Guest007:


Hmmm. I was sooo vex with her abuse of children that I never considered mental health issues. Post something or the other. She can't be around her own children then. I think she's only respecting them (her children) because op is her husband. He needs to take custody of his children and send his wife off 4 psychological evaluation, or be ready to be a single parent. This is scary

There are 2 separate issues here

-her original bad character
- mental illness

The two will interact but OP has to extract them from each other and tackle them both.

What if she suffered postpartum depression and nobody noticed? Having those kids all within that short time would wreak havoc on anybody. But OP didn't raise any issues around her not being able to bond with her own children, so we don't know

Maltreating other people's kids on top of it is just unacceptable. But still we don't know if she would have gone to that extent of she were 100% mentally okay

My own is that he should treat her from both the mental angle and the character angle. Report her to her family and still get her psychiatrically evaluated so we will know what actually is her problem.

And above all, protect the kids just like you said

God knows after giving her that beating, you gave her, if it was me, I would send Her packing, she should goto her parents place, and tell them why I beat her black and blue

Lolzzz....God knows if I am in your shoes, I go don beat the hell out of that evil woman body. I don't care what ever d society says. A woman that doesn't respect other people's children BT battering them deserves all sort of beating.

sassysure:

That lady isn't depressed at all.
She is simply wicked, manipulative and vindictive too.
She is behaving like one who watch Nigerian movies too much and embraces gossips.
Also, she is naturally lazy.
Some people are like that.
Some have OCD.
There are some men who can live with pigs too.
Each mallam with his kettle.
My problem is that one day she will kill somebody.

Gone are the days we beat anyhow.

Nowadays, it's frowned upon.

5 yrs and the husband is looking for solution now.
5 yrs, he allowed such behaviour to build up.
He is complaining now cos madam has refused to give him kpekus.

Lol.

Yeah that's my point. She may be all those things but still, there may also be something wrong with the her. You can be wicked with added mental problems. For her to beat somebody kids without minding the consequence shows both an evil and mentally unstable person

I am not arguing that she is definitely depressed, I just don't agree with people saying that just because she is wicked, she can't be depressed. What she is doing could be a sign of a particularly severe form of depression, coupled with her own bad character. So we need to tackle all of them together

As you so funnily put it, OP still loves her so we should try to look at the situation objectively without projecting our own anger at her behaviour onto our advice

And yes, men can be strange and put up with all kinds of bad women. But if he can get her rubbish down to a manageable level then the two of them may be able to save their home

I'm not saying she's not a bad person but we just don't have to be so quick to write it off without exhausting all avenues and intervention

Honestly I know why I'm saying this. If you know somebody is extremely crazy but still the man loves her, then they need help on how to make her craze manageable instead of just throwing the whole thing away without trying

The man needs an advice because he doesn't want the home to break up, he is not tired of her yet.

After the first and second children were nearly sent to their graves he still went ahead and brought his own blood family again. He needs practical advice on how to curb her excesses

Perhaps both of you need some time out.

Chubhie:
CC Guest007

Don't you have anything to contribute, sir? I would love to pick your brains.

Octopusssy:

Don't you have anything to contribute, sir?

Guest007:

Na kweshin I ask na

midnighter:


Lol.

Yeah that's my point. She may be all those things but still, there may also be something wrong with the her. You can be wicked with added mental problems. For her to beat somebody kids without minding the consequence shows both an evil and mentally unstable person

As you so funnily put it, OP still loves her so we should try to look at the situation objectively without projecting our own anger at her behaviour onto our advice

And yes, men can be strange and put up with all kinds of bad women. But if he can get her rubbish down to a manageable level then the two of them may be able to save their home

I'm not saying she's not a bad person but we just don't have to be so quick to write it off without exhausting all avenues and intervening

Honestly I know why I'm saying this. If you know somebody is extremely crazy but still the man loves her, then they need help on how to make her craze manageable instead of just throwing the whole thing away without trying

The man needs an advice because he doesn't want the home to break up, he is not tired of her yet

Remove mental problem from the equation.
Did u grow up in Nigeria?
We beat house helps anyhow.
It's actually a normal thing. Some call it training.
In some cases, it might be a transferred aggression but it's been so long to be termed transferred aggression.
This is who she is.
Women are of many characters.
Who she was before marriage, after marriage, giving birth and married to a rich man depicts different characters an average lady exhibits. Her true nature is after giving birth.
If there is nobody for her to unleash her anger on, she will turn to her children. Besides, those kids are watching and learning.

My problem with the husband is that he enabled that till she denied him sex.
Wish them luck cos he need it.

midnighter:


There are 2 separate issues here

-her original bad character
- mental illness

The two will interact but OP has to extract them from each other and tackle them both.

