₦airaland Forum

Have you tried to ask him during the happy mood periods why the mood swing occurs?
Men deal with issues in multiple ways and it varies from man to man. A good friend of mine is married to a lady whom he claims doesn't respect him. He says she speaks to him condescendingly even in public, and i have witnessed it a couple of times. Silent treatment is the way he handles the situation too. His view is that by ignoring his wife, he will get over the personal slight much more quickly instead of engaging which exacerbates the hurt. The wife may well be wondering why the man keeps mute ever so often.

I'm not making excuses for him at all but a year is not long enough to really understand your husband especially if you didn't court for an extended period of time. Try to get to the root-cause of the issue. Did you make claims that have turned out to be untrue? Is he cheating and perhaps is falling out of love with you? Answers to your questions may be closer home than you think.

If everything fails, try confide in someone he respects. He may open up to them.

Duggedised12:
why the question?

I followed the thread when I saw it.

and, you made a good comment up there.
felt perhaps you have got it.

Truth is you have to be patient with him. And sorry to say, maybe you're stressing him much with your demands as in you being selfish in every way. Maybe you're overstretching him, maybe he has something he's going through in his workplace and the pressure is just too much on him. Why not try be as soft amd considerate as possible and see how he changes.

Finally, pray to God for him and you always. God be with you sister

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

When all you were after were thick d*ck and six packs. Please continue with your focus and let me have my peace, jare

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

.The last paragraph of your epistle said it all.

You go to everyone for advise.

How can a man cope with such wife?.

It's your marriage and not everyone's marriage.

MrNipplesLover:
I followed the thread when I saw it.


and, you made a good comment up there.

felt perhaps you have got it.

oh, not yet

Why are you complaining, you knew that he was that kind of person. Please you people should not come and serve us with una wahala. Someone will tell you how his character is before marriage, you will ignore it because you are carried away with Bleep, money and emotions, when una two marry, your eye go come clear, you go come nairaland dey cry like baby. No vex me.

Give him time it maybe as a result of change of mood. But nevertheless, you need to have a te - a - te with him in order to know what might be the problem.

For your relationship, dating and marriage tips, visit:https://www.lovegister.com

Very one sided post.

Fear women

Michelle55:
These are possible causes of which might be true( ain't disputing this facts) How can she scale through this phase without losing her marriage? Or is this the end of the marriage? Don't you think the man shouldn't have married her if atall she cheated to avoid all this stress and heartaches they are passing through? Can the man forgive her,if Yes, what are the things she should do to get her man and marriage back?

100% submissiveness. Just that sometimes, women are not sensitive to what moves their man. All they want is husband that will love them. During conversations in courtship, a man would av told u what moves him, but women don't pay attention to remember. Everybody has a key. The lady in questions does not know her husband's key.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Give him a proper reset slap when next he's in that mood. I know his kind.

The only reason for to start giving a cold shoulder is because you have given him enough reason to believe that you are cheating on him. Try trace back when all this started. You might see where you miss it. Good luck.

Bbbwings:
Really

Yeah. Doesn't seems like its worth it.

Godoverevery:
lol...... and if decides not to
we are all different day the beauty of life.....he own is still better for the Op ... maybe she come take d one dat won't even come home and won't drop a kobo.
she sud just know what he is reacting to am very sure he is reacting to something and just the malice type .....am like dat too.

Until needs is clearly communicated in marriage, then its not a healthy marriage

cococandy:
Oh shut the fvck up

Okay

sapien:
He is cheating. No doubt about it.

Most cheaters are always distant and aloof to their spouse in their marriage.

You must be a cheat as well to arrive at this conclusion. Thumbs up

....I need to hear from your husband before I solve this problem...I have the solution.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

You say when he is in a happy mood he will almost kill you with gists and sex and love and caring and will even wash your clothes and your dirty PANT.

The problem with your husband is a spiritual one. Somebody is operating him with remote control.

Probably someone did love portion on him on your behalf or for themselves and it backfired and you are the unfortunate victim which you don't know about, which is what he is reacting to.
When the love portion is not working is when he is nasty towards you.

