bigeric100:
OP thanks for bringing my story on here BUT i will advice that u should av listened to my own side of the story n stop believing all what ur friend has been telling u about me n our marriage.....am not a monster n i dont av bipolar disorder as some suggested...am a complete gentle loving n caring guy, ask ur friend was i like this when we were dating ? if i was i bet she wont even date me at all...There r lots she failed to tell u abt herself ...there is always other side to every story...Next time please try n reach out to the other party involved before coming online with a one sided story....I av a whole lot to talk abt but i will maintain my silence for now till d time is right for me to speak.

goodgirl2409:
My :-Xhusband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

healthserve:



I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

Bgirlie:
You are so wise

healthserve:



We bless God

bigeric100:
OP thanks for bringing my story on here BUT i will advice that u should av listened to my own side of the story n stop believing all what ur friend has been telling u about me n our marriage.....am not a monster n i dont av bipolar disorder as some suggested...am a complete gentle loving n caring guy, ask ur friend was i like this when we were dating ? if i was i bet she wont even date me at all...There r lots she failed to tell u abt herself ...there is always other side to every story...Next time please try n reach out to the other party involved before coming online with a one sided story....I av a whole lot to talk abt but i will maintain my silence for now till d time is right for me to speak.

bigeric100:
OP thanks for bringing my story on here BUT i will advice that u should av listened to my own side of the story n stop believing all what ur friend has been telling u about me n our marriage.....am not a monster n i dont av bipolar disorder as some suggested...am a complete gentle loving n caring guy, ask ur friend was i like this when we were dating ? if i was i bet she wont even date me at all...There r lots she failed to tell u abt herself ...there is always other side to every story...Next time please try n reach out to the other party involved before coming online with a one sided story....I av a whole lot to talk abt but i will maintain my silence for now till d time is right for me to speak.

Lexusgs430:




Never marry a man that does not have anyone, you cannot easily report him to....... You are simply arming him with a dangerously fatal weapon to roam, aim and fire at will.....

Rusa:


If only I knew this secret 2years ago.
hmmm

LIFE

Lexusgs430:



Are you now trapped in an abusive marriage?...

Rusa:


Yes, a solitary confinement

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

CsRockefeller:
I have the tendencies to be like OP's husband.

I'm really worried, because it's like a genetically engineered problem, I've lost good relationships because of this.

I'm so comfortable staying a lone and avoiding people, and that silent treatment? I'm �% good at it.

Don't wish to torture my future spouse that way.

Isabellah:

CsRockefeller:
I have the tendencies to be like OP's husband.

I'm really worried, because it's like a genetically engineered problem, I've lost good relationships because of this.

I'm so comfortable staying a lone and avoiding people, and that silent treatment? I'm �% good at it.

Don't wish to torture my future spouse that way.

healthserve:




Practice the habit of understanding the motivation behind your actions prior to executing them. With a keener attention to oneself comes a fortitude to act and behave better.

specter:



@op, it's one of these four things.

1. Either you kept a secret from him before marriage, or during the marriage, he has found out, and he is struggling to forgive and forget.

Each time he tells himself he has forgotten and move past it, you seem to get the full package of the sweet man you married and each time something triggers the memory, he automatically withdraws and hates everything about you.

2. Unfulfilled desires. Do you support his dreams and hustle. Is all well with the married financially. He might be going through serious financial mess you know nothing about and his only way to avoid dragging you into the shit is doing exactly what he does.

My take is, he is a cave man. He goes into his cave to process things, and he shuts you out. He does not see it as punishing you, but as a means of protecting you cos you might see him differently should you know what goes on in his head and could pass/freak out.

Find out what causes the pressure and see how you can help. Find his primary love language and speak it. It might be leaving little love notes and notes of encouragement in places he will see it when he least expects.

You have expectations of him, and he has expectations of a perfect family he has built in his head, and it's usually difficult when marriage brings its own reality. Most men really can't handle this pressure. Send him an SMS.

He also had expectations of his dream wife before marriage. You might be doing everything right domestically and sexually but that is not priority for him.

He might be the type that expects you to believe in his ideals and build a family empire. You know it all begins with an ideal that was not allowed to die.

And when the woman is not supportive of these expectations, there is always a huge disconnect. He sees you are one who is not focused enough to build with him, and wahala starts from there. See the movie ' fire proof and acrimony' for insight.

Just one quick question, have you sat down to discuss your family plans for the next 5, 10,15 and 20 years? Has he been busy discussing ideals with you as per his dream family cum family goals and you are not paying attention cos you consider them past time gist. Hence, he has considered you someone he can't build.

How about the family purse? Any plans? Lack of sexual fulfillment? Do you deliberately seduce him without sexing him. Every man wants a freak. If he does initiate sex, do you initiate any. You married a good man just learn how to handle him.

3. Diseases of attitude. Check yourself I can't explain this. You might see some tapes by T.D.Jakes on YouTube. I have listened to quite a number, and he talks real sense on marriage.

