₦airaland Forum

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

I know you've expended a lot (financial, time, energy...what have you) into this relationship. Trust me, this is to your advantage that you need to move on. Next time you're looking for a wife, approach the Almighty God in prayer first before you take any step as that is the only way you can never go wrong. God always give a woman this inordinate behaviour if they are not meant for you so that you can see and be wise. My five cents.

Derea:
Never had a hoe-phase. Never will.

You are in luck sis. It is very real

emmaodet:
There is nothing as sweet as marrying a lady btwn 22-25yrs but it as it's consequence

what's so sweet about marrying a lady btw 22-25yr?most ladies in dat age bracket ar inexperience,wanna xplore hence d tendency of aving multiple partners and dey ar stubborn. Av dated ladies btw dat age bracket and girls above 26 and i know d difference thats why I settled with a 31yrs gal

My brother walk away jeje with your normal BP ooo.... Don't give yourself HBP because of one stinking pussy. Nonsense woman

Jewessgratitude:
Op, you caused it. I see nobody took note of the part where you said she was recounting your past mistakes...meaning you actually did some hurtful things to her then which could have prolly made her lose interest in you and the relationship but maybe only holding on because of the child between you both as I can see you already have a child out of wedlock. I can imaging the torture she must have gone through during those times you were feeling like a Huck hugan.

You see, that is the problem with you men. when a woman will love you with all her heart then, you'll be breaking her heart and hurting her on end. It is when she has lost it that your senses will now start coming back. That is exactly what is happening now.
In my opinion, she doesn't feel for you anymore. Maybe the reason she's still holding on is to save face from the shame of having a child and maybe advice from parents but from her heart of hearts she doesn't want you anymore and my dear, you can't force it cos if you do, you'll regret it.
Just let her be or if you know how to pray, go on marathon fasting and prayers for God to revive that love back in her heart.

Let tye other men and guys out there including on Nairaland be warned!!!!.

We're seeking positive inputs here... But I'm yet to understand your point.

Errhm since you're not so far from the first page, can you kindly go back, read carefully, and then maybe you may see the need to edit this write-up

Thanks

pocohantas:
I hate when people try to play semantics all to force their opinion on people. I have heard that word control so many times from Nigerian men- that I know the meaning and I know it has nothing to do with whatever it is you typed up there.

Mumu-button has nothing to do with CONTROL. Mumu-button is having a soft-spot for people or a person. I have my dad's mumu-button, everyone knows it. I do not CONTROL him. Brings me back to my previous stand, no man can CONTROL me...

Noted!!!

pocohantas:
I hate when people try to play semantics all to force their opinion on people. I have heard that word control so many times from Nigerian men- that I know the meaning and I know it has nothing to do with whatever it is you typed up there.

Mumu-button has nothing to do with CONTROL. Mumu-button is having a soft-spot for people or a person. I have my dad's mumu-button, everyone knows it. I do not CONTROL him. Brings me back to my previous stand, no man can CONTROL me...

Nigerians are into zero sum win-lose that devolves to lose-lose. In the end, you only have control over a person because of circumstances.let the controllee become emancipated and you will see a different color.

That is what is happening. We all have old ogas who we do not answer when they call, because they were controlling baggers whose only hold was their position.in the same way, we have old ogas who we will answer immediately because they had actual relationships with us

pocohantas:
Most times you see a man dragging for custody, it has totally nothing to do with how he feels about the child. You will be thinking he wants to do a better job, na lie! He will collect the child and go dump with any female member of his family. The idea is just to punish the mother.

Makes me wonder why they even bother in the first place. It is the inmocent child in the middle of the whole mess I always pity.

I am that type of person at the end of life I know I will give account of my daughter before the creator.Despite my tight hustle schedule I still create out time for my daughter.And I will and must still do same.

pocohantas:
They are words guys use here na. I had to help to use it, because I know they would soon arrive.

Nevertheless, the hoe-phase is that phase where the girl wants to explore and all. Some men think all women want to do is marry and birth, they don't know we want to have some fun too. Probably this girl used her own time in that stage being committed to him and a child. Now, she wants to get it back.
It is a pity it has to be at the detriment of their marriage, but such is life.

That's why it is advisable to marry a matured lady that has been there, done that, handled different joy sticks and has come to her senses and decided to settle down. If you deny her of her youthful adventures, she will look for ways to get it back.

