₦airaland Forum

carlede:
The story no long, fix the net if you can, I'm sure this man was sensitive when he had funds and you married him. It's so wrong calling him a broke man! No 1 is broke, if he was in ur shoes, would he call you a broke woman! Live and let live.

What exactly gave u the idea he ever had funds sef? Perhaps she married him believing things will change. You know how some men can package themselves only for you to get close and realize shishi no dey... Buhaaaahhhhaaaaahhaaa

Dis woman is de cause

airminem:
Inspire him. Stay close to him. Keep making him feel like the good old days you both started in high spirit. I bet he will always want to make you happy and make the family proud. DO NOT TALK HIM DOWN. DO NOT TALK HIM DOWN WOMAN!

I wish I see more women like you here...you are wise.

Politics is a long term game but once you hit,it will look like ritual money opulence. Who else will the dude spend it on if not his patient wife and kids?

I've seen this in at least 10 cases.

Sanchez01:
So many of your angles are wrong!

Rent accounts for over 50% of the problems in marriage. In a country where the average Joe barely earns 100k monthly, breaking the barrier of rent is like winning a jackpot. And if you think becoming a broke landlord is insane, wait till you get overwhelmed by financial demands in another man's house while your rent due date edge closer.

Most people think venturing into a business automatically translates to steady inflow. What you don't realize is that mishaps are very common with personal businesses and just one would have been a problem in another man's house as you'd need to secure loans or borrow to temporarily stay afloat. Typical business folks who mostly survive this ugly phase often go as far as selling other stuff they own to stay alive in business. It is not the same with people who don't have other money raising properties to fall back to when things get ugly.

My family stopped paying rent in Lagos since 1999 and growing up, there were moments when money would be scarce but the single thought of not worrying about paying rent eased so many things.

Plus while you brazenly suggest they sell off the property, you failed to ask what state it is situated, which should have been your major concern before going further to talk about whether or not the move was wise.

I think we all should learn to put 'just my opinion' after suggesting some things in this section so that we don't end up destroying lives in the name of counseling. Opinions are opinions and some, if not most are somewhat dangerous.

As unwise as you think the move is, I'd advise you invest your last penny in a landed property and conveniently add swag to soaking your Cassava flakes in your own property, after developing it to a reasonable extent.

The money u use to build a house u can use it to build a business ...if u can sacrifice and build a house use same mindset to build a business

In 3 years u can use 20% of your profit to comfortably build a house

Sterope:
Awolowo was not an idiot.

You again?

SirVintageCock:
2k can clear the bush pending when you fix your net. Or you can get the net and pressure him to put it up. No matter how crude it is, it will still serve.

Stop having kids until things turn around.

Fixing the net will cost less than that. Your husband should swallow his pride and clear the bush too.

People will come for you for saying the truth. lol.
Mr potential! haqhaqhaaaq!

pocohantas:
Lol. You married "potential"

I love love, but a whole lot of strategy is needed in choosing a life partner. Considering humans are the most difficult and complex living things to handle.

Please, continue to support your Mr Potential.

I am sure you are one of those that comments YES on threads asking if you can marry an efulefu. An efulefu with zero drive and a 1001 delusions. Well, you have to be the "man"- till he hammers or wakes from his dream.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

Exercise patient and keep praying. All will be well. Thank God. He nor abandoned/elope wit one mama

Sambaby7640:
Uchechi20,pls listen to this advice. Pls,God bless you dear

Do u know how difficult it is withholding money from a spouse? They'll nag you to near death.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Even with love, issues arising from lack with put pressure on the love.

chai!!but it was not like this with our fore fathers....even in poverty,they never cheated nor complained!!..This our generation values has become materialistic...even to have gf,you need money!!.. jeez..no wonder yahoo boys get the best gals

chukwuibuipob:
Exercise patient and keep praying. All will be well. Thank God. He nor abandoned/elope wit one mama

They should pray together. If possible naked at midnight. I heard such prayer is powerful.

tonididdy:
Everyone must aspire to own a home of his or her own because of the comfortability and the rent-free life thereafter.
Don't make owning a house seem like vanity, the house you are currently a tenant of belongs to someone who taught differently.

