₦airaland Forum

CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.

And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.

Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now.

The OP asked for advice that's why she posted on a public forum, so what are you going to tell her to do??

Do you advice she gets a divorce if he persistently refuses to do the house chores she complains about?

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

sorry madam, your husband is not a serious man, my wife was a banker, when we got tired of house help, I do most of the house work to assist my wife because she leaves for work early and come late, we set up a business which my wife fund 70% with her salary. July this year, the bank lay them of, we expanded the business, she's stay in the shop while I do the supply, we are happy ever after, we don't even need house help anymore because of their attitudes, we gist together and do house chores like we are playing. Nothing is too difficult when we understand each other. I don't know why some men act authoritatively .

No wonder he still remains the same way he is , people like him don't go far.

If you think you can't listen to others ,and believe everything has to be your own way then you're definitely going no where.


Only time will change him ,if he doesn't listen to his mum , wife or pastor advise is it my own he will listen to?

Just bear with him, time will change him.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Most good gals get attracted to bad n I'll mannerd men. I don't know why. If na my kind person marry u or my papa kind of person. Even ur cloth I go de wash am, my papa do am for my mama wella during pregnancy or sickness (my mama lazy from day 1).

O Lord please as I am about to settle down next 2 years give me a wife lyk dis. IJN.

genq:
Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.

You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.

Local champion

Guyyy abeg, no kill me with laughter please. Please I am begging

Another cook story

vickydevoka:
Society ni breadwinner ko!. They there the look society may sand enter ur eye. If u have been to somewhere lyk Abuja majority of lady are breadwinner simply bcus women are more employed than men.
Or if I can get a connection for my wife to work in ministry of women affairs n earn six figures, is dat bad. Abeg we have gone past that age of bread or garri winner. Na who see Road go share give de rest

Good, so since we are past the age of bread winner, means we are also past the age of house chores designated to the wife, and cooking too, also, woman can also be the head of the family, balanced equation and case solved,

Nonsense and ingredient.

CHoccolaTE:
And the funny thing is that many men in marriages today are living like this because of the bad economy, they depend on their wives for financial support but will stubbornly refuse to help with house chores.

*Coughs* Many men? You have the statistics right? Please share with us your royal HIGH-ness

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I can clearly understand why ur husband doesn’t want strangers cleaning the house there are many funny things that can happen in such scenarios especially these days from strange theft to gathering info about u. I’m never comfortable with strangers working in my house even laborers or handymen like plumbers etc cos sm of them have strange behaviors, next thing Ure looking for Smtn. If I have them around I must follow them or monitor their movements around or have sm1 do it so I can’t blame ur husband.

Solution: look for a family member or familiar face ur husband is comfortable with to come do the chores for u and possibly pay them also.

Don’t let strangers into ur house unnecessarily and unattended to. It’s an important rule.


On his nagging pray for him, encourage and assure him and introduce opportunities to him whenever u know of any bt do it In a way he doesn’t feel or get offended. U know him best. Hopefully he will be back to his usual self soon. Cheers

Fountainofyouth:
He is not depressed anything abeg, why won't he allow his wife get a maid after changing 4 maids in a year? He is just a vindictive and bitter person, he hates the fact that his wife is the one working and he is the one at home, he just wants to domesticate her by force nah, abi why else will he tell her to do it herself, someone that is working and obviously needs help at home.....

Don't be too hasty to conclude. The person you quoted is right ( his or her point 3, noteworthy).
I may be wrong but when a man is full-time at home, it gives him enough devils' time to see into his partner lifestyle, and as such makes him feel insecure (e.g his wife relationship with her male colleagues/ male friends, nature of her calls, unusual long stay at work.) Probably, he is angry and worried about what I have mentioned above and feels, if his wife is much occupied, those things would be least in her mind. Though selfish as it may sound, its his remedy knowing he can't stop her from working as he now depends on her kinda.

isthatso:
Because it is a fake thread. Take a look at the op’s profile pic and why is Daniel jones in both threads and 2nd to comment here?

Ki ko ki

Thread closed

"HMMMM"

Keep praying for him to accept your decision of bringing a maid, it would have been better if he's assisting but since he's not assisting he should allow you to bring a maid to assist.

He is depressed and feeling less of a man inside i guess. He telling you to do the house chores yourself is him trying to reassure himself he is still the alpha. Coupled with the fact you told him to do the house chores might also be his way of getting even and showing who is boss. What can you do? Try talking to him again, apologies if you can and make him see reasons why you need an extra hand for the chores.

My opinion though....

Your husband is a pussy.

From the way you presented it, he also comes off as an arrogant and stubborn ingrate.

Instead of finding ways to make life simply and happier for his wife, he's there sulking like a baby and trying to make everyone else as miserable as he is.

