Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife - Family (6)

Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Emary(f): 12:01am On Oct 23, 2019

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Please take your wife for psychiatric assessment as soon as possible. From your description, she seems to have tendencies.of both bipolar and borderline personality disorder. It's not always someone's choice to behave this way and the illness often causes a lack of clarity around the impact of one's actions.

2 Likes

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by golddare: 12:03am On Oct 23, 2019

You have gone through a lot, I think your wife regrets marrying you, dont be surprised because it happens when expectations aren't meant or when security is placed above love. Some persons eventually accept fate and grow in love while some cant.
Divorce is one way to solving your problem but there is another way, Jesus Christ. I have seen him change the worse of all men and women. You need to have a relationship with him to the extent that your wife will see a changed you. Get a bible based church, endure her truancy for service, go with your children, have a prayer alter at home because sometimes people can be wicked to the extent of remoting her to be misbehaving.
You can fast and pray for her, I am certain in a week time you will come and share testimony here. God bless you.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by mkoabiola: 12:04am On Oct 23, 2019

Even wen she is misbehaving u stil got her pregnant under 6months wen things are falling apart......

God go help una

1 Like

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by urahara(m): 12:04am On Oct 23, 2019

drmikeadams:
Most naija woman only love their kids,they maltreat any other kid who is not theirs.

See generalization.

2 Likes

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Wakeupyall: 12:04am On Oct 23, 2019

Wow

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by gregyboy(m): 12:04am On Oct 23, 2019

Hipsofagoddess:
@ op

Your wife feels unfulfilled which is the reason for all her negative behaviors. And until she gets a job or her business starts booming, she will continue accusing you of cheating, keep the house dirty, and so on.

Why do you think she stays till 10pm at the shop? She wants to see her business make a headway.

She doesn't want to be a house wife like you almost forced her to be, and that is partly the reason she resents you.

I might be wrong...

Definitely you are ....

Even refusing him sex.....
She probably not feeling the marriage anymore ....she is probably a lady who ia not used in staying one place loves to have fun ....and marriage had restricted her

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by AntiWailer: 12:05am On Oct 23, 2019

Uncle leave the house for a veeeeery long time.

Get every body out of the house and leave her and her children.

She will learn some senses

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Sunnymatey(m): 12:07am On Oct 23, 2019*

For me once she flout my instruction restraining her from beating someone else child, l ll deal with both her, the depression or madness in such a way she ll never believe her eyes.
And she must decide either to change and stay, or pack her stuffs and get going.

A separated couple can have access to their kids but for a death man, never.
And those kids will suffer when u are gone.

3 Likes

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by victorjoe(m): 12:08am On Oct 23, 2019

That's all!!!

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by BENEAMATA: 12:08am On Oct 23, 2019

[quote author=pocohantas post=83362484]She was calm to you.

Did you ever take out time to find out how she was to every other person? People she considered defenseless and below her? People she wanted nothing from?

No campaign after election, be like na her real character she dey show now.

I saw the part you hit her and you are obviously sorry for it. Considering her history of doing same to kids, isn't she being hypocritical here? People can't take what they dish out sha.

All I see is a woman trying to emotionally blackmail you with silence, make you do her bidding, while she continues breaking heads.

Abeg, do what gives you peace. [/quote ] G.B.A.M ! Nothing more to add . Copy and paste for any male going through same in his relationship . Your sense too much my lady . In fact three bajinotu for you ( poca . .poca. . . Poca ! . . . . )

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Judybash93(m): 12:08am On Oct 23, 2019

Get professional help

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by InvertedHammer: 12:09am On Oct 23, 2019*

/
The marriage is over a long time ago but you are in denial.

Install a keylogger on her phone to find out who is making her happy.

Can you handle the truth?

In summary, you were not her first choice.

You regret marrying your wife. Remove "sometimes".

