₦airaland Forum

daddytime:
Hmmm

You sound quite loving, patient and an understanding wife, and I'd advise you keep at it while hoping he'd find a way to navigate through this present tupsy turvy which most a times are a given in every man's life.

Can't understand his motive for insisting you do the chores yourself even when you could outsource same seeing how he isn't willing to lend a hand.

I honestly feel he needs to take a breather, see things for what they are right now, make adjustments while keeping his head above water, and meeting you at a junction with all the support necessary.

Hopefully, his attitude won't push you over the edge and escalate issues.

Just be mindful of your words and keep being understanding, because anything contra will get him screaming "is it because I'm out of work now"

I see ego and irritability at play here..
I hope you guys get over this...

Austineva:
am not surprised at ur comments cos I have seen it all on ur profile pix. Men need to be very careful when choosing a life partner cos I have seen it all. Majority of women are Devil

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

GeoAfrikana:
You're not a man and most likely you're not married. So you have no idea what's going on.

It's better you avoid talking so you don't misguide the OP.

CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.

And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.

Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now.

daddytime:
Hmmm

You sound quite loving, patient and an understanding wife, and I'd advise you keep at it while hoping he'd find a way to navigate through this present tupsy turvy which most a times are a given in every man's life.

Can't understand his motive for insisting you do the chores yourself even when you could outsource same seeing how he isn't willing to lend a hand.

I honestly feel he needs to take a breather, see things for what they are right now, make adjustments while keeping his head above water, and meeting you at a junction with all the support necessary.

Hopefully, his attitude won't push you over the edge and escalate issues.

Just be mindful of your words and keep being understanding, because anything contra will get him screaming "is it because I'm out of work now"

I see ego and irritability at play here..
I hope you guys get over this...

MamaFryo:
Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong?

That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

eni4real:
Do you have any Boyfriend suspected to be cheating on you??
Hire Acidosis... He will catch your rival for you!!

Patronize him today..

This post is clearly a Superstory tho.. Even an amateur like me can see many inconsistencies in the tale

Lugianostar:
How many books of marriages did you read before settling down please?

midnighter:
Exactly. Some of them begin to resent you even when you try to dash them something.

Although I may need the help sha but I'm somehow uncomfortable with it

24kmagic:
I just feel he's kicking against strangers coming into your house because he doesn't want outsiders to find out that you're the one running the home. Because one way or the other, they will know and he'll lose his respect before the public, you know how 9ja people do reason.

As for not wanting to assist, he doesn't want to lose his dominance over you. Cos believe me once he starts helping, you'll unconsciously think that's his responsibility.

Honestly, all I see in this is a family man that is frustrated due to his inability to provide for his family. He will come around as soon as he gets a nice job.

But he's lucky to have you tho, 95 inside 100 women will not take that from their man.

They'll rub his joblessness on his face till he gets depressed, leading to suicide.

You're blessed!

midnighter:
Hahahaha what did you see in her profile pic what is evil about it na

CHoccolaTE:
I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.

Oga dont worry majority of nairaland women are nice as civil when writing about men, just skip my posts if you find them non edifying.

Thanks

Am not going to change though

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.

And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.

Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now.

CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.

And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.

Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now.

Fountainofyouth:
The way peeps here type authoritatively like they can actually stop me from commenting LMAO....

Angeldada55:
Hmmm...
You have spoken well "daddy" �

I for just waka pass but the likes you got on this comment catch me again and as me sef no come dey stingy...I gaz dash one better like join �

...make I talk cx Iffa no talk now, e go be like something else. But I no go buy land for this. So, you go borrow small space make I take pass my message sharply abeg �

I'm sorry o, but apart from say he too dey react to "house help" or "chores" matter, I hope any other thing no join ham ?

However, as a man wen dey do well before wey things come turn out as e be so ; e get as e dey affect psycologically. In fact, nor be all men dey fi gather strength fight the "trauma" so he honestly need YOU ( the wife ) more now !

He could be frustrated...and you know what that means right ?

So, my own small advice na say ; make you no try hold ground too much with ham on anything or whatsoever. Just try as much as you can to always put a smile on his face Cx I see say you be better wife. Make you find a way, make sure the kids have a kind of relationship with him more, now that he may feel lonely even as una dey inside house together ( you should know as a man, he go wan dey show ego ) so the kids are your weapon to get some things out of his mind truly.

But ehn, forget telling much about him to people...just put your family in God's able hands in prayer. In fact, you go dey pray more now Cx devil sef fi get hand inside this matter ( God forbid sa )

And lastly ehn, no EVER say you too tire to feed him ( you know what I mean right ? )

A word they say...


Iffa talk again now, e go be like na me wise pass.

You talk well Angela.
As someone who has been in the same shoe let me just add.

Your husband is frustrated being the man of the house and seeing that he can't provide for his family is painful:so he screams at everything, your housemaid the kids and everyone.

It's the male ego and testosterone at play.

Please love him anyway don't tell him to do house chores ooo, ask him if he needs you to buy anything on the way for him especially things he loves.

Put some small change within his reach at home with no limit spending.

Over time he will get over it. In case he has a good friend that is the man that will help you talk to him to get another job, to lower his expectation and start again.

Keep loving him, don't deny him sex oooo, don't separate your bedrooms oooo.

May the Lord keep your home. Shalom

God bless...

Hedonini:
Interesting topic with a VERY valuable lesson for those who are quick to chant 'don't marry a man that does not have a "good job" or a man that earns less than bla bla bla.

Many in this generation with the wrong mentalities would eventually suffer and die of mental ill-health and maniacal depression. They don't know it yet. You think say na by the beginning? Life is bloody long.

You start well on a shaprapra shapropro level (for your mind), you come feel say life soft, dey carry shoulder for your supposedly less fortunate peers, but you forget say the race na marathon and weather dey change. When you reach midpoint come run out of fuel, when life unexpectedly change your reggae to blues, na body go finally tell you.

Two seconds, everything don burst.

Those with sense, let them learn the right lessons.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children)

---

from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

GeoAfrikana:
No one is trying to stop you from commenting, at least I'm not. But I'm only trying to make you avoid talking based on emotions only.

Marriage is a lot complex than you see it. When settling marital dispute you should always try to make at least one party 'mumu' for the other. If none of the two accept to calm down for the other then there's no way forward.

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...