khatea:
Sorry about this op!
What was courtship wt him like? D u just tell d whole truth here? Do u nag? Ur marriage is too young to start facing this emotional trauma, m sure sumtin is wrong somewhere. Either yes/no, U need a night preferably a midnight to deal with this issue my dear. Wake him, go on ur knees, cry if u want/can, pour out evritin bothering u and let him know how single in marriage u feel wt d way things are. I hope he speaks up

Note: U need to make ursef happy at all times no matter what pls. Remember prayer changes things too

Everytime people usually unmarried ask this question about courtship. Yes, courtship is good but it can not detect all faults. Check out those failed, they courted more than one year. Yet marriage fails with few years. So Nigerians are pretenders.

crackhouse:
he's not cheating. The fact is she's not making any positive impact in the family. She's just a liability to the man that's all. The man is the only person running around for the family upkeep and it has not been easy for him. Some women are like that, they are just like a log of wood that doesn't make any meaningful contribution in the house and can't help u realise your dream either.

If not for ban I for curse u out eh.

So the fact that this bloke of a man comes home to a loving faithful wife and a cooked meal means nothing?
Are him and her age mates? Isn't he supposed to provide?
Is it the responsibility of the wife to feed her husband?
If he wants her to contribute financially why can't he set up a business for her?
Did she complain about anything financially related?

You are a small boy, pls grow up!

[s]

KanuSE:


Continue to give the advice you wouldn't dare try with your own husband ok.... continue!

[/s]

Ritaokafor:
Read this book"why you act the way you do". Can't recall the author's name. Your husband is melancholic. Suffers terrible mood swings. Just be patient with him in prayer till he comes out of it.

nice book written by Tim Lahaye

queenfav:
lol, the issue weak me na. Again, I am very careful about advise I give anyone when it has to do with a marital issue. Not tomorrow they will say I scattered their marriage.

He is a spoilt brat.

GoldPencil:
lol. as I read your advice I see say u don tey for the man vs woman game. na I'm I say make op listen to veteran. Men always win in the end though.

Hahaha lol!!!
Men always win because we women with sense want u to feel that way! u guys ego and all must never be hurt! But in the end we get exactly what we want and more. Trust me.

A woman's heart is one the deep blue see filled with many secrets... fact!

YelloweWest:

If the damn boat sinks it's useless and not worth it!

If she gives him a slice of his own cake and he decided to walk out that's his loss. Op will move on too. Her destiny can not be tied to misery

To advise people is the easiest thing to do until you find yourself in similar situation. Do you think everyone's got the wisdom, courage, strength or ability to simply move on?

You have no idea sorry...

GoldPencil:
today when he comes back. dont say anything. just walk up to him, get on your knees. pull out his dick and start sucking like no tomorrow. then when he starts showing interest (hand on ur head and all) climb him and ride.(spell coconut with ur hips) after the last letter, while still on him, whisper in his ear "do whatever you want with me" you can tell us what happens next in a later thread. continue this behaviour for one week, then switch back to whatever it is you're doing now, but start wearing make up more with sexy dresses and start working out. thank me later with cash offering.

Best advice.

The earlier a lady understands that we have different ways to which different men reacts when they are unhappy with someone they ''love so much'' the better o!!!! This is One of the main thing a lady needs to watch out for when dating...
Y do you think people talk about the importance of communication ( ability to talk and listen) in arelationship/marriage, it helps to vent out what you have inside.....
It's very simple, u hv not understand your man and how to talk to your man, go work on that and u would be fine..
Mind u, for him to have taken u in for a wife; he love u so much !!!!

[s]

KanuSE:


To advise people is the easiest thing to do until you find yourself in similar situation. Do you think everyone's got the wisdom, courage, strength or ability to simply move on?

You have no idea sorry...

[/s]

true. it's the only way there will be peace between the genders. one has to either lose or look as if they've lost, otherwise the battle is ongoing. Personally I appreciate you guys for that. now let me go and scrub off my advices so that younger girls and guys can learn the best way aka the hard way.

YelloweWest:

Hahaha lol!!!
Men always win because we women with sense want u to feel that way! u guys ego and all must never be hurt! But in the end we get exactly what we want and more. Trust me.

A woman's heart is one the deep blue see filled with many secrets... fact!

TotoNaRubber:
Go to market, buy sexy night wear, wear it all day around him, go down on him and suckk his dick, yes suck his dick, then position for doggy and insert his cock in your v****na, wine him while you twerk on him. Make sure you watch him cum and tap his head like a small boy afterwards.

Try this 3 times every week and see.

This is what the new generations girl use to hold other women's husband on hostage.

Second best comment.

