₦airaland Forum

madam u are not ready to remain married. Is it until someone tells u DAT ur actions are flirty before u knw it is??

JaneKenedy:
I do, I mean he has come back and told me his encounter with a girl that was suppose to work under him, how the girl tried to seduce him, I just laughed about it and just told him he won, instead of asking him how they arrived at that stage...you see, in my compound, there's a girl he calls his sweetheart, they used to be close pals. I didn't even ask details, He told me how someone from his past relationships, came to give him wedding invitation, he stood the person outside because of what people might say and because he is married. I told him no, that the person was his guest, suppose to bring her home except there's another thing he is avoiding. I have come home to meet a girl he said he stayed with her family during nysc days, he refused the girl to cook for them till I can back, I asked why. If you can house her, why can't she cook too, I laughed over it. And believe me when I say, I avoid people ones I know you have an agenda. So I do that. I only trust him and not what people say about him. Even if he is chyking girls in my presence, i don't have problems with that provided it was just surface, which 'we' laugh about. He replies my chat sometimes and I do that, like practically I hide nothing from him. I am transparent with him, reason so that someone would not come and say...I say your wife laughing with someone....

Thanks for that....reverse visualization....I don't treat people the way I don't want to be treated.

Mind you, I only reported what I did and how he reacted, at first, the above are just few of where I suppose to be mad but I wasn't, and I have never minded them, because I am home and he is home too, he is still a human first before he married me. I can't cage him like that, that he can't talk with strangers especially the ones you can't read at first.

After all you never can tell who has the info that would help your ministry in future. I have also tried to explain things with him.

I can never cheat on him even if my life depends on it.
I would rather be killed than to have extra marital affairs. Just like I would rather die than to be raped or loose my virginity then....

I am strict and wired like that.

You are giving your husband leverage to cheat.He will cheat on you oneday.You should guard him and put limitations.You also need to be very careful so as not to be a victim of deceit and rape with your so called friendly strangers.Be very very careful.You can be friendly but please have some class with it

YoungBlackRico:
Since you're not ready to take corrections or advice, stop disturbing the web space please. Continue with your old ways, when the guyman has had enough and throw you out, your eye go clear. Free spirited ko, evil spirit ni.

she is a sturborn woman.she is still adamant.why seek advice if you are not ready to take it

JaneKenedy:
I do, I mean he has come back and told me his encounter with a girl that was suppose to work under him, how the girl tried to seduce him, I just laughed about it and just told him he won, instead of asking him how they arrived at that stage...you see, in my compound, there's a girl he calls his sweetheart, they used to be close pals. I didn't even ask details, He told me how someone from his past relationships, came to give him wedding invitation, he stood the person outside because of what people might say and because he is married. I told him no, that the person was his guest, suppose to bring her home except there's another thing he is avoiding. I have come home to meet a girl he said he stayed with her family during nysc days, he refused the girl to cook for them till I can back, I asked why. If you can house her, why can't she cook too, I laughed over it. And believe me when I say, I avoid people ones I know you have an agenda. So I do that. I only trust him and not what people say about him. Even if he is chyking girls in my presence, i don't have problems with that provided it was just surface, which 'we' laugh about. He replies my chat sometimes and I do that, like practically I hide nothing from him. I am transparent with him, reason so that someone would not come and say...I say your wife laughing with someone....

Thanks for that....reverse visualization....I don't treat people the way I don't want to be treated.

Mind you, I only reported what I did and how he reacted, at first, the above are just few of where I suppose to be mad but I wasn't, and I have never minded them, because I am home and he is home too, he is still a human first before he married me. I can't cage him like that, that he can't talk with strangers especially the ones you can't read at first.

After all you never can tell who has the info that would help your ministry in future. I have also tried to explain things with him.

I can never cheat on him even if my life depends on it.
I would rather be killed than to have extra marital affairs. Just like I would rather die than to be raped or loose my virginity then....

I am strict and wired like that.

From this I can conclude that your husband is very disciplined and he expects you to be like him.

He loves you and cares about you too.
Don't let this little thing destroy your marriage.

