₦airaland Forum

The OP doesn't have what it takes to get married now and he is even opening up to the girl. Yet some funny people are condemning him.

Emmy713:
Good evening fellow nairalanders please help a brother
and ignore my typo errors.

I have this girl whom I have dated for 2years then in my finals and she was in her final year too.
The truth is this, she is a good example of a woman every man wish to have as wife,very loving ,caring, meticulous in her spending,undemanding and I reciprocate the same gesture too which makes the relationship run smoothly for 2years without having any issue unresolved within 24hours(ofcourse we are humans we are bound to make mistakes).

But my problem is this she is 25years and wants to spend the rest of her life with me which am ain't ready right now because I have a standard I want to set before getting into marriage,the first time she brought up the marriage issue I told her am not ready for marriage even in 3years time then her mood changed and she started crying not that I can't marry her if I still have the rate of love I have for her if she will be free by then 3years.
Suitors are coming and it will be so selfish of me to hold her down since am not ready though we later resolved that she should give listening ear to any serious guy that comes her way but I doubt if she's doing that.

Now the confusion is this, should I break up with her (just for the love I have for her in order not to waste her time) or should I still play along giving her the room to find suitor before breaking up?.

Better hold on to the good woman o. You simply might not find her type again. Besides you both can build together, unless you tired of the d Kat, this one you talking about breakup

sorextee:
Its best u let her go so that someone more serious would come her way.

Just know that you don't know what u have till its gone.

Well said bro.........



His eyes will soon open....all this naija babes wey like money more than anything and can demand for person balls if opportuned , you are now lucky to have a good one and now treating her like shit....that girl doesn't deserve him my bro, he should just break up with her and let her be free.

healthserve:
Not guys. Toxic people feel disoriented when treated right. They want drama and in its absence, they feel unloved.

Gbam!!!

Bro, u just have to be ready. Let u guys build up together. Chances are that u guys will become great together. I pray one day, you will come here and thank us for advicing you the right way.
Honestly, for most of us to be advising u to keep her, it shows we've made similar mistakes like this. Well, let me speak for myself. I made a mistake like this. Now she's happily married. Back then I was still mumuing myself, thinking of how to upgrade myself first before marriage. I told her to go(though painful).

A guy, younger and broker(as at then) than me put a ring on her finger. Now they are happily married and living in Australia.

Better keep DAT girl, except if God say Una no suppose be.

Emmy713:
I value her so much that's why our relationship has been so firm but am just thinking if am not being greedy by holding her down since am not ready now.

Let him better follow our advice, now wey the matter still dey inside cooler. If the post eventually hit FP, the insults that will come for him, he no go fit handle am.

Skmoda360:
Well said bro.........



His eyes will soon open....all this naija babes wey like money more than anything and can demand for person balls if opportuned , you are now lucky to have a good one and now treating her like shit....that girl doesn't deserve him my bro, he should just break up with her and let her be free.

I read through your writings. You write intelligently.

XhosaNostra:
Guys don't deserve love, I swear. Smh.

The shot shooter
The shooting shoter.
Shoot am well o.

Illuminated993:
I read through your writings. You write intelligently. I'd like to be friends with you offline.

XhosaNostra:
Guys don't deserve love, I swear. Smh.

maybe you should read what the OP posted word for word again but aloud into your hearing this time; you might want to reconsider modifying your post, ma'am

You found a good girl and you want to let her go.
Honestly I don't know if you be able to find another lady your heart will accept because by then you will be very rich, you won't know if they are for you or for your money.

OP,
The only advice ah have for u is

Emmy713:
Good evening fellow nairalanders please help a brother
and ignore my typo errors.

I have this girl whom I have dated for 2years then in my finals and she was in her final year too.
The truth is this, she is a good example of a woman every man wish to have as wife,very loving ,caring, meticulous in her spending,undemanding and I reciprocate the same gesture too which makes the relationship run smoothly for 2years without having any issue unresolved within 24hours(ofcourse we are humans we are bound to make mistakes).

