₦airaland Forum

[quote][/quote]]Your fiancèe is exactly my type maybe, a little worse.

I don't even know how I'm gonna meet my husby family if I get married.

I dont like crowd, and i dont like meeting people.

You should try as much as possible to draw her closer to you and don't let what others say about her affect your marriage.

She's the kinda woman most men want to have as a wife. That is the type of woman I prefer to marry.

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

God bless you. The man does not know the blessings of having such a quiet type of woman. Let him continue to look for 'public wife' in the name of socialization.....

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

Oga sorry to say this. You sound like a child

tohyorsih2:
We're the same

how you doing dear? So you are also laid back?

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Wow, she is just like me. It is her nature, changing her wouldn't be an easy task bro.

...relax Mr. Social....smile. Honestly, you've got no challenge now except for the one that awaits you after the transformation that you seek.

My wife used to be like yours in that "Reserved Zone" before always trying to stay in the house alone. It was worrisome to me then being a Journalist, Businessman and an outgoing personae. I decided to work on her mind and Transform her to what I desire and the Truth now is that She's more than what I expected.

Imagine someone that used to find ti difficult to engage in one-on-one interaction with people now speaking to hundreds of people. She's more popular than I in my family now. Engaging everyone including my hometown people and they all love her so much. She has inherited all people in my network and her network is now so rich that....to confess...am still in shock.

I'm so happy to sit down and see her now speaking at functions, dancing at social functions (steps that my children taught her sha) advising people in my family, counseling my friends with issues in the marriage and preaching in church....

How did I help her ....

1. We work through it together. I inspired her to love my world...(Books, movies etc). [color=#000099][/color]
2. I encourage her after every outing and pointed out in love how she can do it better.
3. I usually introduce her at any function and ask her about my speech and interaction after.
4. I have been lavish in praise on her when she does well and do the correction in a subtle way when inside
5. I defended her during her growing period and never exposed her inability to the outside world. Phrase like " my wife is so wise that she talks when she has things to say and no to talk anyhow like commoners" helped me a lot. Many perceived her during that time like someone with high level of wisdom and wish to be matured like her
6. We prayed about it.
7. Practically, we started by visiting people/family/friends in the home there familiarizing with them before meeting in a public occasion. This help her to have people she's always free with even in large gathering.
8. We attended trainings together and grow together.
9. The 1st time she had to travel by Air and was timid and afraid...I followed her to Airport, used my influence to enter some areas with her until she boarded. I asked her about her experience after the trip and she even made friends during the journey.
...and many more

If you treat her like Your Choice and ignore the Tempation of Looking for Options....She will change and you will be amazed. She's your wife which means that she's there for Life with you and you for her. You've got no option...Grwo together in love.

have a great day

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

I dey tell you, this is the kind of woman I want in my life. Thou, I found one already. She is sweet and caring.

philip0906:
Then you and that woman can be a fit...Lock yourselves away from civilisation, what you think?

I have a better compliment at home. Having social anxiety doesn't mean we are anti-social it is just that we love to do our things within our small cliq

ginaolo:
I’m being patient but until you are in my shoes you won’t understand. You don’t know the feeling of going to a place where everybody is with their gf and wives and I have to go alone because she wants to stay at home. People are constantly asking you where your gf is, and you have to make excuses all the time. It’s not fair, it’s weighing me down.

Have a sit-down with her, or book a therapy session for her. Besides, it's mind-boggling how you made this whole situation about — YOU!

Your worries are valid, but so is hers — even more so. Please, don't PUSH her. If y'all can't meet each other halfway, then break-up.

superlanny:
how you doing dear? So you are also laid back?

I'm very fine.

Yes i am. I find it very difficult to associate

baby124:
Your opinion. In my experience it’s a failed venture. If by now she does not want to be in the same space with family and friends even when he feels bad about her absence. It is only going to get worse. Bad behavior before marriage that is unchecked is amplified x100 after marriage.