If one has spare money, invest it in a project

Owing a house is not vanity but it shouldn't be placed above owing a viable income source or liquid investment. By liquid, I mean, investments you can easily turn to cash/withdraw. A personal home is not an investment. It appears like a money-saving strategy, but it barely saves anything.

chiboyo:
Acidosis,
I completely share your opinion on this issue and it really baffles me that people would spend so much to put up shanties just to be called "landlords"
Your example using mutual funds is also apt..

Even if it's just 1m she gave her husband to add up to their personal project, 350k (or even less) can serve for an apartment and the rest goes into a form of business to sustain the family..

We really need to change this narrative that makes people believe that once you build a house, almost all your problems are solved..

U n acidosis don't know anything here. This Lady and her husband are not the standard middle class Nigerians who can afford rents. Owning a property is the wisest decision.

safarigirl:
You people should stop marrying useless men that can neither provide money nor help with repairs.

My father is in his sixties and there is nothing he cannot fix in the house. What kind of new generation men do we have?

The net that tore, can't it be sewn if you people can't afford new net? Can't the bush be cleared? He doesn't even have a proper job and common handwork he cannot do.

Even you sef, how can you be jobless and go and marry a jobless person? Did you get pregnant and have to marry him?

Everybody wants to rush into marriage without the requisite means of sustaining a family....and yes, ventilation is a necessity, so, thw window ought to be open, or else you risk meningitis. If you married a lazy slob, you sef help yourself and fix the net.

In all this, it is the unfortunate kids you both brought into your managing life that I pity. Put your house in order, Nairaland cannot help you all the time

So because your dad is handy round the house as a fixer made OP's husband useless? Or because he is broke?

You don't get it,do you?
You women are always in the NOW,never what could be,always no capacity to visualise any future potential. Mike Bamiloye was worse off than OP's guy, yet she stuck with him, now,who doesn't know Mount Zion Ministries.

Well, I didn't see you use ur husband as an example, so I guess you're single. Marry first and wait 3 years....then you will understand better

AwkaetitiBabe:
What exactly gave u the idea he ever had funds sef? Perhaps she married him believing things will change. You know how some men can package themselves only for you to get close and realize shishi no dey... Buhaaaahhhhaaaaahhaaa

Lol, I wouldn't know, just had a problem with the "broke husband" statement. But if u see packaging, u no go know?

Eagba:
acidi is correct guy I was once involved in a project that engulf lot of my money. money that if I had invested that same amount in my business, I would have built three times that size of building in a way shorter time.
unfortunately for me I had to leave that state and rent the place out. that na different mata on it's own. some tenants can be wicked when you aren't always available.

These are people complaining of net on windows, it’s like u guys think this savings is millions...

1StopRudeness:
Acidosis...u are speaking from a standard, “on a normal day situation”.....
U think the OP has 3M and she’ll be complaining about net on a window
These people’s situation is likely the kind where they once had a job and the building was going on at the time....or a case of inherited building...u don’t know how it is when u are building a place and suddenly loose ur job...most of the time some people just pack into the home halfway built
One of the things that quickly give u stability is having a place to lay ur head with ur kids...after all the lady says she still hustle and gets something from time to time.. I’m not saying stabilizing their source of income isn’t essential.
But someone that doesn’t have a t gulag income stream can’t pay rent... it will eventually lead to case of being thrown out..

wrong!. Very wrong. One of the things that gives stability is having a steady flow of income.

babyfaceafrica:
chai!!but it was not like this with our fore fathers....even in poverty,they never cheated nor complained!!..This our generation values has become materialistic...even to have gf,you need money!!.. jeez..no wonder yahoo boys get the best gals

Things was relaxed and calm then naw. But d pretty maidens will go for the man who has big lands and full yam barns. Stuffs they needed was gotten in their farmlands so no pressure.

luminouz:
Bla bla bla...

Wait till you marry first and we shall see.

You think you have life all figured out, yeah?

How else can you explain it ? Pray tell...