But my problem is this she is 25years and wants to spend the rest of her life with me which am ain't ready right now because I have a standard I want to set before getting into marriage,the first time she brought up the marriage issue I told her am not ready for marriage even in 3years time then her mood changed and she started crying not that I can't marry her if I still have the rate of love I have for her if she will be free by then 3years.
Suitors are coming and it will be so selfish of me to hold her down since am not ready though we later resolved that she should give listening ear to any serious guy that comes her way but I doubt if she's doing that.

Now the confusion is this, should I break up with her (just for the love I have for her in order not to waste her time) or should I still play along giving her the room to find suitor before breaking up?.

Just wish most of you condemning the op can have a rethink. The fact he doesn't want to waste her time shows he loves her genuinely. Getting married requires a lot of proper planning and he knows at the moment he doesn't have what it takes to raise a home. Op I'll advice u hold on to her and set a target of getting married to her in about 2-3yrs time. You don't know what the future holds for you, letting her go might be a big mistake.
PS: You really don't have to achieve everything to be ready for marriage. Life is in stages.

Illuminated993:
I read through your writings. You write intelligently. I'd like to be friends with you offline.

Thanks

Emmy713:
Good evening fellow nairalanders please help a brother
and ignore my typo errors.

I have this girl whom I have dated for 2years then in my finals and she was in her final year too.
The truth is this, she is a good example of a woman every man wish to have as wife,very loving ,caring, meticulous in her spending,undemanding and I reciprocate the same gesture too which makes the relationship run smoothly for 2years without having any issue unresolved within 24hours(ofcourse we are humans we are bound to make mistakes).

But my problem is this she is 25years and wants to spend the rest of her life with me which am ain't ready right now because I have a standard I want to set before getting into marriage,the first time she brought up the marriage issue I told her am not ready for marriage even in 3years time then her mood changed and she started crying not that I can't marry her if I still have the rate of love I have for her if she will be free by then 3years.
Suitors are coming and it will be so selfish of me to hold her down since am not ready though we later resolved that she should give listening ear to any serious guy that comes her way but I doubt if she's doing that.

Now the confusion is this, should I break up with her (just for the love I have for her in order not to waste her time) or should I still play along giving her the room to find suitor before breaking up?.

She's the one to bring you the good luck and financial success you want yet you want to do away with her. Don't you know having her in your life will hasten all your making it plans? How stupid can guys be? You will definitely regret letting her go if you do so. Think about it very well. Getting ready is a myth. You were born ready

XhosaNostra:
Guys don't deserve love, I swear. Smh.

U r right, cos na u create them. Person talk say him neva ready for marriage and he wants d lady to b patient for him to sort things out, u r here saying something else. After wedding, shey na stone she go chop ?? D girl is thinking about her age and is desperate. D guy is looking @future prospects and wants to find his footing b4 marriage. Pls understand this.

quisera:
Just wish most of you condemning the op can have a rethink. The fact he doesn't want to waste her time shows he loves her genuinely. Getting married requires a lot of proper planning and he knows at the moment he doesn't have what it takes to raise a home. Op I'll advice u hold on to her and set a target of getting married to her in about 2-3yrs time. You don't know what the future holds for you, letting her go might be a big mistake.
PS: You really don't have to achieve everything to be ready for marriage. Life is in stages.

U get sense joor

My sister up there PrimadonnaO spoke my mind. My summary first is (1) don't lose her (2) you can get married within the shortest possible time, it doesn't cost much eh! yes!

Bros let's ask ourselves, why do we marry? Jamb question......For companionship, For procreation, To fulfil/our sexual needs, Because God made it, To have children etc add your own...................Now I deliberately put children last because of you.

So you can enjoy all the above and decide to delay having children for some time (I know say your mama or hers no go let you rest sha no problem).

If she loves you like you stated, na she sef go cut down the wedding cost to a level you sef go say e don do. If family wants to assist, it won't be because you guys were stranded but because you both think you have a lot ahead of you guys and so want to do it according to the size of your cloth.

From what you described of yourself, you want to hustle, good. I'm sure too that she is the industrious type. With the right synergy and God on side, you both can move mountains. The Bible says one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand. The power of two.

Like someone said up there, make use of the opportunity that you have. Let me even ask, how much wey you wan make and how long you go take get am?