What if she suffered postpartum depression and nobody noticed? Having those kids all within that short time would wreak havoc on anybody. But OP didn't raise any issues around her not being able to bond with her own children, so we don't know

Maltreating other people's kids on top of it is just unacceptable. But still we don't know if she would have gone to that extent of she were 100% mentally okay

My own is that he should treat her from both the mental angle and the character angle. Report her to her family and still get her psychiatrically evaluated so we will know what actually is her problem.

And above all, protect the kids just like you said

You've said it all.... I wish him and his children all the best.

midnighter:


Lol.

Yeah that's my point. She may be all those things but still, there may also be something wrong with the her. You can be wicked with added mental problems. For her to beat somebody kids without minding the consequence shows both an evil and mentally unstable person

I am not arguing that she is depressed, I just don't agree with people saying that just because she is wicked, she can't be depressed. What she is doing could be a sign of a particularly severe form of depression, coupled with her own bad character. So we need to tackle all of them together

As you so funnily put it, OP still loves her so we should try to look at the situation objectively without projecting our own anger at her behaviour onto our advice

And yes, men can be strange and put up with all kinds of bad women. But if he can get her rubbish down to a manageable level then the two of them may be able to save their home

I'm not saying she's not a bad person but we just don't have to be so quick to write it off without exhausting all avenues and intervention

Honestly I know why I'm saying this. If you know somebody is extremely crazy but still the man loves her, then they need help on how to make her craze manageable instead of just throwing the whole thing away without trying

The man needs an advice because he doesn't want the home to break up, he is not tired of her yet.

After the first and second children were nearly sent to their graves he still went ahead and brought his own blood family again. He needs practical advice on how to curb her excesses

You really helped me understand the situation and to appreciate love... Op obviously loves his wife because things would never get this far if he didn't love her... Love can make a fool out of us but the children deserve a functioning home, even if it's without the mothers input. I wonder if he has child care in place, and then he can pull away emotionally... even if it's a family member that he trusts. Then he can choose to work with/on her or frankly dump her because nobody can accuse him of not trying.

Octopusssy:

Na kweshin I ask na

I think he's learning ooo

ednut1:
the stories i have read here told is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tries

Marriage is a scam when you worship it... When you make 'it' the relationship an extension of yourself. Once you have a strong sense of self then you'll pick right which is the 1st step and then you will do well... You can extend your dna however you see fit though

Guest007:


I think he's learning ooo

Thanks my dear for your advice , I really appreciate it. The problem with my wife is she doesn’t want to believe there’s something wrong with her. I have tried convincing her several times that she should seek for help , but to her she is perfectly fine. She is mrs perfect she doesn’t see anything wrong in herself but always found something wrong in other people. If she is not ready to get help and what else can I do ?She is great with our kids including her nieces and nephews from her family side , she treats them so well , I have never seen her getting mad at them they way she does with other people children including my nieces . Can u just imagine every Sunday she and our kids goes to church and she will leave my nieces at home because she doesn’t want them inside her car. She will buy the kids clothes and my nieces will be left out , she takes kids out without my nieces but whenever her nieces / nephews are around , I will do everything for them and I don’t treat them any different from my own. I love my wife but I’m tired of her , it’s only my kids that are keeping us together because if it wasn’t for them , I would have abandoned her and the house and move on somewhere else

midnighter:


Lol.

Yeah that's my point. She may be all those things but still, there may also be something wrong with the her. You can be wicked with added mental problems. For her to beat somebody kids without minding the consequence shows both an evil and mentally unstable person

I am not arguing that she is depressed, I just don't agree with people saying that just because she is wicked, she can't be depressed. What she is doing could be a sign of a particularly severe form of depression, coupled with her own bad character. So we need to tackle all of them together

As you so funnily put it, OP still loves her so we should try to look at the situation objectively without projecting our own anger at her behaviour onto our advice

And yes, men can be strange and put up with all kinds of bad women. But if he can get her rubbish down to a manageable level then the two of them may be able to save their home

I'm not saying she's not a bad person but we just don't have to be so quick to write it off without exhausting all avenues and intervention

Honestly I know why I'm saying this. If you know somebody is extremely crazy but still the man loves her, then they need help on how to make her craze manageable instead of just throwing the whole thing away without trying

The man needs an advice because he doesn't want the home to break up, he is not tired of her yet.

After the first and second children were nearly sent to their graves he still went ahead and brought his own blood family again. He needs practical advice on how to curb her excesses

Depressed Or not,She is a wicked being.
If i were the parents of ur nieces,i will so beat her.If any of them sustained lifetime ailment Or fell dead,do You realise Law enforcers will lock both of you?

