₦airaland Forum

The fact that you have a child with her shouldn't override the fact that she's no longer interested in you. Once a new man have showed up to make it a group picture, it's now a party. Time to walk away!

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

There's your side of the story, her side and then the truth.

No sane mind would insult you because this is not a new case; My people say if you dey do something for woman, she go dey do for who she likes".

How come she bore you a child without marriage? It shows lack of self control.
For how long will her parents continue intervening in a matter between 2 adults. Abeg free Papa and Mama. You can force a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink water.

She sees the money you give her as her right since she bore you a child. Besides, money doesn't buy love, it buys you a body.

I can't tell you to leave her since I didn't give her to you but I won't rule that that out.

Go together and see her parents as a sign of respect but I don't see situation changing.

Girls of nowadays.

pocohantas:
I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

God bless Ubunja and Hardon... Lol... You are a girl and you just confirm some of the things they have been saying....I like this.

pocohantas:
I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

God bless Ubunja and Hardon... Lol... You are a girl and you just confirm some of the things they have been saying....I like this.


But but, they warned us not to take relationship advice from a woman and i agree with them.

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

You combined humour with solid advice. Perfect.

...passed it through shredder got me.

pocohantas:
I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

The only 'better' I foresee is HIV unless she repents.

Ineedyouradvise:
Life can be SO unfair, sometimes I just wish there's a way to see into the future before making that decision of getting married!

That's where the God factor comes in my dear.

Anybody can be good or form good at the moment but change terribly in the future.

Only God can see into the future! Believe me no man can no matter how much he tries.

May God guide us.

Please if you are still at the parents house, just collect the bride price you paid and go home.

Right now, your primary obligation is to your daughter but your sense of entitlement should stop. Waiting for a common thank you for meeting your primary duty as husband and father?

Anyway, no point fighting over a lost cause. Move on

olabrinks:
She is not interested in the marriage, and if you marry her by force you will be entering a life time of misery and a constant battle to prove yourself to her. Better get out now before it’s too late. It’s that simple.

I don’t know why men are always fighting for women that don’t want them. They’re millions of single available women go and look for them and leave this small girl alone.

please direct me to where the millions of single available women are located ,

PS no send me to a journey of no return

MYDEBBY:
Situation report house,the mum of my wife called me that why am I not sending the school fees of my daughter as my wife have told her,I replied by saying I will change my daughters school or probably transfer the money to the school account directly.She said OK. Meanwhile the meeting for this weekend scheduled between i, herself and her parents. her mum pleaded with me to go and carry them with my car down to the villa.But initially my wife said I should go on my own but now her mum said I should bring them along.Should I adhere knowing fully well my wife said she has no business with me again.

Mynd 44
Obinoscopy
Lalasticlala

Pls do the needful,thanks.

Buckle up Man, move on with your Life and take care of your daughter. Her parent already know about it. Them Dey take play basketball. She already made up her mind.

Damfostopper:
3 set of people I can't date.........
1.......Undergraduates.......
2.......Single mums.........
3........Corp member

They are meant to be played, lied to, fvcked and re-fvcked over and over again, nothing else bro

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

the girl has lost interest in you and no amount of reconciliation will settle and bring her heart back to you. Love and everything u need in a woman is from her heart, and once her heart is not there bro forget it. Don't try to do something you will regret or kill you tomorrow. Take your daughter and walk away, double ur hustle and lots of women will love you genuinely.

She follow and guy and hang out for a discussion in ur very presence and you ask she said it is not ur business and probably this guy don blow her

Just forget it biko women plenty

MYDEBBY:
She is 25, yes old.

Yes..sh might b 25, but not ready to b married nd den the guy draged her into marriage, hence her behaviour like sh is doing him a favour...kids everywhere

Marry only ladies dat are willing to get married

pocohantas:
I don't know why I have a feeling you are one very humble guy, the type who isn't very adventurous, missionary style kinda guy...

Don't even force her. Difficult to do, but that is the best thing for your long term sanity. If not, she will keep making it obvious by her words that she never wanted you.

Recently a NLder was here to report himself after telling his wife she wasn't his first choice. That might be you in few years time, only that you will be at the receiving end.

You see all these girls that their eyes are up? Once they start wearing some kind clothe and experiencing city-girls life, marriage no dey their mind o. Let alone marriage to some homely dude. She will convince herself there is still time and there is better out there.

She might only remember you (or your type) when she is retiring. Pele

Lolzz u are very funny sha tho ur probably right but what i don't get is this: Why on God's green earth would any sane man take an undergraduate seriously If u want to help her out once in a while, fine but i'm yet to see a man who succeeded in making any sense out of these arrangements. I met one last year and when i found out she was just a 300l student i treated her exactly like she deserved. Now she's in her finals claiming i don't love her, i don't create time for her blah blah blah, when in reality she's travelling the whole country like a tourist when school is not in session. I have always encouraged her to be enjoying herself because i know she's no where near settling down soon.. Now na she dey sing marriage for my ears and claiming she's not the way i think she is. What's my own. It pays to let hoes be hoes but men like the Op would be trying in vain to change them into what they don't yet understand thereby getting their hearts stretched instead of just stretching the pussay to the limits until u find a woman who's genuinely into u, tired of the games and with a matching loyalty