AwkaetitiBabe:
What exactly gave u the idea he ever had funds sef? Perhaps she married him believing things will change. You know how some men can package themselves only for you to get close and realize shishi no dey... Buhaaaahhhhaaaaahhaaa

Marry first babe...then you can advise on issues like this. Everyone can dish out solomonic wisdom but they never went through what Solomon did.

Pls listen carefully... Dont ever seek advice on marital issues on social media, just imagine kids that can barely feeding themselves and have no single experience of marriage advice you and also marriage is an affair between two, if you must call a third party to settle issues let it be your parents or someone both of you respect a lot. Only God in heaven gives the wisdom to make wealth and preserve it. I dont see anything wrong in your marriage all you need to do is pray for financial breakthrough, if God is using you to carry the family why not Thank him for what he is doing and pray he continues his good works in your family..Every family have challenges even the one you admire, remember the grass is always greener at the other side... God is still in the business of doing miracles dont give up on your husband..

Mariangeles:
How else can you explain it ? Pray tell...

You're just as deluded as the said husband if you believe prayer will solve his current state of mind.

Everything you've said here is on point.
The truth remains that the best woman in the world can do NOTHING for a man with zero drive and misplaced ambitions.

BluntBoy:
You have enumerated your husband's bad qualities. And, frankly, they are indeed bad qualities. Insensitive is an understatement.

However, you can't tell me that you are a saint yourself.

Many women have this misconception about what makes a man happy. They feel like all it takes to be a good wife is to be a good cook, do his laundry, give him sex whenever he wants it, and support him financially when necessary.

They forget healthy communication. Some women claim they support their men financially, but the things those men hear and see from receiving financial support from their wives can make a man commit suicide.

You say he is not doing anything about the torn net? Who told you he is not doing anything? It may appear to you like he is not doing anything but it doesn't mean he is not doing anything.

Imagine your husband getting stressed up about the torn net, and the next thing he hears from you is that "you are not doing anything about the net".

Many times, we find faults in our partners and consider ourselves the perfect one in the relationship. Your husband might be insensitive not necessarily out of his own desire, but forces beyond his control.

The window he left open might have even been done absent-mindedly. I have seen a man drive to a petrol station and leave on foot. People had to call him back. The man was so deep in thoughts that he forgot that he drove into the station.

Your husband might have been absent-minded. But because you have preconditioned your mind about him, you concluded that he is insensitive. Are you 100% sure that you have not been insensitive to his plights too?

The way you describe his dreams of becoming rich one day shows that you don't care about his dreams. You just want him to bring that money home. You have come to see his dreams as nothing but fantasies and have come to detest him sharing his dreams with you.

I am not making excuses for your husband. I am just trying to encourage you to search yourself as well.

In what tone do you speak to your husband on sensitive issues such as money? Some women use gentle tones, but the rudeness is always unmistakable. When he talks about getting rich one day, do you hiss or deliberately pretend not to hear? Do you give him the impression that you have lost all hopes in him ever becoming successful?

Elliot2:
U n acidosis don't know anything here. This Lady and her husband are not the standard middle class Nigerians who can afford rents. Owning a property is the wisest decision.

Hehehe. Good luck bro. I didn't know rent is more expensive than buying/building a property. The middle class are not stup!d okay. They understand they need money to make more money.

Rajman45:
But when he was not broke, he was very sensitive.... Abi?

Women for you.. When the politics money pays once in a while, they will flex the money and forget it doesn't come often.. The. Begin to tell oga word when money don dry.. Some go even lock their toto say no money no sex like prostitute... My Boss in the office use to say a man will run the home for years with issues, without anybody hearing stories but the moment the source of income drops and the woman takes over the running of the house for 2 weeks, everybody, even the meat seller at the market will know how insensitive how husband is

Acidosis:
Owing a house is not vanity but it shouldn't be placed above owing a viable income source or liquid investment. By liquid, I mean, investments you can easily turn to cash/withdraw. A personal home is not an investment. It appears like a money-saving strategy, but it barely saves anything.

