₦airaland Forum

psylliumhusk1:
The no is how they perpetuate control

Women want to be loved and controlled

sisisioge:


You better talk now so the bobo will not come and be saying sebi you dey work, therefore no upkeep for you .

Chai, she should be the one paying for food, NEPA, toiletries, kids daily needs, gateman, sweeper, generator, small small repairs, and any other miscellaneous the upkeep takes care of in the house because she works! Pleads...be guided biko.

Stop confusing yourself .... I never said she should be the one paying for those stuffs you listed .

Those things are not in anyway related to upkeep

Acidosis:
Women want to be loved and controlled

Example ; pocohantas

@plead, sorry I'm late to the party, but since I got a mention on my main handle, I think I owe you a response, late or not.

Most women are wired to interpret love to be beyond a man's emotional availability. They also understand love by caring in the way of spending money. A woman who earns more than her husband still expect him to buy her gifts and meet most of her financial needs. By nature, every woman is a daddy's girl who wants to be pampered and taken care of whether she earns her own money or not. A wise husband is that conservative who knows his woman is his responsibility.

But a wise man (husband) is also concerned or interested in what his woman does with 'her' money. A bad/greedy woman (wife) will readily point out the financial dichotomy of "your money is ours but my money is mine". Such women always have a parallel ambition contrary to the general good of the family...

(Postmann_)

SilvaBullet:
@plead, sorry I'm late to the party, but since I got a mention on my main handle, I think I owe you a response, late or not.

Most women are wired to interpret love to be beyond a man's emotional availability. They also understand love by caring in the way of spending money. A woman who earns more than her husband still expect him to buy her gifts and meet most of her financial needs. By nature, every woman is a daddy's girl who wants to be pampered and taken care of whether she earns her own money or not. A wise husband is that conservative who knows his woman is his responsibility.

But a wise man (husband) is also concerned or interested in what his woman does with 'her' money. A bad/greedy woman (wife) will readily point out the financial dichotomy of "your money is ours but my money is mine". Such women always have a parallel ambition contrary to the general good of the family...

(Postmann_)

Hmmm

bukatyne:
I thought this thread was to sample opinions which I gave mine.

Except you are an alternate moniker, I have never taken note of this. I am therefore very curious why you would mention postmann_ in this discussion after alleging l once referred to myself as an independent woman.

I guess there is more then.

Have a great Sunday.

What could have been wrong mentioning me?

If she is cooking and cleaning and acting as sex machine and baby making machine and nanny, then the man must give her money. No ifs ands or buts.

Even if the guy hires a housemaid today to cook and clean and care for his kids he will still have to pay her but Nigerian men think women are God given slaves.

They want their wives to be housemaid and baby making machine and to also contribute financially while they themselves absolve themselves completely of any responsibility to the wife.


Selfish users

CHoccolaTE:
If she is cooking and cleaning and acting as sex machine and baby making machine and nanny, then the man must give her money. No ifs ands or buts.

Even if the guy hires a housemaid today to cook and clean and care for his kids he will still have to pay her but Nigerian men think women are God given slaves.

They want their wives to be housemaid and baby making machine and to also contribute financially while they themselves absolve themselves completely of any responsibility to the wife.


Selfish users

Diswan na just petty thief masquerading as wife

I won't advice anyone on how to treat his wife/home issues, but I will advice men like me to strive to take good care of your wife oo , most especially when God has given you a wonderful woman as wife. How you treat her today will reflect on her in 15-25 years time, either the blouse will be falling of her shoulders then or she will be looking 'take away'. But remember I won't swap my wife with yours then. A word is a enough for the wise

YOUNGELDER1:
I can’t even imagine not giving my wife upkeep money.
Working or not maybe because of my pride as the man of the house lol.

Then again can’t trust this women they be needing the slightest reason to cheat on you & i don’t want a “stingy husband” to be one.

On the other hand, I know of a man who cheated because his wife did not give him money. So, his reason was "stingy wife". Imagine, men becoming feminine in nature...

CHoccolaTE:
If she is cooking and cleaning and acting as sex machine and baby making machine and nanny, then the man must give her money. No ifs ands or buts.

Even if the guy hires a housemaid today to cook and clean and care for his kids he will still have to pay her but Nigerian men think women are God given slaves.

They want their wives to be housemaid and baby making machine and to also contribute financially while they themselves absolve themselves completely of any responsibility to the wife.


Selfish users

CC crackhaus tonyebacanista acidosis LordKO tosyne2much MrbrownJay

saucecoder:
Diswan na just petty thief masquerading as wife

She for go Idumota market go buy the marriage.

