FreemanTJ:
I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

FreemanTJ:


I actually ensure both of them are very okay. I actually gave her my car during the period she was pregnant and she still has it. I'm just unhappy in the marriage and no it wasn't just a church certificate, her parent ensured of that.

FreemanTJ:


Will try to get her mum over. Thanks

nkezecheckport:
If you sincerely want a way out stop contacting the second girl. By doing that you have reduced your head aches. Then take your mind off dating and focus on work and family by that I mean your daughter, if your relationship with her mum don't improve then you can consider separation. But your first move out of your confusion is stop every communication with the second lady

ojun50:
So wetin be the koko of wetin you write now

FreemanTJ:


She has never had unprotected sex with anyone and she doesn't lie, she has never given me a reason to be suspicious, she was that honest. We both did test and she still insisted on protection. She didnt want a child out of wedlock considering her background. I am a very smart man and trust me there was no way she could have known. We had no pictures of our wedding pictures on social media from any of my family members. This wasn't her first time using my laptop and I saw the message from her office insisting she sends a mail which she had to type in Msword on my laptop. Yes, she had the hunch, but the gmail gave me out.

FreemanTJ:


Points taken and I admit I'm wrong. Thank you

FreemanTJ:


She has never had unprotected sex with anyone and she doesn't lie, she has never given me a reason to be suspicious, she was that honest. We both did test and she still insisted on protection. She didnt want a child out of wedlock considering her background. I am a very smart man and trust me there was no way she could have known. We had no pictures of our wedding pictures on social media from any of my family members. This wasn't her first time using my laptop and I saw the message from her office insisting she sends a mail which she had to type in Msword on my laptop. Yes, she had the hunch, but the gmail gave me out.

GraGra247:


MR MAN STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF.

>YOU GOT A LADY PREGNANT- 1ST OFFENSE.

>YOU COULD HAVE USED CONDOM BUT NO- 2ND OFFENSE.

>YOU AGREED TO MARRY THE LADY WITHOUT BEING FORCED- 3RD OFFENSE.

>YOU LEFT YOUR WIFE PREGNANT AND ENGAGED SEX WITH ANOTHER LADY- 4TH OFFENSE.

>YOU DECEIVED THE LADY BY REFUSING TO TELL HER YOU WERE MARRIED SO YOU CAN SEX HER TOO- 5TH OFFENSE.

>YOU HAVE THE OPTION OF DIVORCE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE YOUR WIFE BUT YOU CHOSE TO KEEP HER AND HAVE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS- 6TH OFFENSE.

Oga simply put you're a subtle deceiver and 419er.

ifyalways:
A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

donstan18:
You got a lady pregnant, you married her.
Next thing, you connected with another lady while playing chess.
What next? You've started discussing orgasms with her after you both went to see a movie.
Now a short black lady has been chasing her in her dreams



TBH, Never in my life have I seen a BOY as so confused, wayward, deceitful, irresponsible and promiscuous as this OP.


Thanks.

ifyalways:
The type of women you attract .
One is unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic and the other stuck on you.

There are chances you can still work out things with your wife/baby momma. Can you both take a weekend out, leave the baby for the grannies and try to work/talk things out ?

FreemanTJ:


I have resorted to separation which is the first step to divorce. We dont live together as couples. I just haven't made it official. I wanted th baby out first then at least 6 months old before I started the process but as it is, things are now more complicated.

FreemanTJ:


We weren't dating. We were just friends and the marriage isnt based on love. I was trapped, she begged for the marriage. The plan was to take care of the baby once she delivers her but she insisted she would kill herself if I didn't marry her before the baby comes.

FreemanTJ:
When she eventually picked my calls, I apologized profusely. I told her i was already planning to get a separation from my wife once the child was at least 6 months. I promised I was going to see her people so we can do a traditional marriage and eventually get a divorce. She was so devastated and said she was depressed. I told her I'd been reading the marriage act and asked for her forgiveness. Then I explained why I got married to the lady and circumstances surrounding the marriage.

