healthserve:



Try to come up with edifying words

Which edifying words agan??
My post was filled with edifying words

SKYloafFISH:
men view things from a different perspective. They are only a one way thinker and only want to Lord everything on us

If that is the kind of man you see and desire,so be it for you.

Tarabye:

Stop claiming Yoruba here, must you make specification
No wonder Nigeria is still like this
Go and join your east amaka bigoted cowards

As in - fountainofyouth should actually be banned for that stupid comment

CHoccolaTE:

Which edifying words agan??
My post was filled with edifying words

What did we men do to you so badly. You've been this way since 2016 as your old posts suggests. You're deliberately sowing bad energy in this marriage. If you must give counsel in marital issues, it ought to be balanced not hateful my dear. Forgive men

Mynd44 launch this thread to FP nah. Abeg. Let's have more positive contributions

.

genq:


As in - fountainofyouth should actually be banned for that stupid comment

Maybe you are blind and didn't see where I said not all of them, or why are you this pained? Is a woman feeding you?

healthserve:



What did we men do to you so badly. You've been this way since 2016 as your old posts suggests. You're deliberately sowing bad energy in this marriage. If you must give counsel in marital issues, it ought to be balanced not hateful my dear. Forgive men

I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.

Oga dont worry majority of nairaland women are nice as civil when writing about men, just skip my posts if you find them non edifying.

Thanks

Am not going to change though

Fountainofyouth:



Maybe you are blind and didn't see where I said not all of them, or why are you this pained? Is a woman feeding you?

Kill yourself biko - I don't have your time.

Tarabye:

Someone that is from edo, claiming Yoruba, with her big head, she deserves a week ban

How am I from Edo, pls tell me.

CHoccolaTE:


I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.

Oga dont worry majority of nairaland women are nice as civil when writing about men, just skip my posts if you find them non edifying.

Thanks

Am not going to change though

You're trying to turn the op against her marriage as you do on any thread females ask for help on marital issues. I think we need a bad energy containment for your destructive energy.


Deal with yourself and stop spreading venom

genq:


Kill yourself biko - I don't have your time.

You better have my time before you legit kill your already dying self ya hear...

Rocktation could you be kind to move this thread to frontpage for more mature, balanced and positive contributions. Plz o

.

healthserve:



You're trying to turn the op against her marriage as you do on any thread females ask for help on marital issues. I think we need a bad energy containment for your destructive energy.


Deal with yourself and stop spreading venom

Sharrapp

I asked op to discuss with her husband I didn't ask her to leave him or turn against her marriage. You deal with your inability to comprehend first

CHoccolaTE:


Sharrapp

I asked op to discuss with her husband I didn't ask her to leave him or turn against her marriage. You deal with your inability to comprehend first

The energy, vile and destructive. You proved it right

Op stay away from this one and her counsel. Save your marriage by preserving it from bad energy.

Tarabye:

Why can't you say the truth without calling any tribe, whatever you state of a tribe is viewed by lot of people on this forum and surely would place a black print
I'm not saying someone from the east won't say what you mentioned, but always justify your statement, what is your proof on what you claimed? As for your tribe I don't know it but I perceive an edo

If you read my very first comment, you'd clearly see where my proof is, but you had to wail and whine cos some Yoruba, not all o, was mentioned, you will be fine.

genq:


Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.

You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.

Local champion

Biko, you need water to cool your body. I understand that everywhere is hot today.

healthserve:



The energy, vile and destructive. You proved it right

Op stay away from this one and her counsel. Save your marriage by preserving it from bad energy.

yenyenyenyen

Cry baby

CHoccolaTE:

yenyenyenyen

Cry baby

Wished I care about your inconsequential existence


Bye, nematode

healthserve:



Wished I care about your inconsequential existence


Bye, nematode

Lol

And he quoted me first to type trash

Bye don't let the door hit you on your way out

CHoccolaTE:


Lol

And he quoted me first to type trash

Bye don't let the door hit you on your way out

Wareva bitter girl

.

LewsTherin:

Seeing as this thread has been well derailed by those bashing men and those bashing those bashing men, I'll modify my post.


Your husband has just lost the most important thing to any man - self worth. He is depressed, he is frustrated, he is lost. He may come out of it tomorrow, he may never recover. You can take the easy way out like many so-called feminists will say and kick his behind to the curb...

...or you can honour your vows of "for better or worse till death do us part" (I am assuming you said those words).

If you choose this route, my advice (which may not work by the way) is
1. Pray for him. Constantly. That he find his way back.
2. Keep the house going to the best of your ability. It is difficult, I know. But it is possible.
3.Talk to him like there is nothing different. Ask his opinion on anything and everything. Leas him into discussions that will make him say "if it was me, I will do such and such" or "the best option would have been to do this and that". Something that will help him begin to think again, to plan again. It may help him out of his hole.
4. Keep trying to get his mother/father, closest friend, pastor he trusts to talk to him. But do not under any circumstances involve any other people that it can be said "you went to spread my news round the world". And very definitely no one from your family.

I actually have first hand experience of this so I have an idea how he feels. God help you.

Youre smart.

@op your husband is depressed due to his lack of funds to cater for his family and now you're doing the job.

In reality many women are in your shoes and many marriages have crashed due to this issue.

