Deadbeat dads will be dancing with joy on seeing this thread. Now they can continue being irresponsible because the kids they never cared for will grow up one day and reward them with gifts.

Your dad abandoned your mum to singlehandedly raise you but somehow it's your mum's fault and his irresponsible act is justified. If I were your mum, I'll curse you and disown you for life. The moment you go and build a relationship with a man that never cared about your existence while you were growing, you become dead to me.

dominique:
Deadbeat dads will be dancing with joy on seeing this thread. Now they can continue being irresponsible because the kids they never cared for will grow up one day and reward them with gifts.

Your dad abandoned your mum to singlehandedly raise you but somehow it's your mum's fault and his irresponsible act is justified. If I were your mum, I'll curse you and disown you for life. The moment you go and build a relationship with a man that never cared about your existence while you were growing, you become dead to me.

He said we should 'hear his father's side'. I wonder what reasons the man will give for neglecting his children.

Ishilove:

He said we should 'hear his father's side'. I wonder what reasons the man will give for neglecting his children.

He'll blame everything on the mum and the son will take his side. I thought it was bad enough that Nigerian men justify domestic violence, now they're doing same for child neglect using the same "the mother must have done something to deserve it" mantra. I shiver at the next bad behavior they will justify and push the blame on the mother, possibly pedophilia. Very sick generation of men we're breeding.

dominique:


He'll blame everything on the mum and the son will take his side. I thought it was bad enough that Nigerian men justify domestic violence, now they're doing same for child neglect using the same "the mother must have done something to deserve it" mantra. I shiver at the next bad behavior they will justify and push the blame on the mother, possibly pedophilia. Very sick generation of men we're breeding.

Not just sick. Spineless and foolish.

This guy was single handedly raised by his mother while his father was wallowing in wealth. Now he is demonising his mother for the neglect he suffered from his father. I don't get it.

Most Nigerian women will most certainly prefer to cry in Benz than to wallow in poverty but your mother choose the safe option for her sanity and kid's sake. If you want to make peace with your father, kindly go ahead but do not belittle the sufferings of your mother to appease your conscience.


Imagine after the marital abandonment, I risked being demonised by the kids I suffered for

I hate abortion but this thread is making me to lean towards pro-choice.
Ladies beware . If you have had the babies already, start keeping tabs, school fees receipts, messages sent to him for assistances, your child's memorable moments on videos, the time he was contacted for his helps and the excuses he gave. Whether justifiable or not, put it down somewhere.
Keep a ledger of the financial helps you received from him.
Let your evidence fight for you before they use your sufferings to demonize you.

BRATISLAVA:


Honestly wondering at the strangeness of it all. It's like a ticket to evil and they endorse it. Imagine neglecting you and then you running after the man. Men suck in emotions they say. Rubbish. If he valued his family he would put aside baseless pride and stoop to conquer. Rather they now demonize their mothers and sympathize with the fathers. Some form of Stockholm syndrome. The oppressor deserves some love, eh?

Why sounding so bitter, are you not happy he reconciled with his dad? You don't even know him so why letting your emotions do the typing.

Funny thread.
Forgiveness is good but throwing your mother under the bus will rip your conscience apart when you realised whom your dad truly is. There are always reasons for everything whether absurd, genuine or outright crass but there is no justification for proven parental negligence.

Riding on the back of someone that cares to give an olive branch to someone that never cared is betrayal no matter what the Holy Books says.

Just like the illustration below :
Your ex-wife or spouse leaving you when you are poor even though he/she would've done something to ameliorate your situation. But they didn't, instead another heart of gold spouse who believes you can be anything you wanna be came along. They cleaned and dusted you to be the shining platinum you always wish to be.
Now, you feel maybe the heart of gold use juju on you or maybe he/she is just not the best thing to enjoy your success with. So you start reaching out to your ex riding on the back of the heart of gold spouse.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

This reminds me of a pastor's sermon years ago.

She said she pitied single mothers who want to prove can do and reject input from the father of their kids.

She said they would train/care for those kids and when it is time for the kids to get married, they would go look for the father and even beg him to walk them down the aisle. They would like the OP seek the fathers to reconcile and the mothers become witches.

She told them to wise up and drag the men till they have inputs in their children's lives

That way, they both rightfully enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Women should employ more logic to these things. Pick the right men, don't accommodate nonsense and ensure the men are responsible.

Don't do 'I will do it alone' shit except the man is 100% unable to.

It ever ends well.

KanuSE:


Other ladies here think otherwise though.

Every one is entitled to their opinion,

That being said, we can't judge the father cause we ve not heard his side of the story......... Marriage is a misterious institution hence we should just concern ourselves with how the offsprings from the union will experience the love of a father and also unite their parents again.

eazzzy1:
Isn’t a child reuniting with his father suppose to be a good thing? The only lesson learnt here is never make your child pick sides in a feud they are too young to understand. The children will always pick the sides of the mother because you hardly see a dad explaining adult issues to their kids.

The reason he is giving his dad a chance is because his relationship with his father was formed not out of his own experience but his moms. This in no way invalidate his moms love for him.