Does She beat her own children when depressed?No woman should make any excuse for her here?

Guest007:

My concern is why aren't Mr and Mrs behind bars for child abuse?

I swear My spirit is vexed.Where are the parents of Those help to join hands and beat the Crase commot.

Have you involved her family?

Mrcashman87:
Thanks my dear for your advice , I really appreciate it. The problem with my wife is she doesn’t want to believe there’s something wrong with her. I have tried convincing her several times that she should seek for help , but to her she is perfectly fine. She is mrs perfect she doesn’t see anything wrong in herself but always found something wrong in other people. If she is not ready to get help and what else can I do ?She is great with our kids including her nieces and nephews from her family side , she treats them so well , I have never seen her getting mad at them they way she does with other people children including my nieces . Can u just imagine every Sunday she and our kids goes to church and she will leave my nieces at home because she doesn’t want them inside her car. She will buy the kids clothes and my nieces will be left out , she takes kids out without my nieces but whenever her nieces / nephews are around , I will do everything for them and I don’t treat them any different from my own. I love my wife but I’m tired of her , it’s only my kids that are keeping us together because if it wasn’t for them , I would have abandoned her and the house and move on somewhere else

Mrcashman87:
Thanks my dear for your advice , I really appreciate it. The problem with my wife is she doesn’t want to believe there’s something wrong with her. I have tried convincing her several times that she should seek for help , but to her she is perfectly fine. She is mrs perfect she doesn’t see anything wrong in herself but always found something wrong in other people. If she is not ready to get help and what else can I do ?She is great with our kids including her nieces and nephews from her family side , she treats them so well , I have never seen her getting mad at them they way she does with other people children including my nieces . Can u just imagine every Sunday she and our kids goes to church and she will leave my nieces at home because she doesn’t want them inside her car. She will buy the kids clothes and my nieces will be left out , she takes kids out without my nieces but whenever her nieces / nephews are around , I will do everything for them and I don’t treat them any different from my own. I love my wife but I’m tired of her , it’s only my kids that are keeping us together because if it wasn’t for them , I would have abandoned her and the house and move on somewhere else

This woman obviously don't like your people ,sorry she might not even like you ,but the money you give to her.

I grew up a mist such people and truth be told one day she will leave you,its just a matter of time.

Women who loves the husband people tends to stay forever .

Such scenario is similar to one we just solved of recent .We simply solved it by kicking her out.
At first we were like maybe she will change,she only shows concerns to her kids.Neglecting other that came for holiday.Of course she can't beat them because the family are all watching.It got to a point when no body can come to the house again.
The loving wife change suddenly towards the husband.He usually runs to family house on every small opportunity.Cooking was an issue for her and many others.

No I haven’t involved anyone from both of our families because I don’t like involving a third party in our marriage but now that I have had enough of her , I’m thinking about calling her parents for a meeting soon

nuelyoyo:
Have you involved her family?

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even taught I have sisters that are good cook but I have decided to take care for catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us.she claimed she couldn’t not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter. One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence . After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her. That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this . Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Sir, I might be to young to give advice in situations like this. But please make sure nobody not even your wife blackmail you emotionally.
Just imagine what she's teaching your beautiful kids. What type of adult will they become tomorrow?? Head breakers. Please take it to God in prayer. If am in your shoe I'll send her packing.

Divorce that woman asap, you're worried about the kids but that's not even a healthy environment for them to grow in. Use your head man, let that bytch go.

I think your wife has some kind of mental issues, you should have her evaluated. Keeping dirty environment, violence, not been remorseful are pointers to that fact.

So sorry for all you are going through. At this stage, involve her family, let them know what has been happening.

sassysure:

Remove mental problem from the equation.
Did u grow up in Nigeria?
We beat house helps anyhow.
It's actually a normal thing. Some call it training.
In some cases, it might be a transferred aggression but it's been so long to be termed transferred aggression.
This is who she is.
Women are of many characters.
Who she was before marriage, after marriage, giving birth and married to a rich man depicts different characters an average lady exhibits. Her true nature is after giving birth.
If there is nobody for her to unleash her anger on, she will turn to her children. Besides, those kids are watching and learning.

My problem with the husband is that he enabled that till she denied him sex.
Wish them luck cos he need it.

In the context of all that has happened, I considered it as part of the mental/character issue she already seems to be having. Not everybody beats househelps like that, even very quick-tempered people. It's an individual thing that we are looking at in an individual case. In fact I have a relative that displays the exact type of rubbish character as OPs wife but when the househelps are not responding to chastisement, she will just send them back. She goes through househelps like water so not everybody acts the way you think

A transfer of aggression is what we will call general cases of maltreatment and not this one where he has clearly explained the details and shown that there may be something else wrong with her.

