What's with all the 'pray for him' advice I'm seeing everywhere...

When it's a man messing up, it's "pray for him"
When it's a woman fucking up, it's "send that lazy witch to her parents"

Story is too long to read buh from the little I read, I think your husband needs psychological help.

MamaFryo:


What is this one even saying biko? Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong? That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?

You got it all wrOng ma'am.... He made an awesome point... She made mistake by putting out that particular paragraph... It ain't proper at all

Guy did you read the post well? She is not complaining of footing the bills, she said she needs help at home and the guy is objecting now back to your question, everyone has a role to play in every relationship, for it to work. I believe no role should be specially attached to any gender. The man had a job and provided for the family , while she took care of the chore and kids and still supported financially in her own little way. Now he doesn't have a job and she is practically the bread winner he should not expect her to take care of finance, chores and kids, it will be two much for her and he has refused her to take help. Isn't that wickedness? Now let me rephrase your statement "Why is it that a woman can take care of the house and even serves the man and the children all of her life but you will never hear her announce this to the hearing of others - but let a man do that for just one month out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it! Think about it and stop being misogynistic . Every role is important, but in a situation where you are not capable of playing your role as a man or woman and the other party is doing it well, it won't hurt to help where you should.

genq:

Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

AwkaetitiBabe:
That's why I love oyibo mentality, he would have turned into the house husband to help you d bread winner out pending when he gets a job.

Chukwu agaghi ekwe........ He shouldn't subject himself to such kinda stuff.... He doing the chores should be out of will nii

even yahoo boys and their girl friends is advising OP . wonder shall never end.

queenfav:
Men get away with so much cr.ap. This is why a lot of women are looking twice their age. He resigned from his job and refused to take a lower paying job. The same wife that has been holding the home down financially and taking care of three children is still the one he is making life hell for. This should be a time where either he agrees to a domestic help to m or ake her life easier or he does the chores himself!

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I don't believe in sugar coating things. Op married a very selfish and emotionally abusive man and she just has to manage him like that. Again all these boils down to what a woman agrees to stomach from day one in her marriage!A man only doles out as much cr.ap that he knows you will stomach without standing up for what you want.
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The moment he started making flimsy complains about the helps was when she should have asked him how he expects her to cope with chores, three kids and a job should she fire the help? As a woman, pls marry a man you can talk to, not one u see and cower in fear. Marriage is a partnership, not a master slave relationship! A man who wants his marriage to work will be thinking of how to make life easier for his wife, not watch her work like a horse till she looks like an 85 year old woman!

SPOT ON!!!!

Whatever your husband said is final. Stop inviting external bodies to your home. If you don’t work on weekends then do the laundry yourself. Then, keep encouraging him and keep praying too. Always make him to be happy. That’s my advice. Forget pastor self.

genq:


Lmao!
Frustration won't kill you - "men this men that"

My brother.... She is so hot on dx topic ooo

[color=#990000][/color] [b][/b]
What you need right now is a day to day advice for a short period of time. Your story is nothing compared to the last one I just finished addressing. You don’t get fed up just because of this story you said or there’s more to it you didn’t say out??
Saying everything here is really not going to help.
w h a t s a p p 0 7 0 5 9 1 4 1 3 7 9

healthserve:



Wished I care about your inconsequential existence


Bye, nematode

U av broken rule 2. Pls dnt call pple names. I was just laughing out my asss with d wrestle u two are comedians aswear. Pls apologise to her for calling her nematode. She is a human not a specie of worms u hear!

DrNueLpureHoney:


Chukwu agaghi ekwe........ He shouldn't subject himself to such kinda stuff.... He doing the chores should be out of will nii

Hm. Chukwu ga-ekwe ooo don't bring Him into your bad mentality please

healthserve:



You're trying to turn the op against her marriage as you do on any thread females ask for help on marital issues. I think we need a bad energy containment for your destructive energy.


Deal with yourself and stop spreading venom

Nice point you gat there bro.... She is actually going off key

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Women self ....all the time wen men wr taking up the house nobody saw it on nairaland

but if a woman manage to buy soup ingredent with her money she will come and post it on naira land how she has been buying soup ingredent in the house.




my sister if you like work from 7-7 the role of a won still remains to take care of a home


asking a man to do home chores weda he is working or not is brusing his ego, not all men have woman rapper patience to do this things...





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CHoccolaTE:


Lol

And he quoted me first to type trash

Bye don't let the door hit you on your way out

Pls 4give him for calling u nematode

Fountainofyouth:



So she should be the mumu by becoming a super machine doing chores and working abi? While he is allowed to become a drunk without going out to look for alternatives abi? Jeez, the small-mindedness of men/boys here ehn.....

