₦airaland Forum

The guy is insecure. He would never change, it can only reduce but he can never change. Leave the relationship. Its better to be single than be in an abusive relationship.

I pray for wisdom because when you're in a predicament, you find it hard to think well so I appreciate everyone who helped/is helping me think. Thanks for the contributions and advices, both the kind and angry sounding ones. I appreciate the time and effort.

I'll find a way to quietly walk away from him.

okirewaju:
If I were you, I'll take off the current footwear I'm putting on and flee


A man that has verbal diarrhea is a turn off plus a woman beater and still insecure


They will keep edging you until you fall into that pit. There is a difference between Wedding Ceremony and the Marriage itself.

You deserve so much better. Don't settle for less

Thank you

bukatyne:
What is your definition of love?

The question is do you love yourself?

Yes ma, over love sef but sometimes people's opinion can make you doubt your sanity or ability to choose right

Macsjebs:
This is too much, but who are my to Judge...
This is just 'pre-wedding treatment'; how will 'after wedding treatment' now be, so u shouldn't interact with other males or what...Jealous people can do weird stuffs sha and he is already showing signs of a jealous 'husband to be'....
Make he no go put u under house arrest in the end

Lol, God won't allow it happen

babythug:
They say we ask for advice when we know what to do but just need a nudge in the right direction!

You already know it’ll be a lifetime of misery if you end up with this fellow. The people asking you to stay are dishonest and wicked or perhaps trapped with the “we must marry” syndrome!

Run for your life! We don’t even care what you’ve done or not done to deserve or provoke this man’s anger just RUN....

The funny thing is there are women lining up to date him o. So he feels he's doing me a favour / I'm the lucky one

Nnaabros:
'He loves me to a fault' That's a wrong, dangerous kind of love. A faulty, possessive, insecure love. The type psychos have for their victims that could make them even kill you because 'they loved you so much they couldn't stand seeing you with someone else'

Real love is not faulty. It doesn't give you a bad feeling or bad experience.

'What people say'. Don't you have a mind of your own.

'What will people say'. You and you alone will bear the consequences of your choices and decisions, not people. Whether you choose to stay with him or leave is entirely up to you.

This is scary

poshestmina:
Those are signs of a narcissist.
Manipulative, controlling souls.

I personally can't stand people who do wrong and turn around to play the victim

He already called your sister a prostitute?
Wait till when he beats up your mum .

Hmmmm
Have you met his type before?

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

If you don't leave, I'll find you and knock your head...

Fountainofyouth:
You came here telling us all his faults, do you expect us to say you should continue to be with him? Is the public embarrassment, insults and several knocks on the head not enough for you to know that you will be a punching bag when he marries you? What advice do you really want exactly?

I just needed candid opinion from neutral minds

Triniti:
It’s going to end in tears sis, don’t embark on this journey. Both of you are not compatible, you need to let him go. Stop pressuring yourself, you will definitely meet someone that will love you more than you can ever imagine.

Amen

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Your mumu na follow come.

He gave you heavy knock, followed by more heavy knocks and you love him.

Who gave birth to these kind of wicked men?

What's going on

How can you see fire and ask us if you should jump in? Does it make sense?

He loves you. By that, it should mean he buys you things and you are willing to trade your dignity, honour, life and respect for how much exactly?

IAmStrange:
I

You're quite observant

thorpido:
Op,where do you stay?I need to beat you join too(Na joke o).

On a serious note,do you need anyone to tell you this relationship of yours is toxic and will never amount to anything good?
Leave emotions aside and break off completely.
Do not entertain fear that your are ageing and no suitor yet.Just do well,be nice to people,be neat,wear a smile and pray.
Your right man will come.

He loves me to a fault.. (in Helen Paul's voice)smh. Na love be dat or he is simply possessive.

Lol, I'm in my house, come and beat me

The funny thing is: he hasn't married her and is already forming jagaban probably because he transfers chikiny money to her.

See how you women marry demons and be disturbing us for advice later on.

The mofo has zero respect for op and her family.
Which stupid man will tell his wife to break her business sim?

He's insecure, a brute and lunatic.

sisisioge:
Chai! May God truly help you for being confused here! Let me help you put things in perspective:

1. He lies: Eg Guy swore with his life that he didn't touch you after giving your several koois in the head. Domestic violence loading...na from clap dance dey start.

