₦airaland Forum

fykes:
Well, mine went to Austria for her masters and I must admit, I got tired of the calls and videos and that was it.
Some of us, aren't just made for long distance things.

Again..some will be ur journey, another ur destination.
But u don't get to the destination if u ain't making the journey.
Take d positives... assuming it was a healthy relationship anyway

Mine will be going to the East next year...


I pray it doesn't end in tears.

Kingsteve:
I'm afraid...
Asaba girls @work.

You sef sabi them.

Rotweillers

Mcslize:
It's your fault. Most of you ladies like forming champion even when you love a guy, always waiting for the guy to be the one to reach out to you. Common checking on a guy you're in a relationship with, you girls can't reach out to the person you claimed you love. How many times do you reach out to him? How many times do you check on him if he is still alive? Do you know what he has been passing through? Are you aware of his worries? Do you call him to find out how life is treating him?

Relationship is two ways directions. It is reciprocal. Don't always sit on the fence waiting for your man to reach out to you before you reach out to him. Don't always wait for your man to reach out to you before finding out how life is treating him. Majority of you girls don't know how to care for a man. We men want to be shown love too.

The only thing that will make a man to stop talking to you is if you are just there contributing nothing to his life. But you want him to keep chasing you, professing unrealistic love to you while sitting right there folding your hands. No text, no call and you expect the man to waste his time with you. No way.

The only thing that will make someone you've spent 5 years with to stop talking to you is because you as a lady is not playing your role. You are not reaching out to him to check on him as often as you should for someone who truly wants to build a future with a man. He sees that you are just there always wanting him to be the one to do all the communications and building of the relationship. Don't blame the gentle man.

He must have found someone else who is doing all that you are not doing for him. What does it take to communicate with your man and always get involved in his life? It takes nothing - absolutely nothing. But you girls will be feeling like Queens of the coast putting all the work of maintaining a relationship on a man without doing nothing.

Do you truly expect such a man to choose you as a partner? What makes men choose women for wives is how supportive they are to men. Men choose women for life partner based on how supportive they can be to them.

In those days we see supportive fiancées and that makes men take such ladies for wives cuz they are supportive and not parasitics. They give good advice to their men and encourage them to attain higher feats in life. If a man do not see you as the supportive type, he will surely not take you seriously.

Brace yourself up and move on my sister. When you see the next man, learn how to fully get involved in his life. It will make make a man see you as the serious type.

Total rubbish. Did you see where she wrote she has tried to keep in touch through different means but he has been blocking her?
Do you want her to enter bus to asaba without first communicating with him? Why do you guys keep excusing bad behaviour? If she were your sister would you type this bullish!t?

LolaO:
I have called countless times, sent messages on Whatsapp, no response, no replies.

My dad called, he picked, told him he’d call back, but never did.

He is not ill, neither is he dead, I know this because his mum still talks to me, and at this point I’m cutting her off.

I wish I knew what the problem is or what I did wrong, he is not a bad person, loved me while he was in Lagos, his family adores me, and mine adores him as well.

I wish I knew what I did wrong, but it is what it is.

If you've done all these, then you've really tried dear... You can go and rest.

CHoccolaTE:
@ lolaO

Please ignore the insensitive comments by guys on the first day we pages, nobody should blame you for what your boyfriend did.

The truth is that males on nairaland far outnumber females and men generally have this habit of supporting each other against women even when they are wrong. That's because many of them are sociopaths. So you see senseless comments on this thread blaming you for your ex bad behaviour and senseless likes accompanying the comments.

Your ex boyfriend was wrong for cutting you off like that especially since parents were involved in the relationship, and he was very rude to promise to call your dad and then fail to do so, he sounds like an immature person that runs away from confrontations and hard situations instead of dealing with them head on. You should probably be glad he such an immature person is no longer dating you. Can you imagine if you were already married and he had to travel abroad for some reason like work then he just ghosts you and your kids the way he is doing now? Wouldn't that be worse than this present situation?