God knows that if I meet the husband I'll tell him too to mumu for his wife.

Until you one or both parties learn to overlook, there can't be a happy home.

And who has said that he should be allowed to go drunk and lazy? You insinuated that.

There are men who think like you. They advise people to get a concubine or seek divorce for any inconveniences they're experiencing from their wives.

midnighter:


Hm. Chukwu ga-ekwe ooo don't bring Him into your bad mentality please

Chaiii... Ya bu na nwoke ibe m GA arubazi oru House help okwa Ya?

GeoAfrikana:


God knows that if I meet the husband I'll tell him too to mumu for his wife.

Until you one or both parties learn to overlook, there can't be a happy home.

And who has said that he should be allowed to go drunk and lazy? You insinuated that.

There are men who think like you. They advise people to get a concubine or seek divorce for any inconveniences they're experiencing from their wives.

Tell her bro... She is just taking this particular stuff too personal nii

Theboss100:
Pls 4give him for calling u nematode

Lol you have become the nematode quencher for their matter...did you even ask her if she minds being called a nematode?

Is she complaining??

Fountainofyouth:


Six figures is six figures, as in 1 2 3 4 5 6, those are figures, the currency or exchange rate here doesn't matter, do you get now?

It matters madame, there is no shame if you don't know something. Me too, i don't know every thing. I learn every day.

A 6 figure salary in Nigeria has no value, It is 100 thousand naira. It can do very little Bikonu

cmikel:



Women self ....all the time wen men wr taking up the house nobody saw it on nairaland

but if a woman manage to buy soup ingredent with her money she will come and post it on naira land how she has been buying soup ingredent in the house.




my sister if you like work from 7-7 the role of a won still remains to take care of a home


asking a man to do home chores weda he is working or not is brusing his ego, not all men have woman rapper patience to do this things...





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I love your last paragraph...... Loud it

Pussywar:
patriarchy kings won't like this thread at all. Op you have patience, I'm not insinuating anything but if it was me, soon as he showed that stupid arrogance, that he can't do house chores and doesn't want you to get a house help, ogbeni I don waka. But we are not the same. Stand you ground and insist on getting a house help since he's a 'man' and they didn't teach him how to be a responsible human being. No offence . Y'all both have same rights in that house. If he won't help you, get house help. Wonder why y'all marry shit like that anyway. No offence . That is why they keep insisting women should be submissive, so shit like this can happen. I dey vex abeg. Mtchew

jesoooo eee. I pity some men oo. Shebi na man go come marry a woman like u come keep for house as a wife. Hmm ur type fit de carry belle outside come born for ur husband for house. Jeso mere anyi ebele

DrNueLpureHoney:


Tell her bro... She is just taking this particular stuff too personal nii

I think she's just being naive.

She'll learn with time.

DrNueLpureHoney:


Chaiii... Ya bu na nwoke ibe m GA arubazi oru House help okwa Ya?

So what do you suggest?? Why can't the guy do it! You people want to kill somebody's daughter

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Yep! Married a rich guy, he lost his job and we all get to hear and talk about it, bevouse somebody is footing bills and can't allow the man to deal with grief his own way, he just need to keep providing attention even at his worse.
Imagine how happy he would have been if he did not marry am sure he would have dealt with all this without the internet knowing about it.

GeoAfrikana:


I think she's just being naive.

She'll learn with time.

I dey tell you my brother..... The way some women do talk eeeh

CHoccolaTE:


I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.

Am not going to change though

Eyaaah

midnighter:


Lol you have become the nematode quencher for their matter...did you even ask her if she minds being called a nematode?

Is she complaining??

Those two would av made a wonderful couple u kw But i dnt like name calling. I enjoyed their entertainment though

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I understand the feeling of him not wanting to do house chores because it will make him feel less of himself but this issue of him insisting you must do it despite knowing the stress u pass through is what I don't understand.
there is be a reason for him insisting, he is not saying something
Or probably maybe he is just trying to prove his authority over u, he wants to be sure if he is still the man(a sign of insecurity) even if u get a maid I would suggest u still do the chores once in a while to satisfy his ego

Wow

genq:

Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

Man!. I feel u die!

uzohrome:
Whatever your husband said is final. Stop inviting external bodies to your home. If you don’t work on weekends then do the laundry yourself. Then, keep encouraging him and keep praying too. Always make him to be happy. That’s my advice. Forget pastor self.

Toxicity will be the end of men. Talmabout "what ever you husband says is final...". As in, e go Sidon for house dey useless and that's okay because what he said is final? You're really very stupid, typical Naija man. Toxicity will kill you. Looking for who to control. That's what happens when you settle for less.*spits*