I've been married for close to 20 years and still have some few close friends nearing 50 who are still searching. The problem for most of them is the feeling of regrets of not having to tie the knot with some persons that came their way 20 or 25 years ago. Meanwhile, the money dem still never make am finish. They are still hustling, imagine. So I know what I'm saying.

The above doesn't remove the fact that marriage is a serious 'business', with it's own challenges. Again like I would tell most young folks, you can't know your partner 100% before marriage. Maybe 30% or 40%, with indications to guide. The rest you will know when you enter - 6months or 5 years or 10years......down the line. Which tells you that it needs both of you to work.

I must not fail to say that it's best to marry your friend. The choice at the end is up to you. My the Good Lord guide you, Amen.

Emmy713:
Good evening fellow nairalanders please help a brother
and ignore my typo errors.

I have this girl whom I have dated for 2years then in my finals and she was in her final year too.
The truth is this, she is a good example of a woman every man wish to have as wife,very loving ,caring, meticulous in her spending,undemanding and I reciprocate the same gesture too which makes the relationship run smoothly for 2years without having any issue unresolved within 24hours(ofcourse we are humans we are bound to make mistakes).

But my problem is this she is 25years and wants to spend the rest of her life with me which am ain't ready right now because I have a standard I want to set before getting into marriage,the first time she brought up the marriage issue I told her am not ready for marriage even in 3years time then her mood changed and she started crying not that I can't marry her if I still have the rate of love I have for her if she will be free by then 3years.
Suitors are coming and it will be so selfish of me to hold her down since am not ready though we later resolved that she should give listening ear to any serious guy that comes her way but I doubt if she's doing that.

Now the confusion is this, should I break up with her (just for the love I have for her in order not to waste her time) or should I still play along giving her the room to find suitor before breaking up?.

That there is you wife ...she is starting from scratch with you with pure love. The one you will meet after her will not be true love.

Don't come here lamenting how you lost a good woman in future.

PrimadonnaO:
Eyah. They are at that crossroad again

Hard fact is that the relationship has come to an end. Please, let her go, you're not ready.

I have a very unpopular opinion on this. I feel men get more desperate than women about this whole marriage thing.

Most men, they lose their one true love, the yin to their yang in their younger years... because they always feel they are never ready... they are chasing what nobody has asked them to chase.

And then one day, they wake up and realise "well, it's about time." Ironically, they still haven't acquired so much... matter of fact, they have lost more in terms of finances and emotional investments in the wrong people.

But somehow, they suddenly realise they need to get married. And at that very point, the good girls become scarce... the ones who fit perfectly... their preferred kind of woman. When the desired is not available, the available becomes the desired. So it is that men settle... marrying people they may never have otherwise married if they had decided a lot earlier.

Everything is planning. If you find a woman that's down for you regardless of your financial standing, best you make good use of the blessing. Y'all can delay having children for as long as it takes to be more financially capable. I mean, if you can date someone for 2/3 years without once knocking her up, why can't you be disciplined that way in marriage, too?

With unity of direction and hardwork, everything soon falls in place.

But no. You want to make all the money that you will still not make. And by that time the small money that you have will still not be good enough for most of the women that are available. Because they are the ones all out for "what financial improvement can you bring to my life?"

Hmm... Maybe you've not witnessed where the wife keeps frustrating in marriage just because of paucity of funds

Bro if she can't let you go pls don't ever let her go, get to meet her parents let her meet yours by that she will be rest assured that you really want to keep her. Pls don't let her go, we wey still dey find never see

Akious2k2:
Hmm... Maybe you've not witnessed where the wife keeps frustrating in marriage just because of paucity of funds

Most women are like that, women love comfort.. but if she married you with understanding... married you because she wants you and not because she's in love with the idea of marriage or of a man improving her life, then she wouldn't frustrate you when there's no money.


See, let me tell you the truth, when a woman is fixated on a man's financial capacity, it is because she doesn't see enough other qualities in him that she'd have wanted in her man. So the money just has to be there as a compensation.

PrimadonnaO:
Most women are like that, women love comfort.. but if she married you with understanding... married you because she wants you and not because she's in love with the idea of marriage or of a man improving her life, then she wouldn't frustrate you when there's no money.