E be like say she just dey play along since wt u. She was never interested in the relationship only say pikin enter along the line. She just won use u achieve her education which she don get already. Since she don reach final yr, she won folo her heart now which is the man she truely LOVE. So find ur way o oga

ornicus:
The Kama sutra predates mama and papa

Kamasutra is not missionary. Mine is to undermine the recent missionary styled name.

pocohantas:
The earlier you guys understand that not so many undergraduate girls are very pro-marriage, the better for you. Once you spot that one who is very much interested in the fast life, pull the plug immediately.

Her parents told you both to come to the VILLAGE? You think if her parents had enough to be giving her, she would bother herself with you?

It is painful my dear, but your wife is in her hoe-phase. Some skip that phase, some spend few years in it, some stay a decade there- even do spillover.

You need to have some self-respect. A grown ass man following two fcking undergraduates to hear their conversation?

You guys don't hear word. You remind me of my colleague and that tin-tomatoes-headed girl he was pursuing. One small 200l girl. The way the girl did his heart ehn, she passed it through shredder.

Go find one afternoon newspaper that has her life figured out. Someone that will bring in tangible and intangible resources to the relationship. That way when she wants to throw it all away, she would think of how it would hit her own balance sheet.

Nice post.

maasoap:
You're very much on point. She's coming back, that time, it will be too late if @op knows that this is the right time to move on

@Maasoap,I have moved on already.

Thanks.

Thomas333:
You are a good person who wants to do the right thing. Love is not a one-way street, which is what yours is. A woman having a daughter for you and a traditional wedding isn't enough as you must ask yourself if you are ready to beg her all through the marriage - that's if she eventually agrees to marry you. Move on man, she's most likely found another man and is sending you the messages which you aren't getting clearly. I know it can be painful but I guarantee you, it's a lot less painful now than 5 or 10 years down the marriage. Use your head man

Thanks Thom boss,am using my head now and no longer my heart, to the strong men in the house I am so sorry for falling your hands by shedding tears for her initially, right now I have developed an impenetrable heart for her even my late Parents would slap me if I go contrary.

islandmoon:
tell her sweet stories, impregnate her and run

Oil dey ur head....dis is d best move.

Candycrushy:
Op I need to have some private discussions with u...thats if u dont mind...I have plenty things to say

OK you may call me on 08143236959.

Hmmm, i really felt for you sha cos its always difficult to just say bye bye for someone you love so much, same thing is happening in marriage right now, i got married 2yrs ago, but since last yr my marriage has been so terrible to an extent the 2 families must meet to discuss on our matter.What is causing the problem is something both of us can iron out between ourselves.How on earth will i have a wife that i will not be able to sleep with any time i want sex,my wife hardly give me sex, she hardly cook for me any time she comes back from work, i cant torch her boobs, i cant kiss her, she hardly sweep the house during the week, except weekend, i do go to the market myself, even if i come back she will tell me she cant cook sometimes i will be the one to cook the soup,she doesnt wash my clothes, some times she will use plates in the kitchen and leave it in the sink and go to work, on weeked's she will sleep till 10oclock and when ever she wakes up instead of her to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast,what she will do next is to pack her clothes and my baby clothes and begin wash.if i ask her baby what are we eating in this morning , she will reply me by saying she doesnt know.i have been begging my wife for sex for the past one week now but she is depriving me of it.but i did one thing which i later regretted. when my body can no longer hold it any more i raised my hands on her and beat her.But what her family stand on now is that they dont beat a woman from their place and i have reported this issue to them severally.but my question now is, My wife has requested for divorce now and which the dad is also in support because my wife is the bread winner of her family,the father said he will call my uncle to know when we will sit down to discuss when she will come and pack her loads, should allow her to pack her loads or we should not even go for the meeting. And again i asked her to send me her account no so that i can send her some change to use to buy food and provision for my baby,what she said what that Mr man if you know this money you are sending to me will make me come back to that house,it will never work out ooo.she did not send the account no.but last week she sent a msg to me telling me she has paid for my daughter school fee but remaining 10k to balance it up.that was when she now sent me the account no.please house should i send it to her, please advice me.Almost everyone have begged her to come back home that she is even the one at fault but she insisted that she is no more coming bk to my house that i should go and marry another wife that will tolorate me.please i also need an advise on what to do. And again is it my right to pay my daughter school fee cos i am not the one that enrolled her in school and i am not the one that sent her mother packing.