This woman, e be like say you get comprehension problem
It is not that the lady doesn't want to be around his family. The issue is that she fvcking can't. Do you even know the meaning of social anxiety? If you don't pls stfu. The fear of social interactions is real. This is not about pride or selfishness

kayzat:
I have a better compliment at home. Having social anxiety doesn't mean we are anti-social it is just that we love to do our things within our small cliq

Is that what the @op described?

destinyy23:
Lol. I understand. Presently, I live among people that play and shout too much and I'm always like, why would someone be this playful? Nevertheless, we're in a 'society', meaning socialization is crucial to our survival. Some are inherently sociable but for us that weren't made as such, we can still make conscious efforts to break out of our comfort zones. That said, don't let anyone intimidate you for having the personality you have, we can't all be the same.

Exactly my point.
I don't complain if people talk or to out a lot but they always complain that I don't go out.

One of my friends called me after I didn't join them to a lounge for his birthday celebration and said "I won't attend your wedding", I replied immediately that I won't be offended.
I told him it won't be a crime if he fails to attend my wedding and that I would understand, he got offended.

I knew he called me and spoke the minds of the others that moment. When they came to my place that night, one of them jokingly said, "I bind that anti social spirit from your life". I laughed and told them it is not a spirit but a choice.
One thing they like about me is that I don't get offended when they rant.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

OP I have had a Gf like her in the past. Was a huge thorn in the flesh because she's 'humbly stubborn' and I ended it eventually. You may be driven by love to marry her today but few years down the marriage this same attitude will irritate you.

I'm exactly like that.
She's an introvert.

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

She got the best but he doesn't know.

michlins:
What men really want can't be fully discussed in the next century. When I say men I mean every human creation

No wonder, Economist said "human wants are insatiable"

It’s disrespectful to u that your wife is not social ? What do u men really think u are sef ? What are u even doing on here crying about it ? Leave the girl , go and find someone else who s social view matches yours . The girl deserves someone better yo be honest .

ginaolo:
I met her randomly on the road it wasn’t in a social setting. But how do I deal with her not wanting to meet family and friends? It’s disrespectful to me. As a wife you have to be open to meet my family atleast, when they are always asking about her, I can’t keep on making excuses for her na. People think there’s something wrong with my gf even though I’ve told them she is the shy type.

You will be doing her and yourself a lot of good by not marrying this girl .The problem with human beings is not knowing what they actually want. The same man complaining about her being reserved will further complain about another one being too free with people.what you do not realise is that your girlfriend has a golden personality most suited for family life. You probably want a trophy cum house girl wife that will be dancing round and doing eye service for your family. Hear yourself “ she is a lovely woman, very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot”.
Your girlfriend is an INTROVERT. Full stop. I hope she reads this column so she can do away with you immediately. You definitely do not deserve her.
Look for a fellow EXTROVERT and see What works.

just like most people here has already said, u should help her

But u need to knw this Truth; U cannot offer the needed help here if u make diz about u and ur family...Its not abt You nor ur Family! its about her..helping her become better and her best self.

All the Best

8

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

See how you ask ' What do I do' as if it's a problem.

If your personality doesn't need her. Better leave her instead of trying to force her to be what she's not.

For your information, she has no problem.

Allow her meet someone who will love her for who she is instead of trying to force her into a role or person she isn't.

From your writeup I can see you are selfish. Its all about you and your family and representing you.

Abeg swerve!

Ebonygirl1:
This woman, e be like say you get comprehension problem
It is not that the lady doesn't want to be around his family. The issue is that she fvcking can't. Do you even know the meaning of social anxiety? If you don't pls stfu. The fear of social interactions is real. This is not about pride or selfishness

See them!

They can type with fire and brimstone behind keypads of phones but will claim in real life, they are anti social sociopaths...Yeye

doitforyou:
This isn’t about you, social anxiety is real and if you can’t understand that and support her then you need to leave her alone so she can meet someone that loves her, not selfish and patient enough to help her overcome/manage her anxiety. Since she doesn’t fit the idea of a trophy wife you want, you need to break up with her and do it quickly.

thank youu

Social anxiety is very real!

