₦airaland Forum

SKYloafFISH:
men view things from a different perspective. They are only a one way thinker and only want to Lord everything on us

Won't it sound silly if it was the other way round?

You are yet to accept a natural fact and order of things.

CHoccolaTE:
See another example of how women keep getting scammed with this marriage crap.

Men will never ever agree that they should be responsible for housework and childcare but ther selfish arrogant asses want women to be co-breadwinners and providers.


Op the lord is your strength. Ask yourself what he himself would do if you were the one sitting at home 24/7 not providing and not doing housework and then demanding that he should not employ house helps. Will he take it in patience and still show you love?
Or better still ask him.
Ask him if he enjoys seeing you get stressed and overworked because of his ego issues.

And the funny thing is that many men in marriages today are living like this because of the bad economy, they depend on their wives for financial support but will stubbornly refuse to help with house chores.

You are a problem solver.

Fountainofyouth:
LMAO, Nigerians and the "bring down their country" syndrome, do you expect google to explain what six figures means in every country's currency? Google that is owned by an American, this is funny, Even your screenshots explained six figures as six digits, as in the numbers in it, and further explains five figures as five digits, something that is right in your face you can't even comprehend it, very shocking, you should hide your face in shame.

A six figure has nothing to do with the value, only the figures that are in it, and it is not only 100,000, it is between 100,000 to 999,999 in whatever currency, as the screenshot says.

Next time enquire properly before you display lack of knowledge here.

6 figures is a term not just a word you can throw around.

Madame we are talking about context here & in that, 6 figures means that you earn considerably well. Americans use it to gauge people who earn above the average, It is not for anyone to just use out of context.

It's a mark, once you hit the 100k mark, you now earn more than the average. Not because you can also earn 999,999.

Fountainofyouth:
You have comprehension problem, he is caring and disturbed but doesn't want his wife to get a maid to assist her in chores, he lost his job but doesn't want a job that isn't up to his previous 6 figures pay, in this hellish Nigeria of today, meaning he has a preference, combined with ego and pride, he doesn't want to start small, he wants to sit at home and drink away cos job will come and meet him at home abi? Get sense.

Now in this context, 6 figures means he was earning a lot before, now he couldn't find a good job as his previous one, hence the saying "he lost his job but doesn't want a job that isn't up to his previous 6 figures pay". Obviously he earns less than 100,000 thousand Naira.
Now even earning 100,000 naira in Nigeria carries no weight, so therefore your 6 figure sentence is clearly used wrongly here.

Sister Amaka, you can also compare it to someone who also earns in Zimbabwe dollars, so they also use the term 6 figures right? Shey 6 figures is 6 figures.

Now looking at this image below, once I type 6-figures, it automatically explains the $100,000 US Dollar to me. Obviously It is a term originated by them & used by them for a reason.

I read your comment this morning and sincerely u made my day
I pray God will settle whatever you request in this year
And to you op I beg you to disregard all other senseless posts from children that doesn’t know what it means to be married..... take the advice of this young man
Ur husband needs love and most importantly greater respect than before
Go to God on his behalf,intercede for him cos you are his weapon for warfare.......
Accept his behavior and keep this in mind that as soon as he gets his feet back on ground he will apologize for all wrongs done.......

I really respect your strength and courage
Finally please don’t bring ur family’s case up here again take it up there and you will see tremendous results

farady:
OP, thank God for using you to keep the home running, still loving you husband etc. Your husband really need some time to chill off and some bit of counseling preferably from someone he greatly respects to give him new "factory settings".

His behavour which is normal with men that have experienced job loss can be really traumatic. To him, he has lost that his economic power (which defines his masculinity) to provide for the family and in fact lost it to you................Look whether you bring in a cleaning company or not, his attitude will not change for the better, it will grow worse. At this moment, he need the support and encouragement of everyone, friends and family.

Get someone he truly respect to talk to him. On your part, go on kneels and commit him to God in prayers. Next, as you run the affairs of the home, please be kiafu make you no go mis-yarn. For instance you come dey hala like "I think you people have finished this milk that i bought just 2 days ago" or "I don't understand what you people are boiling with gas oh, that cylinder I just filled it with N4k last week and the way the cooker is burning, its like the cylinder is getting empty"...............When we men hear things like that, some of us get very upset, cause he would start thinking all these years he has been spending, nobody heard anything.

I pray God will visit your home and He who sees your sincere heart will restore joy and happiness to your home by settling your husband in Jesus name, Amen!

