₦airaland Forum

Ritaokafor:
Read this book"why you act the way you do". Can't recall the author's name. Your husband is melancholic. Suffers terrible mood swings. Just be patient with him in prayer till he comes out of it.
Mood swings differ, depending on the sufferer. It can be short or long term. I am a victim and exhibit most of the things you see in your husband. By God's grace,I will overcome it cos people around you suffer for no just cause.
My dear, the only solution is to be patient and prayerful. When he is out of it, will be the loving man you married!

Tim francis laHaye

goodgirl2409:
That’s is just the truth. Learning to accept the reality.

This isn't the truth and you know it somewhere in your heart.
The wise ones who saw his very "unmarriageable" traits despite his monies for marriage left him. Now you and other young ladies should know that a well to do man marrying late likely has intolerable red flags.

RealityShot:
goodgirl2409...
do you have a job? If not; go and get one now!

if you do, put more attention on your work.

if the marriage breaks, you need to be capable to fend for your self.

marriage is not by force...and if you think it is: accept the and enjoy it

Yes I do. I earn more than 300k monthly

Dear OP, be wary of public counsel that can harm your marriage especially as we have limited info.

To answer you, your husband is a nice man but has a psychological challenge and cannot help himself. See Tara and Fela Durotoye's advice here:

[url]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lk2DmuGSCRI[/url]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3OKwOBmDkI

Talk to him when he is happy and identify the triggers of his malice, it may even be from where he works. It may even be memories or just anything. Help him overcome this, recommended actions:
1. Pray together always.
2. See a counsellor or discuss marriage videos or books that could help
3. Schedule outings or dates, weekly or monthly
4. Again, pray together always.

I hope this helps.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

my dear keep praying for him pray and let him hear u pray for him say prayers that every deal in his life shall come to past he shall succeed and he shall win Amen

[s]

KanuSE:
Sisisioge's advice is like adding more fuel to the fire especially for a lady who's tryna find solution to her marital issues.

If you get closer to sisisioge you would be surprised that she wouldn't dare act out her own advice sef.

[/s]

[s]

KanuSE:
Lol

[/s]

These things you mentioned are part of marriage..thats why there is always a room for divorce..it's not a crime to be single again if things have gotten out of hand..but for now endure and pray for changes..

anonimi:
Is turning every issue into a spiritual/religious matter a sign of mental laziness of inability to think things through for solutions


www.nairaland.com/attachments/4138528_fbimg1471362711749_jpeg32428b294a57b4debde63e3fd7301227

smile, u shall soon understand.

There is a question begging for answer. Op is yet to tell us for how long their courtship lasted before they got married. I hope you guys did not actually rush into marriage because what I can make of this is poor communication or lack of it.

See,if you don't understand each other,there is a serious fire on the mountain and this is exactly what courtship is supposed to provide- a platform to understand your partner.

If your attempts at discussing issues with your husband always failed,the problem there might be poor timing for such discussion. You should know the best time to talk to him. He cannot be moody 24/7 unless something is fundamentally wrong with your marriage.

Take for instance,whenever my wife hurts me,I don't discuss it with her immediately. The reason is that she is a defensive type. She might not agree that what she did at that time was wrong and that would naturally make me angrier ! So I would just ignore her for some minutes. After a few minutes, she would have sensed it in my body language that I am angry and she would come over to me. At that time she is ready to talk and listen without being defensive unnecessary! It is either,at end of our discussion, she says "I" m sorry" or I say so because she is not always wrong actually.

So find the right time to discuss your issues with your husband and I sincerely hope you are not a nagging type.

It is well with your marriage.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

I have to login to my account because your story touched me. This case need spiritual solution. When a bad character or habit is becoming extreme in most cases a spirit is involved. Beside, let assume a spirit is not involved and assuming he does not love you again, you still need God to take over your marriage. If you are a believer, please kindly share your challenge with your pastor, church prayer group or take it upon your self and pray for your husband every mid night, If you will pray, believe God will intervene. I want you to know that every other advise except God is not going to work. In as much, you are sure you are not doing any thing to irritate him. In case, you need further advise, simply email me; theophilusekezie@gmail.com

There is something that you must have told him that hurts his inner soul which he doesn't want want you to know about.

He just realized that you are not what he wanted and any time you exhibited one of those characters that he detest he will just ignore it because there is nothing he can do about it.

Never you persist in knowing his mind if he hackens it but only aulter soft words to him spontaneously because if you insist in knowing what is wrong it may consume you.

OP, many will truly ill advice you, and I truly feel for you for this situation. Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed, I can connect with you a family that God has used for so many in the past, and I believe if you can talk to them. It could offer hope and solution through God.
If you want to....
Kindly reach me on WhatsApp, 08067033543

Validated:
Be patient young woman. This man was all alone for maybe 25 to 30 years. Now you have joined him to destabilize his privacy. He will adjust after your first or second child. Patience in endurance without complaining and marriage requires a lot of patience. Do not listen to anyone asking you to leave him. They do not mean well. Some may say he is cheating. Possible but you are his wife any outsider is a rag. A rag is never placed on the closet but in the bin area. So see any outsider as a rag. If you are a Christian, pray. Get the book ... a praying wife... cant remember the author again. Pray for him while he is still in bed and possibly pray aloud for him to hear you pour your thoughts to God. Show him love without words. Love him with all you got. He is your king and your closest friend. Do not go about complaining. Those you are complaining to are not better off.
God bless your marriage!