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalanders, I greet you all.

Pls I need candid advice, I have dated my wife for over six years without an issue and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.

She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school.

Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.

The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested.

She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it, only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees. I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.

While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her PARENTS, promising not to do so again, a guy knocked the door and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend, I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.

When we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.

After a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.

I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.

Pls no insult just help out.

Thanks

e be like say dem don use menstrual fluid cook for u...

u are dating a rude and parasitic single mother who does that??

jcmaiah:
Seriously you are not okay! In this age and time you are forcing yourself on someone. Is it because of the time and money you spent on her? Bros go to the nearest church and give testimony of how God delivered your from pre-mature death. Don't over continue with that wedding, count yours financial loses as gain.

A real testimony indeed.Thanks

healthserve:
Which brings us to the point that if a lady can be influenced by external party, she's immature for marriage.


A guy did that to my princess this year and she assumed all she learnt was correct. Finally the guy starts having sex with her as intimacy grew out of their negative alliance. She has recently learnt that I wasn't broke but living coded while the guy influencing her was eating her money and sexing for free. She was influenced from the outside, like eve, like my princess.

I move on jejely without creating thread. Mi o ra ye oshi

My guy you get better sense jooor... I salute your courage
This is for you!!!!

ValCon888:
Another guy's dìck has reformatted her brain.
If you marry that kyn woman, na wetin u gain?
The woman is lost; but your daughter you can still train.

His daughter abi another man's daughter...

pocohantas:
They are words guys use here na. I had to help to use it, because I know they would soon arrive.

Nevertheless, the hoe-phase is that phase where the girl wants to explore and all. Some men think all women want to do is marry and birth, they don't know we want to have some fun too. Probably this girl used her own time in that stage being committed to him and a child. Now, she wants to get it back.
It is a pity it has to be at the detriment of their marriage, but such is life.

Never had a hoe-phase. Never will.

It is very clear to me that financially you are not doing your job as a husband but you want your wife to her job perfectly with no excuses. How can you be asking if it is your right to pay for your own daughters school fee? You are comfortable with your wife paying your daughters school fees, and I’m very sure she is paying for many other things in the household yet you still want her to cook clean and wash your clothes like a king. If your wife is the breadwinner, you must humble yourself to do things around the house with no complaints and help out. You can’t expect her to do everything Biko. If you want submission from a woman, you must learn how to behave like the head of the home and take full responsibility. Your wife is misbehaving because she has lost respect for you hence why her parents are also agreeing with her stance. Look in the mirror and buckle up. Husband position no be beans. If you need to separate then better. Go and work on yourself

tbaba84:
Hmmm, i really felt for you sha cos its always difficult to just say bye bye for someone you love so much, same thing is happening in marriage right now, i got married 2yrs ago, but since last yr my marriage has been so terrible to an extent the 2 families must meet to discuss on our matter.What is causing the problem is something both of us can iron out between ourselves.How on earth will i have a wife that i will not be able to sleep with any time i want sex,my wife hardly give me sex, she hardly cook for me any time she comes back from work, i cant torch her boobs, i cant kiss her, she hardly sweep the house during the week, except weekend, i do go to the market myself, even if i come back she will tell me she cant cook sometimes i will be the one to cook the soup,she doesnt wash my clothes, some times she will use plates in the kitchen and leave it in the sink and go to work, on weeked's she will sleep till 10oclock and when ever she wakes up instead of her to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast,what she will do next is to pack her clothes and my baby clothes and begin wash.if i ask her baby what are we eating in this morning , she will reply me by saying she doesnt know.i have been begging my wife for sex for the past one week now but she is depriving me of it.but i did one thing which i later regretted. when my body can no longer hold it any more i raised my hands on her and beat her.But what her family stand on now is that they dont beat a woman from their place and i have reported this issue to them severally.but my question now is, My wife has requested for divorce now and which the dad is also in support because my wife is the bread winner of her family,the father said he will call my uncle to know when we will sit down to discuss when she will come and pack her loads, should allow her to pack her loads or we should not even go for the meeting. And again i asked her to send me her account no so that i can send her some change to use to buy food and provision for my baby,what she said what that Mr man if you know this money you are sending to me will make me come back to that house,it will never work out ooo.she did not send the account no.but last week she sent a msg to me telling me she has paid for my daughter school fee but remaining 10k to balance it up.that was when she now sent me the account no.please house should i send it to her, please advice me.Almost everyone have begged her to come back home that she is even the one at fault but she insisted that she is no more coming bk to my house that i should go and marry another wife that will tolorate me.please i also need an advise on what to do. And again is it my right to pay my daughter school fee cos i am not the one that enrolled her in school and i am not the one that sent her mother packing.

