₦airaland Forum

OmoAlata1:
I don't understand why women cheapen themselves like this all because you want to maintain Mrs status and you don't want society to ridicule you. That man has no respect for you at all, and he is doing it because he knows you are not going anywhere. He is very confident he will get his cake and eat it. You think if the case was reversed, he would still be around crying and begging for you to love him.

Please learn to love and fall in love with yourself. Value yourself and instill a lot of self worth in your life. No man is worth dying for, if you die today, he will still enjoy himself.

Get a job, make money and put yourself in a financially stable place. Life doesn't end if a man is not in your life.

Midas01:
But a man cheating and wanting a second wife is not adultery right?

affigurl5:
thanks sis... you said it all. you find alot of women staying in an abusive marriage because of what society will say. secondly, men are bold to cheat on women who are financially dependent on them;knowing fully well, they hv no where to go... best advice is get a job, build yourself, love urself and ur child. be independent and move on... you are still young.

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

marriedvirgin:
My self esteem is very strong .I ask you to not quote me again.You are unfit to lace my shoe.Please stop quoting me.I might report your profile to the admin.This is the last time.

quote author=vingeophysicist post=81301237]
Oh I forgot you are queen Elizabeth daughter . If you stop talking to me I might end up loosing cash . Good luck in your pursuit of happiness single mom.

Richy4:
Reading some of the heart breaking stories here on Nairaland sometimes makes me imagine/ wonder what the Reverend Fathers must have been hearing during confessions..

I can't just imagine how a man will look into his wife's eyes and say that he won't let got of the other woman.. That is the highest disrespect that...I'm speechless..

OP please tell me that you are not jobless.. because I can't see what will make a talented, young, beautiful 26yr old daughter of the land to remain in that house and swallow garnished Sh!t.. If he can't let go of her you should have shown some class and withdraw honourably..

Some times I blame parents for interfering and putting unnecessary pressure on their kids to get married.. it's not compulsory that every relationship must end in marriage..

Take your baby, Go to your parent's home and cool off temporarily...While you were there, Think if it was possible for you and your baby's to have a good life and future without him in the picture.. this is because He has made up his mind to have a second wife, The other woman has agreed to be in his life... So now the decision is yours to make if u want to be be the first wife or separate from that bull$h!t

If you were my sister, I would seriously advise that you don't allow your parent to reconcile this matter.. Let him finish what he has started.. because if they forced him to leave the other woman, his business might suffer..and his anger would be on u.. if you asked for an upkeep money... He will angrily tell u he doesn't have... He might be bold to tell you that the person helping him on his business is no longer there, where do u expect him to get money.. That I believe will hurt u..

If u are not working, dust your certificate and Start submitting CVs. At least within 5months u might get something... You rent a little granny flat and settle with your son.. suggesting that you go to your parents house was just for u to think.. not for u to bash him in any way... and it's not for intervention..


Modified:
I have missed those days on Nairaland around 2010, 2011.. When there were so many people here on family section giving good advice irrespective of your gender when ever a topic like this comes up. those days kids like us then don't even talk we only hits the like button..

Nowadays, I have noticed that people gives advice based on gender.. an advice they can't even give to their family members or friends in distress they just throw it out without giving any duty of care..

In this case, Assuming OP was cheating on the husband and she boldly told her husband that she can't let go of her sugar daddy she met while in Uni..That the meets all her financial requirements ... Besides that he has been helping her restaurant business grow..

and the husband comes to Nairaland and seek for advice, would you guys have given him the same advice you have given the OP?

Would you have said oh, he should not let another man take over what belong to him.. He should stay in that relationship and pray for her to change there's nothing prayers cannot do .... he should fight for the marriage he shouldn't let her go since she doesn't nag too much at home after all a lot of women cheats...

Most of you got sister and I bet no one messes with them yet.. why the double standard while dishing out advice.. from page 1 to 6 that I managed to read is so infuriating..

wirinet:
I usually don't give relationship advice, because you freely entered into the relationship with your eyes wide open. Besides people don't tend to take advices on relationship as emotion tend to reign supreme over reason. But I will try and give you be best advice I can.



...my 2 kobo.