Some of you in a bid to blackmail the OP are even saying he’s now an abuser hence the reconciliatory moves, do you bother asking what his dad felt when his own seed took sides with his ‘enemy’? the hurt, the betrayal?

The women here are only pained because they now realize that you can not make a child hate his father because you hate him. The child will always look for his father or mother as long as they are alive.

PS: I have seen children gone in search of their birth mother who gave them up for adoption. How’s that different from this situation?

A man's relationship with the mother of his child (especially when they are married/living together) is every important in the child's life. You cannot be maltreating his mother and expect the child to love you.

That aside, there are typically two snearios:

1. A couple's relationship breaks down however both parties are still involved in the life of the child. The father/absentee parent understands that the beef is with the spouse and not the child. Here, there is no absentee parent, just co-parents who are trying to do their thing. I am sure a number of people remember going to dad's house for a while, going to mom's house, the parents visiting etc. The other parent is involved.

2. A parent (usually the father) due to bitterness towards the mother severed the relationship between the woman and the kids they had together. The man has no input towards the kids because he knows that tomorrow, the kids would come look for him (religion, forgiveness, culture and tradition) etc. He neglects both mother and child. This is only excusable if the father did not know about the existence of the child.

In no 1, Irrespective of what the father did to the mother/themselves, the father has a relationship with the child. The child might be unhappy about things with his parents or even side the victim (his mother here), he/she still has some sort of relationship/access with the father and can even broker reconciliation if inclined to.

A child has to forgive the erring parent because they are our parents and forgiveness is a prerequisite to obtain same from God. But to demonize the parent who supported them under the guise of been manipulative?

Na na na!

I also know deadbeat mothers whose kids don't send and worship their dad, I know fathers who visited kids with nothing when the mothers kicked them out. The children still have the memory of 'my dad checked our homework then' so the mother couldn't demonize him. I know mothers who sneaked to visit their kids when their husbands sent them away after breakdown of the relationship.

There is NO excuse for a negligent parent who knows about the existence of his/her seed.

LadySarah:
King Tonto comes to mind .The way her son will run to his father later might kill her.

Women Shine your eyes well.slaving while the sperm donor is somewhere enjoying.

In Tonto's case, I don't see why Churchill can't fight for joint custody.

He needs to really do better.

See T-billz and Tiwa na. JamJam still feels his father's presence.

I think Churchill is too laid back and has no excuse.

dominique:


He'll blame everything on the mum and the son will take his side. I thought it was bad enough that Nigerian men justify domestic violence, now they're doing same for child neglect using the same "the mother must have done something to deserve it" mantra. I shiver at the next bad behavior they will justify and push the blame on the mother, possibly pedophilia. Very sick generation of men we're breeding.

I think you are taking it too far. Reconciling with his father won't stop his love towards his mother or care he ought to give to her. Moreover you can't disregard his father side of the story if he has the chance to hear him out. There are some instances where the mother will forcefully take the child away from the father neglecting the repercussion. At least a case study is clearly seen in Tonto Dike's case now. She even drag the father to court to stop him from seeing his own child ooo. Who does that for Christ's sake? So you see there always two sides to a coin.

SirVintageCock:
Funny thread.
Forgiveness is good but throwing your mother under the bus will rip your conscience apart when you realised whom your dad truly is. There are always reasons for everything whether absurd, genuine or outright crass but there is no justification for proven parental negligence.

Riding on the back of someone that cares to give an olive branch to someone that never cared is betrayal no matter what the Holy Books says.

Just like the illustration below :
Your ex-wife or spouse leaving you when you are poor even though he/she would've done something to ameliorate your situation. But they didn't, instead another heart of gold spouse who believes you can be anything you wanna be came along. They cleaned and dusted you to be the shining platinum you always wish to be.
Now, you feel maybe the heart of gold use juju on you or maybe he/she is just not the best thing to enjoy your success with. So you start reaching out to your ex riding on the back of the heart of gold spouse.

Hopefully, people learn from the thread.

And trust me, the Bible does not support such betrayal.

Make peace with the dad, yes. Forgiveness is paramount.

bukatyne:


In Tonto's case, I don't see why Churchill can't fight for joint custody.

He needs to really do better.

See T-billz and Tiwa na. JamJam still feels his father's presence.

I think Churchill is too laid back and has no excuse.

What do you mean by do better? He has also taken her to court to have joint custody but Tonto is trying every means to stop the effort. See there are toxic people even if you don't want to accept that, and Tonto is one of them.

bdchange:

I think you are taking it too far. Reconciling with his father won't stop his love towards his mother or care he ought to give to her. Moreover you can't disregard his father side of the story if he has the chance to hear him out. There are some instances where the mother will forcefully take the child away from the father neglecting the repercussion. At least a case study is clearly seen in Tonto Dike's case now. She even drag the father to court to stop him from seeing his own child ooo. Who does that for Christ's sake? So you see there always two sides to a coin.

Are you telling me that if Churchill really wants to see his child, he would not?

With the influence he has?

Come on!

bdchange:

What do you mean by do better? He has also taken her to court to have joint custody but Tonto is trying every means to stop the effort. See there are toxic people even if you don't want to accept that, and Tonto is one of them.