francdec4:
May I ask so do you suggest guys give up immediately a lady says she is not interested in a relationship or marriage or try to win her in a more responsible way. Just an opinion.

I did not give up that was even why I woke her up at midnight to talk with her one on one to rethink her decision if not for any thing for our daughter. I also called on her relations to help talk with her which they did.Despite the guy I saw I still made frantic effort to balance up.Am done too,I have heeded all the quality advise here I cannot come and kee myself.Thanks

tbaba84:
Hmmm, i really felt for you sha cos its always difficult to just say bye bye for someone you love so much, same thing is happening in marriage right now, i got married 2yrs ago, but since last yr my marriage has been so terrible to an extent the 2 families must meet to discuss on our matter.What is causing the problem is something both of us can iron out between ourselves.How on earth will i have a wife that i will not be able to sleep with any time i want sex,my wife hardly give me sex, she hardly cook for me any time she comes back from work, i cant torch her boobs, i cant kiss her, she hardly sweep the house during the week, except weekend, i do go to the market myself, even if i come back she will tell me she cant cook sometimes i will be the one to cook the soup,she doesnt wash my clothes, some times she will use plates in the kitchen and leave it in the sink and go to work, on weeked's she will sleep till 10oclock and when ever she wakes up instead of her to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast,what she will do next is to pack her clothes and my baby clothes and begin wash.if i ask her baby what are we eating in this morning , she will reply me by saying she doesnt know.i have been begging my wife for sex for the past one week now but she is depriving me of it.but i did one thing which i later regretted. when my body can no longer hold it any more i raised my hands on her and beat her.But what her family stand on now is that they dont beat a woman from their place and i have reported this issue to them severally.but my question now is, My wife has requested for divorce now and which the dad is also in support because my wife is the bread winner of her family,the father said he will call my uncle to know when we will sit down to discuss when she will come and pack her loads, should allow her to pack her loads or we should not even go for the meeting. And again i asked her to send me her account no so that i can send her some change to use to buy food and provision for my baby,what she said what that Mr man if you know this money you are sending to me will make me come back to that house,it will never work out ooo.she did not send the account no.but last week she sent a msg to me telling me she has paid for my daughter school fee but remaining 10k to balance it up.that was when she now sent me the account no.please house should i send it to her, please advice me.Almost everyone have begged her to come back home that she is even the one at fault but she insisted that she is no more coming bk to my house that i should go and marry another wife that will tolorate me.please i also need an advise on what to do. And again is it my right to pay my daughter school fee cos i am not the one that enrolled her in school and i am not the one that sent her mother packing.

Why was she denying you sex? Did she tell you? Is this your first time hitting her? So because you did not enroll your daughter in school you don’t want to pay? Dont you want her to have an education. I support a separation for now. Please move out and let them have space. Or they move where they feel they will be at peace. Give it some time and make sure you pay your obligations on your child. Also be open to discussion from your wife and keep quiet and listen when she opens up. Try to resolve the issue from there. First 5yrs are very tough. You have not fully said what was making her refuse sexual contact with you. Did you cheat?

healthserve:
The sad tale is I was setting up a company as a proposal gift to her. Which was worth millions . These days the sisters and mum see me in church, shame covers them from top to toe.


Love is a very very tricky feeling. The ones you live don't appreciate, the ones you don't love chase you. It sucks.

It's really sucks... My people the same thing is happening to me too.. The one you love will frustrate your life, while the ones you don't have any feelings for are ready to make sacrifice for you.. One is even ready to quit her job just to prove her love... Shoooooo :[ :[
This life is full of mystery

Just let her go op, u deserve someone better. Be concerned about the upkeep of your daughter, don't let her give u bills on the upkeep of the little girl, stop sending money to her, if u need to give your daughter anything make sure u deliver it yourself, the mother won't know ur worth until she start regretting her actions abeg which better man dey outside now? She's playing with her life, let her go. Make yourself happy and move on but take your time to find the right one, don't keep begging her and make her feel u can't do without her.