No matter the reason my dear, he should have had the balls to call you and let you know why he is ending a half decade relationship after wasting your youth and your time. He is just an insensitive coward and you should move on from him fast. The men blaming you on this thread and offering idiotic advice would insult any woman that dumps her ex after five years without asking her side of the story so don't take the biased male opinions here seriously.

Even if you did things you think were wrong, a sensible mature adult ought to have called you and let you know what happened instead of just running away like your heartless ex.

Please move on very quickly from that guy, I pray you find another man far better than him in every everyway soon enough. Stop wasting your tears and feeling bad for what your ex did to hurt you.

@ Lola, this is the best advice so far, please take it seriously, kudos girl.

AwkaetitiBabe:
I'm freakingly far from Asaba

Im not from Asaba, neither do i live in Asaba..the post was just to hammer in some ubunja style message

LolaO:
My relationship of 5 years ended in the most heartbreaking way.

He got transferred to Asaba from Lagos and months later just stopped talking to me, no communication, no closure, nothing, just like that.
It’s been 5 months now.

This is someone I had planned my whole life around.

Distance does not make the heart go fonder.

I am so hurt, it hurts.

you no get side gbola

franchasng:
Ladies listen to this guy.




One thing guys consider when choosing a partner is: how supportive you have been to him and his life journey.


If he is a criminal, do you support him becoming the best criminal


If he is a public fund looter like Tinubu and Buhari, do you support him to loot public funds completely without any trace like Buhari




Being supportive to your man will make him consider you top among other ladies he maybe seeing or eyeing.


On matter how rich he is, he still needs your support.


And if he is still coming up financially, he will be considering how supportive you can be to him financially.


Gone are the days guys choose a wife based on physical beauty alone, your big bombom like my own is no longer enough quality to get you a deserving husband today.


Me I get big bombom and plenty other qualities, so you see

You typed all this rubbish with your hairy balls in your hand, and you expect us to take you seriously?

What is it with you Beta niggers and too much talk? I bet my smaller boob, you're typing all this in your silk underwear, is it red?

franchasng:
Ladies listen to this guy.




One thing guys consider when choosing a partner is: how supportive you have been to him and his life journey.


If he is a criminal, do you support him becoming the best criminal


If he is a public fund looter like Tinubu and Buhari, do you support him to loot public funds completely without any trace like Buhari




Being supportive to your man will make him consider you top among other ladies he maybe seeing or eyeing.


On matter how rich he is, he still needs your support.


And if he is still coming up financially, he will be considering how supportive you can be to him financially.


Gone are the days guys choose a wife based on physical beauty alone, your big bombom like my own is no longer enough quality to get you a deserving husband today.


Me I get big bombom and plenty other qualities, so you see

this lady wetin you chop this morning bayi?

I don't know much but I dont think the distance was the cause I did two and a half actually 2 and 8months far away from my ex I think it was the most beautiful time we got together although we did separate on mutual ground bas3 on religion matter we still friends and all that.

list3n check out your relationship and examine it, distance only exposes the weakness of your relationship.

fowlyansh181:
he is tired of you that’s just the plain truth, and distance played a major role in it, he will regain back a lil of his feelings for you when and if he sees and spends time with you again, but don’t mistake that for a future, he is subconsciously tired of you.. I know this because I’m currently doing that to a girl I have been with, not 5 years though but 7konths, I traveled and is about embarking on a long trip and I already know that I’m tired of her.. it didn’t just start upon my traveling , it’s something that has been subconsciously buried even when I was with her.. it’s either you are more of a stress to him than you contribute , either you guys disturb him too much, you depend so much on him, he always spends and takes care of you, but even though you love and respect him, you are not financially stable to reciprocate the same way he does, maybe he sees you as a light stress he will inherit from Lagos to Asaba but has subconsciously buried this feeling when he was with you because your presence clouds his judgement, upon getting to Asaba , you weren’t there again to cloud his judgement, he met someone else he thinks is better and doesn’t come with a huge baggage and he got tired of everything that has to do with you, your family calling him is annoying to him and his mom knows exactly how his son feels but somehow already likes you and she is hoping her son comes around... he has grown tired of the relationship and you both played a part in ending it.. stop expecting him to reach you and give you a reason for ending it, because he knows contacting you will suck him in again as he is yet to take a strong decision on what he wants .. move on, and if you guys are meant to be together, you will, if not , life goes on..

