₦airaland Forum

tonididdy:
So apparently the animals and insects deserve to live a better life than humans.

Well done sir.

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

Bostin:
@Op let me tell you this bitter truth, you're a big problem in your marriage and you could destroy it anytime soon. For you to have come on public forum and described your husband as a broke insensitive person makes you unmannered and rude. Why called him broke and not financially challenged husband , remember he's your husband with children and not boyfriend. You only bragged how you took up the responsibilities in his present difficult time and reduced him to nothing , but you failed to say or appreciate what he has done in the past from the start when things was rosy. You think any man will be happy to be in such situation,have you forgotten nothing last forever. Your calling him names and disrespectful could break your marriage and you may not be part of his success story when he rise up again . I have a politician uncle like that , his wife fed him and children for four years , now Uncle just completed a 15m house with two cars at a time . So madam when you're enduring , respect him and pray for him with Love . God bless your home .

sassysure:
The post was shocking.
I have always said it, we Nigerian women enable our men and also push them to do some funny and unthinkable things so that we will belong.
And when they start treating us cruelly, we will start crying and screaming.
Just look at these two ladies.
One married a career politician with no work and another is telling her to continue praying for miracle to happen.
What miracle?
Politicians that have made us the poverty capital.of the world?
That kill with impunity?
That divert money meant for development for personal use?
I give up.


I have studied the Nigerian adult world a lot
Our men are pressurised so much by society to live up to a certain standard. Once u don't meet such, your mum, sisters ,relatives, girlfriends and wives will come for your neck. How u meet up to those standards is none of their business.
They want to shine. It's a huge burden. Now if they make that money, they will start treating you like trash as the know u value money more than them.
Sometimes I don't blame those that castigate women a lot. They had their experiences with our women.
I just hope we will do away with that killer mindset.

Acidosis:
It is NOT going to pay off on the short or long run. Not having a job and not being able to pay rent is more than enough reason to avoid spending all resources on a building project. Many of our aged parents made this mistake. A lot of them died poor with nothing. Only the children benefited at the end of the day by selling off the property.

Landlord harassment is not enough to provoke one into building a personal apartment. That anger should make you work harder to pay your rent, not spend what you don't have raising a shanty house.

The desire to raise one's income should supercede the desire to "lower" expenditure/expenses.

How can you even lower expenses by spending so much on a personal house?

Do a quick calculation;

Annual rent = N100k

Personal apartment/land = N2-3m (in a small town)

What's the sense in the above? 3m is rent for 30 years (assumed 0 inflation). Add 30 to your current age and tell me what you have.

That 3m in mutual funds, or a risk-free investment like TBills will yield at least 350k annually with 0 work. From that, you pay your rent easily, and increase your networth in a sporadic manner over a very short timeframe.

AleAirHub:
My husband has been so broke for years now = Madam you are a disgrace to motherhood if you can call your husband such name public simply because of the financial challenge in your family right now.

he never gets money if we have an emergency for my kid's sickness, school fees, etc = Before you run here for a matured advice, can you please outline the major steps you took when your husband was not meeting the family emergency needs?.

I am not employed at the moment but I struggle and hustle the little way I can to assist in the house upkeep. = No too much big deal about that because you are doing it because of your children and family at large because my Late mum did more than that when she was alive. marriage is not always a bed of roses, gold, diamond sometimes unplanned event occur.

Now our room window net split and there is a big bush just around the window. = Madam please buy a very cheap rubber net and ask someone to fix it for you and also get a cheap chemical from the market, spray on the big bush around your window.

He leaves the house every day to come back very late, cause he still serves these political big guys = Woman hide your shame, Biko, I guess when the going was smooth and cool you enjoyed all the benefit and even agree to marry him as well.

My Advice for you.

Call your husband's attention in a manner that he will give you listening ears both of you should brainstorm intensively about the family challenges and ask him ways you both can overcome them. Then also tell him on how you too can be supportive too as well, I bet you your husband will listen to you.

