Mekenz:
are you trying to tell me that, the woman will be on her own and the man will just come and start beating her for no just reason? is it not from series of quarrels and arguments that results in fighting? why can't she try as much as she could to avoid that kind of situation, at least for the sake of her children, she knows her husband better, maybe he is a wife beater. in that case she should avoid any serious quarrels and arguments with her husband. imaging a situation where the husband throws an insulting word's at her, and she replied.... God bless you..... at least for peace to reign.


n.b it take's two to quarrel and vice vasa.

Ineedyouradvise:
Good day nairalanders, I had to use a new moniker.
I was married for 5years, blessed with 2 children, we dated for 1year before we got married. At a point in the marriage, domestic violence became a regular occurrence, after which he would apologize. I wouldn't say I noticed this aspect of him while dating. Of course I know I'm not perfect, but I tried my best to be the best wife to him and mother to the children.

To the main issue, there were a lot of issues that made me leave his house, he wasn't providing for his home, he works and earn well, so money wasn't his problem, I work also so I wasn't totally depending on him for everything, he hardly wants to have sex with me, I am neat as well, keeps late night, and he hits me severally. I left his house with my kids, after he hit me and left me in a pool of blood, this happened about 4months ago, but till now he hasn't called to find out about our whereabouts or to even know why I left.

I loved him so much that I endured a lot of things, but things kept getting worse,i had to leave. It's 4 months I left but only his elder brother has called once to find out what happened.
I am actually surprised he can stay this long without thinking about where his family are, probably that was what he wanted.
I never wished for my children to experience this, they keep asking me where's daddy?

Was I wrong to have left?
What necessary actions do you think I can take for him to be involved in his children's life?

N.B: both families have been involved in settling issues resulting from domestic violence severally.
He grew up with his father as his parents were separated due to some issues, leaving him and his siblings while he was barely 2years old due.

I need matured advice please.

Mekenz:
you're talking as if you have not been with a woman, some of them their mouth is so sharp like a razor blade, at least she didn't say that her husband is a drunk, because is majority of them that doesn't behave rational especially when they are intoxicated. I keep saying these,marriage is not easy,it takes so much of patience, endurance and forgiveness to make a successful marriage. you can go and ask your mom what she past through at some points in her own marriage.

HarunaWest:
have you guys bothered to ask what men pass through?

HarunaWest:

not so easy ooh my dear.. Men like to show attitude rather than speak,they believe a message can be passed easier through that medium while women. prefer to speak...

Mekenz:
stop been too emotional jooor, so the husband will just come out from no where and start beating his wife?though i'm not justifying his action, but it take's two to tango (fight).

Ineedyouradvise:
Good day nairalanders, I had to use a new moniker.
I was married for 5years, blessed with 2 children, we dated for 1year before we got married. At a point in the marriage, domestic violence became a regular occurrence, after which he would apologize. I wouldn't say I noticed this aspect of him while dating. Of course I know I'm not perfect, but I tried my best to be the best wife to him and mother to the children.

To the main issue, there were a lot of issues that made me leave his house, he wasn't providing for his home, he works and earn well, so money wasn't his problem, I work also so I wasn't totally depending on him for everything, he hardly wants to have sex with me, I am neat as well, keeps late night, and he hits me severally. I left his house with my kids, after he hit me and left me in a pool of blood, this happened about 4months ago, but till now he hasn't called to find out about our whereabouts or to even know why I left.

I loved him so much that I endured a lot of things, but things kept getting worse,i had to leave. It's 4 months I left but only his elder brother has called once to find out what happened.
I am actually surprised he can stay this long without thinking about where his family are, probably that was what he wanted.
I never wished for my children to experience this, they keep asking me where's daddy?

Was I wrong to have left?
What necessary actions do you think I can take for him to be involved in his children's life?

N.B: both families have been involved in settling issues resulting from domestic violence severally.
He grew up with his father as his parents were separated due to some issues, leaving him and his siblings while he was barely 2years old due.

I need matured advice please.

donbachi:
an inlaw once use matchet on my female cousin..everyone asked for his head.some asked her to leave her marriage.when she took my advise,her marriage got born again..note:we are all imperfect beings and the devil will always raise his ugly head.

Mekenz:
you're talking as if you have not been with a woman, some of them their mouth is so sharp like a razor blade, at least she didn't say that her husband is a drunk, because is majority of them that doesn't behave rational especially when they are intoxicated. I keep saying these,marriage is not easy,it takes so much of patience, endurance and forgiveness to make a successful marriage. you can go and ask your mom what she past through at some points in her own marriage.