4. It is either your man does what he does to protect you from his dangerous side( the spiritual side you know nothing about), is cheating, having problems outside marriage with another woman which he cannot forgive himself about cos he is hurting you, which has made him withdrawn, or he is sick pyscho.

Investigate his parents' marriage. What happened with his dad? What formed his earliest opinion on marriage. Does his dad possess the same problem. Does he speak well of his dad?

Truth is most men from broken, dysfunctional or lousy marriage, spend their early days blading their dad for all the bullshit on why they had no right marriage/family like their friends to grow up in, but end up behaving exactly like their dad or worse when married.

They become that which they hate most. Same with ladies from same marriage. It's an unconscious act that only be seen when one sits to observe the pattern.

Lastly, investigate this mum. Is there any bad habits he hated or disliked about his mum you have picked. Thus might be what triggers him. As a man, I have mine, and it could be a solid ground for judicial separation cos I can't deal should my wife decide to go that route.

The kid in us never really dies, and we never really outgrow it. The earliest years of marriage brings out the kids in couples. But the bad memories if triggered, could also leave a lasting damage cos opinion once formed is hard to change.

My advice, play tapes on marriage and personal development. Grow and develop yourself. There are loads of them on YouTube. Play a little loud to his hearing. He might catch a word that will change his perception.

If you can, surprise him with dinner or buffet. And talk, keep talking and never stop talking.

Get books on marriage by Nike Adeyemi. She is got on fantastic book devoid of religiosities. Reality check.

Your marriage will overcome if his altitude is not point one.

I will refer you to a post a made on point 1 in another topic.


Specter, can i pls av ur contact.... i like ur reply to the ops post and i will like for us to talk pls.......i really need advise from you cos u the only one that said something sensible in all the comments as per the op post....That post is my story, n it was posted by my wifes friend who is based in Abuja....I to open up to someone sensible pls cos am tired of the marriage myself ....am just done i swear

bigeric100:

Specter, can i pls av ur contact.... i like ur reply to the ops post and i will like for us to talk pls.......i really need advise from you cos u the only one that said something sensible in all the comments as per the op post....That post is my story, n it was posted by my wifes friend who is based in Abuja....I to open up to someone sensible pls cos am tired of the marriage myself ....am just done i swear

bigeric100:

Specter, can i pls av ur contact.... i like ur reply to the ops post and i will like for us to talk pls.......i really need advise from you cos u the only one that said something sensible in all the comments as per the op post....That post is my story, n it was posted by my wifes friend who is based in Abuja....I to open up to someone sensible pls cos am tired of the marriage myself ....am just done i swear

bigeric100:

Specter, can i pls av ur contact.... i like ur reply to the ops post and i will like for us to talk pls.......i really need advise from you cos u the only one that said something sensible in all the comments as per the op post....That post is my story, n it was posted by my wifes friend who is based in Abuja....I to open up to someone sensible pls cos am tired of the marriage myself ....am just done i swear

franchasng:
if the reasons I pointed out happens to be the reasons for the husband's attitude towards her, I doubt there can be a lasting solution, especially if she cheated on the husband and he somehow found out.


This is why I advice ladies, don't try to be like guys, guys can get away with cheating their spouse because women can forgive a cheating spouse more easily than men would forgive a cheating wife. It is not men's fault, it is how nature wired men to be, so don't blame them.


As a married lady, once you have made up your mind to cheat, be prepared for divorce should your man catch you or later find out, so expect the worst whenever you decide to cheat as a woman.

I don't care what feminists would say, the world will remain as it is, men cannot be forced or coerced to change their natural form just to suit some women clamoring for equality.

If as a lady you catch your husband cheating, u are free and entitled to divorce him, it is your decision to make. So if you as a married woman decides to forgive your husband when he cheats, you must not expect him to forgive you too when you cheat nor are you supposed to coerce or force him to forgive you, it is his own decision to forgive you or not, not your right.


Men can never be like women and also women can never be like men, so we must understand our differences as people of different gender to live a happy life.

debola27:
He may be severely depressed. Or has bipolar personality. If you have a family doctor, discuss with him to assist you in convincing him in seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist.

Teeyousquare:
He obviously have bipolar disorder,, he need to seek medical help!!

bigeric100:
OP thanks for bringing my story on here BUT i will advice that u should av listened to my own side of the story n stop believing all what ur friend has been telling u about me n our marriage.....am not a monster n i dont av bipolar disorder as some suggested...am a complete gentle loving n caring guy, ask ur friend was i like this when we were dating ? if i was i bet she wont even date me at all...There r lots she failed to tell u abt herself ...there is always other siude to every story...Next time please try n reach out to the other party involved before coming online with a one sided story....I av a whole lot to talk abt but i will maintain my silence for now till d time is right for me to speak.

amordi:
My heart bleeds when I come across this kind of story, It's only you that knows what you are passing through, if infidelity is not in the picture pls give it a second thought and make it work again. God be your strength.