I don't know for you guys and the arrangements you guys had but frankly speaking, if you were to be my sister, we would've been making plans on how you quit that marriage of a pain.

Damn!

Male ego my arsë!

Fountainofyouth:
Good, so since we are past the age of bread winner, means we are also past the age of house chores designated to the wife, and cooking too, also, woman can also be the head of the family, balanced equation and case solved,

Nonsense and ingredient.

Actually in 2019, you can be the head of family if you want, but I'm sure even your parents would not even allow that. Who is even designating house chores to you, has your washing machine spoilt?

Anyway I am giving away my washing machine just in case

Thread to advertise After life cleaning.

jaxxy:
I can clearly understand why ur husband doesn’t want strangers cleaning the house there are many funny things that can happen in such scenarios especially these days from strange theft to gathering info about u. I’m never comfortable with strangers working in my house even laborers or handymen like plumbers etc cos sm of them have strange behaviors, next thing Ure looking for Smtn. If I have them around I must follow them or monitor their movements around or have sm1 do it so I can’t blame ur husband.

Hmm thank you...I thought I was the only person who felt like that...all those staff wandering about in your house is so awkward..

Cook OHA OR WHITE SOUP FOR HIM

Queenmaker:
Awon Nairaland FBI/CSI/DSS. Lol!

Do you have any Boyfriend suspected to be cheating on you??
Hire Acidosis... He will catch your rival for you!!

Patronize him today..

This post is clearly a Superstory tho.. Even an amateur like me can see many inconsistencies in the tale

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

Any man wey God put him food for woman hand, him name na sorry.

If you keep doing what you did in the beginning of a relationship,there won't be an end

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...

lock him for standing on his decision? What do u mean sef. Not everybody accommodates d so called house help, my dear. Does that mean they can't manage their home without house help? My type don't even need d so called house help in my home no matter how rich I become. My wife and I can manage our home without anybody. D lady herself did not even tell us d type of work she does, cos some ladies are very lazy. So, put feminism away from this and face d reality

truthsayer009:
*Coughs* Many men? You have the statistics right? Please share with us your royal HIGH-ness

She is very right

Cyberleets:
Are you married? If yes, you're are a bad adviser
If no, then STFU cos you know nothing of how marriage works.

The man lost his job for God sake!! Give him a break at least!! The wife should continue being a loving wife, after all she said the man is caring loving and gentle...he is just being disturbed by his current situation.

You have comprehension problem, he is caring and disturbed but doesn't want his wife to get a maid to assist her in chores, he lost his job but doesn't want a job that isn't up to his previous 6 figures pay, in this hellish Nigeria of today, meaning he has a preference, combined with ego and pride, he doesn't want to start small, he wants to sit at home and drink away cos job will come and meet him at home abi? Get sense.

Cook OHA OR WHITE SOUP FOR HIM.
His Head will Reset

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

It's typical of Nigerian women, probably because of the Nigerian culture that heaps all the family responsibilities on the man.

vickydevoka:
She is very right

Does this mean you also take care of your family, your husband just sits & watch too? Interesting

This current generation of young girls is really sick.

These people do not know what a depression is.




If you are a beautiful girl, fine face, and it became your selling point, and then all of a sudden, person come pour acid for that face and you became very ugly. How would you feel?

These people do not understand things about anxiety, depression, etc.


Have you been shouted by an accident victim who lost his or her leg for telling them SORRY?. Let this be a tip of the iceberg.

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

Bro, I tire o.





When he was flexing her and the kids, she no come here come praise am. Now things are difficult for the man, she’s casting him before strangers and all these feminazis that don’t have sense, so that they can abuse men in general.

See them insulting the man up and down.

Men, this is a lesson for you. Regardless of what they say these days, Try not to be vulnerable to a woman. It is better for your guys to call you broke than for a Nairaland nonentity feminist (who is secretly leeching on her boyfriend) to do so. The only woman that can help you without spicing it with ridicule is your mother.

This man is down and he is staving off depression but there is no love for him on these streets. Just look at the comments.

Hedonini:
Interesting topic with a VERY valuable lesson for those who are quick to chant 'don't marry a man that does not have a "good job" or a man that earns less than bla bla bla.

Many in this generation with the wrong mentalities would eventually suffer and die of mental ill-health and maniacal depression. They don't know it yet. You think say na by the beginning? Life is bloody long.

You start well on a shaprapra shapropro level (for your mind), you come feel say life soft, dey carry shoulder for your supposedly less fortunate peers, but you forget say the race na marathon and weather dey change. When you reach midpoint come run out of fuel, when life unexpectedly change your reggae to blues, na body go finally tell you.

Two seconds, everything don burst.

Those with sense, let them learn the right lessons.

True Boss, true words.