I'm not married but u should know that ur husband doesn't like ur communication with strangers, why not respect that. Is it when it turns violent or ur home is broken before u listen?

Op, you're like my ex, i thank God for not making me to made a mistake to marry her.
She will fix date at hotel with a facebook guy and tell me its nothing,if i express my mind to her, she will say i have trust issues.

She will pass night at her ex house with the excuse of doing tutorial with him and swearing with bible that the guy didn't sleep with her.

Receiving calls late in the night ,telling me its nothing. She even told me will i stop her from going out with her male boss if we are married? I asked her how will she feel if im going out with my secretary , no response.

It was when she started meeting different ladies at my house , making calls at night to different ladies, she will be ranting & calling me different names

Op, dont let you husband regret marrying you. Stop flirting by style, stop saying you trust yourself , marrying as a virgin isn't a reason for your husband to trust you, you can't be mingling with different guys and expect him to have a rest of mind

My first question to you is how old are you? cause from all your replies its either you are still very young or you are not matured for marriage..
first of all, marrying as a virgin is not a guarantee you will not cheat and its not until another man penetrates you that you can say you have cheated. from experience married virgins are even more likely to cheat when things get Stormy in their marriages.
It's very wrong for you to give another man your glass to drink from, worse in the presence of hubby. you are a married woman and you should start carrying your self as one. marriage is all about compromise. you can't keep shouting free spirit as a single person and still be saying free spirit as a married person. you just have to adjust everything about you whether wrong or right. and stop basing ur actions on what ur husband hubby does or doesn't do, just do the right thing. If you still have single friends telling you what you did was nothing then my dear cut them off.

Please stop confusing your marriage and answer this question.
Will you feel comfortable if your husband does open flirting with other ladies the way you do it.

Stop justifying rubbish and face ur marriage cos I have this feeling that u want to do that which I didn’t do before.....

JaneKenedy:
Thanks, I always tell him everything. Like I have been in the midst of my friends females, someone bought drinks and pepper soup for us, I didn't accept. When he came back, I still told him. The only thing I don't tell him, is the one that he was present and witness. I tell him from the beginning till the end of my daily happenings, even where I know I am wrong.
As a single, I didn't accept gifts from my male friends except the ones I can afford. Otherwise I wouldn't. Reason, you can use what you gifted me to have a better hold of me. I would replace it immediately. I hardly send my account for someone to give me money...no...I didn't, except family members, male friends, No.
So I have always been contented with the little I have and don't accept gifts any how.
Even him as my husband knows I don't totally expect things I cannot afford from him, he knows that about me and still act like someone who married a prostitute.

Once I told his brother, he was shouting and telling me he would talk to him.

I do apologise but it's becoming irritating to me that I can't talk to anybody have a discussion and part ways in and discuss my "chykers" with him.
Some people comes with a good proposal that I know if I follow up something good would come out of it...like jobs and contract even though might be small.

The problem usually starts when I tell him later of how my day went and who I spoke with or met for the day.

He saw a guy talking to me one day like that, we didn't talk long but somehow he mentioned a business I have had interest in, I also noticed the guy is civil engineer, same school with my brother, and from my side too, I quickly collected the guy's number so that I would know more through phone instead of standing there discussing with him. I even waved at him and smiled to come and see my brother oo when I saw him. It became an issue, that I was talking with anybody I see. That day he also said I should have brought the strange person home and stay at home to discuss with him. I just met him once, don't know him much? Should have brought him home? Like....I don't understand

JaneKenedy:
Thank you. I will give your sister same advice like you just did.

I didn't know marriage means not meeting a new person.

Thanks all the same

What are you meeting the new persons for??

Are they developing you, or are they talkatives??