Y R you dumping your issues on her? I don't think she's anything you typed up there. I know you had your ex on your mind when you spewed all this... But If you read her replies then you would know that she works... So.. You wasted data and resources on the wrong person. Well done

LolaO:
Thank you.

I'm fine health-wise...
Plus, I've not seen him in going to 2 years, we just talk on phone before the disappearance.

Would I take him back if he comes back? No

I think your relationship wasn't that of 5yrs.
But about 3yrs. Going by this your very comment, it probably ended about 3yrs ago.
The guy not giving you reason for his action is not good. You deserve to know. At least you can make adjustments if you're at fault in your next relationship.

It appears you are new to relationship matter.
Welcome to reality.
In your relationship, take things easy. Before building your life around someone, be 100% sure the person is also building his life around you.

Be sure to always be on the good side. That is; make sure you are not hurting or treating people bad.

Always remember that anything can happen at anytime. I mean anything. Even your sweetest relationship can go down at anytime with or without reason.

When you keep your mind like that, you won't be surprise if, and when things happened. You will only worry about it for few days then move on. This kind of mindset enable you to take things simple and make life easy.

Note:
I didn't say you should expect anything to happen at anytime.

Guest007:
This is scary... Please go and check yourself for any stds or god forbid the 3 letter word...

Why would someone act like this?
What answers are you hoping to get here?

We're as shocked as you are...

I would advise you to feel the pain, stay strong enough to ride this through to the end. He's disrespected your father, and you need to take all the lessons you have from this.

You could make your own narrative if he won't offer you one, and your own decisions about this relationship... Like: If he comes back will you just take him back... Is this relationship really going anywhere past dreams and wishes?

I say go have a make over and work on you... Stop the pity party soon and all is well with you

Babe, this is good advice. Whatever he was going through, he ought to have given your pops the respect of calling back like he said he would. In my family, all of us head dey touch sometimes and we unplug from the rest of the world but we realize the need to assure our loved ones that we're still on the same page through smiles, emojis, Facebook likes and little things like that. I refuse to believe you haven't done your best 'cause you have. Take the advice above and trust God for the best.
P.S: let bitterness not find room in your heart and you'll be just fiiine.

Offpoint:
Baby girl, if you smoke weed... kindly wrap the biggest one ever, light it up, take a chair to your balcony, put on music on HT, loud it like there's no tomorrow, go back to your balcony and relax that chair, smoke that shît like there's no tomorrow and said to yourself "FÜCK IT, LIFE'S TOO SHORT BABY LOLA"

I swear you'll be OK, if you don't smoke weed...... just eat everything in your kitchen

.

Your last line ..., that's me.

When I'm pissed about something.., I eat anything I can lay my hands on that moment. Then, I feel so full and sleep off. The next day, I feel good.

fowlyansh181:
he is tired of you that’s just the plain truth, and distance played a major role in it, he will regain back a lil of his feelings for you when and if he sees and spends time with you again, but don’t mistake that for a future, he is subconsciously tired of you.. I know this because I’m currently doing that to a girl I have been with, not 5 years though but 7konths, I traveled and is about embarking on a long trip and I already know that I’m tired of her.. it didn’t just start upon my traveling , it’s something that has been subconsciously buried even when I was with her.. i[b]t’s either you are more of a stress to him than you contribute , either you guys disturb him too much, you depend so much on him, he always spends and takes care of you, but even though you love and respect him, you are not financially stable to reciprocate the same way he does, maybe he sees you as a light stress he will inherit from Lagos to Asaba but has subconsciously buried this feeling when he was with you because your presence clouds his judgement, upon getting to Asaba , you weren’t there again to cloud his judgement, he met someone else he thinks is better and doesn’t come with a huge baggage and he got tired of everything that has to do with you,[/b] your family calling him is annoying to him and his mom knows exactly how his son feels but somehow already likes you and she is hoping her son comes around... .