CHoccolaTE:
I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.

Oga dont worry majority of nairaland women are nice as civil when writing about men, just skip my posts if you find them non edifying.

Thanks

Am not going to change though

Hope u married.

wives please learn not to add to men's fustration when they are in such economic crisis

To what you have written, I see you as a mature future planning wife


Please leave your pastor off your home


Because the ultimate problems we have in Nigeria today are the likes of this pastors.


Secondly your husband might not like house help

Since you love him please listen to him

Have you ever consider bringing in any of your sister or may be your younger brother or cousin or family..

Try this and thank me
Later


If your husband still complains afterward then you need to go and bath his head in a river

genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.

Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!

My Brother, that one got me pissed. She even stressed it, and I can only imagine the ego. "I now feed the whole family including our 3 children..."" And so what?

Back to the matter, your husband earned in 6figures, born with silver spoon, have investment, have side business with low profit...etc.

Pls you may lose the marriage if you don't humble yourself than the way you portrait him. You probably had married him for his resourcefulness or background. Now, this is the reason you shouldn't have married him because you wanted comfort. Today, you have seen him bad and other habits.

Haunty! there is no advice you get here than manage and be source of encouragement to him. Reduce the ego of I am now the one providing for the family.

Pls don’t answer this advice o...some of these things written will scatter ur marriage finally....please only take advice that sounds practical not the ones gotten from boos and seminars

bukatyne:
Your husband has lost what he hung his self-esteem on which is his ability to earn.

Like you said, he was born with a silver spoon so he is used to a lifestyle and feels like a failure. That also reflects in his 'I can't lower my standards' statement.

I however do not like his inconsiderate attitude. If he is not going to hold the fort, he should let you at least hire professional cleaning services.

Since you say he loves and cares for you, engage him as a lover. Keep aside his mom and pastor.

Point out to him that you can't keep up with the chores and ask him to point out his reservations with the live in/professional help so you can work around his concerns.

Also stop him for drinking. Remove all the alcoholic drinks from your home, constantly remind him of his achievements and encourage him that he can rise again. Be a little more tender with him, let your embraces provide warmth and hope.

Depending on the financial structure and resources, just send something to him regularly so he doesn't think of how to have an haircut because he is broke.

Also proactively assist in job hunting. Are his skills obsolete? Does he need updated certifications? Is his CV updated? Does he need to start from smaller jobs before growing?

Also be emotionally intelligent. When he agreed to something, it might not be from his 'church' mind.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Since you said he is an introvert, let me advice from that angle. You have to win him...softly. Start from giving him a 10 minute hug when you come back from work at least a week before you start strategizing. Speak to him gently, pamper him.

When you want him to listen to you, use tears. Don’t talk harshly to him o. The reason why most people are introverts is because they don’t like harsh humans, and do everything to avoid them. And if they can’t avoid them, they become stubborn as mules.

So, whatever you want him to do, keep saying it (nag him, albeit softly). Explain things in steps, making valid points at every step, don’t just generalize the situation and expect him to understand.

If it’s introverts I know, they know their worth because they put in a lot of hard work to get to where they are. So he won’t want to settle for less. It’s left for you to convince him to pick up something temporarily. But don’t forget...tread softly.

MamaFryo:
What is this one even saying biko? Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong? That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?

Madam, if you're not married, you need a dedicated councillor. And you may have issues.

Which of your society confirms men as breadwinner and when they are not, heaven starts falling?

Fountainofyouth:
He is not depressed anything abeg, why won't he allow his wife get a maid after changing 4 maids in a year? He is just a vindictive and bitter person, he hates the fact that his wife is the one working and he is the one at home, he just wants to domesticate her by force nah, abi why else will he tell her to do it herself, someone that is working and obviously needs help at home.....

I seriously can't deal

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

don't get fed up with him
You no is not easy for one to lose his or her job and found joy to it, be patient with him he will definitely come down.

CHoccolaTE:
See another example of how women keep getting scammed with this marriage crap.

Men will never ever agree that they should be responsible for housework and childcare but ther selfish arrogant asses want women to be co-breadwinners and providers.


Op the lord is your strength. Ask yourself what he himself would do if you were the one sitting at home 24/7 not providing and not doing housework and then demanding that he should not employ house helps. Will he take it in patience and still show you love?
Or better still ask him.
Ask him if he enjoys seeing you get stressed and overworked because of his ego issues.