JaneKenedy:
I have always been a free spirited person. For instant, I don't segregate who I speak with, I accommodate all sane person except there's a reason I shouldn't associate with the person. Giving you my contact is not a problem for me, it's picking your calls or saving your contact finally, indicates you in my good book.
Then I got married, I stopped many of this but giving contact and speaking with strangers, I couldn't stop. My husband married me as a virgin at 30. Even while we were dating I still maintained my stand. We did everything but any form of sex. We are just I year old in the marriage by the way.
I already mentioned I'm a free spirited person but that doesn't mean I don't play mind games. I never hide anything even my daily encounter from my husband. But when ever I tell him about meeting someone new, what we discuss and how we ended, he would flare up and start quarrelling with me. That I talk to strangers, don't I know I am married, indirectly calling me a flirt. I have left the house several times for him. Everyday we would be talking about samething. I told him I cannot stop meeting people and telling him about it.
We are practically always together that he could tell where to meet me even if there was no prior calling to know my whereabout. If my phone is not reachable for any reason, he has and knows who to call to reach me. He knows my daily engagements like that.
Even when things happened in his absence, I tell him the exact way it happened even if I was at fault or not. Just the way it happened.
Most times he comes home very late but I don't have problems with that again, provided I was able to hear from him.
He is very caring and loving too.

Yesternight, his numbers wasn't going through, it was getting late as usual. I didn't know how to reach him and he was still out of town when I heard from him last. Around 9pm, I haven't heard from my husband, he hasn't called. I came out to a nearby bar where he usually spends his time, he wasn't there, I sat with my friend who sells food in the evening, a young girl, then I met his policeman friend and was complaining that I haven't heard from him.
Then later I went to our house to go and continue waiting oo. Since it was already late.

Around 10:20pm, no sign yet, I came out again now saw him. He was just coming back. I was angry a bit but I calmed my self down because we were outside and I also was thinking he must be tired.

So I beckoned on him to let's go, he insisted we sit and have some drinks.
We formed a table of four, the food seller friend of mine and one drunk guy, he said the guy is his brother.
So while we were drinking, he( my husband) needed to talk with one of our Compound's guy there, so he moved to their table.

I left the drunk, smoking guy at the table and I and my gf( the food seller) went to her table, every thing is within 7-9 Meters range.

While we were seated at the food stand, gf narrating her encounter to me, I was still with my drink in a glass. A guy came, all of us sometimes sit there in the evening. One thing led to another oo, he was thinking I was having a stout because my eyes were already weak. He said he would drink out of it to prove it, my husband and his friend were around watching us.
I said no wahala, let me finish, I would give him the last glass. I did.

My husband came to tell me, what that guy(our Compound's guy) said, that someone collected my drink from me, I was like wow, what's wrong in giving somebody my drink.
A drink I didn't want to take again. I was hearing, I am not supposed to give my drink to him, I asked if they knew what transpired....we started another quarrel. This time around he accused me of flirting with the guy. Me!.... I told him, he would have told his friend that that was nothing.

If we started listing rights and wrong, it was wrong of us to be outside by that time looking for who?

I have thick skin for what people think of me from afar but someone I share a home with...I can't really deal.

Please, what do you think about this whole story, if I'm wrong in anyway kindly point it out, and my husband what do you think of his reaction, if you were in his shoes and I was your wife, would you think or behave as him

I am beginning to feel my marriage is not right. Someone that cannot trust me, I don't understand.

Please, what do you think. No insult please . Call a spade, a spade, I wouldn't mind

Let's arrange it this way, you met your husband a virgin in his late 30s, you taught him all sex styles, and because of your work, you decided to take a maid, you came back and saw him and the maid laughing together or the maid laughs whenever is his joke is not funny, how would you feel...won't you feel suspiciously noticing your maid? Your common sense will make you jealous and feel worried that she may seduce your naive husband while you r away from home..samething your hubby is feeling, ( though it's a feminine behaviour), he has not tested your strength, when alone with a guy..then perhaps his insecurity is stemming from his past, he is afraid, Karma is hunting him...he may not tell you, how many married women he has fu.cked...he is feeling someone will definitely do that to him, so he is overprotective..my advise, is make sure you avoid playing with guys, make friends with ladies but avoid gossips, then see his reactions..but if karma will visit him, you will still mess around.