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

It's not everyone that can Act mad and remain Sane. So don't advise others to do what you can do easily. Besides, there may be repercussions.

My advice to the op is to pray and be patient. She may eventually realise the issues and perhaps cope with it.

healthserve:
I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

Matured and very practical!

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

my advice to is put every thing in prayer ,,read psalm 23 and psalm 91 daily every four hours .make fasting once in a week and put everything in prayers .sorry

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

Dear @sisisioge, this is not good advise for a married individual except for someone who doesn't mind any negative fallout.
What is wrong with her sitting this young boy down and telling him exactly how she feels including the implications of this attitude of his if it continues.
If he loves her, he will respond to her and if he doesn't then there's a bigger problem she needs to investigate.

Duggedised12:
oh, not yet

ok.

good luck.

He sounds like an absolute nightmare.

How long did you know him before marrying him?

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed.

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Sounds to me like your husband is suffering from DEPRESSION but you are too ignorant and self absorbed to even notice.


You've described classic signs of Depression and Repressive behavior.


Makes me wonder how you dated him and ended up marrying him because unless you were completely blind, you'd have seen these mood swings and shutting people out trait


But i suspect you were more than likely unable to see beyond your own needs and feelings.
Living with someone 24/7 with such approach is a non-starter


Meanwhile rather than 'report' him to his folks or people that know him, you could discuss his mood swings and ask if they have any references for such behavior. I'm pretty certain you will get ignorant confirmation like 'oh his behavior is like weather, it changes anytime'




However, your options are obvious to you. Leave the marriage like most people would do, or try to help him to get medical help.


Tbh, you can even see it as not being your problem, but that is just confirmation of other things

MrNipplesLover:
ok.


good luck.

thanks!

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Your problem is that you are not listening to your husband's feedback and taking them seriously. This is the problem of this marriage.

Let me explain: listen to what he says he likes and listen to what he says he doesn't like. Don't do the things he says he does not like and do the ones he likes and watch things turn around.

Some guys when upset with their wives beat them up. He doesn't want to do that, so another approach is to ignore anything that has to do with you.

So change immediately before pride kills your marriage

I read majority of the write up and all I can say is: welcome to marriage. I will read the rest later so I can drop advice in full detail. I don’t see what the big deal is because majority of matrimonies end like this. I believe people lie when they say “marriage was my best decision”, “we still have sex till this day” and “after many years he/she still completes me.”.

Don't listen to most of these people here saying you should revenge or become aggressive, u will just finish the marriage.

For me, I think there is a character he has warned you about that you keep repeating and he is tired of talking every time or there is something/character/height of thinking/maturity he feels you should have attained by now but you have not, and you have shown carelessness or no interest to understand/change.

Solution: take note of his cautions, study him when he is a good mood and understand WHY he is in a good mood. You should know what makes him happy and keep giving it to him. From what you wrote above, you love your husband and he is a good man. Just go closer to him and SHOW him just like you married him and ready to spend your life with him, you are also ready to do anything for his happiness. Believe me, he will come through and love u better. You said he still gives you money and makes no argument on things. His head is still there. It just need rebooting!

Never neglect the power of prayer..Marriage is not boyfriend and girlfriend issue..there are forces fighting against marriages.Prayer is the key.

dingbang:
Why are you complaining, you knew that he was that kind of person. Please you people should not come and serve us with una wahala. Someone will tell you how his character is before marriage, you will ignore it because you are carried away with Bleep, money and emotions, when una two marry, your eye go come clear, you go come nairaland dey cry like baby. No vex me.

Woman to be honest you are truely annoying.. u might not do it intensionally buh to him that particular habit u portray is annoying to him. I experienced the same with my ex. It was part of the reason I broke with her. Pay attention to him and find out what makes him happy I could help to ease the tension btw u two. My dear if u don't save the marriage u might end up losing it. I believe he is a hot tempered person so trade carefully my dear or ....