She said she needed to talk to someone and was suicidal, she had an exam the next day and said she wasn't thinking straight. I felt really bad as I'd grown fond of her. I kept checking on her to ensure she wasn't going to do anything stupid. We communicated from 10pm till about 5am when her folks were almost awake and till she got prepared for her exams. I tried to calm her down but she kept crying on public while talking to me.
She insisted she couldn't allow me go through with the decision of divorce and she needed to seek forgiveness from my wife and daughter. Later on she said she wanted her pound of flesh.
She later called saying she spoke to her uncle who insisted I should leave the relationship that I wasn't serious with the whole divorce process and the separation was to buy time so he could resolve with his wife and divorce doesn't take 2years and it could take longer. I was disappointed because I meant what I said when I said I was seeking separation and would marry her traditionally but I guess she was overwhelmed by her emotions and decided she would contact my wife.

I didnt think she was going to go through with the threat of contacting my wife but she did. She asked me earlier if my wife was aware she was going to contact me and I replied yes which was a lie. Eventually, she narrated it all to her and created a fake page on instagram with our wedding pictures which she found on facebook. Immediately, my wife put a call through to me and she wouldnt stop crying.
Ever since we got married I have not had sex with my wife as I never wanted the marriage. In fact I wanted to get a PhD in the UK to get out of the situation as fast as I could. She was unhappy and just wanted some privacy. She said she didnt want our wedding picture out there since it showed she was pregnant and told me to tell my gf to bring down the page on IG. I reached out to my gf but she insisted on leaving the page out there so that no one would fall prey to me. She also mentioned my wife reached out to her to bring down the page but she wouldnt as she was part of the problem. She insisted if my wife at least gave an hint she was married to me on social media then maybe she would have save alot of single ladies falling prey to married men.
I asked her to drag my if she wants but to leave my wife out of it but she claimed to have forgotten the password.
She said in fact she's helping me save my marriage that I should fix it and put my wedding pictures on social media.

cococandy:
And we all laughed and laughed and laughed

mrjojo:
And I guess you said you are "smart" because you play chess.

BlueAir:
It is not compulsory to marry a woman pregnant for u?? Can u smell ur mouth? ? Can u confidently attest ur sisters and females loved ones to be sperm dumping ground like u just pointed?? Especially a woman that hasnt wronged u in any way

BlueAir:
U have spoken my mind.this op is disgusting. The only right thing for him to do is to get rid of the side chick and STICK TO THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD. And dump that unexplainable excuse of the marriage I never wanted..!! Evem before he slept with her didnt he know she wasnt the type of girl he would lile to settle down with?? Or is he just an average and chronic womanizer like batlefox who would flirt with any shape in skirt? ? Sic people. ..I can understand been attracted by different shapes but why flirt and sleep with a woman u cant stick with if the worst happen?? Mr man relocate back to ur wife and child and wakeuo early to go to work on island or u move ur wife to island with u so ahe can continue there

Funministicqueen come see me se wahala o

donstan18:
You got a lady pregnant, you married her.
Next thing, you connected with another lady while playing chess.
What next? You've started discussing orgasms with her after you both went to see a movie.
Now a short black lady has been chasing her in her dreams



TBH, Never in my life have I seen a BOY as so confused, wayward, deceitful, irresponsible and promiscuous as this OP.


Thanks.

FreemanTJ:


She has never had unprotected sex with anyone and she doesn't lie, she has never given me a reason to be suspicious, she was that honest. We both did test and she still insisted on protection. She didnt want a child out of wedlock considering her background. I am a very smart man and trust me there was no way she could have known. We had no pictures of our wedding pictures on social media from any of my family members. This wasn't her first time using my laptop and I saw the message from her office insisting she sends a mail which she had to type in Msword on my laptop. Yes, she had the hunch, but the gmail gave me out.