JaneKenedy:
I have always been a free spirited person. For instant, I don't segregate who I speak with, I accommodate all sane person except there's a reason I shouldn't associate with the person. Giving you my contact is not a problem for me, it's picking your calls or saving your contact finally, indicates you in my good book.
Then I got married, I stopped many of this but giving contact and speaking with strangers, I couldn't stop. My husband married me as a virgin at 30. Even while we were dating I still maintained my stand. We did everything but any form of sex. We are just I year old in the marriage by the way.
I already mentioned I'm a free spirited person but that doesn't mean I don't play mind games. I never hide anything even my daily encounter from my husband. But when ever I tell him about meeting someone new, what we discuss and how we ended, he would flare up and start quarrelling with me. That I talk to strangers, don't I know I am married, indirectly calling me a flirt. I have left the house several times for him. Everyday we would be talking about samething. I told him I cannot stop meeting people and telling him about it.
We are practically always together that he could tell where to meet me even if there was no prior calling to know my whereabout. If my phone is not reachable for any reason, he has and knows who to call to reach me. He knows my daily engagements like that.
Even when things happened in his absence, I tell him the exact way it happened even if I was at fault or not. Just the way it happened.
Most times he comes home very late but I don't have problems with that again, provided I was able to hear from him.
He is very caring and loving too.

Yesternight, his numbers wasn't going through, it was getting late as usual. I didn't know how to reach him and he was still out of town when I heard from him last. Around 9pm, I haven't heard from my husband, he hasn't called. I came out to a nearby bar where he usually spends his time, he wasn't there, I sat with my friend who sells food in the evening, a young girl, then I met his policeman friend and was complaining that I haven't heard from him.
Then later I went to our house to go and continue waiting oo. Since it was already late.

Around 10:20pm, no sign yet, I came out again now saw him. He was just coming back. I was angry a bit but I calmed my self down because we were outside and I also was thinking he must be tired.

So I beckoned on him to let's go, he insisted we sit and have some drinks.
We formed a table of four, the food seller friend of mine and one drunk guy, he said the guy is his brother.
So while we were drinking, he( my husband) needed to talk with one of our Compound's guy there, so he moved to their table.

I left the drunk, smoking guy at the table and I and my gf( the food seller) went to her table, every thing is within 7-9 Meters range.

While we were seated at the food stand, gf narrating her encounter to me, I was still with my drink in a glass. A guy came, all of us sometimes sit there in the evening. One thing led to another oo, he was thinking I was having a stout because my eyes were already weak. He said he would drink out of it to prove it, my husband and his friend were around watching us.
I said no wahala, let me finish, I would give him the last glass. I did.

My husband came to tell me, what that guy(our Compound's guy) said, that someone collected my drink from me, I was like wow, what's wrong in giving somebody my drink.
A drink I didn't want to take again. I was hearing, I am not supposed to give my drink to him, I asked if they knew what transpired....we started another quarrel. This time around he accused me of flirting with the guy. Me!.... I told him, he would have told his friend that that was nothing.

If we started listing rights and wrong, it was wrong of us to be outside by that time looking for who?

I have thick skin for what people think of me from afar but someone I share a home with...I can't really deal.

Please, what do you think about this whole story, if I'm wrong in anyway kindly point it out, and my husband what do you think of his reaction, if you were in his shoes and I was your wife, would you think or behave as him

I am beginning to feel my marriage is not right. Someone that cannot trust me, I don't understand.

Please, what do you think. No insult please . Call a spade, a spade, I wouldn't mind

your husband loves you, he is just feeling insecure and listening to hearsay. I would suggest u both visit a therapist where u could both pour ur minds out.

excessmon:
Please stop confusing your marriage and answer this question.
Will you feel comfortable if your husband does open flirting with other ladies the way you do it.

Stop justifying rubbish and face ur marriage cos I have this feeling that u want to do that which I didn’t do before.....

Story

the man u gave ur bottle of stout to is already having plans for u .u better shine ur eyes sister.plenty wolves in sheep clothing so hence its wise creating a certain boundary as a married lady when dealing with the opposite sex.if u keep on been too free it will develop from sharing the same bottle to pressing your backside and d dude calling you my wife.be woke.