And the funny thing is that many men in marriages today are living like this because of the bad economy, they depend on their wives for financial support but will stubbornly refuse to help with house chores.

You will have issues in your marriage with this kind of mindset. Humble yourself and stop assigning responsibilities. Who does it doesn't matter but grow in love and tolerate each other

xaggar:
Hope u married.

Stupid question

CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.

And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.

Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now.

I don't see how this statement or some other statements are helping the young lady solve her problem. She came in for help through advices but instead we turn it to battle of sexes. What we say here about her husband isn't helping, it's obvious she loves her husband very much but we are giving her reasons to dislike him. Please let's be positive and feel her pain.
Op please, just like what someone else wrote, bring in your relations or if possible his, also put it in his head that he needs to man up, yeah he lost his job but it ain't the end of the world, probably he needs a tour in a mortuary, then he will value his life.
Oh please, keep pastors away from your home, at least from your story, I didn't hear any devil. Thanks

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

One thing you must never forget as a daughter of Zion is that your HUSBAND is the MASTER of your home. If you want peace, just do what he wants and keep praying. God has a way of letting him see through your humility. The truth is that he is feeling that your job/financial responsibilities u have taken up in the home is making you PROUD. no man wants to stay with a wife like that. Very soon, he'll ask u to resign and u guys should manage the little money he is making from his business.

My advice: Just do what he wants. He is undergoing a state of depression now. Don't add to it. It's better u do what he wants and keep your home, than do what pleases you and scatter your home. Shalom

MamaFryo:
I need to arrest your husband right away. That guy needs to be locked in the cell for his head to be correct. Tell him to kukuma kill you na!


Let me book space here to hear from other people...

I am not sure you have a HUSBAND over your head

You should give 70% of your salary to your husband, so he could feel like a responsible again, he should be the one handling all the responsibility even though the money is yours, then you can enjoy your home again.

Oh poor woman,

Somehow you are still the one at fault.

The rule is very simple- if you have to create a thread like this one, do so as a male.

Why do you people give missing that basic rule to get the truth from his fellow men, who make up the very larger population of NL??

Jeez!!!

Becareful....the way you are venting and replying, remember that the reason she posted this here is to get solution and not feed anger and contempt into which will make things worse. You might not care if the marriage ends, because after all you are the feminist and everything has to be a war between male & female. Calm the Bleep down a bit. OK.

Fountainofyouth:
He is not depressed anything abeg, why won't he allow his wife get a maid after changing 4 maids in a year? He is just a vindictive and bitter person, he hates the fact that his wife is the one working and he is the one at home, he just wants to domesticate her by force nah, abi why else will he tell her to do it herself, someone that is working and obviously needs help at home.....

He needs prayer and proper cancelling I guess

nothing shocks more than electricity like a jolt of reality,the man just have to pick himself up, reduce or stop his drinking habits and face the reality,God save him if he starts playing betnaja.

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

I had to quote you because I want you to see this comment. I have somehow been through what you are going through, though not as a wife, but as a child of the family.

My dad was really doing well in his business, and he was footing the whole bill of the family comfortably. During this period, my mum was working as well but no body really cared about her money. My family is quite like yours, 3 children plus parents, though without a maid.

Just when our firstborn was about to enter into the University, my Dad's business took a down fall and it was so bad, because it didn't fall gradually, it just collapsed without prior hint.

Just like your husband, my Dad couldn't handle it, he was always at home, making everyones life miserable. Though he never drank, at least openly, and when ever he did, he tried his best to hide it from my mum (she hates alcohol a lot). However it was really annoying having him around, and I knew how many times I had to come back late from school because I didn't want to face him.

Anyway, what I want to tell you is that with time things got better. He didn't actually find his way to his previous financial state, infact up until recently, he has been jumping from one failed business to another.

Nevertheless, things got better at home. It took a while, but after about 2 yrs or so, he had to deal with the reality that the financial strength of the family was no longer with him, and he found a way to cope with this.

Thank God now, he has something more tangible doing. Though he makes way less than my mum, but he is now able to pay more bills of the family (like say 2/3rds) while my mum (who earns more) carries less.


So the problem, as with your husband is THE MALE EGO, no man wants to be fed in his own house.

People always rush to give advise even when it's obvious they haven't find themselves in su h scenario . My dear Op, your husband is depressed and he's passing through one of the hardest time no man can ever wish for. In life, it's better not to test riches and then go back to square one, it's a very critical situation.
Pls don't look at his anger or misbehaviour, just so all sacrifice you can to please him . Do not exchange words or give him room to feel his level of role in the house currently... believe me he 'll bounce back n you 'll see the true love in him again.