/

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Judybash93(m): 12:10am On Oct 23, 2019

Wakeupyall:
Wow

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Olisakeys: 12:10am On Oct 23, 2019

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by 1Sharon(f): 12:10am On Oct 23, 2019

BiggyB242:
You saw these traits (get angry easily and couldn't cook) but you turned a blind eye.

Most ladies who hate cooking or can't cook are lazy when it comes house chores.

Advice: I think you should call both families to sit her down, if she refuses to change, I will just free style, my only concern is making sure my kids are well taking care of but the day she cheats then I will divorce her.

Brothers leave beauty ooo, character is more important. A lady who will give you peace of mind; look at how our brother is being frustrated. Don't pet your spouse too much because she "go see you finish", once she does that, it can never be undone.

This is the only comment that isn't screaming
"mental illness"!

OPs wife is simply a lazy woman that got bitter cos she had to pull up her socks after having 3 kids.

As for the child abuse, nothing new there.

Most Nigerians are abusive to kids that aren't theirs.

1 Like

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by teesquad007: 12:11am On Oct 23, 2019

Mrcashman87:
I am no.

and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

Bro, you really need to be & act domineering in your home. Your wife is using your weakness as a man to overide you. Don't take a nasty decision that will affect your children but you need to handle your wife properly.

1 Like

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Nobody: 12:11am On Oct 23, 2019

hmm sometimes wetin u dey see inside naija marriage would make u feel u lucky being single cheesy

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by ehis05(m): 12:12am On Oct 23, 2019

You never saw this signs during courtship? Ladies and gentlemen , don't ever think a man or a woman would change after marriage , them no dey fit manage person for a lifetime o, so if during courtship or dating you he or she possesses attitude you can't live with, its better it ends there and never get into marriage to avoid stories like this. Only God can touch your wife from the look of things. Keep praying I hope things turn out well for you

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by 1Sharon(f): 12:12am On Oct 23, 2019

teesquad007:
Bro, you really need to be & act domineering in your home. Your wife is using your weakness as a man to overide you. Don't take a nasty decision that will affect your children but you need to handle your wife properly.

It is her home too.

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Nobody: 12:14am On Oct 23, 2019

ihustlehard:
most women ,while dating ,they keep on pretending to be the a good woman,
but just after marriage and child birth the beast in them manifest , as for me i will complain to her family people , if she continues then i will divorce her ass off

no matter how dem pretend during courtship one instant or two instant their true character must show except maybe una no date and dem arrange d wife give u cheesy

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by obowunmi(m): 12:14am On Oct 23, 2019

OP married a mad woman. She is mentally insane.

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by kobosmart(m): 12:15am On Oct 23, 2019

Ah! First of all sorry about everything she has put you through you've tried your best.
Sir I know you love your wife but unfortunately this is not working you and you may need to divorce this woman if your marriage is this terrible

Endurance is the worst skill to employ in any type of relationship because it will always end badly

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Akanoaaa(m): 12:17am On Oct 23, 2019

The only thing that's very sure abt her is that, she will never change cuz that's who she's really is. I hope she don't kill you anytime soon.

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Nobody: 12:17am On Oct 23, 2019

sassysure:
That lady isn't depressed at all.
She is simply wicked, manipulative and vindictive too.
She is behaving like one who watch Nigerian movies too much and embraces gossips.
Also, she is naturally lazy.
Some people are like that.
Some have OCD.
There are some men who can live with pigs too.
Each mallam with his kettle.
My problem is that one day she will kill somebody.

Gone are the days we beat anyhow.

Nowadays, it's frowned upon.