You are absolutely correct sir.
This is what i do tell people, why place building over good and steady source of income.
I think it is the employee/salary earner mentality.
I have a friend who lost is job but has a house, if you see the kind of suffering and poverty hitting him.
Worst case is that nobody will want to help him because they do say atleast he is a landlord and they are tenants, so can't help him because they also want to focus and finish there own house too

Nezero:
Sorry, please endure and continue to be tactful. You are a great woman.


Every problem has an expiry date. This too shall pass.


You can please close the window back and ask him when he is going to fix the window because of creeping things.



Many great women endured and tolerated their husbands through difficult times, lije Mama HID Awolowo.



God will reward your patience

.. God bless you for this.

Acidosis:
It is NOT going to pay off on the short or long run. Not having a job and not being able to pay rent is more than enough reason to avoid spending all resources on a building project. Many of our aged parents made this mistake. A lot of them died poor with nothing. Only the children benefited at the end of the day by selling off the property.

Landlord harassment is not enough to provoke one into building a personal apartment. That anger should make you work harder to pay your rent, not spend what you don't have raising a shanty house.

The desire to raise one's income should supercede the desire to "lower" expenditure/expenses.

How can you even lower expenses by spending so much on a personal house?

Do a quick calculation;

Annual rent = N100k

Personal apartment/land = N2-3m (in a small town)

What's the sense in the above? 3m is rent for 30 years (assumed 0 inflation). Add 30 to your current age and tell me what you have.

That 3m in mutual funds, or a risk-free investment like TBills will yield at least 350k annually with 0 work. From that, you pay your rent easily, and increase your networth in a sporadic manner over a very short timeframe.

This analysis is wrong — it's missing inflation, which is the key factor in investment

The purchasing power of the money drops by the day — @12% inflation rate, the 3m will be worth less than 200k in 30 years.

The 100k rent may be going at more than 1.5m in that 30 years

A a good landed ppty at 3m may be worth over 30m in that 30years


While it doesn't make sense for someone without a stable income to engage in a property project, don't make it sound like it's better to be paying 5m per annum in a rented apartment in Lekki (for the sake of residing on the Island) than to own a good house on the mainland.

You haven't even talked about businesses that fail. Most new businesses fail, so rushing to set up a business just because there's fund may be a disaster, if the person doesn't know everything about the business.

As regards Tbills, the rate is always a little below inflation rate, so it's still losing money in the long run. TB is a good way to temporarily reduce the effects of inflation on your bulk money before you find the right channel to invest it, and believe me, in a developing country like Nigeria where the cities are still developing, a good landed ppty outperforms most businesses.

No doubt, for someone who has a good scalable business with a great profit margin, investing in the business will pay more, but it's not everyone that has such opportunities.

Now, if I may ask, which profitable business (with low risk) do you think someone a can set up with 1m?

luminouz:
So because your dad is handy round the house as a fixer made OP's husband useless? Or because he is broke?

You don't get it,do you?
You women are always in the NOW,never what could be,always no capacity to visualise any future potential. Mike Bamiloye was worse off than OP's guy, yet she stuck with him, now,who doesn't know Mount Zion Ministries.

Well, I didn't see you use ur husband as an example, so I guess you're single. Marry first and wait 3 years....then you will understand better

So, you conveniently skipped where I mentioned that the woman should pull her socks up, or you saw an attack on your person, and decided to rush and quote me.

You better learn how to fix things in your home or make money to get people who can fix them rather than make excuses for your shortcomings, maybe you were inside house with Mike Bamiloye and his wife to know that he was exactly like OP's husband. You would know if he was handy around the house too, abi? If you cannot bring money, at least have sufficient knowledge to sew a spoilt net or clear bush that secondary school students clear weekly.

Nonsense and laziness.

More than most politicians who started that way are still boy boy at 50.

Tell me, is it boy boy that will feed his children? Does boy boy forbid him from having a job to cater for his family?

Mutemenot:
Most politicians started that way, it's always boy boy at the beginning. Don't give up Okay, just manage him however he is, believe me he will hammer like a yahoo guy someday ....
dont allow the situation cause wahala ok

SirVintageCock:
2k can clear the bush pending when you fix your net. Or you can get the net and pressure him to put it up. No matter how crude it is, it will still serve.

Stop having kids until things turn around.

2k will fix the net talking from experience