Do as the above poster adviced, give him a semblance of authority something gto make him feel in charge again and you'll be surprised at the change.

Its gonna be hard cos the problem.youre dealing with is mental and has its logic despite how illogical it appears.

It's all in your hands now. Be strong for him and he'll surely remember when he gets back on his feet.

All the best.

Modified..

Take note of 24kmagic post.

Men get away with so much cr.ap. This is why a lot of women are looking twice their age. He resigned from his job and refused to take a lower paying job. The same wife that has been holding the home down financially and taking care of three children is still the one he is making life hell for. This should be a time where either he agrees to a domestic help to make her life easier or he does the chores himself!

.
.
I don't believe in sugar coating things. Op married a very selfish and emotionally abusive man and she just has to manage him like that. Again all these boils down to what a woman agrees to stomach from day one in her marriage!A man only doles out as much cr.ap that he knows you will stomach without standing up for what you want.
.
.
The moment he started making flimsy complains about the helps was when she should have asked him how he expects her to cope with chores, three kids and a job should she fire the help? As a woman, pls marry a man you can talk to, not one u see and cower in fear. Marriage is a partnership, not a master slave relationship! A man who wants his marriage to work will be thinking of how to make life easier for his wife, not watch her work like a horse till she looks like an 85 year old woman!

queenfav:
Men get away with so much cr.ap. This is why a lot of women are looking twice their age. He resigned from his job and refused to take a lower paying job. The same wife that has been holding the home down financially and taking care of three children is still the one he is making life hell for. This should be a time where either he agrees to a domestic help to make her life easier or he does the chores itself!

.
.
I don't believe in sugar coating things. Op married a very immature man and she just has to manage him how she sees that. Again all these boils down to what a woman agrees to stomach from day one in her marriage!
.
.
The moment he started making flimsy complains about the helps was when she should have asked him how he expects her to cope with chores, three kids and a job should she fire the help? As a woman, pls marry a man you can talk to, not one u see and cower in fear. Marriage is a partnership, not a master slave relationship! A man who wants his marriage to work will be thinking of how to make life easier for his wife, not watch her work like a horse till she looks like an 85 year old woman!

Babe.

thorpido:
Please leave most of the housework undone.Just pick the ones you feel like doing and at the time you want to.What rubbish!

You have lost your job and you have a wife who is footing most of the bills and looking for alternatives to make the house run yet you're still being inconsiderate.

Love is good o but being considerate is one of the biggest things in good marriages.

I know your hubby's loss of job can get a man depressed but ego should not worsen it.
You've spoken to him,gotten the pastor to talk to him and he seems not to change.He's just too spiritually weak.
Keep praying for him(and together).I hope he still attends church.

Abeg,you cannot come and kill yourself.

The ego part is what's making me boil. This is a time where he should even look for ways to make his wife happy,not add to her problems.

24kmagic:
I just feel he's kicking against strangers coming into your house because he doesn't want outsiders to find out that you're the one running the home. Because one way or the other, they will know and he'll lose his respect before the public, you know how 9ja people do reason.

As for not wanting to assist, he doesn't want to lose his dominance over you. Cos believe me once he starts helping, you'll unconsciously think that's his responsibility.

Honestly, all I see in this is a family man that is frustrated due to his inability to provide for his family. He will come around as soon as he gets a nice job.

But he's lucky to have you tho, 95 inside 100 women will not take that from their man.

They'll rub his joblessness on his face till he gets depressed, leading to suicide.

You're blessed!

Hmmmm...this could be true. There are men like this. I was in my uncle's house several years ago while in Unilag and his 7 years old boy asked me why are fathers described as the bread winner of the family in his civic education textbook. I simply said because he is the one who takes care of the major needs of the family. My uncle was right there in the sitting room watching a program on the television. My little cousin later responded sharply "it is a lie my dad is not the bread winner. Everyday he sits at home and watch movies while my mum is the one who goes out to work and provide money for us". If you see the look on my uncle's face ehn. I just helped to save the situation by saying "come on Junior, your dad gave your mum money to start her business, so he is still the one financing the family. Your dad sells cars, so he does not necessarily need to go to work everyday, so he can work from home." No be small thing o .

queenfav:
The ego part is what's making me boil. This is a time where he should even look for ways to make his wife happy,not add to her problems.

The shoe pinches who wears it. Jn one post I said that the problem as yoh put it is ego. Its logical in its illogicality.

The wife has to understand the situation and manage it as such. This is a typical example of for better for worse.

If she manages it well then they come out stronger ( hoping the man gets back on his feet). If she doesn't then Cyracus Nzekwe will report thier case.

Now is the time to prove herself. Beyond reasonable doubt.

Its akin to having a family member with a mental health issue. Is it his fault no!. But you have to manage it.

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...

i can sense u aren't married.. Get married and learn dear sister... This man was loving and hard working before his change of attitude due to frustration and his not been able to fend for his family... Now back to the op.. Shes a strong and God fearing woman just like my wife... I passsed through the same issue for 5years and my wife did the same but everything turned around since 2018...dear op pls be patient wt this man.. See a good prophet... And respect your husband wt all you have... If u can continue... Your husband will regain all hr has lost.. And those your 3 lucky children will become great in life... This is just a passing phase for your family so that u can have a story to train those children..