₦airaland Forum

Macsjebs:
This is too much, but who are my to Judge...
This is just 'pre-wedding treatment'; how will 'after wedding treatment' now be, so u shouldn't interact with other males or what...Jealous people can do weird stuffs sha and he is already showing signs of a jealous 'husband to be'....
Make he no go put u under house arrest in the end

I'm very sure he will turn her to a punching bag then.

You better run for your life is all I can say.

dannyla:
The funny thing is there are women lining up to date him o. So he feels he's doing me a favour / I'm the lucky one

And you think there were no women lining up before he met you or you think you are the first best. They all borrowed senses and left him after knowing who he is. The ones lining up will do same if they come on board and leave him for unfortunate victims like you willing to trade your life for nothing. Know this from today, if you see any financially ok man proposing to a lady immediately he met her, he is highly likely hidding something he doesn't want her to find before the point of no return.

As for your mum's case, I see you inherited some kind of low self esteem without knowing. Girl you have failed your mum already. Your mum feels the way she does due to her lack of exposure and family abuse but you with all your exposure in this day can't correct your mum's orientation before she goes to the grave then you have failed her. If she goes the other side of life and find out that it wasn't her fault she was raped and you could have helped her all her life change that life long burden then....
Let me tell you, you will send your hypertensive mum to her grave earlier the day you marry this guy because if your mum dare question his actions to you he will not fail to tell her all your colleagues raped you, so brace for a life time of living in fear. But I beg to please see your rape as an avenue to free your mum from a life long burden, react differently from her, set the example, hold your head high instead of bowing down in shame knowing that your God will revenge your rapist.

Note there's hardly a thread that you will not find more than one opinion because even if devil come phisically to earth he will still get followers but up to 3 pages and counting there's only one opinion yet you want find a reason to still look away.

R edeemers U niversity N igeria

GHoJes:
And you think there were no women lining up before he met you or you think you are the first best. They all borrowed senses and left him after knowing who he is. The ones lining up will do same if they come on board and leave him for unfortunate victims like you willing to trade your life for nothing. Know this from today, if you see any financially ok man proposing to a lady immediately he met her, he is highly likely hidding something he doesn't want her to find before the point of no return.

As for your mum's case, I see you inherited some kind of low self esteem without knowing. Girl you have failed your mum already. Your mum feels the way she does due to her lack of exposure and family abuse but you with all your exposure in this day can't correct your mum's orientation before she goes to the grave then you have failed her. If she goes the other side of life and find out that it wasn't her fault she was raped and you could have helped her all her life change that life long burden then....
Let me tell you, you will send your hypertensive mum to her grave earlier the day you marry this guy because if your mum dare question his actions to you he will not fail to tell her all your colleagues raped you, so brace for a life time of living in fear. But I beg to please see your rape as an opportunity to free your mum from a life long burden, react differently from her, set the example, hold your head high instead of bowing down in shame knowing that your God will revenge your rapist.

Note there's hardly a thread that you will not find more than one opinion because even if devil come phisically to earth he will still get followers but up to 3 pages and counting there's only one opinion yet you want find a reason to still look away.

Thanks, I'm voicing out my fears to get encouragement. Yes, it causes a secret low self esteem for me

dannyla:
Thanks, I'm voicing out my fears to get encouragement. Yes, it causes a secret low self esteem for me

Do the right thing. You and your mum will come out Victorious. I pray God gives you a better man that will make your mum rejoice the rest of her life not this one please.

Hmmm.... "he loves me a lot!". I don't know if there's another definition of love but with what you narrated, I don't see any iota of love there.

This man is filled with insecurity and how on earth will you agree to continue in a relationship filled with violence?

Well, we can only advice you so the decision is solely yours. But then, these are red flags/signs of the impending dangers in your proposed marriage. An insecure man will do almost anything to ignorantly protect his partner.

My advice: Decide if you'd want to live to face the challenges ahead if you eventually marry him OR leave to live.

There's enough fire on the mountain. What are you waiting for?

temmytopsy1:
I'm very sure he will turn her to a punching bag then.

As in, he couldn't even pretend till marriage atleast

I will comment when he beat and you die and you now come to nairaland to inform us that he has beat you to death.