DameB:


There's already domestic violence... What he's doing is emotional abuse... There might be another woman and there might be no one... See ehn a lot of undiagnosed narcissistic and bipolar people are roaming free in this country

So true

Smile, it's not always adviceable to judge issues witout hearing from all the parties involved.till we hear ur hubbies side too,personally ur grievance is "noted"...there is always a cause & reaction

I'll take another dimension to this discussion. Because you seem to always point out the fact that he rejects your meals to the extent of preparing food by himself or going out to eat

Well Madam, pls be honest with your self! Are you really good in the kitchen? Just thinking out loud ni! Cos good sweet palatable meal is the easiest way to get a man. He might have some negative vibes but rejecting your meal to prepare his own calls for concerns if you can really satisfy him and any other person when it comes to food.

Personally, I've seen a friend whose wife is almost minus zero in kitchen lolz. She can make EBA, semo etc perfectly but when it comes to soups including rice, porridge it's total rubbish. My friend complained few months back and I was almost doubting him till he invited me. Damn! I couldn't swallow okro soup she used to entertain me with her hubby and of course her 3 kids have no idea what they eat till they're grown to start eating outside. He even told me her noddle is worst cos she doesn't add d spice at first (can u imagine? Lolz)


Madam! I'm concentrating on the food cos I know a lot of ladies have this challenge and they don't want to learn and forgetting that they're going into a mans house. For me personally, I'd be running home any time I'm hungry

Lastly, work of your cooking skills if you think you're not to good there and also work on your hygiene and improve your sexiness at home

Goodluck!

SageMK:

It's your choice to continue enduring and suffering.
But you don't have to at all. You deserve better.
Be brave enough to know when to quit.

She needs a positive advice to improve her marriage and make her husband a better man....
not a hypocritical response like yours

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

My dear, we still got d luxury of time to choose and God will epp us to choose right. Most times I think about my singleness but once I hear, read or see somethings ppl go tru in marriage ehn, I'll look my happy self in d mirror and tell myself my coin hasn't flipped to my side yet ni and will be like Jesu, just gimme my own man gaangaan n not someone else's cos I know how much m enjoying my life filled wt zero worries and one man shld just not come and change my personality for bad/worse/worst all in d name of marriage.

Honestly, atimes I just feel there should be a probation stage in marriage after d courtship for say a max of 3years jare. It's rili well

meobizy:
I read majority of the write up and all I can say is: welcome to marriage. I will read the rest later so I can drop advice in full detail. I don’t see what the big deal is because majority of matrimonies end like this. I believe people lie when they say “marriage was my best decision”, “we still have sex till this day” and “after many years he/she still completes me.”.

That’s is just the truth. Learning to accept the reality.

emeijeh:
Too bad, you married a grown up boy.

Damn
[img]https://media1./images/8ceffe54d39699688f8219fb32bd43b7/tenor.gif?itemid=4351215[/img]

Hian

xtivin2:
Their are forces opposing your marriage spiritually, the temporary time he has with you is determined by the temporary break given to him in the spiritual. Go to God with all you have and pray, their are forces in your mother side working against you. Pls pray

Lol Do you mean Nigerian Armed forces?

Apination:

When he gets home next, start crying and use every emotional trick you can conjure and go to him, so that he knows how his actions is hurting you. I'm trying to rule out the possibility of him having a mistress but it's a high possibility.

But in all, that ring you are wearing is not for fashion, it's more powerful than you can imagine, go on your knees, raise that finger with the ring on it while praying and demand from God to hold your husband and bring him closer to you, because you have a convenant with God himself and your husband. Don't get tired o, marriage is a constant battle, you can't afford to run in round one. Go and pray

It won’t work I know those types of men you will just be giving them more power to behave that way... such men thrive on malice it’s food to their soul... make up your mind that he won’t make you sad... then since you have that kind of partner and if you want your marriage to work o (which is a choice cos you don’t have to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage) you have to refrain from keeping malice cos if you go his way the marriage will scatter... such ppl are covert narcissists but the level varies.... ( a typical narcissist will not even give you money for home upkeep but rather milk you dry financially so the fact that he even gives you money shows he is not a totally bad man)

find out which strategy best works to penetrate his malicious brick wall..

Number one ignore him too like I said earlier you sef don’t talk to him , don’t cook, and when he cooks dish your own and eat too behave as if you are not hurt by his action..you can even jokingly ask him what he is cooking or buying for you to eat and laugh even if he ignores you...when he buys the food and brings it to the house you sef carry spoon and eat from the food telling him this food is sweet o where did you buy it don’t even do as if it’s paining you..laugh and smile around the house as if nothing is happening... make calls and laugh loudly with friends and family while on the calls... watch movies , play music and dance ... do these things with him in the house o.. you sef go out to have fun and don’t tell him where you are going .. try this for some days and see how he reacts... if the guy weak know say all he is doing na wash and try to hold a conversation with him.