Ineedyouradvise:
Good day nairalanders, I had to use a new moniker.
I was married for 5years, blessed with 2 children, we dated for 1year before we got married. At a point in the marriage, domestic violence became a regular occurrence, after which he would apologize. I wouldn't say I noticed this aspect of him while dating. Of course I know I'm not perfect, but I tried my best to be the best wife to him and mother to the children.

To the main issue, there were a lot of issues that made me leave his house, he wasn't providing for his home, he works and earn well, so money wasn't his problem, I work also so I wasn't totally depending on him for everything, he hardly wants to have sex with me, I am neat as well, keeps late night, and he hits me severally. I left his house with my kids, after he hit me and left me in a pool of blood, this happened about 4months ago, but till now he hasn't called to find out about our whereabouts or to even know why I left.

I loved him so much that I endured a lot of things, but things kept getting worse,i had to leave. It's 4 months I left but only his elder brother has called once to find out what happened.
I am actually surprised he can stay this long without thinking about where his family are, probably that was what he wanted.
I never wished for my children to experience this, they keep asking me where's daddy?

Was I wrong to have left?
What necessary actions do you think I can take for him to be involved in his children's life?

N.B: both families have been involved in settling issues resulting from domestic violence severally.
He grew up with his father as his parents were separated due to some issues, leaving him and his siblings while he was barely 2years old due.

I need matured advice please.

Akious2k2:

Now, listen... Don't mind all the trash those ladies are saying up there
The answer to your question is YES... You went way too forward by leaving "your" home... I guess it's paying off since it's making you realize the importance of your husband, your children's father, in their lives
Now, do these:
Swallow your "pride" and go back home
Apologize for moving out with your children without his knowledge
Discuss whatever makes him angry with you with him and shift grounds, not because of you're weak, but for the sake of your children
After all these, if he persists, which I doubt anyway, you may have to opt for another option

elektra:


Pray tell, what other option should she opt for?

ogawisdom:
Women will always tell a story to draw sympathy for themselves.

No man will hit a woman without being driven crazy with abused, insults n mocking. If this man comes out state his own side this thread will be shocked.

Women are even the ones to first go physical by giving a man a dirty slap only for the man to retaliate by pounding her.
U are only crying now bc u are the offender n didn't share the complete story.

My only major concern is that the man is irresponsible by not providing for his family n has not asked after you people since 4months dts mean. He is probably done with the marriage n u played into his trap by moving out.

Magnoliaa:



Stop trying to justify abuse.

There is nothing right about it. Because it happened in the past doesn't mean it's normal.

donbachi:
Stop been in a haste to make decision when you are angry.it has never produced good result.now you're not happy cos he has'nt called you.if you had stayed back,you both would have talked over it.but you were too fast in decision taking.not considering the fact that you still love him...dem no dey carry wetin dem use clean nyansh take clean face.na him suppose say sorry,but now,na the other way round.

donbachi:
an inlaw once use matchet on my female cousin..everyone asked for his head.some asked her to leave her marriage.when she took my advise,her marriage got born again..note:we are all imperfect beings and the devil will always raise his ugly head.

Mekenz:
I'm not advocating violence in a marriage, my points is that some women can push their men to the wall,to the point of you laying hands on them. I have some of them around.

Ineedyouradvise:
Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

For those asking if I am a saint, I clearly stated that I am not perfect but I tried to be the best wife to him and mother to my kids. Well I'm bothered because my kids keep asking me all the time about their father, I never wished the kids to go through all this as i wanted a happy home.I am more concerned on how he would also be responsible for his kids, I don't intend to force it though, if he doesn't see the need to be responsible enough for the kids.
Suprisinly, I expected that he should have asked about the kids, but it's all good!
I will survive!

ogawisdom:

quote author=djon78 post=81731010]


There is no reason under the sun for a man to lift his hand and beat his wife. It is absolute madness. Only mad people do that.
And we have this kind of issue plenty in this clime.

Many men can't control there emotions. Small thing they will result to violence on there wives. But if its there fellow man, they can't even make a slip, before they receive better beating.
In fact men that beat there wife are weaklings simple and short.

That man has no regard for Op. Has never called after her since she left. I truly feel sorry for her. And she have children with him.
Op should just focus on loving her children.
Follow things legally by seeking out the help of child welfare to track the man down and commit to up keep of his children.
Never she lampoon or talk bad about there Daddy to them. Always build a positive outcome for there young mindset and most importantly keep on taking the man to God in prayer, that genuine spirit of repentance will arrest the man and he turns a new leaf. Because only God can change a man like this, nothing else.