I find the highlighted really funny, how you just concluded I may be a baggage he couldn't wait to let go of. Could this be what was wrong with yours?

I am a Data Analyst with a very good job, he has a good job as well, we are both very comfortable. Truth is, any man who has me is blessed, and because I know this, I won't fret. It's only normal to feel bad a relationship of 5 years (dated since I was in school), just ended with no explanation whatsoever. This is only normal, and this phase too shall pass.

fowlyansh181:
he has grown tired of the relationship and you both played a part in ending it.. stop expecting him to reach you and give you a reason for ending it, because he knows contacting you will suck him in again as he is yet to take a strong decision on what he wants .. move on, and if you guys are meant to be together, you will, if not , life goes on.

It takes a grown, mature adult to understand the need to end a 5 year relationship right.

LolaO:
My relationship of 5 years ended in the most heartbreaking way.

He got transferred to Asaba from Lagos and months later just stopped talking to me, no communication, no closure, nothing, just like that.
It’s been 5 months now.

This is someone I had planned my whole life around.


Distance does not make the heart go fonder.

I am so hurt, it hurts.

Pele... I'm in Lagos, let's hookup

Baba don escape !!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder..
More distance makes the heart find another or gets fondled by another..

NP: SDC ft Cina Soul Duade

desiregold:
.

Your last line ..., that's me.

When I'm pissed about something.., I eat anything I can lay my hands on that moment. Then, I feel so full and sleep off. The next day, I feel good.

I know it always works like magic

LolaO:
Thank you for this @CHoccolaTE.
My mum said the exact same thing highlighted above.
You just summarized most of the issues we've been having without me having to. I didn't say much about what had been going on prior to this total cut-off, but you understood perfectly.

I already decided to move on.

Good decision. I pity whoever he ends up with.

And I am 100% sure sometime in future he will remember what he did and regret it. I am sure.
Good luck.

luminouz:
LolaO...
No guy except one with a chronic bipolar disorder treats a gf of 5 years that way.

Something is wrong,either from you or him.

Solution:

1. Go visit him. Do you know his office or something? If you do,go check on him,take the extrafuqinstep...you said you still love him right? Then prove it by going all out to see him face to face. That way you confront him like a self-assured woman and call him to order. If he is cheating,you will know then and promptly move on with your life.
2. If you cannot travel,then outsource the deal. Find someone in asaba or someone willing to go there...for just 2 weeks. There are guys who aren't doing anything so a little detective work won't harm them. They get you results and save you time and stress... Based on their report,you then know if he is worth your attention still or not.

About his mother stuff...who do you think she would support? You or her own SON? She would make up anything so long it doesn't affect her own baby na. I haven't seen any mother who would choose a prospective daughter-in-law over her own son's decisions. None exists. So prepare your mind for the worst and have a plan B.


#luminouznuggets

This is good... Going to asaba is a good idea, when you get there and call him, if he doesn't pick, send him a text telling him exactly where you are and that you are stranded, let's now see if he has a heart of stone. Please go with enough cash for lodging, just in case he doesn't come to pick you.

Mcslize:
It's your fault. Most of you ladies like forming champion even when you love a guy, always waiting for the guy to be the one to reach out to you. Common checking on a guy you're in a relationship with, you girls can't reach out to the person you claimed you love. How many times do you reach out to him? How many times do you check on him if he is still alive? Do you know what he has been passing through? Are you aware of his worries? Do you call him to find out how life is treating him?

