IceColdVeins:
"How could we not talk about family, when family's all that we got?"
Charlie Otto Puth (2015)
CC: KanuSE thanks bro

This write up was inspired by a random thread https://www.nairaland.com/5396187/children-deadbeat-fathers-time-think/4#82028618 that was created about a couple of months ago. Its was based on the effects of parents exhibiting apathetic attitudes towards their wards. Lugubriously, I was a victim of that on the father's part. I had lots of rifts with my dad owing to constant loggerheads and maltreatments that I could percieve my mother received from him(I was only acting on my mother's emotions). I suffered a lot due to paternal negligence........If I start penning down my chronicles, it would be easier stopping a herd of stampeding wildebeestes on the Serengeti than making me stop typing.

Without further Ado, I saw the thread and I decided to make my own opinions known as attached below, then a guy quoted me and that changed everything. I started seeing things in the other perspective and I decided to initiate a communication with my dad that I had gone incommunicado on for over six years (200 level in the unversity). Good heavens, it felt like dreams came through when he replied(photos attached). Now I'd be going home this December for the christmas break, I'm thinking of buying him a very fine wine and an exquisite wristwatch, which his colleagues would ask about it and he would reply ''My son got it''.

Finally, I can say I had gone through thick-thin of life and still moving. I'm an independent 26 years old bloke now and I was able to get here with the help of the very limited finances from my mother, while my father kept buying cars and building houses. I'd implore fellow nairalanders with similar backgrounds with mine to take a clue from this thread and let the old things pass away. Forgive your parents and move on.

"Children begin by loving their parents, as they grow older they judge them, sometimes they forgive them"
Oscar Wilde

Regards.
Mynd44 lalasticlala

BRATISLAVA:
When will he apologize to your mum? Or have you forgotten that part? You've forgotten why you didn't care about him? Another bro code moment. Maybe you've found yourself maltreating women, too, so now it's okay.

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

IceColdVeins:
Not that bro. I will always be on the side of every loyal woman and will treat them with love as well.
But I have now come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to marriage. During my childhood, I never saw things from the perspective OF my dad, we only kept on listening to mom's wailings(she suffered truthfully) but we never get to hear his own side of the story cos
a man never shows emotions. My reconcilation with dad is not a pat on his head for his wrongdoings but a move to make peace within myself.
You'll understand when you have a disagreement with your wife and your own children start taking sides.
I'm just trying a retrace my steps and lay a good foundation for my unborn children.

BRATISLAVA:


So now that you heard his side it has justified the cruel treatment to your mother? What do your unborn children have to do with his unkindness to your mother?. Problem is that many men do evil to their wives not knowing that the people who will never forgive them are the children. The way your unborn children will have nothing to do with this is if you treat your future wife well. I have no pity for men who do evil and get abandoned by their kids. This is why abuse in any form is foolishness, because it is the children who will suffer it not even the spouse you want to hurt. His side means nothing. The oppressors do not need sympathy except from fellow oppressors. And yes, it will be taken as a pat on the back. Loyal or disloyal, nobody deserves to be abused . Just divorce. Don't torture yourself and kids.

chriskosherbal:
Easier Said than done, op first of all I want to use this medium to say you are a man, for trying to make peace with your Dad, there is a particular blessing that biological father's carry that NO man on earth no matter how highly placed in any field can give to you..Am quoting you because you are still trying to condemn and Judge his Dad, the OP said we never listened to his own side of the story cos men just know how to suck in emotions.

Being the last male in the family I stayed with family for a longtime before I left, and I must say mother's are wonderful but can choke a man to death sometimes if that man lack emotional shockabsolver when things start to fall apart especially finance, Seeing my mum cry complaining to me sometimes you will think Dad is just heartless until I grew to understand that mum most times just want things to go her way always forgetting Dad feelings, and the fact he still the head of the home, irrespective of finance and mum sometimes couldn't just be submissive.

You see when you grow older in life you will definitely love your mum but tend to appreciate your Dad's effort so far in trying to raise a family ( we were 8 in number, even though we lost 2), providing for everyone's need, food, academics, name it, and coping with mums constant nagging sometimes can be really frustrating and unbearable, you will see it practically clear when you start to have kids..

It takes God and a man that is determine to keep his family together irrespective of trials/temptation to still keep going, sincerely I love my mum no doubt but my RESPECT for my Dad have skyrocked when I came face to face with real life ...I love you DAD.

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them? Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them? Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

Graxie:
This is why I hate single motherhood, I can never raise up kids by myself alone except due to widowhood. God will not even allow me to be one. Every single mother should read this thread and wake up, you will raise this kids alone and they will go in search of their father. Some will even claim you manipulated them. Wake up and seek for child support from sperm donor, even if it means going public. Don't waste your life for nothing. Better still, go and drop those kids for your sperm donor family. Be wise.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

CHoccolaTE:


@bold,
Na real wa

Leave them to continue blaming their mothers for everything
Ungrateful souls

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

prizlezzlalasky:
@ op I can only say kudos to you for taking this bold step, try being a source of reconciliation to both parties.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

CHoccolaTE:


This is exactly what I was thinking while going through this thread,
See how I felt cold while reading the justification these people gave for their fathers behaviour, they cannot control their urge to blame women for everything.
They agree that the father maltreated mom but are now twisting it by saying their mother manipulated them into being on her side, she nagged, she did so and so
Can you imagine the ungratefulness to the only parent who was there for you through thick and thin?
Go back to your dad if you want but dont be unfortunate by bad mouthing your mother for your dads bad behaviour, even if she did the nagging and emotional whatever you people are claiming THAT DOES NOT JUSTIFY your dad abandoning you. He could have gotten family to mediate, he could have separated from her but continued to show interest and concern for you.

But here you ungrateful brats are, after your mother raised you you want to still blame her for your dad abandoning you.


I really pity single moms raising boys, if they know what is good for them they will try as much as possible to get support from their sperm donor because men will always support each other over women no matter the rubbish the other party does.

I am very sure Op's dad is rich because he mentioned the man building houses everywhere. Maybe he wants to have a taste of his dads wealth that's what is really fueling this reconciliation and bad mouthing his mother.