Rajman45:
Some relationships starts during secondary school days.

... U suppose start to date am from kg 1. When u stay too long in a relationship u spend more. in the age of 21st century una dey do long term relationship

Blackvic1:
you are right bro I learnt that the hard way after I trained a guy in a private Uni for years she went for NYSC and dumped my sorry ass please guys here never spend a dime for a lay that is still in Uni in the guise that you want to marry her to avoid the story that touches in the ratio of 99% she will definitely leave you lol

..
Very true. i learnt from igbo traders who spent all their money on some beautiful girl all in the name of marriage. The class thing sets in. i dont have time for shit. i pick who i wanna marry

ornicus:
And the small boys are shouting mgtow as if the system here is rigged against them.

It is the child I pity. If the man is able to take her, she will end up being a second class human being. No guarantee the grandmother will not resent her. And the grandmother is old.

No guarantee the cycle will not repeat. Marry small girl, then send her to uni where she is around guys her age, living with girls her age joking and gisting about how Mike gives it from all angles and the sex is mind blowing while all she has to think about is hubby who is old and out of shape with man boobs and pot belly and crooked teeth and who passes out after 5 minutes of missionary.

The format of smallie trophy wife from village is DEAD.

Village wife becomes city wife once she lives in the city. That mirage faded away long, long ago.

tbaba84:
Hmmm, i really felt for you sha cos its always difficult to just say bye bye for someone you love so much, same thing is happening in marriage right now, i got married 2yrs ago, but since last yr my marriage has been so terrible to an extent the 2 families must meet to discuss on our matter.What is causing the problem is something both of us can iron out between ourselves.How on earth will i have a wife that i will not be able to sleep with any time i want sex,my wife hardly give me sex, she hardly cook for me any time she comes back from work, i cant torch her boobs, i cant kiss her, she hardly sweep the house during the week, except weekend, i do go to the market myself, even if i come back she will tell me she cant cook sometimes i will be the one to cook the soup,she doesnt wash my clothes, some times she will use plates in the kitchen and leave it in the sink and go to work, on weeked's she will sleep till 10oclock and when ever she wakes up instead of her to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast,what she will do next is to pack her clothes and my baby clothes and begin wash.if i ask her baby what are we eating in this morning , she will reply me by saying she doesnt know.i have been begging my wife for sex for the past one week now but she is depriving me of it.but i did one thing which i later regretted. when my body can no longer hold it any more i raised my hands on her and beat her.But what her family stand on now is that they dont beat a woman from their place and i have reported this issue to them severally.but my question now is, My wife has requested for divorce now and which the dad is also in support because my wife is the bread winner of her family,the father said he will call my uncle to know when we will sit down to discuss when she will come and pack her loads, should allow her to pack her loads or we should not even go for the meeting. And again i asked her to send me her account no so that i can send her some change to use to buy food and provision for my baby,what she said what that Mr man if you know this money you are sending to me will make me come back to that house,it will never work out ooo.she did not send the account no.but last week she sent a msg to me telling me she has paid for my daughter school fee but remaining 10k to balance it up.that was when she now sent me the account no.please house should i send it to her, please advice me.Almost everyone have begged her to come back home that she is even the one at fault but she insisted that she is no more coming bk to my house that i should go and marry another wife that will tolorate me.please i also need an advise on what to do. And again is it my right to pay my daughter school fee cos i am not the one that enrolled her in school and i am not the one that sent her mother packing.

I was listening to you untill you made a blunder by asking stupid question. Well to answer you , if you don't know is your right to pay your child school fee then you are not yet prepared for marriage. Takecare of your child ...give that woman space untill you are mature to understand her...she is not your property ...she is your partner

BRATISLAVA:


Village wife becomes city wife once she lives in the city. That mirage faded away long, long ago.

Na so we see am. I have a rich Igbo neigbour who is mostly out of town. The guy organized wife from village. Na so the woman tear eye. Clubbing, fighting everyone, coming in at 11pm with men. The woman just went cray. I don't even know how the whole thing was resolved. I just don't see her around anymore