@All Men.
Please have at your back of mind that receiving salary alone will never guarantee your family financial freedom. Skills and investment will help you in a long way in family finances.

Please don't get married to any woman if you are not sure of your financial freedom because if you do, the outcome will be HELL ON EARTH.

Gforce2015:
There are wise woman and there are foolish... She supposed to even be grateful that the guy hasn't absconded and leave her to continue push the family loads until their Childrenhave graduated..

AwkaetitiBabe:
Financially challenge is simply buttered version of broke. Everyone understands broke

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

frozen70g:
He doesn't have the money to get a window net, pls get a net and nail and give him to knack on the old one, even a lay man can do that

As for you the ones you can do, do it and the ones you can't do leave it

As fir your project hold on until you guys sort yourself out

Let him try teaching in ant near by school if that can make a difference

The people he is hoping or serving on pending when the politics will favour him are also hoping on the people in power to favour them before it gets to him

Once he us nit violent at home, pls endure, it will be alright soon

khallebb:
Take him for deliverance, he's possessed.

AleAirHub:
My husband has been so broke for years now = Madam you are a disgrace to motherhood if you can call your husband such name public simply because of the financial challenge in your family right now.

he never gets money if we have an emergency for my kid's sickness, school fees, etc = Before you run here for a matured advice, can you please outline the major steps you took when your husband was not meeting the family emergency needs?.

I am not employed at the moment but I struggle and hustle the little way I can to assist in the house upkeep. = No too much big deal about that because you are doing it because of your children and family at large because my Late mum did more than that when she was alive. marriage is not always a bed of roses, gold, diamond sometimes unplanned event occur.

Now our room window net split and there is a big bush just around the window. = Madam please buy a very cheap rubber net and ask someone to fix it for you and also get a cheap chemical from the market, spray on the big bush around your window.

He leaves the house every day to come back very late, cause he still serves these political big guys = Woman hide your shame, Biko, I guess when the going was smooth and cool you enjoyed all the benefit and even agree to marry him as well.

My Advice for you.

Call your husband's attention in a manner that he will give you listening ears both of you should brainstorm intensively about the family challenges and ask him ways you both can overcome them. Then also tell him on how you too can be supportive too as well, I bet you your husband will listen to you.

@All Men.
Please have at your back of mind that receiving salary alone will never guarantee your family financial freedom. Skills and investment will help you in a long way in family finances.

Please don't get married to any woman if you are not sure of your financial freedom because if you do, the outcome will be HELL ON EARTH.

africanpea:
Stop giving him money! When you have this money buy and repair these very necessary things, save the rest for the kids fees and other important bills.

When he sees your are becoming independent, taking financial decisions without involving him, he will sit up.

He might not take it likely at first but stand firm on holding on to your money and spending it at the right time and purpose.



Be strong lady, marriage has its ups and downs

Bostin:
In marriage the former shows more respect and love than the latter term. Is like your husband telling you he want to Bleep you rather than saying making love to you .

emmaodet:
Well, you raised good points sir but with the way things are going - Ara o ro oku, ara o ro ediye ni ooo.
Which literarily translate to - If men are struggling to meet ends meet and advised not to settle down because of it, then the women should also be bracing up to face the harsh reality of life by hustling to feed and cater for themselves.
Sometimes i laugh at ladies brokeshaming guys foolishly hoping they will escape poor guys but ...... What is the percentage of stable guys? How many girls will get them?
Which means whether they like it or not, alot of women will have to leave and feed themselves and that is when reality will hit them like stone say e no easy for anybody.
A poor population of men will translate to a poor population of women directly or indirectly.

franchasng:
A man that is daydreaming to be appointed as the Minister of Nigeria will bring down his ego to teach or nail a window net


I don't think you read the op's initial post and have a discerning mind to read who her husband is

safarigirl:
You people should stop marrying useless men that can neither provide money nor help with repairs.