2. He has no respect for you: eg- no qualms about insulting you in public or insulting you at all. Chai!

3. He has no respect for your family: Hian...he called your sis an olosho. That guy will insult your mother soon.

4. He's terribly insecure...can't even begin to give examples.

5. He's a pathological offender...same same...he will keep doing it.

6. He has trust issues.

7. He has no respect for you.

ETC.


Whew...omoge, even though God promised us peace, we are required to deliberately work towards a peaceful life. Good luck.

Amen, thank you

keeki:
A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.dont manage your relationship.he has given u a red light severally .once you are married it would get worst because he feels he owns you.i hope he doesn't turn you to a full time house wife who depends on him for everything and when you asked for money,you get insults.this is how women who married men that beat them started.they saw the signs and thought he would change.i am sure you would find a man who would love you more.donot think less of yourself.be is not the only man that can love you .your family would not live with him.

You're right

dannyla:
Lol, God won't allow it happen

Amen Sister....

chii8:
Hmmm...with due respect ma,I'm not sure you really know what love is.The day you get a clearer definition of love, you will not only RUN for your LIFE but FLEE.

Meanwhile, stay away from Grace.

This one no hard me

LadySarah:
Chai!
Sis dont pls.Dont pls
God is so merciful to you that you are seeing
just the rehearsal ofvwhat will happen if he now pays'YOUR BRIDEPRICE'.

First he will abuse you mentally,physically and all.
He willl make sure you are financially crippled.(changing biz simcard)

Severe family ties(why call an intending inlaw prostitute)
Then you will come here and open another new moniker or tell Admin of a grp to hide your ID on Fb to pour out your marital woes.
.
I dont care how much he has changed ,how he loves you or how ppl are encouraging you.Run! or betterstill connect him to Grace.Those ppl will laugh at you when you finally divorce or eat rice at ur burial (God Forbid!)

Knocking a grown ass adult or insulting you in public.No shame on his person at all.

Thanks

Crieff:
If you don't leave, I'll find you and knock your head...

Lol

deltateam:
Your mumu na follow come.

He gave you heavy knock, followed by more heavy knocks and you love him.

Who gave birth to these kind of wicked men?

What's going on

How can you see fire and ask us if you should jump in? Does it make sense?

He loves you. By that, it should mean he buys you things and you are willing to trade your dignity, honour, life and respect for how much exactly?

Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

Lol, you alone will live with the man, don't let anyone pressure you into a lifetime of regrets, they will still turn around to blame you when things go south.

Be selfish for once! Love is patient, caring, kind, doesn't take note of wrong doings etc.

Your life, your choices.

dannyla:
Lol, I'm in my house, come and beat me

Okay,as you no wan hear word.

dannyla:
Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

Oh God, I have come to observe that most partners do not like someone who comes clean with them.

They most times use it against you.

He doesn't trust you. He hits you. He insults you. He tries to control everything. He listens to gossip. He doesn't even know you. The only mistake you'd make is to go ahead with the marriage.

faithfull18:
Oh God, I have come to observe that partners do not like someone who comes clean with them.

They most times use it against you.

I really regret opening up to him. I may never be able to open up to a man again

dannyla:
Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help eit ather. That's why I seek public opinion

Forget about what he may say.
Being a virgin or non-virgin is not a crime.
What is important is for you to find a man who accepts you for who you are and marry HONOURABLY.

dannyla:
I really regret opening up to him. I may never be able to open up to a man again

I wish I could say more but I think you should give him the silent treatment, let him be the one to do the break-up. I hope you understand.

Don't tell him outrightly you want a break-up, ignore him, don't initiate calls, conversations, nothing. When, he is tired he will take a walk.

thorpido:
Okay,as you no wan hear word.

Abeg temper justice with mercy

[quote author=dannyla post=84965384][/quote]I truly feel for you. So the mofo will add blackmail to his list of ills?

Nevertheless that's why you must leave him. All his characters are follow come from Satan.

Say No today. You deserve better.

As for not being a virgin, I don't think it should bother you. It wasn't your fault. Forgive yourself cos I know God knows your heart.

okirewaju:
If I were you, I'll take off the current footwear I'm putting on and flee


A man that has verbal diarrhea is a turn off plus a woman beater and still insecure


They will keep edging you until you fall into that pit. There is a difference between Wedding Ceremony and the Marriage itself.

You deserve so much better. Don't settle for less

You have said it all.A word is enough for the wise.