Divay22:
I don't think i wanna get married.
I'm scared.
Can't comma kee myself o

There are issues in marriage but the size varies depending on both partners. BTW, we can marry na�.

I feel there's something the OP isn't saying.
It's possible she did something bad, probably cheated and she thought her husband isn't aware while he is.


It's also possible that the guy is the person doing something wrong, probably cheating again and is using distance and lack of communication to cover his tracks.

It could also be that the man is just being unreasonable and evil.

Finally, it could be that the man is just overwhelmed with work and other stress factors.

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

He could be having mental issues.

Prolly bipolar

Nigeria hard these days so don't be surprise if he's dealing with a lot from inside

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

He's a narcissist.

You better run. He's doing all that to control you.
That's emotional abuse and it will certainly get worse.

As you'll be longing for his good mood. That way he abuses and controls you while you keep waiting and hoping it gets better.

I wouldn’t bother trying anymore, would also act like him it’s that simple. Life is too short to babysit someone’s feelings, a grown man at that.

oilmonie:
your perspective as a woman. I just told you what some men go through.

That's y it's best to help set d lady up to be safe

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

find other things to occupy your time and loneliness for now. Make yourself happy ... Give your selves a few years together and you will be used to his mood swings or you will find out what causes them and how to manage them.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

He might be getting the marriage thing all wrong but truth is he is still feeling new to the whole system. he will adjust in due time and don't let no one tell you he is cheating, Love isn't beautiful if it doesn't have a bit of mystery.

Maybe you don't cook his food they way he wants it. And you don't serve it well. Or you don't know how to cook and he doesn't want to tell it to your face.

He obviously have bipolar disorder,, he need to seek medical help!!

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Op here's the link to download a book u should read... It might help you... The book is "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.. it will help you make more sense... Please read this book it will change your life and let you know if you are being abused or not...

https://www.pdfdrive.com/bancroft-l-2002-why-does-he-do-that-inside-the-e17780661.html

ozonechrome:


He's a narcissist.

You better run. He's doing all that to control you.
That's emotional abuse and it will certainly get worse.

As you'll be longing for his good mood. That way he abuses and controls you while you keep waiting and hoping it gets better.

It's sad she ignored the signs before they got married... I ended my engagement due to this same control, mind games,verbal and emotional abuse

goodgirl2409:



Yes I do. I earn more than 300k monthly

great!
focus on your work..invest for your future seperately..
and stop feeling you are the cause of his problem.

..
he probably prefers not to narrate the ish to you.
..
if you like, continue treating him nicely AND if you dont, just leave him to do as he likes...

..
focus on your work...you cannot make/force the marriage to work..PRAY

Jacinthe:
I think singles in Africa need to be sensitized about psychiatric illnesses such as bipolar disorder, psychopathy and narcissism. That's the only way to spot subtle signs of them whilst dating, and flee accordingly.

For one, I've found that narcissism plays out in more Nigerians than we want to admit, yet no one says anything till they get hitched to one, and then start seeing very strange and depression–inducing displays.

But I digress.

.....
Honestly don't know what to advise as per a husband who is either a psychopath or a narcissist,especially for such a new marriage. Hope you find helpful insights from strong men and women here, op.

Wishing you and your home the very best.

Spot on

Everyone is ignoring the fact that Op says her hubs is [b][/b]revengeful.... This explains it all. But then, to err is human.... Op, please get him to forgive u. Relationship is all bout two forgivers

OP just selecting specific comments to reply and ignoring the ones that talks about cheating.

OP is there a time you cheated on him that he knows about?

Do you still receive calls/messages from your exes?

Is there someone he has warned u not to see again but you keep seeing?

Your husband is trying to forgive you for something you have committed but everytime he thinks about it, it weighs him down and gets him angry.

goodgirl2409:


My monthly salary is 300000 and my husband earns more

I have a strong feeling that this is a lie.

goodgirl2409:


UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.
.

So, what's the use of announcing this fact? So we should all bow down and idolise you because your husband washes your undies? Quite a pathetic attempt at emasculation But come to think of it, this could be why he's pulling away sexually.
You shouldn't expect a man to see your dirty undies filled with vag!nal slime and still look at you the same way. Check your hygiene.

When some people are looking for husband.