My father is in his sixties and there is nothing he cannot fix in the house. What kind of new generation men do we have?

The net that tore, can't it be sewn if you people can't afford new net? Can't the bush be cleared? He doesn't even have a proper job and common handwork he cannot do.

Even you sef, how can you be jobless and go and marry a jobless person? Did you get pregnant and have to marry him?

Everybody wants to rush into marriage without the requisite means of sustaining a family....and yes, ventilation is a necessity, so, thw window ought to be open, or else you risk meningitis. If you married a lazy slob, you sef help yourself and fix the net.

In all this, it is the unfortunate kids you both brought into your managing life that I pity. Put your house in order, Nairaland cannot help you all the time

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

Sanchez01:
So many of your angles are wrong!

Rent accounts for over 50% of the problems in marriage. In a country where the average Joe barely earns 100k monthly, breaking the barrier of rent is like winning a jackpot. And if you think becoming a broke landlord is insane, wait till you get overwhelmed by financial demands in another man's house while your rent due date edge closer.

Most people think venturing into a business automatically translates to steady inflow. What you don't realize is that mishaps are very common with personal businesses and just one would have been a problem in another man's house as you'd need to secure loans or borrow to temporarily stay afloat. Typical business folks who mostly survive this ugly phase often go as far as selling other stuff they own to stay alive in business. It is not the same with people who don't have other money raising properties to fall back to when things get ugly.

My family stopped paying rent in Lagos since 1999 and growing up, there were moments when money would be scarce but the single thought of not worrying about paying rent eased so many things.

Plus while you brazenly suggest they sell off the property, you failed to ask what state it is situated, which should have been your major concern before going further to talk about whether or not the move was wise.

I think we all should learn to put 'just my opinion' after suggesting some things in this section so that we don't end up destroying lives in the name of counseling. Opinions are opinions and some, if not most are somewhat dangerous.

As unwise as you think the move is, I'd advise you invest your last penny in a landed property and conveniently add swag to soaking your Cassava flakes in your own property, after developing it to a reasonable extent.

AwkaetitiBabe:
I get your drift now. I pray everything works out for the Op. I pray her husband gets that big break.

AwkaetitiBabe:
I get your drift now. I pray everything works out for the Op. I pray her husband gets that big break.

Uchechi20:
Thank you, it is not a residential building though. It is for tenants, a form of investment

Sterope:
Awolowo was not an idiot.

Acidosis:
You're increasing the value of inflation but you failed to increase the value of investment. Do you make money and bury in the ground. The reason people pump all their life savings building shanty homes in the first place is because of fear and ignorance. Inflation rate is 12%, so is the current rate of Treasury Bills and mutual funds. Some investments like Agrictech, a few FD even gets you as high as 20% (that's 8% above inflation).

This analogy already nullifies your argument. Money is not to be buried in the ground.



Just 30m? Bro use a Treasury bIlls calculator online to find the true yield of 3m in 30 years @12% annual interest rate.

You have N89m flat!



All these does not justify building a home when you don't have a job or business. There are risks everywhere. Homes get demolished everyday, most get flooded because owners run to creeks in the name of buying cheap land. Some even build on government acquired land and can barely afford the cost of a proper and registered survey/title. Let's not talk about the quality of many homes in Nigeria.



Property as an investment differs from property to become a landlord. Most Nigerians can't put their homes for sale because of generational ignorance and fear of what people will say. Some will rather die than sell their properties to make more money or improve their living conditions.



Everyone without a job or good income must desire a good business. It is a MUST.



Let's have this discussion on business section.

Nezero:
Mama was left to care for the children all by herself while Baba pursued his dreams of becoming a lawyer.


She also endured many indecencies brought by Baba's foray into politics.


It was not easy. Baba acknowledged it in his biography.


Lets believe in our men when nobody else does.

Impossible do happens

Bostin:
Amen , I pray too and to every other people facing difficult time including myself .