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Anytime u re in the kitchen washing plates just sleep off or pretend u re sleeping he ll notice how tired u re n get u a help or assist himself.

Fountainofyouth:
TF you saying? She should overlook the fact that she needs maids to assist in the house or what? Do you have comprehension issues or you've forgotten what Op's complaint is about? Where was it mentioned for her to get a divorce? You lack points to make that's why you're spewing rubbish right? Go n sleep.

Emotions, emotions and only emotions.

Okay then, we've agreed he's a devil and trying to enslave his wife and stuff.

So what's your solution?

Experience is the best teacher, if you ask her husband he will definitely have sometin to say. Hence we shld not apportioned blame. Your husband is passing tru depression, pls bring him out. I have been in that position bf wen I lost my job, I hate everything ard me, I felt my colleague and friend ran away cos I don't have job. Let her sit her husband down and talk to him with love and respect. Wen I lost my job, my wife got a little teaching job wt less than 20k sal. She will gave me her sal once she got it and we use it to run the house. Note we have 3 kids too. Yet sometimes she act like she is the one feeding us. Woman a always like that.
So talk to your husband wt love, encourage him and respect him. He will still make it

CHoccolaTE:
See another example of how women keep getting scammed with this marriage crap.

Men will never ever agree that they should be responsible for housework and childcare but ther selfish arrogant asses want women to be co-breadwinners and providers.


Op the lord is your strength. Ask yourself what he himself would do if you were the one sitting at home 24/7 not providing and not doing housework and then demanding that he should not employ house helps. Will he take it in patience and still show you love?
Or better still ask him.
Ask him if he enjoys seeing you get stressed and overworked because of his ego issues.

And the funny thing is that many men in marriages today are living like this because of the bad economy, they depend on their wives for financial support but will stubbornly refuse to help with house chores.

Others seemed quite reasonable until I came across your incorrigible nonsense. It is true there's ego involved, but I'm yet to find a study that states it as a flaw of men alone. So your claim that women are some hapless victims in some "societal scheme" called marriage just sounds damn ignorant. Stop blaming society because of your misconceptions. There's nothing good in this life that comes without challenges. Here's a decent thoughtful woman seeking sound advice on what is but a bump in an otherwise happy journey , and you're here slanging your half-baked theories in her face. Don't you have a thread with other idiots(feminists) like you that you could visit?

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

You need grace here. For you to have lasted this long without breaking down is a miracle. You seem to know your husband very well except the irritation he's going through, common with anybody with low self-esteem, and sense of security. You even confirmed his introvert nature. Just remain calm, as hard as it may seem.

What's left for you to do is just pray for wisdom, but except you have the Holy Spirit, to wait for directive on going forward is tough if not impossible. Only your husband can come to his himself now, and you can't use pressure to achieve that, God's spirit alone can do that.

If you can pray, keep praying for him and keep thanking God for yourself, with this, you'll be under less pressure.

Ask God to have His way totally in your life, it may be an opportunity to get into God if you're not yet.

I wish you God's help in Jesus name.

By the way, I forgot to ask about your sex life. Even before things get into this mode, sex life of many couples are awkward. It may not have been in a healthy state, when an introvert husband now get into this trying moment, things get worse. Woman, as awesome as you've tried so far, be plain with me here. How's your sexual relationship. Who initiate it most of the time? The little I know about women and sex, particularly for the serious minded ones, anything that distrupts the home like in the case of job loss of the husband, not even their own, the first casualty may be sex with their husbands. For women, sex only make sense when all is normal at home. For men, sex is a means to reassure their wives that all is well, particularly the introvert husbands. So, check this angle out, and be sure, sex hasn't died he lost his job. There's nothing that irritates man than his wife saying, "Is it sex that is next with all these wahala on ground?" Having sex with your husband won't stop your breakthrough, it will even enhance it. You need to let him know that nothing has been lost, all will be well, and you'll see your husband come out anew.

pheonixdld2:
Becareful....the way you are venting and replying, remember that the reason she posted this here is to get solution and not feed anger and contempt into which will make things worse. You might not care if the marriage ends, because after all you are the feminist and everything has to be a war between male & female. Calm the Bleep down a bit. OK.

Exactly. You're on point. And I've been trying to explain to her but she's overwhelmed with emotions.

I'm certain that her father was a devil or her mother told her that her father is a devil.