Divay22:
Lol If wahala comes you wanna push her to your mum abi Bad guy. But Las Las na you marry her no be your mum o.

I'll think about mine

U are a lady, u even have de option of not getting married. Buh me na must.

Good a thing you did so

DameB:


It's sad she ignored the signs before they got married... I ended my engagement due to this same control, mind games,verbal and emotional abuse

stephnie44:
my dear my opinion thou.simply ignore him.use to b in ur shoes crying wont solve it.telling ppl to talk to him wont solve it.cook eat make urself happy.im 2 yrs in marriage but i i can tell u i wished i didnt marry dis monster.allow him cook nd eat his meal.if u have a child concentrate more on d baby.cos if he would cheat on u if u like d accrobatic style na ur body go suffer am him go still cheat

Nawa ooo madam, your opinion is absurd and not applicable since you are still keeping yours as a MONSTER. She wants to change hers to a husband.

Truth z....97percent of marriages these days are on the brink of collapse take it or leave it.
When your partner start acting up...you would only but wished your paths never crossed.


Provide women enough funds and see a mass influx abandoning the manages(marriages)some spouse are sent from HELL.

To the topic at hand..the o:s husband either has bipolar,or he's cheating or the op cheated and the husband found out.


So op.... over to you!

when they tell some lady to date in the university, or higher institution, they will say u have come to destroy their life, @ op na so marriage b, sometimes it is boring and sometimes u have to spice it up,

He's playing bet9ja and loosing heavily while winning a few times

Ma I don't know if you will see this or not but if you do, Good.
You guys don't issue, neither you or your husband it's just that the initial euphoria of termed love you guys feel for each other has finally faded off, Now the best solution to your marital issue is just reading.
I will recommend you go get a book by Gary Chapman called "the five love language", read it and i can promise you your marriage will be fine after reading the book. Stay blessed

DameB:


It's sad she ignored the signs before they got married... I ended my engagement due to this same control, mind games,verbal and emotional abuse

Give us an update when you finally find Mr Holyman.....

I can't wait for this....

..

ricki:


Give us an update when you finally find Mr Holyman.....

I can't wait for this....

Thanks for the sarcasm

I will advise you plead with your husband to disclose to you what you've actually done wrong. There must be something you've done to offend him which he might decide not to reveal to you easily, and that was why he had decided to punish you silently. Hope this piece of advice will help.

XhosaNostra:


Lol, does it matter? He sounds like a run-of-the-mill jerk, doesn't matter what his sign is.

:DSometimes it matters. Although I just re-read the early part of the post which points to the guy not eating her food, etc. That part I can't correlate.

However, on the issue of being very good to the point of being 'an angel' when he's in good mood, then suddenly changing mood, some people especially guys who are introverts. This type of guys tend to be very good and well behaved but can suddenly change moods and keep to themselves for no reason. I know because I can be like that. I can be at a party and be the life of that party but can then become so quiet and keep to myself, you would think someone did something wrong with me.

As for OP. I try not to give advice off one sided story. Not that I doubt your account, I just think it would be better to hear the other side. As this may not be possible in this case, I will suggest you keep things as they are for now. As difficult as it may seem, try not to bother him too much for a while. Let him be good and not good when he wants. However try to 'listen to what he is NOT saying'. In terms of food, has he sometimes asked you to 'add more salt'? This may be him trying to say you can do better with the cooking.

Overall, I will encourage a lot of patience and understanding. You guys are only a year into marriage. You are learning a lot about who he is and vice versa. Once in a while, mention to him some of the things he does that you do not like. If my judgement is right about him, rather than tell him these things, text him instead or email him.

Validated:
Be patient young woman. This man was all alone for maybe 25 to 30 years. Now you have joined him to destabilize his privacy. He will adjust after your first or second child. Patience in endurance without complaining and marriage requires a lot of patience. Do not listen to anyone asking you to leave him. They do not mean well. Some may say he is cheating. Possible but you are his wife any outsider is a rag. A rag is never placed on the closet but in the bin area. So see any outsider as a rag. If you are a Christian, pray. Get the book ... a praying wife... cant remember the author again. Pray for him while he is still in bed and possibly pray aloud for him to hear you pour your thoughts to God. Show him love without words. Love him with all you got. He is your king and your closest friend. Do not go about complaining. Those you are complaining to are not better off.
God bless your marriage!

good advice