Relationship is two ways directions. It is reciprocal. Don't always sit on the fence waiting for your man to reach out to you before you reach out to him. Don't always wait for your man to reach out to you before finding out how life is treating him. Majority of you girls don't know how to care for a man. We men want to be shown love too.

The only thing that will make a man to stop talking to you is if you are just there contributing nothing to his life. But you want him to keep chasing you, professing unrealistic love to you while sitting right there folding your hands. No text, no call and you expect the man to waste his time with you. No way.

The only thing that will make someone you've spent 5 years with to stop talking to you is because you as a lady is not playing your role. You are not reaching out to him to check on him as often as you should for someone who truly wants to build a future with a man. He sees that you are just there always wanting him to be the one to do all the communications and building of the relationship. Don't blame the gentle man

You're 100 percent correct. It's like most Nigerian girls are like that. What baffles me is that some of them are in their 30s behaving like this. Some of them will even accuse men that they're not caring. Like the OP, they'll not give the cogent reason why their men quit the relationships.

donchukwu25:
The same thing happened to me ,but 2 years time she came back to me and was telling me she was testing me whether I truly love her and l have gotten gf,l don't know what to do

Never do that. She is done fuvking other guys. She was disappointed by those who she think were better than you. Since you are more reliable and stable than the rest, she wants back.

You are not a back up plan or planB bro. Ignore her or turn her to fuvk buddy (only allow her as fuvk mate if u re sure u won't fall in love with her again).

Mcslize:
It's your fault. Most of you ladies like forming champion even when you love a guy, always waiting for the guy to be the one to reach out to you. Common checking on a guy you're in a relationship with, you girls can't reach out to the person you claimed you love. How many times do you reach out to him? How many times do you check on him if he is still alive? Do you know what he has been passing through? Are you aware of his worries? Do you call him to find out how life is treating him?

Relationship is two ways directions. It is reciprocal. Don't always sit on the fence waiting for your man to reach out to you before you reach out to him. Don't always wait for your man to reach out to you before finding out how life is treating him. Majority of you girls don't know how to care for a man. We men want to be shown love too.

The only thing that will make a man to stop talking to you is if you are just there contributing nothing to his life. But you want him to keep chasing you, professing unrealistic love to you while sitting right there folding your hands. No text, no call and you expect the man to waste his time with you. No way.

The only thing that will make someone you've spent 5 years with to stop talking to you is because you as a lady is not playing your role. You are not reaching out to him to check on him as often as you should for someone who truly wants to build a future with a man. He sees that you are just there always wanting him to be the one to do all the communications and building of the relationship. Don't blame the gentle man.

He must have found someone else who is doing all that you are not doing for him. What does it take to communicate with your man and always get involved in his life? It takes nothing - absolutely nothing. But you girls will be feeling like Queens of the coast putting all the work of maintaining a relationship on a man without doing nothing.

Do you truly expect such a man to choose you as a partner? What makes men choose women for wives is how supportive they are to men. Men choose women for life partner based on how supportive they can be to them.

In those days we see supportive fiancées and that makes men take such ladies for wives cuz they are supportive and not parasitics. They give good advice to their men and encourage them to attain higher feats in life. If a man do not see you as the supportive type, he will surely not take you seriously.

Brace yourself up and move on my sister. When you see the next man, learn how to fully get involved in his life. It will make make a man see you as the serious type.

You really made a point. Most women don't know this.
I don't agree with you on judging the lady, we don't know who's fault it is.

No, matter what happened even if the lady was at fault let's assume, she still has the right to know where she faulted, you don't just act like that, if you are done tell her, let her know this is someone you shared something with you don't treat your partner like garbage.

I can't believe staying 5 years with someone all of a sudden you stop all communication with your partner just like that, it is really childish and immature . Except he is been held with a voodoo power over there.

LolaO:
That sometimes he just wants to be left alone, because he is an only child. And I should understand.