I don't even see Tonto as a victim, her single motherhood is her choice which is part manifestation of her craziness.

My point is that Churchill can and has the means to battle her in court if he really really wants to do so.

bukatyne:


Are you telling me that if Churchill really wants to see his child, he would not?

With the influence he has?

Come on!

He does see at least once in a while with what we have seen online but she is still frustrating the effort. She just doesn't want the child to have anything to do with the father. He has come out to show it several times.

Op If your father was wretched and poor, would you have run back to him like a lost puppy? In as much as I love peace in the family, I don't support this idea of you buying his love coz I'm convinced he doesn't love you.

Imagine where or what you would been if your mom also abandoned you like he did but it seems you have been waiting for an opportunity to run back to your dad and that post made it easier for you.

I really feel for your mom coz you don't even see nor value the sacrifices she made for you. Your dad is wrong and needs to apologize to you too but I see he is full of ego while you try to force yourself on him. You will soon see his true colour and then, you will learn to appreciate your mom.

bdchange:

He does see at least once in a while with what we have seen online but she is still frustrating the effort. She just doesn't want the child to have anything to do with the father. He has come out to show it several times.

Tonto Dike is a loose cannon, yes! So I know she is frustrating his efforts.

He should try harder, go to his school and pay his fees, show up on his birthdays, random visits, keep appealing in court till he gets part-time custody etc.

He should keep fighting till he breaks through.

bukatyne:


I don't even see Tonto as a victim, her single motherhood is her choice which is part manifestation of her craziness.

My point is that Churchill can and has the means to battle her in court if he really really wants to do so.

See I have seen deadbeat father as first hand because I have one relative facing such dilemma now so it will be unwise to justify any deadbeat father. This one even have 3 kids and neglect them for the wife alone. So you see . but the case where the woman has all it takes to Carter for the child thereby blocking the father' access to his own child is what I am talking about here. That is why the OP needs to hear his father's side.

abimbola74:

Why sounding so bitter, are you not happy he reconciled with his dad? You don't even know him so why letting your emotions do the typing.

What emotions? Logically if the man is so bad, why sentimentally going back to him because of illogical fear?

dominique:
Deadbeat dads will be dancing with joy on seeing this thread. Now they can continue being irresponsible because the kids they never cared for will grow up one day and reward them with gifts.

Your dad abandoned your mum to singlehandedly raise you but somehow it's your mum's fault and his irresponsible act is justified. If I were your mum, I'll curse you and disown you for life. The moment you go and build a relationship with a man that never cared about your existence while you were growing, you become dead to me.

This is what I'm on about. They suddenly see their mothers as having issues because as men now they behave exactly as their fathers did and have brewed misogyny to the level that the woman who showed them love is now the enemy. I don't understand how it's now suddenly his side. His side suddenly forgives all and turns on the mother. Most children form a true opinion of their parents devoid of any interference. It is later that the sides show up when they've grown. But I realized that they are scared they will be abandoned too, so they run to apologize (what was their crime as children who saw a monster against their mother and rightly so?) Lest evil befalls them. It's fear moving them.

prizlezzlalasky:


Every one is entitled to their opinion,

That being said, we can't judge the father cause we ve not heard his side of the story......... Marriage is a misterious institution hence we should just concern ourselves with how the offsprings from the union will experience the love of a father and also unite their parents again.

what side of the story, madam? He already said he watched him abuse his mother. I will not be surprised that a man will murder a woman and you will still want to know his side of the story to justify murder for whatever reason. Same applies here

So OP contacted his dad and apologized as seen from the chat. Well, maybe he wasn't abandoned.. maybe OP did the abandoning.
Also, he said he is 26 and haven't spoken to the dad in 6 yrs, since his 200 level. So the dad was in his life up until he was 20 yrs.
I guess it's a Tiff between him and his dad. Not as deep as abandonment as an infant. Not a deadbeat dad if he was there till ur 20s.

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

He typed everything

His dad didn't do shit

All thanks to nairaland.

@IceColdVeins, Good job on your part

And a good ending for deadbeat fathers and mothers.

Now they are going to eat their cake and have it.

Future mothers and fathers can as well decide to be deadbeat parents. We are all gonna guilt trip their children into forgiving them for the better good. So they don't get to be parents when they are needed the most but they still get to enjoy the benefits of having grown children. Imagine enjoying the best of both worlds without lifting a finger. Lucky bastards!

[color=#000099][/color] na if person make am for life he dey forgive o. If he no make am omo na cutlass o

IceColdVeins:
Dont mind him, you need to see how fast he types, spends time on whatsapp and facebook more than an average adolescent

kallmemrB:
That's nice.... Some parents don't deserve any relationship with them.. Just forgive and move on

Your quote is contradicting, how can you claim to have forgiven your parents but they still don't deserve any relationship with you?

Romanoff:
Some parents will provoke their kids and will still expect an apology from them.

Meanwhile, your dad types like a teenager. Lol. See abbreviations.

He is a digital dad, he is growing with time unlike some people who stopped growing long time ago