ValCon888:
One man's meat is another man's poison.
If you know how many men are looking for a reserved homely wife like that you will thank God for many blessings.

It is your duty to explain to them she's the shy type so they can meet her half way.

God bless you. That lady is my type of person and op is wickedly hoarding her from meeting me.

ginaolo:
Hi

I’ve been with a lady for some time now but I’m starting to have doubts about this girl.

My main concern is that she is too reserved and she doesn’t like to do anything that involves people. I come from a big family unit and she’s always avoiding family get togethers, outings, even to meet my friends and socialise with them is a huge problem. We’ve gone out very few times, she’s met my mum and a few friends, but she avoids meeting them most time. I addressed it to her and she claims she has social anxiety but for how long can I continue like this? All she wants to do is be at home. My family are already starting to get the wrong impression of her and they believe she is proud. I know my older sister is not too fond of her because of her quiet nature and I think this will take a toll on us in the future if we get married. I don’t want a wife that cannot do basic things like go out with me to events or represent me well. I don’t want a wife that will be hiding in the house 24/7.

Another thing is that she has some stubborn traits in her. She’s a lovely woman, she’s very kind, compassionate and she motivates me a lot. When she’s around me alone she’s very cool, but when it comes to going out and doing things, she starts acting up. I cannot deal with her shy nature as it’s too much and it’s becoming embarrassing. She’s 24. What do I do please?

Bro, I beg u in the name God, don’t make that mistake of hoping she would change when u marry her. If you can’t deal with her timid timid/ anti social nature, just let her go. My big brother is in this exact same situation. Only difference is, they’re married already with a child. My bro is the outgoing type and it hasn’t been fun at all. You may regret it. Unless you resign to the fact you’ll be doing your social outings alone. You can send me a PM if you still not understanding.

Honest truth.

ginaolo:
Bros she can’t even meet my family or friends, she will start misbehaving and panicking as if somebody wants to kill her. This is not normal na and I’ve tried to be patient with her, but her shyness is taking over her. I want someone who will represent me well and someone who will be a good mother to my kids.

You don't have a problem. Let me have her number.

Dande55:
Your fiancèe is exactly my type maybe, a little worse.

I don't even know how I'm gonna meet my husby family if I get married.

I dont like crowd, and i dont like meeting people.

You should try as much as possible to draw her closer to you and don't let what others say about her affect your marriage.

She's the kinda woman most men want to have as a wife.

my wife to be is like that too and I love her so much. Even my landlord and landlady kept asking if she's around and I will tell them no. She loves to be indoor just to avoid African problem. But she like going out though

blesskewe:
This one is strong




. what's she afraid of?

She's afraid of slipping up and I don't think she has oratorical prowess.

It's not everyone that can maintain a good conversation.

I understand her person. I don't mind staying with that type of person all weekend watching TV shows while cuddling.

philip0906:
See them!

They can type with fire and brimstone behind keypads of phones but will claim in real life, they are anti social sociopaths...Yeye

Who is claiming to be a sociopath you re.tard? the person I quoted obviously doesn't know what social anxiety means. If people can't educate themselves on issues that bother other people, they ought to keep their ignorant comments to themselves. So fvck off.

Any issue you are not comfortable with now will magnify itself in the future.

Its better op frees her now to meet someone else but op's type is not only selfish but greedy as well.

Leave her, NO. Its to be making her feel inadequate that he knows.

That's how he intends keeping her for 5 years for something that could be ended now.

Ebonygirl1:
Who is claiming to be a sociopath you re.tard? the person I quoted obviously doesn't know what social anxiety means. If people can't educate themselves on issues that bother other people, they ought to keep their ignorant comments to themselves. So fvck off.

Eya...Internet warrior

You go see them for real life, she go shrink enter inside shell. So many of 'em on this forum, who only bark and are macho behind keypads, reason why they can easily relate with the @op's girlfriend. Who knows, maybe that's exactly how the @op's girl is, hiding behind monikers to roar like a lion, when in real life cannot look people in their eyes

Yeye