult themselves.
my dear you are right. If you did not marry a woman before she gave birth for you the child ain't yours it's in my tradition too.
Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by Nobody: 4:15am On Jul 13, 2019
VillagePipu:


Wrong.
That's under Igbo tradition.
The same Igbo tradition says a woman like you can't inherit property.
The same Igbo tradition makes widows shave their heads when they lose their husbands.

Nigeria's laws supercede Igbo tradition and that child belongs to him.
You're talking of outdated and unjust tradition of male inheritance. But this one is different. Insofar as he didn't marry the lady, he can't claim ownership of that child. Even customary laws of Nigeria support this. I've seen such a case before and the man lost the case. Impregnating a woman is not enough to claim you're the owner of the child. Otherwise, people impregnating women whose husbands are dead or could not father a child, could have claimed those children later.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Take Custody Of My Beloved Son? by citadels(f): 4:22am On Jul 13, 2019
[quote author=Mandeyy post=80212274][/quote] sure. Tradition is recognized in law. In my town is same thing if you don't marry a woman and she gives you children those children are not yours. Don't try it

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