He’d get in touch when he’s out of his lone state.

This is someone I’ve known for 5 years, and suddenly he wants to be left alone?

If he’s going through stuff, shouldn’t I know? If there’s a secret he’s hiding, shouldn’t I know?

Too many questions...

my sister..... some guys dont just officially break up with you, they give you the silent treatment, and that's worst because it would drain you emotionally while wondering what you did wrong. stop bothering yourself, its painful yes especially the 5yrs wasted..... just brace up, you would meet your Mr Right soon.
That's what my dickhead of an Ex did, just cut off communication.... tho he had started misbehaving few months prior to then, I begged, I asked what went wrong, only for the niqqa to target when I was writing my exams and stopped communication, you can imagine what it did to my wellbeing, I was down, I cried, no concentration for the exam because I couldn't place what went wrong but God was faithful to me...I wouldn't wish my enemy that. It took me 9 months to get closure and get over him. nigga was telling me the usual line 'it's not you the problem is me' afterwards. even claimed not to know what happened.. and stupid me was thinking that devil just came to spoil the relationship. when I finally got closure, I realized that the truth was that he was done with the relationship months ago hence the attitude. As part of consolation the nigga said I have a Good heart and deserves someone who would treat me like a queen, even tho this was not coming from his mind...... But today, I am blessed with an amazing man, better than my Ex in everything... so you see, just brace up, someday you will smile and thank God for the breakup just like I did.

I want to personally replace him in your life op I'm available. Forget that slowpoke of a boyfriend he has found a better pvssy in asaba.

Solvik:
There is more to this story...
My advice is if your conscience is void of offense towards him, my dear move on God will give you your own husband. Don't tie your happiness to anybody.

Looks like your Bible is King James Version. . Void of offense

LolaO:
My relationship of 5 years ended in the most heartbreaking way.

He got transferred to Asaba from Lagos and months later just stopped talking to me, no communication, no closure, nothing, just like that.
It’s been 5 months now.

This is someone I had planned my whole life around.

Distance does not make the heart go fonder.

I am so hurt, it hurts.

Make una de watch mileage.....una no gree. You've done the calculation and your heart ached badly.
The good news is that someone more deserving will show up. Get busy and forget what's in the past.
The sad reality is that when the new guy finally settles in, the old driver will pop up and guess what...... okafor's law of congo dynamics will surely set in.
#InsideLife

Go to Asaba to check on him and talk.



I have called countless times, sent messages on Whatsapp, no response, no replies.

My dad called, he picked, told him he’d call back, but never did.

He is not ill, neither is he dead, I know this because his mum still talks to me, and at this point I’m cutting her off.

I wish I knew what the problem is or what I did wrong, he is not a bad person, loved me while he was in Lagos, his family adores me, and mine adores him as well.

I wish I knew what I did wrong, but it is what it is.[/quote]

All those people saying "go to Asaba n have a dialogue"... Bae if u go there I'll personally swear for u. Lol..... Brace up yourself. Stop feeling sympathetic. You are an amazing woman n your heart is rare. Motivate yourself. Praise yourself. Worship u. Adore u. This will get u feeling great. This is a feeling universe. The more u feel sorry the more u attract sympathy into ur life. This isn't what u want. Love ursf. You'll attract more love into ur life. U need to get out of the sorry mood. Your divine selection is on its way to u. (That man isnt urs. My dad told me one thing, when God blesses you, u wont struggle to keep it or make it work. Anything you're fighting for isnt urs.)Hence the universe cleared ur ex out of the way. Bae you're doing fine. Trust me.

Guest007:
Y R you dumping your issues on her? I don't think she's anything you typed up there. I know you had your ex on your mind when you spewed all this... But If you read her replies then you would know that she works... So.. You wasted data and resources on the wrong person. Well done

if she isn’t anything I typed, she wouldn’t have been left after 5years of a relationship.. I wasn’t talking to you, Move along.