Thank you sir.

ogogorofreak, cerpvad, Bolanlevivian, btsnm, paul1995, Biglittlelois, sapien & sageMK need to see @bolded.

Watch him, that's how depression starts. Why not talk to the man you married, talk life into your man, stop coming here to rant in this god forsaken faceless forum. Nobody f*cking cares!, repeat after me, Nobody does!

[s]

KanuSE:
Thank you sir.

ogogorofreak, cerpvad, Bolanlevivian, btsnm, paul1995, Biglittlelois, sapien & sageMK need to see @bolded.

[/s]

Am wowed!!! God bless you for these pieces!

healthserve:
I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

keep praying for him to change and continue being the woman you are.

Madam, thank your God things are coming this way. Your husband has spiritual problems. It is only prayer that can solve the problem. Just continue to pray and do the very best you can. No revenge please. No 'do me I do you'. Just continue to perform your duties and pray. I mean for him. Fervent prayers. You will see the result. It is well with you Ma'am.

sapien:
He is cheating. No doubt about it.

Most cheaters are always distant and aloof to their spouse in their marriage.

U ARE VERY NAIVE. IS EVERYTHING, CHEATING? D GUY GAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM. BUT D WOMZN ALSO NEEDS TO CHECK HER STEPS. D REASON FOR HIS MOOD CHANGE IS D ISSUE. FINX OUT CAREFULLY AND FIX UR HUSBAND THAN D TEASH U ARE SPUEING OUT HERE...AM TIRED IN JUST ONE YEAR IS NO STORY...

SSAwhistleblowe:
It won’t work I know those types of men you will just be giving them more power to behave that way... such men thrive on malice it’s food to their soul... make up your mind that he won’t make you sad... then since you have that kind of partner and if you want your marriage to work o (which is a choice cos you don’t have to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage) you have to refrain from keeping malice cos if you go his way the marriage will scatter... such ppl are covert narcissists but the level varies.... ( a typical narcissist will not even give you money for home upkeep but rather milk you dry financially so the fact that he even gives you money shows he is not a totally bad man)

find out which strategy best works to penetrate his malicious brick wall..

Number one ignore him too like I said earlier you sef don’t talk to him , don’t cook, and when he cooks dish your own and eat too behave as if you are not hurt by his action..you can even jokingly ask him what he is cooking or buying for you to eat and laugh even if he ignores you...when he buys the food and brings it to the house you sef carry spoon and eat from the food telling him this food is sweet o where did you buy it don’t even do as if it’s paining you..laugh and smile around the house as if nothing is happening... make calls and laugh loudly with friends and family while on the calls... watch movies , play music and dance ... do these things with him in the house o.. you sef go out to have fun and don’t tell him where you are going .. try this for some days and see how he reacts... if the guy weak know say all he is doing na wash and try to hold a conversation with him.


Then if he becomes aggressive or withdraws even more and his attitude worsens just know that this one na devil o and never really loved you in the first place cos no man can avoid talking to a woman he really loves for days under the same roof... we can now think of other strategies including prayer to turn his stony heart to a fleshy one biko.

You are simply asking her to make things worse, you think ignoring him and not cooking would be a wise decision? He would only go ahead and tell his people his wife doesn't cook at home and he eats outside.
Don't ever go out on your own as though nothing is happening o, he will not only accuse you of infidelity but also use it as excuse to fuel whatever he might be doing on the side

Jay5mie:

your husband has spiritual problem and need prayers and cancelling from true man of God, and he also need a marriage mentor.you also need a marriage chancellor,i believe if you follow this advice you will save your marriage .

Immediately I saw the word "revengeful"
My thoughts are that u did something of which he is aware, u probably are too.
It's most likely you've had premarital intimacy with other guys and u have made him aware,
He is seeing the images and finding it hard to cope with those thoughts.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

He must have seen a chat from your ex on your phone or something that has to do with your ex. If he didn't see, someone showed him.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

check yourself first before complaining about sm1 else...........

you probably showing him your secret-hiding behaviors /habits you have been hiding since time. Now his eyes is open and can see the pig he married.

this include and not conclusive:


bad manner

hygiene

your parasitic family member/ intrusion

no loyalty

disrespectful

strong head

talkative/ not minding your business

u are loud-mouth

Agbero-tendencies. You fit be Area girl sef

Prostitute tendency

Your past history

selfishness - na only your way or nothing


i am writing all this looking at a pig of a woman so i know what your husband is going through. fix yourself first

1 Corinthians 11
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

your husband is depressed. He has bouts with depression and it is only that would help him.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

sorry, but your husband has skorin, his skorin is seasonal, it comes and go.

healthserve:
I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

this one no guaranteed happy home...leave all this trash aside

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Maybe its due to lack of kids in the family....


I bet if you tell him you're with child.... His attitude will change



Im just saying...I'm not married myself so I don't know shii about it

dre44k:
Am wowed!!! God bless you for these pieces!

Tushe

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

/
Either he is emotionally challenged

OR

You are hygienically challenged.

You don't know how to tell him; he doesn't know how to tell you.

Leave prayer out of this. It involves actionable solutions.
/