We don't just look at the beating in isolation and call it a "normal training". We look at it in light of what he has already told us about his situation. That you don't like the sound of the woman does not mean she doesnt have a problem

That's why I said just because she is wicked, doesn't mean she doesn't also have some issue.

Yes he is partly to blame as well for letting it get to that point. That's why I advocate for giving him an advice that will help him to restore order in his home and not just fixating on how bad her character is. You said women are of many characters and yet he still loves all of the characters she has!

There is a difference between being a "good woman" and a "good wife". She is clearly not a nice person but she is good enough for OP so we have to help him tackle his problem from a pragmatic viewpoint and not get caught up on how bad she is.

Bad women still stay married and a good woman can be stripped näked and disgraced at any moment, that's just the truth.

Op

Your wife is wicked

She's very wicked

If she has any mental problem then it's mental wickedness.

And you are kind

And so soft.

And she knows that so she can easily manipulate you.

My advice. Give her time on her own. Let her know that you Will be just fine without her. I know you really care about the children,infact that should be the reason why you should be doing this. The madness need to stop now so your beautiful kids don't grow under this kind of environment

Okay so, since no one will, how about I draw attention to the 'Elephant in the Room'.
Three pages almost gone and not one of these women have called out this man for laying hands on his wife As in, you mean a man can beat his wife and NL women are not all in arms?

So inconsistent, these chics.

Sorry, God will comfort you.

crackhaus:
Okay so, since no one will, how about I draw attention to the 'Elephant in the Room'.
Three pages almost gone and not one of these women have called out this man for laying hands on his wife As in, you mean a man can beat his wife and NL women are not all in arms?

So inconsistent, these chics.

sighs.You Dont get it.She was given a dose of her own medicine.Theres nothing to argue here.

Op.Dont bring in anymore helps.One of her nieces should Come .Stretch ur legs and Watch drama play out in ur house.

LadySarah:


I swear My spirit is vexed.Where are the parents of Those help to join hands and beat the Crase commot.

Drink water my sister...
I think we have established that she is a sociopath. Op said she knows better because she picks her victims. She is good to those she values.

I think op might be the problem after all. Maybe she was meant to be a cash cow and she only had to give him his children. He only gave us his version of events and its obvious he is an enabler rather than a victim.

As for the real victims of this Bleep up (3 children) I guess we take it for granted that we can look after our families and that the people we love are safe. God punish poverty is the case there...

ednut1:
the stories i have read here told is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tries

I tell you, it can either be a blessing or a curse.

Mrcashman87:
Thanks my dear for your advice , I really appreciate it. The problem with my wife is she doesn’t want to believe there’s something wrong with her. I have tried convincing her several times that she should seek for help , but to her she is perfectly fine. She is mrs perfect she doesn’t see anything wrong in herself but always found something wrong in other people. If she is not ready to get help and what else can I do ?She is great with our kids including her nieces and nephews from her family side , she treats them so well , I have never seen her getting mad at them they way she does with other people children including my nieces . Can u just imagine every Sunday she and our kids goes to church and she will leave my nieces at home because she doesn’t want them inside her car. She will buy the kids clothes and my nieces will be left out , she takes kids out without my nieces but whenever her nieces / nephews are around , I will do everything for them and I don’t treat them any different from my own. I love my wife but I’m tired of her , it’s only my kids that are keeping us together because if it wasn’t for them , I would have abandoned her and the house and move on somewhere else

You are welcome.

Yes, she may not agree that there is anything the matter with her. That's a quality of some narcissistic people. You may have to tackle this another way

Have you tried giving her conditions? Like "unless you agree to attend counselling, we will have to separate"?

"Unless you come back at 8pm, be ready to sleep outside because I am locking gate by 8 o'clock oh"

It seems that you yourself are letting her get away with a lot of stuff. What if you refuse to let anybody go to any church unless your nieces are included? What if you confiscate all those new clothes until she goes back and buys the same for your nieces?

Some people are very manipulative so ordinary methods don't work. You have to put on your thinking cap and beat her at her own game. I'm not saying that she doesn't have her own issues but she also needs to learn her lesson.

I can see that you love her a lot but she needs help. From outside sources as well as from you.

Some people have recommended that you pack her off to her parents house. I agree with them to an extent but I'm holding back on that because I don't believe you have really addressed the issue in-house.

You are spoiling her, you need to stop it if you want to see results.

ednut1:
the stories i have read here told is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tries

Marriage is almost a scam if u dont marry ur best friend but marry the woman that u like.