Dear Danyla, the handwriting on the wall is very clear. What other advise do you need? I beg you, my sister not to take a walk into an untimely death in the name of marriage. Marrying people of such character never ends well.

And it's high time you begin to take the decisions of your life prayerfully. No grown man or woman changes after marriage, they most times become worse.

And next time, limit the interference of friends in your relationship. Not all friends are genuine friends.

Run sister, run! This is a psychopath. He doesn't love you. He loves to control you. It will get worse. Run!

Op na so e de start.. You are seeing the signs but ur big head will not tell u to run for your life. If you had a daughter dating such a man, would you allow her to continue a relationship with such kind of person?

dannyla:
Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

Your mum uses guilt to manipulate you, I am not surprised you found yourself in a relationship with his kind. There is a pattern.
It takes a lot of time and work to free oneself from such an upbringing but it is possible. For now it is important you get away from this guy. He is dangerous. Since you are too young to stand your ground against your mum and her games with your conscience, deny everything he tells her. It is his word against yours. Lie as if your life depends on it. Good luck!

Pls dnt do that... Stay single

That knocking on the head part got me rotfl....Sis delete this man from your life permanently and never look back.

Mindfulness:
Run sister, run! This is a psychopath. He doesn't love you. He loves to control you. It will get worse. Run!

True

dannyla:
He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Nah he sounds like a nutcase, steer VERY clear. Been there, done that, men like this are incredibly exhausting and can be dangerous

dannyla:
I pray for wisdom because when you're in a predicament, you find it hard to think well so I appreciate everyone who helped/is helping me think. Thanks for the contributions and advices, both the kind and angry sounding ones. I appreciate the time and effort.

I'll find a way to quietly walk away from him.

He is obsessed with you... You don't need to quietly walk away .. you need to run away first... Don't listen to anybody that tells you to remain with him... At least run away for like 3 to 6 months... And if you are to consider him again after three months... Get a lawyer and let him sign an undertaken that he will never abuse you again or beat you of which I know it's near impossible for him not to do...

Smh

Imagine

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

You better run for your life......

Nnaabros:
'He loves me to a fault' That's a wrong, dangerous kind of love. A faulty, possessive, insecure love. The type psychos have for their victims that could make them even kill you because 'they loved you so much they couldn't stand seeing you with someone else'

Real love is not faulty. It doesn't give you a bad feeling or bad experience.

'What people say'. You and you alone will bear the consequences of your choices and decisions, not people. Whether you choose to stay with him or leave is entirely up to you.

What she meant by he loves her to a fault is that he loves her deeply and not that it is faulty

Break up with him, and curse anybody that asks you to go back to him.

He gave you knocks ke.

Abeg run away.... We are still on one issue earlier today.

That's how they start, from knock to blow.

Osisco

It is well

okirewaju:
If I were you, I'll take off the current footwear I'm putting on and flee


A man that has verbal diarrhea is a turn off plus a woman beater and still insecure


They will keep edging you until you fall into that pit. There is a difference between Wedding Ceremony and the Marriage itself.

You deserve so much better. Don't settle for less

You condemed d man very well..but didbt condemn her for cheating

This your guys red flag too much ooo,its obvious he's being over possesive, feeling unsecured,jealous,anger issues like he's just a bomb waiting to be detonated
Run for your life abeg!!!

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

If you make the mistake of marrying him your life is finished. Flee now that u can and damn the consequences. That dude is toxic and will suck out the very air u breathe. Do other ppls bidding to your own peril. FLEEEEEEEE!!! there are other good men out there if it does not work.

What you are calling love is possessiveness. He is insecure, jealous and possessive and he can't control himself for now.

Better to be single than end up as a domestic violence statistic. Your family that are saying you should manage him, will not accommodate you when you have to flee.

Think of your kids, your future, your peace of kind, your health. Love yourself, for yourself.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a fr.....
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Stay with the guy, he will murder you and bury you in the backyard!

The handwriting is already on the wall!

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head..




I laughed real hard at this point. Lol women don suffer. because a man wan marry u he de beat samba for ur skull lol. Tell him not to try it again biko before ur sagittal and patietal sutures disjoint. Lol