Plead:


Personally I’ve never fancied the idea. Myself and my brothers live with this ideology even in marriage and we ain’t sad about that.


Now ...general question

Does it make sense to give a working class woman monthly upkeep or whatever that stuff is called ? Upkeep should only come into the equation if your partner is a housewife or so....and doesn’t work



Cc pocohantas, acidosis,crackhaus,lordKO,blessed,lewistherin,luminouz,cococandy,bukatyne,uyii,capslocked,ujujoan2,baby124,blank,eketem,postmann,2buffagain,seahawk,ireneidiva,trustyshoess,Grammarnazi1,,freecocoa,xoxocandy

what's your use as her husband if she can provide all her needs on her own?

bukatyne:
Well, I am sure you would rarely find a working wife opening a tread on how to handle all the chores alone on reddit.

We have different cultures.

Most other cultures realize that for a wife to really keep the house, she can't work outside it so they frown at working wives.

Nigerians expect a wife doing 9 - 5 bar commute time to keep the house alone while the husband wants to 'rest' and hangout on weekends working same schedule.

We would continue to see comments like these.

So, in cases where the man also does house chores like fetching water, washing of cars, clearing of grasses and other manly chores, should the woman still expect an "upkeep" allowance??

Jman06:
So, in cases where the man also does house chores like fetching water, washing of cars, clearing of grasses and other manly chores, should the woman still expect an "upkeep" allowance??

I know you didn't quote me but the answer is Yes
As long as you're not making money, Women see you as weak. Doing chores, fetching water, washing of cars etc would make her have soft spot for you but If you bring no income at all, those others things you do, carries no value.

It's like Major Courses & Minor courses in school.

"A Major is the field in which a student focuses during the course of his/her degree. A student will generally complete 10 out of the necessary 20 credits in an Honours degree in the Major subject area.

A Minor is a secondary concentration of courses that often complements the Major. This usually requires completion of 4 required credits in the Minor subject area. " ~ Curled from Google.

Keyword is: Minor often complements the Major.

Please If any woman tells you that by helping out more at home WITHOUT bring money home would make her love you more. She is lying & devil is her accomplice.

Bonus:
I know some women claim that stay-at-home dads don't do nothing but watch TV, which is partly true. However, I can still assure you that doing those house chores will only salvage the situation for a while, but your Doom still awaits you if you don't get up & work.

cc: Plead

Dbeautyy:
I won't advice anyone on how to treat his wife/home issues, but I will advice men like me to strive to take good care of your wife oo , most especially when God has given you a wonderful woman as wife. How you treat her today will reflect on her in 15-25 years time, either the blouse will be falling of her shoulders then or she will be looking 'take away'. But remember I won't swap my wife with yours then. A word is a enough for the wise

Hahahahahahaha.

You have to love Nlders.

Acidosis:


She for go Idumota market go buy the marriage.

No difference between that CHoccolaTE girl and those agbero for Obalende.

Saw the mention late or maybe I was too busy to check on time....

Read through the comments....

SilvaBullet,Truthsayer09 and one girl made nice points.

My own?

I absolutely hate the word 'upkeep' for a woman I care about...girlfriend or wife/mother. The former because she is not a dead ass and the latter because they are assets. Upkeep denotes unquenchable liability to me and I hate it.

I just give money when i feel and know it is needed. A good wife will know better than to sit on the 'your money is our money and my money is my money' bullcrap.

@Plead...

luminouz:
Saw the mention late or maybe I was too busy to check on time....

Read through the comments....

SilvaBullet,Truthsayer09 and one girl made nice points.

My own?

I absolutely hate the word 'upkeep' for a woman I care about...girlfriend or wife/mother. The former because she is not a dead ass and the latter because they are assets. Upkeep denotes unquenchable liability to me and I hate it.

I just give money when i feel and know it is needed. A good wife will know better than to sit on the 'your money is our money and my money is my money' bullcrap.

@Plead...

You’re a very wise man.

I am still trying to understand the meaning of upkeep as it relates to this thread.

Is it a personal allowance given to the wife by the husband to use for herself however she pleases, or for household expenses especially food and provisions?

saucecoder:
See another one.
Kai no wonder Naija husbands keep balling with all kinds of women outside. Just be blessing Naija woman with small money, you can do anything you like and get away with it.

Poverty issa bastard

Doesn't answer the question. If your wife can provide all she needs and cater for herself, what exactly is your use? She might as well remain single.

Ebonygirl1:
Doesn't answer the question. If your wife can provide all she needs and cater for herself, what exactly is your use? She might as well remain single.