If a woman slaps a man he deserves to be besten that's my red line. Forget all those nonsense u said

liberalchick:
So what kind of quality of life is that? Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary and your safe space. How can you be in your house and you can’t talk? You risk hot slap if you open your mouth, is that one life?

Couples quarrel every time, a marriage is broken if you can’t have healthy arguments without the fear of being physically battered.

djon78:



You can call it nonsense until men that feels they can beat a woman jam there mate. Some women have crazy brothers. If you touch there sister, it would have been better you did not marry her at all.

Na so one guy was beating up his wife, until the day her brothers paid him a visit. The kind beating he received that day, he never tried that kind nonsense again.
I have 5 sisters almost all are married. None of them has there husband ever touched, slapped talk less of beat. They are warned severely never to try that rubbish. And have never tried it one beat.


Most times women cause this by marrying very irresponsible kind of men. A responsible man can never beat his wife.

mysticgal:


You sound really dumb bro. There is no excuse for violence.

If he really wants to beat someone, he should do it with a man like himself

Akious2k2:

Now, listen... Don't mind all the trash those ladies are saying up there
The answer to your question is YES... You went way too forward by leaving "your" home... I guess it's paying off since it's making you realize the importance of your husband, your children's father, in their lives
Now, do these:
Swallow your "pride" and go back home
Apologize for moving out with your children without his knowledge
Discuss whatever makes him angry with you with him and shift grounds, not because you're weak, but for the sake of your children
After all these, if he persists, which I doubt anyway, you may have to opt for another option

Mekenz:
these your comment have finally confirmed and solidifies my points about some women, they think that they can insult anyone at Will,including their so called husband without anything happening to them, so you can't make your own points without using insulting word's?

n.b women use their mouth to fight,
men use their fist......case settled.

mysticgal:


Lol, so because I talk you want to beat me, laugh in the highest heaven. That man, dem never born am.

By the way, I can’t, would not settle for scumbags, don’t bother

peacettw:


@op
Please heed to the above advice. I couldn't have said it better myself. Going back now will be the worst mistake that you will ever make. He will leverage on that and make you so miserable that you will contemplate suicide to be free of the pain. The man must show some concern first.
It is very understable that you are second guessing yourself especially now that the man doesn't seem to care. TRUST ME, HE DOES CARE. HE IS SIMPLY WAITING
FOR YOU TO REACH YOUR BREAKING POINT. To avoid getting there, I need you to do the following

1. Seek the councel of that friend or relatives who are in total support of your need to stay away to heal. When you are feeling down, call these people or visit them.

2. Download instagram and search for accounts on narcissist and narcissistic abuse. There are tons of them. Read through a few and let their words encourage you to move on.

3. You can also go to quora and search for topics on narcissistic abuse.

4. Never and I mean never make yourself a victim to pastors cum self professed seers who want to capitalize on your pain for their self gains. If u must pray, learn to do that on your own and BELIEVE that your prayers are good enough for God to listen to.

5. Try and be happy. It is very important for your well being and that of the kids. Take them swimming or on outings. For you, if you can afford it, download Netflix and binge on comedies or series that makes you happy. I have a couple of them that will blow your socks off.

6. When he calls, and trust me dear, he will, please be calm. Never express remorse or regret but stand firmly on your decision to leave telling him that you can't heal in the same environment that the abuse is being perpetrated. Tell him that even though you both aren't perfect, you simply cannot endure the physical violence anymore. Most importantly, do let him understand that he needs to go for councelling.

7. Get a lawyer. Keep all receipts. Install a phone recording app and upload all related conversations, and/or WhatsApp messages online to your Google drive or drop box.

8. Learn to complain less and live more. Only engage with people who make you feel good and not those who will want to latch on and rehash your pain to make their not so perfect lives seem marginally better.

I am pretty sure that by now you can tell that I have gone through what you are going through. There are lots you need to learn but I have found that taking a day at a time and worrying less about the future is the best medicine. Don't worry. You will be just fine. Let's give your spouse the needed time to think about his behaviour and reinvent himself. Remain safe *Hugs*

Guest007:


I got a lump in my throat reading this amazing life advice. I will follow this if no one else will. Thank you for validating sanity because mad people and mad comments are plenty on here.

Mekenz:
a good woman think before talking, using abusive/insulting words to your partner can never be justify, same with using violence on your partner. if you think that you can insult your partner at will, then you should as well be prepared to received flogging....(belt things)

Dhinmmar:

Oshey!! Is that how your relatives treat their wives?