See, let me tell you the truth, when a woman is fixated on a man's financial capacity, it is because she doesn't see enough other qualities in him that she'd have wanted in her man. So the money just has to be there as a compensation.

The real problem is what you've just highlighted... I mean, how can a lady who doesn't see the qualities she wants in a man marry same? That's the height of it

Akious2k2:
The real problem is what you've just highlighted... I mean, how can a lady who doesn't see the qualities she wants in a man marry same? That's the height of it

Lol. My dear, it happens a lot... for so many reasons. Perhaps the man was unrelenting in his wooing... perhaps her friends and family kept selling her the idea that he was a good catch... maybe he seemed a good catch by the books or in ways that mattered to everyone else except her. Another reason could be feelings of indebtedness because he has done so much for her.

Lastly, ridiculous as it sounds, some persons really find it difficult to say no... so they face the marriage situation headlong... hoping to weather it one way or the other.

PrimadonnaO:
Eyah. They are at that crossroad again

Hard fact is that the relationship has come to an end. Please, let her go, you're not ready.

I have a very unpopular opinion on this. I feel men get more desperate than women about this whole marriage thing.

Most men, they lose their one true love, the yin to their yang in their younger years... because they always feel they are never ready... they are chasing what nobody has asked them to chase.

And then one day, they wake up and realise "well, it's about time." Ironically, they still haven't acquired so much... matter of fact, they have lost more in terms of finances and emotional investments in the wrong people.

But somehow, they suddenly realise they need to get married. And at that very point, the good girls become scarce... the ones who fit perfectly... their preferred kind of woman. When the desired is not available, the available becomes the desired. So it is that men settle... marrying people they may never have otherwise married if they had decided a lot earlier.

Everything is planning. If you find a woman that's down for you regardless of your financial standing, best you make good use of the blessing. Y'all can delay having children for as long as it takes to be more financially capable. I mean, if you can date someone for 2/3 years without once knocking her up, why can't you be disciplined that way in marriage, too?

With unity of direction and hardwork, everything soon falls in place.

But no. You want to make all the money that you will still not make. And by that time the small money that you have will still not be good enough for most of the women that are available. Because they are the ones all out for "what financial improvement can you bring to my life?"

can't believe this piece came from a lady, this is the best write up I av seen this night

healthserve:
That's the secret tears of many guys that are elderly and single. I remember talking to my guy who recently got a job in Chevron, he was thinking he was still young and said to me that even in ten years, he wasn't ready. I had to give him some brain reset. Told the hommie if he lost these queens we're seeing around us, he may regret for life. My guy park well. He's getting married next year. Some people just love to get lost first before they appreciate life, it's a wandering spirit, they want to get missing first, and then get found

make him no park well ke? Being getting old and single, na headache o.

Emmy713:
Good evening fellow nairalanders please help a brother
and ignore my typo errors.

I have this girl whom I have dated for 2years then in my finals and she was in her final year too.
The truth is this, she is a good example of a woman every man wish to have as wife,very loving ,caring, meticulous in her spending,undemanding and I reciprocate the same gesture too which makes the relationship run smoothly for 2years without having any issue unresolved within 24hours(ofcourse we are humans we are bound to make mistakes).

But my problem is this she is 25years and wants to spend the rest of her life with me which am ain't ready right now because I have a standard I want to set before getting into marriage,the first time she brought up the marriage issue I told her am not ready for marriage even in 3years time then her mood changed and she started crying not that I can't marry her if I still have the rate of love I have for her if she will be free by then 3years.
Suitors are coming and it will be so selfish of me to hold her down since am not ready though we later resolved that she should give listening ear to any serious guy that comes her way but I doubt if she's doing that.

Now the confusion is this, should I break up with her (just for the love I have for her in order not to waste her time) or should I still play along giving her the room to find suitor before breaking up?.

My only advice to you is that the beautiful ones ain't yet born. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility you know. If you're not mentally and financially ready don't let anyone lure you into it. As those who rushed into marriage but are very unhappy.

It's better to remain single than be sad in a marriage. it's one of the fastest road to early grave.

Follow your mind.....