This is Nigerian woman mentality, this is why most Nigerian marriages are sham and i say it with my chest.

Their own is, give me money and good life, make i give you sex and children. Companionship means nothing to them.

I know some ladies in their 20s who can cater for themselves & their younger ones inclusive.

If you become the bread winner as a woman, shey you go die?

truthsayer009:
I know you didn't quote me but the answer is Yes
As long as you're not making money, Women see you as weak. Doing chores, fetching water, washing of cars etc would make her have soft spot for you but If you bring no income at all, those others things you do, carries no value.

It's like Major Courses & Minor courses in school.

"A Major is the field in which a student focuses during the course of his/her degree. A student will generally complete 10 out of the necessary 20 credits in an Honours degree in the Major subject area.

A Minor is a secondary concentration of courses that often complements the Major. This usually requires completion of 4 required credits in the Minor subject area. " ~ Curled from Google.

Keyword is: Minor often complements the Major.

Please If any woman tells you that by helping out more at home WITHOUT bring money home would make her love you more. She is lying & devil is her accomplice.

Bonus:
I know some women claim that stay-at-home dads don't do nothing but watch TV, which is partly true. However, I can still assure you that doing those house chores will only salvage the situation for a while, but your Doom still awaits you if you don't get up & work.

cc: Plead

I asked her that question because her comment made it seem like giving the wife an "upkeep" allowance would make up for not doing house chores.
Btw, upkeep allowance in this topic is not same as the cost of running the household. I think it is actually referring to giving the wife a stipend for her personal issues. Not family upkeep!

So, I think you went wide off the mark in your post by typing about things like "getting up and work" and "stay at home dad" et al, because the flow of this thread is not about the man not shouldering the financial responsibilities of the household but about giving the wife money for her personal use. We all know that a man has a duty as defined by our African culture to fend for his family.

truthsayer009:
This is Nigerian woman mentality, this is why most Nigerian marriages are sham and i say it with my chest.

Their own is, give me money and good life, make i give you sex and children. Companionship means nothing to them.

I know some ladies in their 20s who can cater for themselves & their younger ones inclusive.

If you become the bread winner as a woman, shey you go die?

What is this one saying bayi?
Its a simple question. What is your use as a husband if your wife takes care of the kids, the house and you when you don't give her money? Why should she be with you when you add nothing to her life?
It is not a woman's job to be the breadwinner of her home. Is her husband dead or paralyzed? Her bringing out money in a dire situation is one thing, but taking it on as a role??

This thread na big eye opener.

.

Ebonygirl1:
Doesn't answer the question. If your wife can provide all she needs and cater for herself, what exactly is your use? She might as well remain single.

Poverty is not your portion, say amen

If this thread is about personal allowance for wify after the husband has provided for the major part of the household expenses, then I would say it is not a regular thing in many households in this Naija.

Husbands usually just get their wives nice gifts once in a while or support their businesses financially once in a while.

Regular (monthly) cash allowances for working wives is a rarity presently o. Husbands are not finding providing the major part of the expenses for their families easy, you now want to add a flimsy thing as wify's personal allowance to it? Mbanu, kolework.

Abeg the working sisters that receive personal allowances regularly should indicate by commenting so that others can know if they are to review the present MOUs they signed with their significant others.

Tenkiu.

Ebonygirl1:
what's your use as her husband if she can provide all her needs on her own?

How about companionship, friendship, being "there" for each other, achieving goals together, etc etc? I'm glad I married my husband. I can't deal with some kind mentality.

Plead:


Personally I’ve never fancied the idea. Myself and my brothers live with this ideology even in marriage and we ain’t sad about that.


Now ...general question

Does it make sense to give a working class woman monthly upkeep or whatever that stuff is called ? Upkeep should only come into the equation if your partner is a housewife or so....and doesn’t work



Cc pocohantas, acidosis,crackhaus,lordKO,blessed,lewistherin,luminouz,cococandy,bukatyne,uyii,capslocked,ujujoan2,baby124,blank,eketem,postmann,2buffagain,seahawk,ireneidiva,trustyshoess,Grammarnazi1,,freecocoa,xoxocandy

let me speak as a southern african, precise zimbabwe, to me the upkeep nigerian concept is weird

why? your wife doesnt need to given the upkeep, she is supposed to run the daily finances of the house, therefore family budget is run buy her based on what husband put on the table

from there thats were she puts aside her own
money for personal needs, so she doesnt need to given but she gives herself from family income present to her by husband

this is what i grow up knowing and being practised in families