BRATISLAVA:
I don't understand why men always "plan on taking the child from her" to give to their grandmother's who don't have time for children.
The mother is alive and did not reject the child, but in a bid to have a war and claim that the woman will poison the child against them, they decide to do the exact thing to the woman. Who made more entitled to the child? IAnd if he thinks they're after the money, he should not send any. He wants to marry another wife then deprive this one of her child while he goes on to have children with the new one because he's entitled. Men and planning on taking the child as if they're the only parent and they're entitled to take children away (kidnap) to give to their own mother's as if the other person's family don't want to take the child too. He's living in another state and is surprised that the long distance relationship of telling on her to her parents isn't working. The woman is working(the liability talk never came up) and you can see there's nothing bad she's doing save getting irritated by his silly insecurities and reporting her to her parents once she doesn't splay. There's more to it than he's saying. Too many men play victim.

Most times you see a man dragging for custody, it has totally nothing to do with how he feels about the child. You will be thinking he wants to do a better job, na lie! He will collect the child and go dump with any female member of his family. The idea is just to punish the mother.

Makes me wonder why they even bother in the first place. It is the inmocent child in the middle of the whole mess I always pity.

In Phyno's voice "Asa sigi na ocholo guy man biko hapu kwaya"

BarrElChapo:
Tbh na the afternoons sure pass o.. that's what I may even go for being that our educational system is almost guaranteed that before you graduate you don dey near afternoon.. those morning newspapers can be very unstable

Lol. It is all choice and our individualities will always come into play. Men allow themselves discover their life. I wonder why they don't allow women do same. Always trying to rush us all into marriage.

Your wife is seeing someone else. Stop running to her parents be the man of your house, sit her down and talk to her. If she still insist on leaving the marriage then let her go.

Bro you need candid advice. So will give it.
That lady is no longer interested. Once a lady becomes ungrateful, contemptuous and openly unfaithful brother beat it fast.
Forget whatever you may have spent.
You will be saving yourself much headaque by moving on.
Is her daughter yours? If yes collect her and move on.
A word is enough for the wise

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

Op, you caused it. I see nobody took note of the part where you said she was recounting your past mistakes...meaning you actually did some hurtful things to her then which could have prolly made her lose interest in you and the relationship but maybe only holding on because of the child between you both as I can see you already have a child out of wedlock. I can imaging the torture she must have gone through during those times you were feeling like a Huck hugan.

You see, that is the problem with you men. when a woman will love you with all her heart then, you'll be breaking her heart and hurting her on end. It is when she has lost it that your senses will now start coming back. That is exactly what is happening now.
In my opinion, she doesn't feel for you anymore. Maybe the reason she's still holding on is to save face from the shame of having a child and maybe advice from parents but from her heart of hearts she doesn't want you anymore and my dear, you can't force it cos if you do, you'll regret it.
Just let her be or if you know how to pray, go on marathon fasting and prayers for God to revive that love back in her heart.

Let tye other men and guys out there including on Nairaland be warned!!!!.

MYDEBBY:
Didn't you read my facts why will she be intensely bored when I have paid her dowry as my wife.I have sat her one on one even at midnight to let her adjust her ways since the traditional rites this year and waiting for the white.I did said that I noticed her with bad influence including male and female.so why do you think she is not cheating on me,must I leave my work and be with her in school 24hrs before I will know she is not cheating on me? I think that all that happened is the handiwork of God.

From the above response, its obvious you've made up your mind already. Abeg park well let us attend to another relationship issue.
WHO IS NEXT PLEASE, OPEN YOUR THREAD.

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

Una don born together abi?
If yes biko just free her...she go run come back.

OyinO:
It's not Missionary style, it's Mama and Papa style.

The Kama sutra predates mama and papa

ststyreal:
I am telling you. This love of a thing is so confusing. Let him neutraluse his mind but na wa for some ladies oooooo, after carrying out the traditional rite, it now dawn on her that she is no longer interested.... Well, they say a broken courtship is better than a misery marriage...

This one nah broken marriage cos the rites have been done...nevertheless make the girl waka abeg.

Oga zero your mind about her #japa

Just leave her

Real men don’t think when woman says they are not interested anymore

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

Succinctly put!

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

. I hardly comment here but dis 1 gat me cracking 'she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet '

She saw you as a weak man

By always reporting her to her parent


Real men settle issues amicably with their spouse


Ladies do not like it when You report them


They tagged such man weak

SamNaijaboy:
surprised In 2019 men are still working themselves up about marriage. An institution that simply helps only the woman mainly.
And the woman will now be acting up on top of that. Send any such wife packing sharperly and find another.
One thing though... make sure you do HIV test before sleeping with anybody raw.
My guys don sorji now. Before dey start to Dey Yansh, We want to even know your HIV and STD status.
If you don’t want to take the test, carry your Kpekus and go

You are 100% correct bro. Enough of these headache and heartache all because of ladies and marriage.
some guys think they cannot live a happy life without marriage.

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

One better 6yrd wrapper for your mum and one original schnapps and native goat for pepper soup for your dad