Then if he becomes aggressive or withdraws even more and his attitude worsens just know that this one na devil o and never really loved you in the first place cos no man can avoid talking to a woman he really loves for days under the same roof... we can now think of other strategies including prayer to turn his stony heart to a fleshy one biko.

http://yougetmouth.com/why-are-bankers-killing-themselves-these-days/ if you have any relative or loved one working in the bank..pls keep ensuring they are of sound mind and health..that proffesion is nasty ..see how most of them are depressed and suicidal

YelloweWest:

If not for ban I for curse u out eh.

So the fact that this bloke of a man comes home to a loving wife and a cooked meal means nothing?
Are him and her age mates? Isn't he supposed to provide?
Is it the responsibility of the wife to feed her husband?
If he wants her to contribute financially why can't he set up a business for her?
Did she complain about anything financially related?

You are a small boy, pls grow up!

the man might not complain but Let that woman get up and start something and you will see how the Man will start appreciating her every move.

galantjoe:


Everytime people usually unmarried ask this question about courtship. Yes, courtship is good but it can not detect all faults. Check out those failed, they courted more than one year. Yet marriage fails with few years. So Nigerians are pretenders.

I can say as long as courtship doesn't detect all fault, it definitely detects some. V been in relationships n I know when to step out, I personally don't force things to happen in relationship mai no go suffer am in marriage though I know there's no perfect being but I sure do know what I want and can live with in life

[s]

KanuSE:


Lol Do you mean Nigerian Armed forces?

[/s]

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

GV HIM MORE UNDIES TO WASH...

A one-sided story is damn difficult to analyze. However, its rare for a man who loves to d extent of marrying you suddenly going mad and broody. kindly watch the way you deal with him respect-wise, forget fairytale when dating. Men thrive on respect, how do you relate to his family members? Do you keep them at arm's length? people have talked about the sex aspect. seat yourself down and be real to yourself. Don't ever listen to bullish talks from female friends about how they don't take shit from their husbands, they take worse they're just jealous of you and want to see you sad. Be Wise a wise woman builds her home. Above all be prayerful

Godsonkemz:
Countless stories of breakup after marriage is discouraging us who are about to tie the knot.

Lol

[s]

KanuSE:


Lol

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goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

Goodgirl, I quoted u directly so that u can respond to me. U may do so privately or here, I dont mind.

I think I know what the problem may be but I could be wrong, but just listen anyway.

Did you ever cheat on him when you guys were dating? If yes, and he forgave u then, he has not gotten, and will likely never get, over it if he was a faithful partner. 95% of men that are faithful cant bear the pain of cheating. Faithful women who are cheated on still handle it better than men. So well, in this case, you'll have to always pamper him from time to time for years - especially if yu know he was a faithful partner.

Two, even if you didnt practically cheat on him, did you do other things which are still cheating anyway? Like he found out you kissed a guy or sth? That is enough to qualify for cheating in my opinion. If yes, we've already found the problem.

Three, if its none of the above, then what was his state of mind before u met him? Was he off the back of a damaging relationship that wrecked his psyche before meeting u? Perhaps his ex cheated jilted him before he met u?

During the time of your dating, did he always complain that 'Girls are b*tches!; Girls are betrayers!'... stuffs like that? Was he loyal (or likely loyal) to u when u guys were dating? If he always complained, he's still hurting from the past. If he was loyal to you and never complained about girls, then he was likely pretending all along.

And finally, does he have some kind of idea whether you had a lot of body count when u were younger? What were you before u met him? Did you date multiple guys or he knows someone or heard from someone , (or you confessed to him) who has been in romance with u before, sucked your breas*ts before or sth like that?

Problems usually dont just appear new in marriages. Theyre usually pre-marriage issues that have been lingering on without being properly addressed.

If its any of all Ive said, then you can narrow the problem down and talk to him. Try to pamper him; call him sweet names. Dont always repay shun for shun, silence for silence, ignore for ignore. If not mark it down today, that home will crash or you'll grow up to be a bitter old mother like many Nigerian women who later have kids and turn them against their dad.

Looking forward to a honest response from u. Goodluck

P.S Dont report to any inlaws yet cos its too early (just 1 yr as u said)

Also note that talking to a pastor or friends may infuriate him if he discovers

U married him and u must keep making efforts to talk to him heart-to-heart. And if he wont yield the way u want, target his moods. Target when he's happy or during the times u have sex or ure showering together or he's watching football or sth. Play with him, jump on him in the middle of his friends, sit on his laps. Give ur best - its marriage. For better or worse - u made the vow.

Dont just assume he's cheating or dislikes u. From ur admission, u said he washes ur panties. Shouldnt that tell u there's a humble side of him? How many guys have time for their women's pants? There's obviously a good side of him being suppressed by an ugly side. Its ur job to find the problem and magnify the better side of him.

And listen to what some hav been saying too, to check urself whether u nag or u disrespect his parents or do sth that makes him vex and he's just soaking the whole thing up.