Ugosample:
the comments we read sometimes makes me wonder what kind of human beibgs we have
the glorious days of NL is gone
this forum went downhill from 2014

akinade28:
Life is full of ups and downs
Please get yourself together for the sake of your baby and your family. Because if you fall sick or die, he will still go about sleeping around, making your child motherless and throwing your parents and loved ones into mourning. Don't let your parents investment into your life come to a waste because of a man.
You can force a guy to be loyal or faithful to you, you can only try your best to be a good wife.
Please leave the marriage, if you can no longer endure it or it is affecting you psychologically.
Your child deserve the best of you.
Don't stay alone, you will just get depressed. Surround yourself with people you can trust and can make you laugh
Please focus on your goals and how to make your life and that of child better
I know it's not going to be easy, but I pray God strengthens you, and you will look back and smile at the end

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

seunmohmoh:
You guys are not officially married so why can't you just walk away before you fall too deep to leave?

expert234:
You sound like the product of a broken home yourself. Most people from broken homes usually advice others to tow the path towed by their single-parent mothers.

Oma307:
why are talking like this? did she say her husband is beating her? where will go to? and what is the assurance that another man is going to marry her? or you think take care of a baby is a child play perhaps she didn't say whether she is working or not. although I am not supporting the husband cheating nature

miss00000:
We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

BIXYBABE:
God bless u 4 dis comment, those dat are advicing him 2 divorce, where wil she stay and wat is d assurance dat anoda guy she wil re marry won't even worse dan him

Richy4:
Reading some of the heart breaking stories here on Nairaland sometimes makes me imagine/ wonder what the Reverend Fathers must have been hearing during confessions..

I can't just imagine how a man will look into his wife's eyes and say that he won't let got of the other woman.. That is the highest disrespect that...I'm speechless..

OP please tell me that you are not jobless.. because I can't see what will make a talented, young, beautiful 26yr old daughter of the land to remain in that house and swallow garnished Sh!t.. If he can't let go of her you should have shown some class and withdraw honourably..

Some times I blame parents for interfering and putting unnecessary pressure on their kids to get married.. it's not compulsory that every relationship must end in marriage..

Take your baby, Go to your parent's home and cool off temporarily...While you were there, Think if it was possible for you and your baby's to have a good life and future without him in the picture.. this is because He has made up his mind to have a second wife, The other woman has agreed to be in his life... So now the decision is yours to make if u want to be be the first wife or separate from that bull$h!t

If you were my sister, I would seriously advise that you don't allow your parent to reconcile this matter.. Let him finish what he has started.. because if they forced him to leave the other woman, his business might suffer..and his anger would be on u.. if you asked for an upkeep money... He will angrily tell u he doesn't have... He might be bold to tell you that the person helping him on his business is no longer there, where do u expect him to get money.. That I believe will hurt u..

If u are not working, dust your certificate and Start submitting CVs. At least within 5months u might get something... You rent a little granny flat and settle with your son.. suggesting that you go to your parents house was just for u to think.. not for u to bash him in any way... and it's not for intervention..


Modified:
I have missed those days on Nairaland around 2010, 2011.. When there were so many people here on family section giving good advice irrespective of your gender when ever a topic like this comes up. those days kids like us then don't even talk we only hits the like button..

Nowadays, I have noticed that people gives advice based on gender.. an advice they can't even give to their family members or friends in distress they just throw it out without giving any duty of care..

In this case, Assuming OP was cheating on the husband and she boldly told her husband that she can't let go of her sugar daddy she met while in Uni..That the meets all her financial requirements ... Besides that he has been helping her restaurant business grow..

and the husband comes to Nairaland and seek for advice, would you guys have given him the same advice you have given the OP?

Would you have said oh, he should not let another man take over what belong to him.. He should stay in that relationship and pray for her to change there's nothing prayers cannot do .... he should fight for the marriage he shouldn't let her go since she doesn't nag too much at home after all a lot of women cheats...

Most of you got sister and I bet no one messes with them yet.. why the double standard while dishing out advice.. from page 1 to 6 that I managed to read is so infuriating..
6

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

1StopRudeness:
Madam, this is hard from ur angle...the thought that he’s ramming the d!ck into another woman is enough to drive u bonkers..:but don’t make it harder than it looks.....it’s quite common..