5 yrs and the husband is looking for solution now.
5 yrs, he allowed such behaviour to build up.
He is complaining now cos madam has refused to give him kpekus.

like that woman in benue who murdered her children and husband

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by smartoliver(m): 12:18am On Oct 23, 2019

This is the worse situation a good natured man like you can face. I can tell how pained you are, it's quite obvious from how you've told the story. Even though I struggled with some part of it, I think I understood totally. I don't know the entire story cause there are some parts you must have kept out. But If everything you've written here is true, I believe a divorce is the best way to go. Keep your children, look after them, cater for them, continue loving your wife but please let her go. It will hurt for a while but this is the best thing. I very well believe that your absence will make her appreciate your presence the most. People hardly change, and even if they do, they don't change completely. Your happiness matters the most because in the end when you become old, this woman won't be there for you. I can't imagine bearing with such person for a week much less such number of years. It's unbearable. No one should go through such pain in the name of marriage. The woman is totally unfit to be in such a commitment. No need hitting or beating her.. A divorce is my answer. Take the hurt but with time, you'll heal. I pray God help you and your kids. You guys deserve some happiness.

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by laivwire(m): 12:18am On Oct 23, 2019

Mrcashman87:
I am

Is it until she starts beating you up as well and turns your house into a WWE ring?
Your story is quite familiar to me. I’ve known about 3 families with this kind of dilemma and the husband in the oldest of these families died last year.

The wife does as she pleases, locks the gate when she wants to, beats anybody including her kids and her husband mercilessly (since age was telling on him anyway).

You have to leave oh. Plan a divorce as soon as you can and gain custody of those kids citing her anger issues to the judge. You can get an elderly maid to cater for them in her absence.

She won’t change! Note that. She’s gotten married and had kids, no campaign after election so she’s got nothing to lose living her life the way she wants it now.

Get separated peacefully and remarry if you really need to. It’s for your own future and well being of your family you hold in so much esteem.

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by fredopareto(m): 12:19am On Oct 23, 2019

Learn d following from 1peter3;7 and also Ephesians 4:31-32
..remembered it is ur cross carry it..and ur vow..for better for worse..it is ur worse time..kip enduring and prayerful..tank jah later

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by Martinez39(m): 12:21am On Oct 23, 2019

I remember when I created the thread in the link below. A lot of stupid nairaland girls were pretending as if the kind of wife I described doesn't exist and they were saying all sorts of nonsense.

https://www.nairaland.com/5214744/what-hell-wrong-set-married

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Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by showafrica(m): 12:21am On Oct 23, 2019

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

You went and married big nyash, its mostly girls with big nyash behave like this. Sorry, but the matter strong... Just marry second wife when you are financially stable. You guys can just live as friends after all forget marriage.

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by mamajaz(f): 12:21am On Oct 23, 2019

Better to opt out of that marriage before she will mix snipper with akamu for you and render your beautiful children fatherless.

She's got a Dickson somewhere I want to believe, she's equally wicked, unloving and manipulative.

Now, that she's even a market woman, she for don join bad gang too.

No matter how sexually reserved a woman is, there will be that one day in a month that "it will get as it dey do am"...

Op seems to be a good man, however, I wish we could hear his wife here too.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by BENEAMATA: 12:21am On Oct 23, 2019

callthefred:
I can bet my life you saw all the signs but still went ahead to marry her. Love is never for marriage but maturity and ability to use the head. Love comes last when you need a life partner and character comes first. If you believe in prayers I'll suggest you pray for her otherwise, you're a man and you need to stand your ground before it becomes too late.

totally concur , well said .

Re: Sometimes I Regret Marrying My Wife by ezewealth(m): 12:21am On Oct 23, 2019*

The woman u should have given a beaten of her life and send her back to her parent, d time u saw d gal in a pool of blood. If u are expecting her to change, u are sitting on a long bench. How do u even sleep at night with dat kind of woman under your roof, you are a weak strong man o. That woman is a bitter pill to be thrown in a thrash can. I am sorry to say this, as long as she is in dat house with you the closer you are moving to ur grave. Ppl go dey tell marriage na "for better for worst" d woman go give u poison, God forbid!!!!. Women can be very evil, fear dem. I suggest u play "i cant kill myself" by timaya and do d needfull

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