.There’s no text book for marriage...the perfect picture u see everywhere is just what people want outsiders to see...
This phase happens in almost all marriage one way or another before the man now realizes all he needed was right in front of him...

sit down, think and find happiness in all of these cos life has to go on.dont let depression creep in on you.cos ur husband will later come around.

believe it or not, there is happiness is every situation no matter how bad or terrible it looks....last last u go dey alright

Richy4:
Reading some of the heart breaking stories here on Nairaland sometimes makes me imagine/ wonder what the Reverend Fathers must have been hearing during confessions..

I can't just imagine how a man will look into his wife's eyes and say that he won't let got of the other woman.. That is the highest disrespect that...I'm speechless..

OP please tell me that you are not jobless.. because I can't see what will make a talented, young, beautiful 26yr old daughter of the land to remain in that house and swallow garnished Sh!t.. If he can't let go of her you should have shown some class and withdraw honourably..

Some times I blame parents for interfering and putting unnecessary pressure on their kids to get married.. it's not compulsory that every relationship must end in marriage..

Take your baby, Go to your parent's home and cool off temporarily...While you were there, Think if it was possible for you and your baby's to have a good life and future without him in the picture.. this is because He has made up his mind to have a second wife, The other woman has agreed to be in his life... So now the decision is yours to make if u want to be be the first wife or separate from that bull$h!t

If you were my sister, I would seriously advise that you don't allow your parent to reconcile this matter.. Let him finish what he has started.. because if they forced him to leave the other woman, his business might suffer..and his anger would be on u.. if you asked for an upkeep money... He will angrily tell u he doesn't have... He might be bold to tell you that the person helping him on his business is no longer there, where do u expect him to get money.. That I believe will hurt u..

If u are not working, dust your certificate and Start submitting CVs. At least within 5months u might get something... You rent a little granny flat and settle with your son.. suggesting that you go to your parents house was just for u to think.. not for u to bash him in any way... and it's not for intervention..


Modified:
I have missed those days on Nairaland around 2010, 2011.. When there were so many people here on family section giving good advice irrespective of your gender when ever a topic like this comes up. those days kids like us then don't even talk we only hits the like button..

Nowadays, I have noticed that people gives advice based on gender.. an advice they can't even give to their family members or friends in distress they just throw it out without giving any duty of care..

In this case, Assuming OP was cheating on the husband and she boldly told her husband that she can't let go of her sugar daddy she met while in Uni..That he meets all her financial requirements ... Besides that he has been helping her restaurant business grow..

and the husband comes to Nairaland and seek for advice, would you guys have given him the same advice you have given the OP?

Would you have said oh, he should not let another man take over what belong to him.. He should stay in that relationship and pray for her to change there's nothing prayers cannot do .... he should fight for the marriage he shouldn't let her go since she doesn't nag too much at home after all a lot of women cheats...

Most of you got sisters and I bet no one messes with them yet.. why the double standard while dishing out advice.. from page 1 to 6 that I managed to read is so infuriating..

BIXYBABE:
God bless u 4 dis comment, those dat are advicing him 2 divorce, where wil she stay and wat is d assurance dat anoda guy she wil re marry won't even worse dan him

Kilamiti:
I pity any married woman who doesn't have a side man by the side. These husbands ain't worth poo. Don't deceive yourselves.dont carry this stupid I am married title on your head because you will just die for nothing. A man wants to keep you at home and still cheat, fine!!! Give your self to another man and make your self happy. In fact having one outside would take your attention away from Wat the fool Is doing and he'll be the one to notice he's the one loosing you. A friend of mine did same.she would go out and suck her boyfriends dick and bring that same mouth to kiss her horseband on his lips. Y'all should stay preaching thou shall not cheat yen yen when these men keep embarrassing you outside. IF YOUR MAN NO WAN STAY ONE PLACE, YOU TOO. CHEAT ON HIM!!!!!!!

bayulll011:
you sound diabolical there.
there is no need to do all that,that man is selfish irresponsible and silly,i love the western life just sue his assss and divorce him sharply

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.